The Fine Line Between Speaking Your Mind and Disrespect

“ Sianneh!!” my mom would scream

“ Yeah?” I would reply

“ Did you leave this trash here?”

“No,it was Josh.”

“ Alright, pick it up then.”

“ But shouldn't Josh have to pick it up since he put it there?” I would say in a calm voice

I was rude, by my parent’s standards anyway. The way they thought a child should respectively address someone who was older than them, was different from my own understanding.

“ Just pick it up and stop being so disrespectful !” she would yell.

“ But I wasn't-”

“ I said do it now! Are really going to have a problem with this?” She says this  with the look that told me that if I pushed any further, a smack would surely and painfully follow. No questions asked. So I do myself the biggest favor in the world and keep my trap shut and put away the trash. She gives a nod that says “Smart move” and walks away.

This is what usually happens in my house. I have a brother and sister, so sometimes things can get really messy. It gets on my mom’s nerves so I try my best to clean up after myself so she doesn't blame me for it. However, she always shifted the blame on all of us and I thought that that was unfair of her to do that. I tried to speak my mind, but she always seemed to misinterpret my intention and associated it with me using rude language on her. Having parents that are from a different generation and culture, can be really difficult when trying to understand their morals and values that are so different from your own.

“ You guys need to learn how to clean up after yourself more. I am so sick and tired of cleaning up after you guys” she screamed.

In my parents’ generation, discipline was everything when they were my age. It was especially enforced in language. The way you talked showed how much respect that you had for your elders. Because you were a child, it was believed that you didn't know any better. Being that your elders had been around longer than you, it would only be right for you to just listen to them because they knew what was best for you. These were the kind of things that my parents were used to when they lived in Liberia. It is a country in Africa and they had lived there for their entire childhood. Growing up, my parents had a hard. They had to escape a civil war by having to leave behind their loved ones to come to the United States that they barely knew about. Never growing up where they came from, it was always hard to follow through like they had done. I developed the belief to speak my mind if something my parent were doing bothered me or upset me, yet they always took it the wrong way.

James Baldwin had said in his essay “ If Black English isn't a language, then tell  me, what is that language “is the most vivid and crucial key to identity: It reveals identity, and connects one with, or divorces one from, the larger, public, or communal identity. There have been, and are, times, and places, when to speak a certain language was dangerous.” Now I know that the way I speak to my parents doesn't put me in mortal danger.But, I still can’t help but relate to what he is saying. I always used to feel that I needed to be careful about the way I was speaking to my parents because any wrong word could set off a massive argument that never ends well for the child. And I mean never.   

I had started to think that maybe I was getting rude on them and I that I should try to change the way that I talked to them.So that was what I did.I would try to just follow their instruction without putting any comments that they would take as a sign of defiance. So that usually meant that I kept quiet. They seemed to be really happy with this and I thought I would be too.

However, I quickly learned that I shouldn't have to do that.That was when I decided that I just needed to talk to my parents and figure things out with them.

“Mom, Dad I need you to understand that I am not getting smart with you when I respond to one of your comments. I am sorry if you took it the wrong way, I really am, but I feel like I should have the right to say something if I see something that is unfair and feel safe enough to voice my opinion” I said to them when I sat them down to talk to them one day. And they had agreed with me. 

“ I understand that you are growing up and that you live in an age where it is encouraged for you to freely speak if you feel wronged. Thank you for coming to us and telling us how you feel. We will try to be more understand and talk it out more.” My father said. And my mom agreed with him too. 

Because of that, I am able to communicate more effectively with my parents. I learned to just try and sit down and talk to them to explain that the language that I use with them does not mean any disrespect to them.