There is nothing scarier than my epilepsy. Most people don't understand what exactly epilepsy is. To lose control of a body part is one of the most terrifying things that ever happened to me. My first seizure was the scariest since it was what would be classified as a Grand Mal Seizure which is the biggest and worst type of seizure known to humans. Through my epilepsy I have lost all fear of other things in my life. 
To witness and/or experience an epileptic seizure is something that can scar you for life like it has for me. My first seizure I ever had was a Grand Mal seizure, the worst and biggest of all three types of seizures which go from smallest to biggest: Partial Seizures, Complex Seizures, then Grand Mal or sometimes referred to as Tonic-Clonic Seizures. Grand Mal seizures include the loss of consciousness. 
The night I had my first seizure, I was sleeping and my mom suddenly woke me up panicking. In my head I was asking, "Why is she waking me up and freaking out?" Then I realized I felt something wet on my bed and I looked and I had thrown up. When I realized I had thrown up I tried moving my right arm to get up out of bed since my left arm was broken but I couldn't move my right arm at all, it was like as if the nerves in my right arm weren't receiving the messages from my brain to move and help me get up. As I realized I couldn't move my arm, my mom was telling me, "Tyler get out of bed so we can go to the bathroom and clean you up." I tried talking and telling my mom, "Mom whats going on? My right won't move no matter how much I try moving it." but all that came out of my mouth was gibberish since I wasn't able to put words together right, it was like as if I was a baby again saying random words. While I tried talking I realized that I was drooling and I couldn't focus very well like as if I was still sleeping. 
My mom realized that I couldn't move my right arm and that something was very wrong since I couldn't talk and was drooling so she said, "Tyler hold on let me get your dad. MICHAEL COME HERE QUICKLY, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH TYLER, I THINK HE HAD A SEIZURE." My dad came rushing and helped my mom get me out of bed and change my shirt since it had throw up on it. I was still out of it at the moment after my parents changed my shirt, they brought me downstairs to the living room and laid me down on the couch and then my mom said, "Michael go call 911." My dad went to the phone and dialed 911 and told them, "My son just had a seizure and needs to be taken to a hospital." Within 25 minutes the ambulance came and took me to the hospital and doctors were examining me and when they were done they told my parents and me, "Your son has Epilepsy, specifically Benign Rolandic Epilepsy. From how he was drooling and couldn't put words together, his seizures seem to be focused around his mouth."
That is all I remember from that night. But since my first seizure, I have never feared anything besides the fact that at anytime I could lose control of my mouth and it could start twitching out of control. Just the thought of losing control of my mouth and not being able to talk for at least 20 minutes terrifies me. One good thing that came from my epilepsy though is it made me stronger emotionally and mentally. Thats why I no longer fear death or any other kind of fear people have. 

The worst part about knowing a friend with lots of other friends? Getting to know theirs. ​Meeting new people can be stressful. To some, it can come so super naturally. To me... eh. Actually, this time it wasn't so bad.

So, its a warm fall day, and my friend Jael is moving into my cousin's apartment. My friend Amanda and I get there, and she's already all moved in. We laugh in the car, and then we see a whole bunch of people sitting on the porch eating pizza. Moving truck is gone, and we're just sitting there. Extremely awkwardly, we walk up to the porch and I do my "Heeeey guys... whatcha doin'?" They all laugh and say hi. We hug the ones we know and talk to the ones that we don't know so well. Already the group is in such a good mood.

We all decide to walk to the park, and I see this guy in the back talking to two of my friends. I make a witty joke, and they laugh... Then I introduce myself to the new guy. His name is Humberto. Cool. I got a new friend.

I think it's kind of funny how just cracking a joke can allow you to open up the road to make new friends. I'm hardly the person to just go up to someone randomly and say "Hey, what's your name? I want to be friends, because you seem like a cool person. Oh, I can also make you laugh." No. That's weird, and people don't do that. Unless, they do, then that's cool too. However, I'm not really one to do that. I think that when you're around people who can make you laugh, and you can do the same, its easy to open up and knock the barriers down that way the cool new people you're introducing yourself to can feel comfortable without even knowing you that well.

I made a new friend that day, and that night, I made even more. I think it's fun knowing when to crack a joke. Laughter can brighten people's days, and it can influence them to make a joke, and maybe they can meet someone new. Exploring new horizons is a part of life that can sometimes be boring. But, when you spice it up with some laughter... you never know what you might get. Laughter is an essential part of daily life. Laugh at yourself in the mirror, you might see something you never saw before. Laugh at someone else, they might be your new friend. Laugh at the world, and you might conquer something new. Laughter can go a long way. I learned how, it's your turn now.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and you should never regret what you do or say.. One day I'm sitting on the bus and i was just thinking of the way i chose to do certain things. like if i would have just sat there in the car with my grandmother and would have never responded to her last question i would still be living with her. i would have to pay my own phone bill and i wouldn't be on punishment, but at the same time i would have never met some of my friends. the fact that i see that i control and make the choices that affect everything that happens after kind of freaks me out.  every single time ou do or say something there is a reaction to it from both sides weather it is good or bad.

