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James Nguyen’s breakout exercise in cinematic failure, Birdemic, was a success on all fronts. Its unique blend of Hitchcockian terror and Al Gore-ian philosophy is unprecedented and remains unsurpassed. It unfortunately fails the Mako Mori test as there are no female characters that have independent character arcs, but, there are no character arcs in the movie at all, so it’s at least equal in this regard. Surprisingly, though, it passes the Bechdel Test; two named women talk to each other about something other than a man: going pee. Don’t let this fool you, though. The main male character works as a high-profile salesman whereas the main female character works as a model. The women are much more likely to be nude at any given time than the men are. So, to ensure equality in sexuality, I have developed a new test that is specifically designed for such topics.

THE BIRDEMIC TEST:

For every sexually posed female, there must be at least one equally sexually posed male. For as long as the female is in underwear or is nude, the male must be equally in underwear or nude.

Birdemic, naturally, does not pass this test. It wouldn’t necessarily be better or worse if it passed the test, because it exists in such a state of perfection that no minor overhaul could change it. It does make me think that other, more judge-able movies should be held to such a standard.

The Movie I Watched: Clueless

The Bechdel Test: In order to pass the Bechdel Test, the movie needs to 1) have two female characters, that 2) talk to each other, 3) about things other than men. In Clueless, there were many female characters. Specifically, there were three main female characters: Cher, Dionne, and Tai. They all interacted many times. While some of their conversations were about boys, there were also many conversations that were not. Some of the other topics included school, working out, and make-overs.

The Ari Test: The movie does technically pass the Bechdel Test, but I do not think that shows women in a very intelligent light. Most of the character’s conversations were about make-up, boys, shopping, or clothes. In my opinion, the movie played into a lot of stereotypes about girls. If I made a feminist test for a movie it would make sure that there had to be a woman in an intelligent role. Here are the rules for my test:

• Has at least two women in leading roles

• Has a woman in an “intelligent” role

• The women cannot depend on men for everything.

Based on this test, Clueless would not pass because all of the female characters aren’t very smart. Even the female teacher is kind of oblivious.

Three best friends, Alicia, (Salsabeel), Gabriela, (Jowon), and Claudia, (Kimberly) attend a party where a Francisco, (Jimmy) is a creepy man watching them, but he is also a police officer?! Watch to find out what he does to these poor girls!!

“Hushpuppy, an intrepid six-year-old girl, lives with her father, Wink, in the Bathtub, a southern Delta community at the edge of the world. Wink's tough love prepares her for the unraveling of the universe; for a time when he's no longer there to protect her. When Wink contracts a mysterious illness, nature flies out of whack, temperatures rise, and the ice caps melt, unleashing an army of prehistoric creatures called aurochs. With the waters rising, the aurochs coming, and Wink's health fading, Hushpuppy goes in search of her lost mother.” -- Written by Sundance Film Festival

The Mako Mori test:

a) At least one female character

Hushpuppy

b) Who gets her own narrative arc

She is the main character and the movie is about her.

c) That is not about supporting a man's story.

Her father more so supports her story arc and all the people around support her story arc as well being as though she is the main chacher.

My Film test review

Bartle is a character in a book called “The Things they Carried,” a book that I wouldn’t read for another 6 years. One event in the story was him having to shoot up a car even though he didn’t want to. Not to compare my actions to shooting up a car, or anything else for that matter, but to me, it conflicted my “morals” in a similar way that the event conflicted his.

It is always nice waking up at ten in the morning. I would have been late for school if it wasn’t for winter vacation. I was in the 4th or 5th grade. We were going to New York for Christmas, I couldn’t wait for it. It was originally meant to be a surprise, but I figured it out a few days before. I had been in New York, but never really as a vacation. Everything was already packed, I already knew what I wanted to do when we got there, I was just happy to get away from normal life for awhile. I could have had a nice vacation, but I hated my teachers and they hated me. For my Christmas and going away gift from them to me, they decided it would be best to give me a pink slip. It didn’t mean that I was fired from school, it was there way of basically saying “You should know better, give this to your parents.” I was always a straight A student. I always did my homework and always did the best on tests. I just didn’t like them and they knew it. I don’t know why they would give me a pink slip, they always did it, but I wasn’t sure why.

We left for New York on a train, it took years to get there, but somehow we made it there just before noon. We got off the train, walked up a lot of steps, and then we were in Grand Central Station in New York. It was annoying, everybody was walking like they were late, the unintentional pushing and shoving that they were probably use to. It would have been fun to start kicking people in the shins, but that wouldn’t have helped anyone. We walked outside of the station, it was supposed to be cold, but somehow I felt the warmth of everyone walking by, it was weird. I didn’t know where we were going, nobody really told me, but it was really nice to look at all the tall buildings. We walked around for awhile, then we got to our hotel that we were staying in. It was in Time Square, from our room, we got to see the giant displays from the windows. We weren’t there for long though, we left out later to get dinner. My sister always made things interesting, because of her allergies, we usually had to do some extra searching to make sure that her need were accommodated. It wasn’t a bad thing though, and the search turned into an I-Spy game through the crowd to find a place she could eat at. After we found food for her, we went to Roxy’s. I had a burger (this was back before my vegetarian days) and then an oreo cheesecake. After that we walked some, we went to the Nintendo Store and the M&M store. We got back to our hotel at around 9, we unpacked and then went to sleep.

