Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick.

System failure! System failure! Someone, please help! I’m begging you! I’m not ready for my life to be over. Please help!

Black clouds, time lost.

Keep flying the plane! Get the power plant back up, make sure the rudder is straight, do something! It can’t be over, it barely started.

Void fills, sound barrier breached.

Screams lost in tears. One heartbeat fills the plane. Lost, damaged, frightened. How are we going to secure it?

Downward spiral, fiery inferno.

Engine failure. Reconnect, rewire, redirect. Please do something. Help me, please! I’m scared. Don’t let it be over! Can you get it back running? Please, say you can. Please! I’m begging you.

Beaten, weak, suffering.

First officer is down. The rudder is tilted far left we’re all going down

Light streams, numbness engulfs.

Save the passengers! Save them, please I’m begging you!  The world freezes no sound to be heard. We’re going down. I’m afraid it’s ending, and my worlds falling apart.

The landing gear has failed, please help!

System failure! System failure!

The powers out for only a few seconds, light begins to flicker through the room as if it’s lost its the strength to turn on. Somethings wrong, a wisp of tears leans against my face. I know this isn’t a dream, it’s a nightmare. The flickering light becomes a tunnel. The slow ticking immerses, a face appears. Dr. Davis looks at me lost and says “I’m sorry sir, your wife body wasn’t strong enough, her system failed. She’s dead and so is your child. I’m sorry. I did everything I could to help.”

I've lost my life, I’ve lost my wife. My child is gone. I’m alone. I sit on the side of bed replaying the daily nightmare. The world doesn’t seem real. Her spot is precisely how she left it. Bed unkempt, lavender slippers adjacent the closet still with the little dust-bunny she never picked off. It’s been months but I lose her again every night. Every time I creep over to kiss her good-night I slip into her non-existent presences once more. Every use of the restroom when I run out of paper and call her with no answer in return. She’s promised to always be there. And she isn’t here now.

Audio / Visual companion -

Song:

Cheetah Girls- It’s Over

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLsO5TdKtJQ

“Dammit what the absolute universe did I do,” bellowed Christopher through the slur of his baby pink braces. He looked into the sky and saw the thousands of people who floated above him.

He watched as the seemly departed bodies only blinked. But soon his gaze was forced on something else. He heard the running of a young child, the foot falls became faster and heavier with each passing second. Christopher looked into every direction looking for anything that could be making the noise. He looked up once more to see the bodies start to blink faster as their lights begin to dim. He shivered in the darkening city as he seen a body begin to float down. It was the body of a child no older than seven.

Even though Christopher was at least twice this young child’s age, he knew it was best for him to sprint. He refused to take the chance he be killed. He ran in the first direction that would take him, the only way Chris knew he was moving forward was seeing contrasting bodies illuminate the sky. The only things he heard was the heaviness of his breathing, a second set of footsteps, and a muffled yelling in a high octave voice. But Christopher ran until he couldn’t anymore. Stopping to lean against a green brick wall, Chris believed he was safe. Until he heard the voice of the young child right behind him.

“Dad!” yelled this young child, “Daddy, please stop running, I need your help!”

“Kid, I’m not your dad,” contested Christopher “I’m fourteen!” Christopher was finally able to straighten out his back against the wall, regaining his breathing, but remained with his knee slightly bent just in case he had to continue running.

“ You are my dad. Your name is Christopher Spencer Montgomery. You father’s name was Spencer. You never knew your mother, and your dad never said her name. You were born June 11th, 1993. You married my mom, Pamela on August 18th, 2024. And you became a dad, March 3rd 2027 to me, dad. I’m Spencer,” cried this young boy as the redness of his face started to diminished as he started to catch his breath. As his face began to calm you could see each freckle appear as if from magic, but could also see each individual tear fall from the child’s green eyes. “Dad, I’m Spencer”

“ Okay, okay Spencer don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I’m only fourteen, while that’s my name and my birthday, I’m not your dad. I can’t be, I haven’t even lived those dates that you named. 10 minutes ago I was in 2007. I’m not your dad,” begged Christopher as he final unbent his knees and removed his back from the wall. He began to take a step closer to Spencer. He still didn’t know if this was the best decision, but he felt to bad for this child who was confused. He slowly cripped toward Spencer, who looked like he couldn’t stand anymore.

“ It’s me daddy. Please remember me. Mommy need you to find her,” Screamed Spencer with every he had left to offer, as he fell to his knees he let out an ear shattering whimper. The bodies of light seemed to be attracted to him as Spencer was the brightest thing with the city. Each beam of light bouncing off of his head, showing the beauty that lies within each strain of hair,  his hair was a reminder of the burnt orange sunset over Camra Bay, it was warm and it tumbled over his shoulders like rusty water. Camra Bay was where Christopher and his father would have a ice cold cider while they would walk along the bay. It was one of Christopher favorite memories of his father.

With each step closer Christopher expected this child who claimed to be his son to turn into this carnivorous monster. How do I have a kid? I can’t. I’m fourteen. What if this is all just one bad dream? It can’t be, I was in the basement when the room went black and I ended up here. Where am I? How many steps to I take before this thing tries to attack me? “Spencer, are you okay?”

Tears had seemed to engulf spencer. He could barely hold his head up must less complete a sentence. He just sat there, with the lights continuing to beam on his head he seemed have a hallo. Spencer didn’t resemble a monster. He looked as if he was being chased by one. As if his nightmares had finally came to life. But even with in all of this he was still able to lift up his head enough to shake it no. He was hurt. He was scared.

