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This section of The Handmaid’s Tale clings to me, like a bruise refusing to fade. It’s the Testifying scene, where Janine stands trembling in front of the other women, forced to recount her assault story, degraded for her experience. The women around her, her so-called sisters, chant in unison: “Her fault, her fault, her fault.” Their words become weapons, rhythmic and rehearsed, slicing through her. This scene reveals how brainwashed the people of Gilead are becoming, how normalized it is to blame women for the things they are victims of. It is drilled into the girls’ minds that guilt is a form of obedience. She refers to Janine as an “example” when she accepts the blame. Swallows it. Although it’s a malicious ritual, it isn’t the cruelty that I can recall in my own life, but the aspect of control.

It horrified me because it felt too close to our world. Atwood writes of a dystopia where women are punished for existing in their own skin, but I’ve seen pieces of that world outside of fiction. I think about the many ways women today are still taught to feel guilty for the way they dress, look, or simply exist. Testifying isn’t as far away as we’d like to think—it’s just disguised in regular, everyday life.

The patterns of the words, “Who led them on?” followed by, “She did, she did, she did,” made me think about how often girls are blamed for things completely out of their control. It’s the same idea showing up in our world, concealed in casual comments: What were you wearing? Did you give him the wrong idea? Did you confuse him? Every one implies the same thing—that the fault is somehow, always yours. I’ve felt that pressure before, to make myself smaller or quieter just to keep my body mine. To avoid conflict, to not provoke anyone. To not be too much.

My whole life, I’ve tried to desensitize myself to sexual comments. Not the ones of initiation, even—but the warnings.

Don’t be distracting to your peers. It will be too tempting for everyone here. Wear a sweater when you leave. Never leave your windows open. Don’t post that, he’ll think less of you. Hide yourself.

Consuming these words from the age of 7, I began to struggle with my loss of control. My body was becoming less and less like mine. It was a topic for others, an invitation to dissect me. And, underneath this erasure of autonomy, my mind began to wander much like Offred’s, creating biases around my own struggles. I found myself more insecure, more jealous. I’d learned to dissect those around me, consuming the toxic patterns I’d been taught.

Offred recalls the girls chanting “Crybaby” at Janine. However, she reveals, “We mean it, which was the bad part.” She acknowledges it’s wrong, but still can’t help but resent Janine. I read this to be how internalized misogyny functions: it teaches women to believe women are less. It begins internally, like a parasite, spreading externally, to how you perceive and understand the world around you.

This idea grows more passive when Offred narrates: “She looked disgusting: weak, squirmy, blotchy, pink, like a newborn mouse. None of us wanted to look like that ever. For a moment, even though we knew what was being done to her, we despised her.”

This lack of empathy Offred has is something I sadly feel myself relate to. She feels disgusted by Janine’s vulnerability, her lack of control over her emotions. It makes her feel out of control, in turn.

Again, I found myself lacking empathy for others due to how I was treated. There were times where I’d comment on my friends’ appearance as a direct result of how it was done to me. At barely 9 years old, I was under the impression that everyone around me was a threat. They had “normal” bodies, but that didn’t mean they got to feel normal, while I felt alienated. I resented how easy it was for them to accept their bodies for what they were. Janine was obedient, and Offred was disgusted by that; but only because she was truly, actually disgusted by herself.

But, through all of this, I consider the impact of accountability. Not in the sense of blaming Janine or anyone else, but in recognizing how deeply these lessons affect us. It’s so easy to see external forces like Gilead and reject them as extreme, but the reality is that smaller versions of these forces exist everywhere.

I resonate with this scene because it forces a confrontation with vulnerability and control, challenging me to see both the systems around me, and how I have unconsciously participated in them. Atwood’s depiction of shame, blame, and internalized misogyny is unnervingly familiar, and that recognition makes it powerful. It reminds me that reclaiming autonomy over my body and my voice isn’t just a personal victory, but a small rebellion against the biases and patterns I’ve absorbed throughout my life.

I chose to paint the scene from page 39 of The Handmaid’s Tale, after Offred’s daughter has been taken from her and she is presented with a photograph as proof of her child’s safety. The painting is of this photograph. The book states:

“They showed me a picture of her, standing outside on a lawn, her face a closed oval. Her light hair was pulled back tight behind her head. Holding her hand was a woman I didn’t know. She was only as tall as the woman’s elbow. You’ve killed her, I said. She looked like an angel, solemn, compact, made of air. She was wearing a dress I’d never seen, white and down to the ground” (39).