I never actually went to sleep though, I just stayed up and watched the repeating commercials flashing on the giant screens outside the window. The fact that I had a pink slip was getting to me for some reason. It wasn’t rare for me, they were always stapled into my journal so I couldn’t forget. It’s just that in this instance, I had hid it under my bed, I didn’t really expect anyone would see it in my room, no one was home. This is an event similar to what Bartle went through. A person might say “You didn’t have to hide it.” But I did, it’s not that I wanted to just ignore it or maybe I did, and I had eventually told her after vacation, I just wanted to to leave that back and home for when we came back. I had brought my Nintendo, but I never played it, knowing that I probably shouldn’t. To me, it was interesting how much I was thinking about it, but I normally think a lot. I think that it was more of the feeling of not telling my mom. If I would have told her before or during our vacation, everything would have been different.

Video: https://www.wevideo.com/hub/#media/ci/561928006

     ​In Tech class, We watched a video based on the danger of the internet. In my opinion, the most memorable event that happened in the film was when Ryan committed suicide. This was memorable because, it goes back to our Cyberbullying session a few weeks ago.

It is important for us teens to watch this film because, it shows us what could happen to both our online and personal life. It shows that we could be talking to older men/women when their profile picture is a picture of a 14 years old girl.

I would keep my future family safe by making strict rules for online uses. The reason why you should have a talk with your family is because you need to tell them the dangers when they’re online. I would encourage other parents to get the password to their kid’s devices to search for things that shouldn’t be happening.

Leo Cassel-Siskind

In class we have been watching Digital Nation. It is about how all humans and teenagers in particular are online so much more than they used to be that being online is becoming a new lifestyle. The most scariest thing I viewed was about how people were chatting each other and encouraging each other to kill each other. There was even a website you could go to for the best place to kill yourself. It’s important to learn about things like this because it helps us protect ourselves online and helps us understand what we are doing online. If I was a parent I would make sure that I could see what my family was doing online whether talking to friends or posting pictures on social media. It’s important to do this so that in case someone is bullying my kids I can see that’s happening and help them out. Parents today who grew up without all of these things need to keep track of all the things their kids are doing online even though it may annoy them. Being online can be dangerous and they need to be protected.

Yesterday in class we watched a Frontline program called growing up online. It was about technology in our world now and how it is changing the way we do things, mainly our memories and behaviors.The most memorable part of this show for me was Evan Skinner's overreaction to her son's trip to New York and the videos of it. I think she was ridiculously irrational and should have kept her reactions and opinions to herself. However, it is important to watch shows like these because they have many opinions by researchers and professors, as well as kids like us. They often give a well rounded perspective on controversial topics. To keep my future family safe online, I would teach them about the dangers and benefits online, instead of shielding them and reprimanding them. The more educated they are on this topic, the better online decisions they will make. It is important to talk with your family about internet safety to see if anyone is being harassed online and your family can help you prevent bad situations online. If there are people in your family who are very afraid or opposed to the internet, this talk could help them use the internet as a resource and also protect them from unsafe online situations. Parents who are struggling to keep their kids safe online, here is some advice: Learn about the uses and dangers of the internet so you are not ignorant to everything your kids do online. After that, make sure your kids are informed of situations and consequences online. If you want, Parental Controls are available, but most of us kids know how to get around those. I mostly recommend talking about it, instead of making the internet a big, exciting, and possibly dangerous unknown that kids will try to explore in secret.

• https://www.flickr.com/photos/intelfreepress/11970795853/in/photolist-jePsxX-5XLTnD-3zGzJ2-jricQS-4kqwPN-3zPQNp-s4iLpC-3zPYFR-rMrt9r-3zKnTP-4hgCYc-6D53JD-nQaxoG-4VqLEw-4VFqxx-9gYgXa-nNbvSY-nQe85e-nS1DG8-nxK8iz-nQe5Nv-nQatLm-nQax5f-nQe7UV-nQ59XN-nxJrqv-nQauXQ-nNbx6j-nxJqXL-nQavYs-nPW4wT-nQe72x-nxJE6w-4VqMcb-4VqN3m-4VqKUu-4VmyRD-4VqMPw-4VqLaE-3A7U2M-4V679p-9FJKy3-4hkKhN-4AeyQ3-4VKHe7-EmGgn-2mAPEP-4DDwYE-nTquwM-4Vmx1r/

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off passes the Bechdel Test, but just barely. The movie revolves around a high school senior named Ferris Bueller and his circle of friends. The plot shows us that Bueller has perfected the faked sick day, and the movie begins by him fooling his parents into letting him stay home. As soon as his mother and father leave for work, he goes on a series of wild adventures throughout the city with his girlfriend Sloane and best friend Cameron. The Bechdel Test is utilized in one of the final scenes, when he is racing home to beat his parents and sister (Jeanie) there. Jeanie was given a ticket for speeding while out searching for Ferris, and she is driving back from the police station with their mother in the passenger seat. The car ride consists of their mother nagging and lecturing Jeanie for her behavior, and the scene is interspliced with Ferris and his father travelling back home as well. Technically, this scene would qualify as a pass for the Bechdel Test because there are two women who have a conversation about something other than a man. But this interaction is extremely short, is not an isolated scene, and the dialogue is ultimately unimportant to the plot. Furthermore, many renditions of the Bechdel Test require both women to have names, while in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Ferris’ mother does not have a specified name. The Jung-Allen Test requires the following things: two named women, at least one of color, that have an interaction about something other than a man for a full, uninterrupted thirty seconds. This would mean that Ferris Bueller would definitely lose this test. It is not as low a bar as the actual Bechdel Test, but it is still a relatively low bar that I can only think of one movie of the top of my head that would pass this test (The Help). As a reminder, both the Bechdel and Jung-Allen Test do not measure anything about the movie except for its amount of representation. It does not measure whether the movie is feminist or not, and does not grade its actual quality. But the Jung-Allen Test will do a better job of performing the aforementioned tasks. The racial component encourages racial representation (however low), and the uninterrupted thirty second rules encourages the idea that the conversation will have actual relevance to the plot.