There is always something else you could have possibly said differently. my grandfather came into the house and gave me and my cousins and brothers all ten dollar. my grandmother was like if you wanna spend that then go ahead to the store but you should save you money. so me and my cousins go to the store and get into a fight and end up at the police station. if i had stayed in the house i would have never been in the fight. i would have never lost ten dollars. i would have never been at the police station.

At the same time i would have never met my therapist who help me out with a lot of things and i would have never got sent to this other place where i met another women who is really cool. but in that i got ear of the school i am in now. so what i am saying is the decision you make play on later events and affect who you meet and what you end up doing. im pretty sure that many people can look back and say "damn if i only did this the other way i would have..." but at the same time you say "but then i would have meet..." or  "i would have done..." and say well i don't regret that decision because something good came out of it.

​ I live in a city where a lot of things go unnoticed or ignored. When I was little I used to not care about the world. It was all about me. I didn't care what people ever did for me, I just knew that people did it. Now that I have grown up my belief that everything should be noticed. No matter how small the action it should be acknowledged. 
When I was younger my family and I would visit my grandparents every sunday. My grandparents are not rich, they live in a comfortable home, but they are not poor. When I was younger I used to just toss any loose change I had, if it wasn't a dollar bill I did not keep it. One day I was with my grandfather and I threw a penny up in the air. My grandfather father started yelling at me saying "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!". I immediately turned around and said "It was just a penny". He then said "Even the smallest amount will eventually equal something". This struck me because I knew it was true yet I never thought about it. 
When I went home and thought about what he said that night I never let go of it. Eventually pennies will equal to dollars. Ever since that day I thought never ignore the smal things. That includes small things people do for you. Such as encourage you, cook for you, help you with an assignment, hand you your things you just dropped, anything. Now that I'm older I went back and thanked anyone I could for doing the things that they have done, my mother, my father, any siblings, and especially my grandfather for teaching me this lesson. still to this day I will thank everyone for anything they do for me because I feel if they go through the effort to do these things how hard is it for me to say "Thank you". 

I believe that people that do things that are commonly looked down upon do it for attention and to be cool. For example people that smoke cigarettes in high school I think that it is done for the pure reason to be cool and to look cool. I came to this belief because when I was in eighth grade the coolest kid in our school was considered a badass because she did things that weren’t like what normal teen would do. She would do all these things that were just not appropriate for young teens and she would share her stories. Everyone but me wanted to be like her because they thought she was cool, but I don’t believe that doing bad things is what makes a person cool because obviously the majority of cool people would be like in jail or a drug dealer.

            Once when I was on a school trip we went to the beach and on the boardwalk, some of the guys thought if they stole something that they would look cool in the eyes of the women and be the spotlight of the trip, which they were. No, they did not get caught but when everyone looks back on that day we all think how much more stupid could one get? Now that we are in high school the idea of cursing to be cool and doing bad things to be cool are still around but people have learned that it is not cool to do bad things, except for the few who fall into the trap and have become a follower.

            If a young adult were to look at everything they did through the eyes of an adult they would probably do about 50% of the stuff they did differently and think it through. A lot of the things I do I think of what the consequences would be if you do them and what you get out of not doing the things.  I am a free person and can make decisions that could definitely ruin my future for good, but if you look through the eyes of an adult would it be something that they would do?

            What makes an adult cool? I’m not exactly sure what makes an adult cool because I am not one yet but I know that I have many adult like ways of approaching stuff compared to my colleagues. I believe want makes an adult cool it their sense of humor their wits/wisdom and their person interests such as what’s hip or something like following a sports team. Men do take risks as adults such as going to the bar and getting wasted and maybe having sex with someone but it’s nothing they would do to look cool it just what they do. Don’t make your self do things you don’t want to look cool.

In the last week, death keeps coming up at work. Not because anybody has died, or is close to dying -- because I keep casually bringing it up. 

I should mention that I'm a high school English teacher, so each situation has involved me talking to a bunch of teenagers about death. And they don't like it. When analyzing a funeral scene in a novel, I was getting a lukewarm reaction from the class, so I appealed to their personal senses of mortality: "You guys realize that you're all going to die, right?" 

This did no go over well. To try and improve the situation, I pointed out that I planned on dying before they did. They were equally dismayed by this statement. 

Same thing when I made an off-hand remark in the office about a weekend activity: "So-and-so's got it all planned, so if I die before Saturday, everything will still run smoothly." I got a few surprised looks. "Why would you say something like that?"

I don't really mean it, of course. I have no intention of dying anytime soon. But I usually meet their reaction with a shrug. Why not talk about death like any other topic? It happens every day, all around the world. It has affected each of us in some way, and is the guaranteed shared experience that accompanies life.

When I told one class about my experiences this week, a few students agreed with my viewpoint. "I fear the moment of death, but not the fact that my life will end." A few people nodded their heads in agreement. I thought about all of ways our discussion could go on this subject: what happens after we die? what makes a good death? how should we honor the dead? 

Another student reflected on the fact that she felt like she might be wasting her life sitting at home and playing video games, when she should be out making memories. "Life is short... I'm almost seventeen." 

I know many adults would laugh at that statement -- but I think most grown-ups are trudging towards death with far less awareness than the students in my class. If we can acknowledge death, even in the background, then I think we can live a better life.