“It’s going to be okay,” pledge Christopher, “ I promise.” He took his final step towards Spencer. He stood no more than six inches from Spencer, while still shaken with fear Christopher crouched down to Spencer height. He began to lift his arms to place them onto Spencer’s shoulders. Seeing Christopher no more than six inches in front of him Spencer decide it was his time to caper into Christopher arms. Spencer had hoped this would bring back his father memories of him. It would make him remember all the times he picked him up. The nights he would carry him to his bed after watching a movie together. All the times he carried him in to the house to place a plaster on his knee or his elbows. The many of times he picked him up when he cried. But it didn’t bring back his memories. All it did was frighten Christopher. Christopher picked Spencer off of him to place him onto the ground where he once sat. Christopher slowly back up to the wall he once leaned on. Trembling he looked above him to the bodies as their blinking slowed down and the wailing cries of a child got louder.

“Dad, please remember me!” shouted Spencer through muffled cries.

But I’m not his dad! Would it make him happier if I claimed to be? I just want to be back home! Back in my bed, back in to my normal life. I rather be at the mall with my sister as she tries on a million different outfits than be here! I’d even let her choose a few out for me to try on just to be out of here.

Just as Spencer’s words broke through his cries a body fell from the sky. A woman no older than forty.  She didn't fall with the same graces that Spencer floated down with she was thrown like a fallen angel, her halo was removed when she hit the concrete ground below her. She also didn’t seem frightened. She looked as if this had happened to her before. That this life had been her usual. She peeled her body from the ground and began shouting names. “ Alex, Jordan, Lizzie!”  Four eyes blinked as to assure her that they were still floating above. And one set was missing. “ Jordan!” she called again. But the skies remained calm. No eyes moved.

What is going on? Why is she shouting his name. Who is she? Damn how often do people just fall out of the sky? I have to be dreaming. How did I get here?

“ Spencer please calm down,” said Christopher.

Spencer who had managed himself into fetal position whimpering sat up slowly to the horror in Christopher voice.

“Wha..at’s the matter, Christopher?”

“ There’s a woman. She screaming names. Why is she doing that? Are those her kids up there? How did you guys get up there?

“ This all happen because of you!”

“ What do you mean?” Replied Christopher.

“ You created this world. You thought you were creating a solution but you made a problem.” Spencer had finally gain back his will and stood up. No longer being forced on to the ground by is own sadness. His eyes seemed to darken from their bright green to a hazel. He stood at three inches taller than before. He no longer looked like a sad seven year old but a angry eleven year old.

“What do you mean I created this world, I’m one person I couldn’t do this much damage on my own.”, said Christopher as he looked at his hands and seen the dirt that sat stiff underneath his fingernails, he questioned all of the little events in his life, that could affect the future.

“ You wanted a world of love, something you were basically incapable of, now and then. Dad, I mean Christopher, you once loved me, or you will one day love me, but that how I was able to come down,” said Spencer. “ you loved me enough to bring me down, but only the person with the most capability for love in each family is able to stay down here, but they can bring people down with their love, but sometimes the person with the most love for their family will change. And sometimes that person has a hard time proving they love the other person enough to bring them down. They can die of loneliness down here.”

“ Jordan!” said this woman who not even ten minutes ago fell from the sky, but now she was over her knees with tears as hot as fire rolling down her face waiting for a noise to come from the small thing that sat in front of her. Thirty-seven inches in length, forty-one pounds in weigh the body in front of her did not release a single sound, it didn't move a single inch, it just sat as if it has stared into the eyes of medusa. The soul was missing from the body. The child was gone!

“Jordan! Ale..ex, Lizz..ie! He’s gone!” she cried into the sky, before she fell to the child’s chest waiting for a single breath to find its way out. The world seemed calm once again, the only noise was the soft tears that continued to stream. Her breathing stayed steady through all of her tears like she had experienced this all before. As the tears continued the eyes to began to blink once again. Allowing down two girls, with beautiful hair streaked with warm reddish hues and butterscotch. Their eyes stained of the color of hot chocolate on a cold winter night. They looked like the kindest angels as they floated down with arms intertwined and tears drenching their clothing. They looked as if this world had hurt them to many times.

“Mom! Mom..my! Why? Why daddy and now Jordan? Mom!”, said the youngest of the girls as they landed softly onto the floor. The took small steps over to their mother, never removing the lock between their arms. As the approached their brother came closer they seemed to lose the strength that once resided in their legs. They collapse where they stood.

“Come on we have to make sure that they are okay,” said Christopher. For once he didn’t seem scared but concerned. He wanted to truly make sure that they were okay.

“Now you want to make sure she’s okay! You didn’t care four years ago when Alex got sick. You sat in the basement and continued working on your project! Don’t act all high and mighty now.” Said Spencer with as much attitude as he could physically allow out of him. He never broke eye contact with Christopher.

Christopher gave back a confused stare. Not knowing how to even respond. He let out a sigh, looked at the cold ground that he stood on and walked over to the woman. “ Ma’am are you okay? I mean of course your not okay but is there anything I do to help you.”

“ Get the hell out of here, Chris, this is a family matter. And you made it clear that we weren’t family a long time ago!”  She no longer was only filled with tears but with hatred. Her face went from a pale pink to a red like the most beautiful rose around. Her tears seem to crawl back in to her eyes as to force herself not to cry in front of him. He wasn’t worthy of her tears.

Taken aback Christopher took three heavy steps back. As he stared at this woman wonder how she knew his name and why she hated, he heard the faint words of Spencer behind him, “ Aunt Georgie it’s going to be okay. Lex, Liz it’s going to get better. Jordan loved you but he was only four he didn’t know how to show it. The world choose the wrong one of you to keep down here.”

Georgie!  It’s Georgie! Did I cause her to come down by thinking of her.