With the information given, I depicted Offred’s daughter standing beside a faceless woman. She is faceless because Offred does not care to know what her face looks like. She is only concerned about her daughter. The woman and the child are holding hands, as the book states, but they stand far apart. Between them is a gap wide enough for a third person. This is meant to represent the lack of emotional connection between the child and the person who is presumably her new caretaker. I find it unlikely that the people Gilead chose to care for the children are there to make them feel secure and loved. It’s more probable that they are only there to indoctrinate the kids and make sure that their worldview aligns with Gilead’s values. This matches Offred’s description of “solemn”. If the child actually felt at home, she would be more relaxed and carefree. Instead, Offred now sees a sort of seriousness in her young daughter.

In Offred’s view, her daughter is “like an angel”, so I painted her with a halo and wings. She also does not have a shadow on the ground, whereas the woman holding her hand does. This is because Offred says “you’ve killed her”, implying that the daughter she once knew is now deceased. Both the child and the woman are wearing shapeless, floor length gowns. This is in accordance with the ideals of Gilead, which deprives women of any sort of individuality in order to maintain the societal structure they have implemented. It makes sense that the children they abducted would be made to learn these values from a young age. That’s why I chose to paint the daughter wearing a shapeless, plain, high collar dress. It seems like something Gilead would make her wear.

Aside from the two figures in the painting, the background is dull and uninteresting. This is partly because Offred likely does not care much about the background, only briefly noting that the two people are “standing outside on a lawn”. Other than Offred’s perception of the photograph, the other reason I made the image so dull is because it reflects the lack of mental stimulation under Gilead’s control. Gilead wants the lower class, especially the women, to think as little as possible. Offred has mentioned throughout the book that she is bored. Therefore, it makes sense to reflect this in the painting. Because the child is a girl, I doubt Gilead is giving her anything to do that requires any critical thinking. She’s probably just being taught her future responsibilities as either a handmaid or a wife. The painting is purposefully dull as a reflection of the child’s future if Gilead continues to stand.

** note that though I tried to make the painting dull, the effect is not as pronounced as this picture would make it seem. The lighting was just bad.

Though I’ve written something small about this already, I find the quote “”We thought we had such problems. How were we know to know we were happy?” (Chapter 9) interesting and relatable. Here, Offred struggles through recollections of her past life. As a common occurrence, she fixates on small details. How they were then, how it is now, how she wishes it was different, how she can get through this. She grieves, in a hidden, entirely hidden to the naked eye fashion in which readers can relate. In life, when something feels so intense, so painful, so guttural, sometimes it is better not to feel it at all. Many use their trauma in comparing them to when times were better, to ease or validate the emotions they are feeling in the present. In this quote, we see Offred doing this same thing. She speaks to when her and Luke thought that because they were having an affair and Luke was married, they had big problems, ones that could keep them apart, or cause alienation of them as a couple, to the outside world. This, she says, opposed to now, feels almost like a dream. She wants those problems, instead of these ones. She wants to fight with Luke rather than fight internally with herself in a silenced society. She wants that, those problems, instead of these. She reflects that maybe, just maybe despite those issues prior, that she was happy. Only something she can figure out and feel now, if she truly is whittled down to nothing, to this, to what she is now. As I said in my prior response about this quote, my girlfriend and I were a couple that never fought. The first 365 days (and a little more) we never even raised our voices at each other. We used to make it a point that we didn’t fight, that we were the perfect most healthy couple ever. It felt so good to be so on each other’s level, never have moments of miscommunication, always be on the same page. Looking back, there were probably times we should have fought, but we didn’t. We never did. That said, around our 1.5 year mark, we started fighting constantly. It ranged from real fights that we probably needed to have, to things completely stupid and unnecessary, just for us to get our individual petty points across. During this time in our relationship, I felt so angry at myself, and at how I was handling things. We both felt so out of control of what was happening between us. In some ways, I look back and appreciate this time, thinking it was necessary for us to learn more about each other, and become a stronger couple, but it was so awful in the moment. I remember looking back often at times before this era in our relationship and being so upset that I thought we had problems. That she didn’t understand I wanted this thing then and I didn’t realize when she felt this way at that party. I used to believe that those, those tiny and insignificant things were problems, things we needed to fix and to work through, not knowing that later, we would have real problems and real things we needed to work through together. Just as I took advantage of our first year of no conflict, Offred took advantage of the time and hard moments for granted with Luke. She no longer had Luke at all, not to fight with, not to be angry with. And I, no longer had a conflict free relationship to brag about. Both of us, in obviously very different contexts, didn’t appreciate what we had and how good it was until it was gone and now, it was different. We didn’t take enough time to take in and hold onto those moments prior. It’s heartbreaking to think good memories were wasted worrying about other things, but it’s something that both me and Offred experienced, as I’m sure many readers have. Now, as my girlfriend and I hit our three year anniversary, conflict obviously is still present, as it is in most relationships where you love someone, but it is at an acceptable and helpful level. We have learned to communicate with each other in a way we wouldn’t have learned otherwise, appreciate each other in a deeper sense and love each other with more purpose because of that time we went through together. Right now in the book, Offred hasn’t been able to have an experience like that but I know at some point in her life, she will find that conflict and hardship brings strength and knowledge and though it feels like forever, waiting is the only way to get through it.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11vKXc5EoeKgBtAGOWNtSTcilzMQfniaKLwUAtx31bOA/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z78sUgU9RXxykQS7clXNSe-ZwyNT7Hp12ie_kF9J4eo/edit?usp=sharing

