This story was very descriptive and you did a good job of showing not telling. I really liked how the story was broken up to sections from different characters points of view. The science fiction element of the government's plan to make money by implanting chips into children that would make sick and cost a lot of money to cure is very thought out and interesting but I think it would have been better if you expanded that in the story. Who specifically got the chip- was it all babies or just some?
I really like the way you wrote your story, it was very interesting. Especially the way you used three different Point of Views. Not only was that creative it also kept my attention throughout. Overall, you did a good job.
The science fiction element was very well developed and I thought it was fun. I thought the way you handled the different POV’s was very creative and I wish I couldve read more.
This story was very interesting as you had a different type of science fiction element and approach compared to others that I read. You were able to keep the story interesting throughout.
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