“ Georgie? Is it really you? Are these your children? What’s going on?” said Christopher as he waited to be thrown from this nightmare. He thought he must finally be waking up.  

“Spencer you’ve gotten so grown on me? What’s the matter with you’re idiot father this time?” Said Georgie through broken tears and an angry stricken voice.

Spencer leaned his body to be at his aunts ear level and whispered “ He’s not him of now. I used dads regeneration machine to bring a version of him down. I know it needs love to work so I thought of all of dads stories. I guess the strongest one was of him as a teenager.” Georgie through her body back against the wall, defeated she couldn’t understand how this world became the way it is. She looked at her younger brother for a shear reminder of what the world used to be.

“Christopher,” Said Georgie as she picked herself up from the ground she once sat on. As she began walking she said his name one more time waiting for the world to collapse in front of her, finally ending all of the misery she had faced throughout in the past few years. She became face to face with him she looked deeply into his eyes, she lifted her arms to his shoulders and placed her head onto his chest listen to each unsteady heartbeat it was like trying to skip rocks with an rough rock. She said the only thing she needed to say, “I loved you so much.” She left her knee and proceeded to kick Christopher as hard in the groin as she possibly could.

A faint chuckle leaves the lips of Spencer, he hunches his back forward making sure no one can she him laugh. A high pitch noise leaves the mouth of Spencer as he hunches over he places his hand over his mouth to avoid the embarrassment of the first crack in his voice. He's grown again, six more inches and about three more years. He looks to be about fourteen.

As he spiraled onto the ground he let out an exacerbated scream, “Dammit! What was that for Georgie?” he felt the throbbing as if he had a second heartbeat in his lower half this one was more steady. It was like the quick but perfect rounds of a ceiling fan on its highest setting.

“Christopher you were supposed to love me but you've couldn’t.  Christopher, seconds into the world you created I was thrown into the world of the unloved, just like any trash you thrown into the garbage. I was forced to illuminate the skies like all of those who really weren’t loved or weren't cared about Christopher. You were my little brother you were supposed to love me, cuz I loved you, and I guess I still do even if I don't want to. You had Spencer to love you, Even got Allie to love you by all the grace of God because no other woman would have loved you like she did. she was able to keep you down here for months but somehow you became the biggest heart and it sent her and spencer upward. All you cared about where your ideas for this future but so many people didn’t want this.” said Georgie. You could feel her heart sinking lower with word she spoke, the slowing of the beat like a drummer coming to the end of the song. You heard the exhausted like lied within her with each sucken breath. Like her heart could stop at any moment, as if she could lay there as cold and as dead as her son.

“Georgie, I love you. No matter how many times I didn't show it, I always loved you. No matter how many times you drag me out of the house when I don't want, I loved you and I still do love you, you're my older sister. And no I didn't have a choice in beginning but I grew up, and I realized how important you are to me. You are the mom that we never had. And while I don't remember this world I'm ready to start helping. And, Spencer I'm sorry I don't remember being your dad but it is time for me to step up and prove to you, that I can learn how to care. That a 14 I'd be more of a man then I am in this world.” said Christopher as he climbed his way back to a standing position. Hands still remaining close to his lower half to ease the pain that was caused only seconds prior. Once he stood he puffed his chest and stood up as straight as he could to show that he was serious. But a single rolls down his face like a frozen icicle refusing to fall from the frozen bridge.

“How do you expect to do all this you don't even remember mommy” said Spencer who had fought so hard to remain quiet throughout the exchange of father and aunt. He looked exactly like christopher in this moment, the only difference was that he was taller then christopher with and had lighter hair. He stood strong and still.

“The entire time I've been here I've just been scared. I don't know what was going on. This world was different from what I knew but I seen that I have to change it. And I must try, but I will need to change it now but in my own timeline as well. But first I will have to get to know the story of your mother and after I get to know her hopefully I fall in love with her. But I want to go back to 2007 and I want to fix everything that I am because this world is like this because the way I am or the way I become,” said Christopher. The bodies that lied over head seem to agree with this fact they began to blink brightening the city from it’s once dim lighted glow.

Okay but how is it my fault that they glow? How do they change their brightness? Mood lights up in here.

“ Mommy would have loved to hear you say that,” said Spencer through tearful eyes that held forests between them. They grew brighter just like the bodies continued to do. He spoke as if this was a scripted piece for him to speak. He seem to sink back into the seven year old who was searching for his father and missing his mother. His height seem to diminished, his voice no longer cracked, he was just a boy who loved his mother. “ Mommy this amazing woman who loved you more than you would ever know. She spent nights watching you sleep, just because she couldn't believe how lucky she was, to love a man like you. She was so grateful to have married a you. Every time you rang the phone ,mom would continue to stand by it even minutes after you hung up. She said it was it was because she was replaying the conversation so that she never forget your voice. She loved you through all of you hurts and pains. Her name was Allison but when you were seventeen you started calling her Allie because you knew how much she hated it. But she fell in love with the name because you were the one saying it. She fell in love with you because you were kind, caring and loving. And that was all you wanted in the world was for people to love each other. You and her knew the happiness you brought each other.” Spencer seem to know this story like it was the back of his hand, as if it was recited at the dinner table as the prayer. And he was so proud to repeat it back. With his chest puffed and hands on hips this was his favorite song to sing.

“Christopher, you created this invention to show people a love like yours. You never thought that people couldn’t open up like Allie. You believed that no one would spend more than five minutes in the sky because everyone has someone who loved them. Originally that was the case but couples got into arguments, parents and their children stopped talking, and the world became a grave place. When you seen this you neglect Allie when she needed you most. And she was forced to float above you, because she shut her heart so much she forgot how to love.” said Georgie with her back against the war, her poster slouched. Her heart finally raising from her stomach to her chest.

