You never meant home to me anyway - Orlando Aguayo - Monologue

You never meant home to me anyway.

Okay

you can do this.

(inhales deeply)

Maybe I can't. No I can't do this, I'm going to tell him. I'm tired of hearing him say that I walk just like a girl or that my voice is too high for him.

(pauses)

But what if he is fine with me being gay. I am his son, right?

I don’t know man, I don't think I can do this, I'm shaking just trying to think what to say

Should I just say, “I'm gay and proud. I don’t care what you’re going to do?”

Or should I not tell him, and just date girls even though I don't like them? I mean that's wrong, right? Playing with their feelings? I'm not a fuck boi

(pauses)

I can't keep this from him anymore man , he’s picking up clues:

Clues like me being around girls more than I am with guys.

Clues like me wearing black nail polish saying I'm emo but in reality I just wanna wear it.

When I was younger my nickname to him was fruit cake so he knew that I was gay.

My mom doesn't care.

She wants me to stay true to myself.

She also told me that when i'm ready to come out do it without regret, if he didn't accept me,

Or if he does do something crazy I can just live with my mom, that's why she left right?

She left Because he would hit her repeated for reasons like when she didn't serve his food once he entered the house from work

Because she didn't want to lay with him because he smelt like a damn whole bar

He used to mark her all up with bruises and busted lips

That's the reason why my brother Matthew isn't here now because she had a miscarriage

Man fuck this, fuck it man, I have to tell him.

Okay I can do this I can do this okay I got it.

Breath, Jonah breath.

(Breaths in and out)

I'm ready

(pauses)

Dad can we talk I have something I wanna tell you please don't scream please dont.

Remember when you used to call me fruitcake because I would act and talk just like a girl?

Well I have to tell you something

(inhales in and out)

I am

(cough)

I am... I am..

(coughs)
I like like guys okay I like guys

(Pauses)

No this isn't a phase you obviously knew I was, because you mocked me on a daily basis.

What are you crazy? Are you? Therapy won't fix this, I am gay and that's what I am you can't change that.

But dad I'm your son are you kidding me

Man I knew you weren’t  going to approve cause you’re a damn homophobe you despise gay people with a passion.

(Starts to get upset)

What! No you listen to me, you can't tell me that I have to date girls to live here I'm not going to live a lie and claim I have feelings for them.

Okay then I will pack my bags and leave.

You never meant home to me anyway.

We never had a son bond anyway

That father and son bond

You never came to my talent shows, never showed up to none of my Father and Son dances at least I was active in school and participated in events

No wonder mom left your miserable ass your so damn judgemental and abusive

Beating her up and making her have a miscarriage

The only brother i’ll only have

But What ever Daniel I’ll be out of your hair after I'm done packing

You know what? Go to hell, asshole.

(Slams door)