“She sounds amazing, and I sure I didn’t ever mean for this to happen. Guy’s I’m so sorry,” Christopher raised from having to puff his chest to be full to having to a full chest. He was no longer a small fourteen year old boy, but a forty year old man. “ She sound beautiful I’m so happy to know one day I’ll get so lucky.”

“ Why not know that you’re lucky now?” said a small voice as it floated down to the city that was filled with lights from each passing body. Allie was a small woman, but as beautiful as could be. Rose tattoo peeking through the edge of her tee shirt, walnut shell colored hair that fell perfectly at her collar bone. Eyes that told many stories through their green rays. But as she float a foot from the ground, Christopher was thrown back into the reality he once knew as 2007. To meet her in a different rode.

Deja Winfield

April 17th, 2018

English 3

Ms. Pahomov

Does this Year’s Prom Really Matter?

Prom season is here! It’s on everyone’s mind. Juniors and seniors alike are questioning who they should take? What should they wear?  What type of corsage do they purchase? Who will be prom king and queen? Will they look beautiful or handsome? Prom is a great time to answer all these questions and more, but as a large high school event prom, it is overhyped, cruel, and overpriced. High schools should be limited to only a senior prom because it cuts down on the number of disappointed students.

Senior prom is looked as the last big memory in high school. It is when they see the last few grains of sand in the top of the hourglass of childhood. In comparison, junior prom is placed in one of the busiest school years in the academic career.  Junior prom is used as a stepping stone to popularity in high school isolating the dateless and giving status to the couples at prom. Junior prom is a preview of senior prom. In previews you never see the full story, you get to experience a small part of the real deal. Looking from the experience of Julia Murray (BHS), a now high school senior and experienced blogger, who attended her junior prom last year and did not have a great experience. While also not having a bad one this is what she had to say “The lesson here … although prom feels like a big deal, it isn’t. Prom is what you make of it. It might not be what you expected, but as long as you… And girls, you don’t need to spend all your money on a dress, there are much more important things than a dance.” She experienced spending thousands on everything, she “needed” for prom. And not going home happy. She didn’t get the experience of laying in bed and thinking about how amazing the night had been but thinking of all the other things she could have experienced with the money and time that she had spent. Knowing this would be repeated next year with a larger more expensive dress, she wasn’t satisfied, deciding that attending her senior prom would not matter. But for many, this is not the case. They decide that junior prom is the one that does not matter and attend senior prom to experience the night with friends. More students overall go to their senior prom in comparison to a student who goes to their junior prom. Like Murray, students who decided to go to junior prom have a chance of being disappointed twice. But at least she wasn’t ridiculed and mocked for the dress she wore like many are.

High school is a time of changing the body and changing appearances. The way your body changes can ruin your high school experience due to the mockery of young adults who are changing and developing as well. Prom is the time for many to show of their changing body with a suit or a beautiful dress. The way they look will always bring up their confidence initially. Until the comments unfold. Tayja Jones thought she looked beautiful in her junior prom dress (and she did). But as she opened her mobile phone to look at social media and the pictures from last night. She had seen she had gone viral. In the span of a few hours, her picture crossed the screen of hundreds of thousands of people making cruel commentary on her body and the way she should look at seventeen years of age. She even spoke out on how she felt saying “ It was just really hurtful because I was so confident the day before”. All of her confidence was dropped until she felt hallowed. And even the enjoyment of the last night didn’t make up for the abuse she had to endure. She deserved to feel the after joy of prom. She deserved to continue to love herself without question.

Prom is considered a right of passage for so many people. For some prom tells them that they are almost done with their high school career, as well as almost finished with their childhood. But for some prom is a night of horrid people locked in a room together for hours. It is the anticlimax of their high school career. Being forced to pay hundreds to even thousands of dollars for a night of ridicule and disappointment is what they expect.  And for those who decide to attend their junior prom haven the chance to allow this to be their prom experience twice. To cut the number of children who are disappointed with their prom experience we should only allow high school have a senior prom.

Work Cited

Murray, Julia. “My Junior Prom Experience.” The Roar, 15 June 2017, bhstheroar.org/6733/opinion/my-junior-prom-experience/.

Jideonwo, Peter. “Tayja Jones Prom.” BlackDoctor, BlackDoctor.org, 3 May 2016, blackdoctor.org/488232/weseeyou-teens-message-after-being-bullied-for-her-viral-prom-photo-i-will-continue-to-be-the-voice-for-those-who-cant-speak-up/13151404_1723399244598664_6492225213850044604_n/.

This essay is my best two fer essay because I looked for deeper sources that spoke on a event that was current for us as students. We are preparing for prom in this upcoming week and it tends to be the thing on all of our minds. And we all know the struggle of the stress and hearing the nightmares of prom past. I spent a lot of time on this two fer as well, and spent a hour editing my grammar and word structure.

In the "The Taming of the Shrew" by William Shakespeare, the characters Petruchio and Katherine were a couple who faced lots of complications before they fell in love. In the movie "Notting Hill”, William and Anna were a couple who fell in love too, despite all of their complications, even though Anna was an actress and William was just a bookstore clerk. Anna sacrificed her paraded life to be with him. In both the play and the movie, there were two separate lives, but William and Anna were in love when they first meet. Compared to Petruchio and Katherine, who weren't in love when they met. Petruchio forced Katherine to get married. In the end, Katherine falls in love with Petruchio and made sacrifices, just as Anna did, but Petruchio’s disregard for her feelings meaning their love is not genuine. These texts reflect that if one person truly loves another person, then he or she will overcome challenges and make sacrifices to make the other happy.

In the movie “Notting Hill” audiences are introduced to two characters William Thacker and Anna Scott. The couple has it rocky start from the beginning. But one thing that brought the couple closer was their first date. Anna and William plans for their first date was sure to be romantic but seconds before the plan was cemented William remembers he had plans for his sister birthday. Anna asks her assistant to move around her actoral duty to be able to attend a dinner at the home of William’s best friend and ex-lover. Anna had to sacrifices the normal comfort and quantity of a date she is used to. Anna is used to dating big time film and television actors who take her on expensive dates around people who are also famous. She didn’t have to deal with people’s alarm in the past but because now she was dining with locals she must handle the extra attention they pay to her despite her discomfort. William is very comfortable at the party dealing with his best friends and the games that they play. If Anna wasn’t ready to sacrificed her normal comfortability in a date she would have never loved William for himself in all forms. She would have never have gotten to know “floppy” (High school nickname of William). She would have only ever know William.

“No shame but mine. I must, forsooth, be forced To give my hand, opposed against my heart”

(Act iii, Scene i, 8-9)

In this scene, Katherine says she doesn’t want to marry Petruchio. Since she is not in love with him. Petruchio has to force Katherine to love him, as well as marry him. Initially, Katharine is not content with the fact that she must marry. She had to be persuaded to marry a man she didn’t love, this shows societies view on male ideas on courtship and/or dating. At the beginning of the play, Katherine said it will be a shame for her to be with someone who she does not love but by the end of the play, she gives up on this concept. Initially Katherine believes that her hand in marriage should only belong to someone to whom she can also give her heart. Katherine struggles to get over the fact that she is not truly in love with Petruchio, while Petruchio is ready to marry Katherine knowing he wasn’t in love with her. He is ready to marry her for the challenges that it will bring forth. Her idea of courtship is that it should be mutual consent. However, by the end of the play, she accepts that in her situation, Petruchio’s desire to be with her gives her no opinion in the matter. His idea of courtship is that it should on the men desire for a women.Since Katherine’s ideas on courtship and marriage have not been satisfied, she and Petruchio cannot be in love.

In the play “The Taming of the Shrew” by William Shakespeare and in the movie “Notting Hill”, each of the characters make critical sacrifices and take on challenges in the name of true love. However, whether or not the love is authentic depends on the character’s actions and intentions. William and Anna are genuine with each other and sacrifice for each other.  In their relationship all they want is to make each other happy. Petruchio does not sacrifice for Katherine, only Katherine does giving up her independence. Her intention is to make him happy by being loyal to him, Petruchio’s intentions are not to take care of Katherine and her happiness, but to tame her. Petruchio marries Katherine despite her protest to gain her dowry. Therefore, only couples who truly love each other seek to make the other happy without self-interest.

Work cited

Shakespeare, William, and D. J. Donovan. The Taming of the Shrew: Shakespeare. W. B. Clive, University Tutorial Press, 1929.

Deja Winfield

Personal Memoir

Larissa Pahomov

3 English

Concrete

This essay is going to be difficult for me to write because it has been two years, but it feels like it’s two days. I can still feel the hole in my heart when I absentmindedly look through my contact list and her number isn't there. Or when I’m at my dad’s house and I see her picture. The only photo ever taken of her. When I go by 52nd Street and her stand is there, but she’s not.  Or when I get stopped on the train and get asked how she is and have to explain that she died of lung cancer. Or worse, when my father is to explain and he gets a knot in his throat and you can hear him get more choked up with every word. Or seeing his eyes for the last two Februarys cause her birthday is on the 25th and we can’t hear her voice. Slowly forgetting what she sounds like What she looks like, or trying to act like everything is okay.

There are so many things I could write about. My life is a road with hundreds of potholes. Some of my stories could enlist the 86 pages of my own medical record, or growing up with two fathers who aren’t partners but best friends. These things have affected my life greatly, but nothing affected me as much as losing my grandmother days before the end of my freshman year. She was someone who help me fill those potholes. My grandmother helped so many others fill their potholes.

My grandmother played the role of cement in a world of concrete but she was not always cement. She was impossible to break without a sledge hammer. She grew up with a mental disorder, that she never told her children about. She never let a single one her four boys, know the name of her sickness, but her late husband saw it, and took them away from their home in California to move them to Rhode Island. Leaving her alone to sink deeper into her sickness. Soon after she moved to Philadelphia and begged to have her sons back. They had known their mother and the bad she done while sick and refused to go back to her unless she had gotten help. She would do anything to have them back and fought for them to be back in her life.

She began taking medication to bring herself back into reality. Her sons began to see her again but only for hours at a time, and months apart. She wanted them back in her life full time. But their father couldn’t allow for that. She begged for one of them, and the same visitations with the rest of them. He allowed her the youngest, my father. A young boy, of six years, torn away from his brothers and father, to live with a woman he barely knew. She raised with as much love as she possibly could. She broke down his concrete walls, and filled his potholes with cement.

When he turned 21, he begged his father for the right to know him. His father agree. But couldn’t keep his promise for long, losing his life to a heart attack only two years later. The word father was a word in the dictionary to my dad, and nothing more. He did not know the roles of a father or the challenges of being one. In two years he would begin growing his family. He would have to step up to the plate and understand what it meant to be a father. My grandmother stepped up to show him that there are many steps to climb and that you may tumble down them now and again but you will never hit the bottom with your child as long as you keep trying to climb. In another two years time my father would be on his fourth child, only two of them biologically his, but all four his children. He was and is a amazing father. A man I am proud to called Dad, even though he has fallen a few times, he's gotten back up to come back harder. And I thank my grandmother for this. Without her I don't know where any of us would be.

She passed away in a time I needed her the most. She was there through many of my battles. As well as I for many of her. My grandmother had gotten breast cancer when I was 11 years old. She fought a 2 year long battle and won. I cried for hours when she had told me that she was better. I didn’t return home that day. I went straight to my father home to hug her knowing for once that it wouldn’t be my last hug. But just because she had won the battle it hadn't meant she had won the war. Days before I turn fifteen she went into the hospital and was found to have lung cancer. And in that moment my only wish is that she lived until my sixteenth birthday so I could show her the gratitude that she deserved from the world. She wasn't given her life expectancy, we weren’t given if she would live or die.. She continued going for chemo until the day she died.

I watched one of the strongest women I knew start to become weak. I watched as she began to give up. I watched as my name began to be forgotten from her memory, I watched as she forgot how to walk. I watched as she began to forget how to talk, how to eat. I watch this women lose herself in her final days until she passed away at the age of seventy, five months before my sixteenth birthday. The day I had found that she had passed I spent a two hour train ride to my father’s house in tears. I felt my limbs get numb as I cried harder. I didn't want to lose her. I never wanted to lose her, but seeing her in peace in her bed I knew it was time. But seeing the tears streaking my father face like he had been out in a rainstorm, I lost myself. I couldn't returned to school. I need to be by his side. And I need to be the strong one. I couldn’t let him see me break down because we had to be strong for each other. I missed school for days, I went to the grave yard to pick out her plot, to choose the font in which her name was written on the gravestone. I was there when the mosque was chosen to host her funeral, and I was there when they placed her into the ground where she will now peacefully rest.

The day of my grandmother funeral also happen to be the day of Advisory Day at school, and. The park that hosted my classmates laid across the street from the service. I was able to make out the faces of my classmates enjoying themselves and being happy to be in that space. A space I wish I never have to be at again. It hurt me to see so many people happy when I felt that it'll be a long time before I’d be that again. And it did take a long time. It took four months for me to stop wishing that it was me, or that I had no emotions. It took a long time for me not to feel the hole missing from my heart at all times. I still feel the hole when I need someone to speak to or someone just to hug.

Can you imagine losing someone you thought you could never be lose? It was hard losing her. She made me feel like I belong, when no one else could. She made me feel as though labels couldn’t be put on me. She made me feel loved. I had wished for many months that I could have something of hers that would make me feel closer to her, but my father, as well as his brothers, couldn’t bare with losing things of hers, so they kept it. Two months after her death, they went into her apartment, the apartment that they had continued to pay rent for even in her passing. It was the one thing they could do for the mother who would risked her life to save them. They paid her rent for the five years of her living there. They made sure the money was in on the first of the month every month. But when she passed it had become routine for them. The order in which they paid never changed. Charlie, then Mark, the Terry, then Jonas. My uncle Charlie paid January, May, and September. Uncle Mark paid February, June, and October. Uncle Terry paid March, July, and November. My father paid, April, August , and December. Every year played out by clock work. My uncles would visit her when they came to pay the rent, but my father was there every day. But for the two months after her death her door was never unlocked. It was never visited. But one day, after many days of hesitation they decided to unlock the doors. They each carried a single box with their first initial on it. They each took exactly what they wanted, which was everything. But one thing they had found when looking through her things, one thing they couldn't keep was a small teal box, with a small tag with 11/11 printed on it. That little teal box holds the most important thing in the world to me. It was pair of earring that she had brought a month before she had died. They were for me to wear on the day of my Sweet 16, and I wore them proudly that day.

Losing my grandmother was difficult, but I soon understood that it was time. That she couldn’t keep endure the pain any longer than she had already. She wasn’t happy anymore. She was hurting in ways that many will never understand. I don’t know if she was ready to go. She was cement for a long time but in her final hours she had harden to become concrete again. She had to throw up the white flag and declare her truce with the war she was fighting.

Sometimes a “Forever Home” is Not Supposed to be Forever

Many assume adoption is always the best option, that adoption is in every child's best interest. Some believe that the life of an adoptive human being, no matter the circumstances, is superior to being an orphan. While this can be true on many occasions, this is not true for everyone. A child that is adopted into a home does not have to be happy. While it is the goal of child services to find a permanent home for children who need one, it is also the goal to find homes that fit an adoptive child’s personality, but many times this does not happen. Some who are adopted are only adopted for government checks. Those who are adopted as children, and are able to make it out of their substandard adoptions tend to struggle to live a whole life, having their adoptive parents hang over their heads like the sword of Damocles. Adolescent and adults who want to annul their adoption, have the right to annul their adoptions because they are given way without their consent.

Many adults are theoretically independent from their families, but those trying to nullify their adoption are not independent. They must get their parent consent to annul their adoptions. Adolescents have less of a right. They must continue until their adoptive parents until their eighteenth birthday, and it is nearly impossible to annul an adoption before then. Many run away, on average adopted children run away almost four times the national average. The runaway average from adoptive children is 30.1%. Many of these children end up homeless, never to return home. The parents of these children will often times keep receive government funding for the child in hopes the child would return. The funding is supposed to be saved for the child, but instead, the adoptive parents may use it as a meal ticket on a spree for themselves.

Homelessness is no laughing matter. About 1.56 million people in the United States are homeless. In the United States alone, the average for teen homeless rates 2 million kids experiencing a period of homelessness every year. Many of those children are a child of adoption who were kicked out or forced to run away. “Young people who have been in foster care are 3 to 10 times more likely than their peers to experience homelessness.” (American Journal of Public Health, 2013).  Many of these young people have run away because their personalities didn’t pair up with the ones that they were placed with. This created a tense and hostile environment that was impossible to hide from. 57% of the children who ran away from their adoptive parents go at least a day without a meal every single month (Covenant House). This causes the loss of many young lives that no one will never know the name of.

Never having a choose who loves them, while those who are supposed to love the hardest give them away can never be easy.  Kaye Pearse, a writer for new source The Guardian, was adopted twice and her experience wasn't one that Lifetime decided to make a happy-go-lucky-movie about. Her parents gave her up at a young age, an agreement between the state and her biological parents, she had no parts of this contract, but would have to abide by it her entire life unless she could get it annulled (Guardian). Annulment isn't an easy process, as an adult, the only option is to get an attorney to aid the convincing of a judge to nullify an adoption. As a teenager, it can be even harder. They must also file a petition to annul an adoption. This petition must be signed by the biological parents or by the adoptive parents, as well make a case against the adoptive parents (Legalbeagle). The parents rule in this case as well the once child in this adoption still doesn't have the right to void his contract. And many will say that a child raised by their genetic components can’t end their contracts either, but they can apply for early emancipation.  Early emancipation allows for a child to be able to be free of their parents, and change their legal paperwork, such as their birth certificate say their legal name in replacement of their mother and, or, fathers names.

Many would say that annulling or reversing the adoption as an adoptive parent must be difficult as well. Adoptive parents actually have a much easier time when an adoption fails. An adoptive parent has the right to call for a disturbance in a child. This means that they can claim that the child is a disturbance in the home. In an article in Today, by Diane Mapes author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World, writes a rather serious article in a parent who have to reverse their adoption. Many of the parents are dealing with older children that they have adopted and couldn't handle. They were not use to children who scream inappropriate things in a public setting or children who ran across the street without looking (Today). They struggle to see the child's point of view of constantly craving the attention that biological children have received their entire lives. To reverse an adoption as a parent they must go into a courtroom and claim a disturbance in the child. They often times will refer them to a therapist before they allow them to annul the adoption. If the parents are not happy during the therapy sessions and it is shown to the child as well as the therapist, they then can reverse a child’s adoption and remove their name from the child.

Millions of people in the United States are adopted and many aren't happy with their adoptive parents and struggle to be happy, feeling locked into a forever binding contract. When asked, adults trying to get annulled might say that it is impossible to get annulled as an adult, But on closer inspection, they have a fixed mindset when it comes down to it, getting annulled at any age is very difficult but it is possible with a lot of determination. The reason a person may want to be annulled is never loving the people who adopted them, feeling like they never were given the choice of who would or wouldn’t love them. Adults who never felt this love fight many battles and lose battles due to needing signatures for their biological or adoptive parents, but many also win this battle, forcing a parent or a biological parent to give them this signature. This may not help the entire world directly. But with a teenager who can now get annulled, and put up for readoption can now be moved into foster or group homes that can help them move forward from all they lived through to become better adults. And for an adult, this may create a happier adult. And a deeper understanding for those who weren't adopted, to get to know the struggle of being adopted and not happy.

Works CIted

Pearse, Kaye. “Adoptees should be able to annul their relationship with their adoptive parents | Kaye Pearse.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 4 Aug. 2015, www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/aug/04/adoptees-annul-relationship-adoptive-parents.  

“How to Nullify an Adoption for an Adult.” Legal Beagle, legalbeagle.com/7929259-nullify-adoption-adult.html.

“When a Forever Home Isn't Forever: The Reality of Adoption Dissolution.” Foster Care Newsletter, 1 Sept. 2014, foster-care-newsletter.com/forever-home-isnt-forever-reality-adoption-dissolution/.

“Child Welfare Information Gateway.” Child Welfare, Sept. 2011, www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/adopted0708.pdf. Accessed 24 Sept. 2017.

Mapes, Diane. “It takes more than love: What happens when adoption fails.” TODAY.com, TODAY, 1 Aug. 2012, 6:14am, www.today.com/parents/it-takes-more-love-what-happens-when-adoption-fails-918076.

“Third Party Statistics - National Runaway Safeline | National Runaway Safeline.” Https://Www.1800runaway.Org/, www.1800runaway.org/runaway-statistics/third-party-statistics/.

“Homelessness in America.” Statistics on Homeless Youth in America | Covenant House, www.covenanthouse.org/homeless-teen-issues/statistics.

Yemaya y Ochun son amigas para muchos años. Pero Yemayá era la Orisha del océano y madre de los peces. Ella iba al Río mucho.Yemaya y Oshun iban al Río Nilo. Ellas fueron a comer. Yemaya tiene un vaso de agua pero el agua del río fue envenenado . Ahora, Yemaya no podía hablar y se sentía mal.

Yemaya quería coger el alma de un pescador. Muchas personas vio Yemaya matar el pescador. Oshun no creía que Yemaya asesino el pescador  enterarse ese Yemaya entabló estar condensar así ese los agentes no puedan hablar también. Oshun quiso Yemaya ser amable. Ella veía ese la agua Yemaya bebía era condenando.

Los personas de pias quiso tuvo un venganza en Yemaya.

Oshun "lo que puedo hacer posible", ella significa el mundo para mí. Ella me da el consejo que necesito para seguir adelante. Ella está en la cima de mi mundo. Tal vez pueda encontrar un remedio. Algo que la arreglara para que fuera la mujer que era entonces. Shes mi mejor amigo tengo que, o mi vida no será la misma.

Sé a quién puedo hablar con un dios que es buen chico. El dios de la medicina Erinlẹ. Sé que ella es la que puede invertirlo. Ella puede arreglar la parte de yemaya que se rompió. Cuando ella cambia, ella puede decirme qué conseguir.

Erinlẹ "¿Qué quieres?

Oshun "necesito ayudar a mi amigo. Ella es mi mejor amiga

Erinlẹ "¿qué puedes ofrecerme para que tu amigo sea plenamente vivo"

"Oshun" "Puedo darte todo lo que necesitas todo el confort del mundo

Erinlẹ soy el dios de la comodidad y la medicina

OShun te puedo dar riquezas

Erinlẹ de lo que puedo decirle dónde dar la cosa para arreglar a su amigo

Oshun vale

Erinlẹ es un rojo blanco y rosa que se puede encontrar en el bosque a la derecha del lugar de oración. Usted debe viajar profundo para encontrar la flor. Quedan pocos.

Oshun pasó días en este bosque corriendo tratando de encontrar esta flor. "Es imposible no tener mi amigo yo, y encontrar esta flor. Debo darme por vencido, pero tal vez debería comprobar este árbol ". Es el árbol más grande que alguien ha visto y el más grande de este bosque. El árbol está desnudo, pero a diez pies de distancia, Oshun ve a una sola yarda de distancia y ahora puede proteger a su amiga y traerla de vuelta como lo fue una vez.

I am Deja Winfield, I live in Feltonville, a neighborhood in northeastern Philadelphia. It is a neighborhood for many who have many disabilities which cause a need for many parking for handicapped needed. The neighborhood is close to many hospitals and emergency centers. It is easily accessible to the fire and ambulance department, this allows many to get up quickly and take people to the hospital with the least amount of complications. There are also child protection services for children suffering from malnutrition. Children who were beaten, as well as without food or without love for their parents. My whole neighborhood is Puerto Rican, or Dominican. Residents in my neighborhood also tend to be single moms aging 30-45. Neighborhood men tend to be older as well as successful small business. Men tend to be 40-55 years old. It is a neighborhood of personal struggles, a neighborhood of injured children and parents who must return without them some nights.
I hope to place the mural in the alley on the other side of my house. It is a constantly passed catwalk. Many pass the alley on the way to the hospital or on the way home with an empty car seat. I would like the mural to be a force of empowerment and support. The mural to give many the strength to make it another day and want to wake up in the morning. It would also be an object of understanding for those who do not know the neighborhood. End the disapproving faces of those who do not understand will disappear with the comments of "it must be difficult to deal with", as if what you have is an inanimate object. The question can be answered with more understanding of what "is."
I think I'd like to add a mix of the television series "Winnie the Pooh" as well as the common illness of those living in the neighborhood. I would like to add the Winnie the Pooh to commemorate the time my mother had to return home without me. My bedroom at home was decorated in the theme of my favorite Disney princesses but when I was in the hospital I was always put in my favorite room with images of Winnie the Pooh on the walls and one of the first gifts I received at the hospital was a Winnie The Pooh bear given to me from one of my nurses. I would like to add pictures of children in wheelchairs. Drawing of children with autism, as well as patients with cancer. I wish it was a great mix.
I think it will fulfill the role of art in the community. But this is my public art. I like the work of my art I think it means something important.

Somos Nosotros

Déjá Ibellis Winfield

La hija de una mamá de Puerto Rico

y una hija de un papá de California

Mi lengua primera  fue el inglés

Mi lengua segundo fue el espanglish

Yo soy un producto de las americas

Soy yo.

Veo el verde de los ojos de mi hermano mejor

Veo el azul de los ojos de mi hermano meyor.

Veo la marrones de mis ojos propios

Saboreo el arroz de mi tia Wendy

Oigo Prince Royce y Aventura en la cocina en los domingos

Toco la puerta de la casa de mi papa

Bailo con mi identidad

No conozco el olor de palmas y coconuts

San Juan no es mi casa, es la casa de mi mamá

Habla espanglish, no hablo español

La lengua de la fruta de coco y Goya

Mi hermano y yo somos productos de las américas

No sabemos lo que somos

Hablamos inglés y espanglish

La lengua de mi taramedeo

Comemos carne y arroz

Bebemos leche

Mi familia y yo estamos en nuestro hogar

Somos nosotros

“Who am I ?”, a question that disappoints many when asked. How do you explain every level of your inner self? The reflection as a  man, woman, husband, wife, provider, daughter, or son isn’t easy when you’re on the outside looking into yourself... I don’t think I did to well on the whole reflecting part of all of this, I know who I am on the outside, finding what’s within is hard. To find things you’ve forced yourself to forget, the deepest thing of your personality, and your past. Many things could be put into the “ I force myself to forget drawer,” of my brain.  The question “Who Am I?” comes up a lot in life, I’m am not happy with my answer to this question, maybe I’m more upset with the fact that the deepest parts of me are so far away that when I try to reach for them I drown in a sea of “ Who Am I”.

My Me Magazine  represents slightly who I am on the inside but it mainly represented who I am on the outside. Maybe, I’m too young to know who am I on the inside, it took me years to understand who I am/ who I was  going to be on the outside. It will take a while for me to fully understand who I am on the inside, and if I am fully happy with who I am. My Me Magazine spoke of the history of the people before me. The future of the people ahead of me. They all know who they are, and one day I’ll understand.

I kept my slide as simple and readable as possible, it allows people to be able to read it quickly and understand what I meant. I tried to make it as visible as possible with out many words so the reader or the students and teacher watching me explain what I saying don't have to stare at my slide trying to read all the words, while tuning me out as I speak and explain each word. My slide had one point, and it was me trying to figure out who I am. I tried to keep with the rule of the thirds which I found more difficult than not. People work a long time on designing billboards and ads on companies and products, it's a difficult job.