On page 228 of The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred receives a photograph of her kid. The kid who was in the backseat when all three of them tried to escape and then failed miserably. The kid that she birthed and loved so very much. But after not seeing her child for so long, it seems like she has lost some of this connection. She never knew if Luke and her child had ever made it out alive, so it was difficult to keep hope and believe that they were really out there. She is immediately washed over by emotion when looking at the photo, and Offred first notices how much she has changed. “Time has not stood still. It has washed over me, washed me away, as if I’m nothing more than a woman of sand.” (228) We notice that Offred hasn’t thought very much about how others must have changed during this time; she was too focused on her survival and looking for ways to revolt and escape. The phrase “woman of sand” can be looked at in many ways. I see it as she has been worn away by Gilead’s oppression. It is more than just a physical hardship; it is internal and psychological, taking her down from within. Now, when having flashbacks, which were once a form of escape and a way to remember more from the past, she will only think about her daughter and if she is ok. Gilead has not only taken her freedom but also her loved ones, too.

This idea of having a new person to take care of is really scary to Offred, and I totally agree with what she is feeling. It is one thing knowing you’re in a bad situation, but a totally different thing to know that someone you love and care for is in a bad situation too. We also see this in many movies, when a character won’t give some information up and is willing to die for their cause, they often bring in someone close to that character and inflict punishment on them. You can often see how fast their attitudes will change, and whatever information they were holding back before will soon come out. When it was only Offred in this messed-up world, it was difficult, but only fending for herself wasn’t impossible. But now that she has a connection to someone else in this system, someone that she loves so much, she feels the motherly duty to help.

“Better she’d brought me nothing.” (228) is what Offred thinks soon after looking at the photo. This photo gives her a horrible realization that her daughter had become a product of Gilead. This sense of permanent distance from her daughter is terrifying, and the thought that she could face what Offred is currently going through. She notices that she has been erased from her daughter’s life, and even if they do get out of Gilead, they will never have the relationship she wanted, because she missed so much of her childhood. It is very difficult to maintain a relationship after not talking for a long time, if that was willingly or not. This is because people change so much so fast, especially due to the circumstances around them. Offred’s daughter could be a totally new person now and not even recognize Offred, and that is what she is terrified of.

All of the flashbacks to her previous life with Luke and their daughter become much more important now. Before these memories were a link, some of the only things she could remember from her previous life, and a reason for her not to fully give in to Gilead, and a reason not to try anything too rash. She believed that Luke and she would come for her one day. That they had made it to the safe haven and were waiting for the right time to come and take her away.

While it seems like Serena Joy was trying to be nice for once and finally help Offred, what she has done might have done the exact opposite. We see the effects right after Serena Joy leaves, and Offred thinks about how she is never allowed a knife when eating. “When there’s meat they cut it up for me ahead of time, as if I’m lacking manual skills or teeth. I have both, however. That’s why I’m not allowed a knife.” (228) She knows that she is too valuable to this society because she is fertile and this rule has definitely been implemented because of other handmaids in the past using the knife to either escape or take their own life.

It’s a very natural response to connect music to emotions or memories. When reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Attwood I was able to connect specifically with the characters and their relation to one another with certain songs. I made a playlist of 5 songs that relate to the plot, characters, and overall feeling of reading the emotional novel.

Not A Lot, Just Forever- Adrianne Lenker Every character has a want or desire in this story. Offred wants her old life back, she wants her daughter, Luke, to have freedom. Serena Joy wants a child, she wants to have a purpose and take care of something that she doesn’t have the ability to create. In this song the line “Your dearest fantasy is to grow a baby in me.” speaks loudly to Offred and Serena’s relationship. In chapter 31 Serena pulls Offred aside to propose a different path in impregnating her. She is willing to risk punishment for the both of them by asking Offred to try to conceive a baby with Nick in secret. This surprises Offred and makes her realize how deeply Serena wants a child. “This idea hangs between us, almost visible, almost palpable: heavy, formless, dark; collusion of a sort, betrayal of a sort. She does want that baby” (205). “not a lot, just forever” is a song that speaks about a repetitive small action that happens again and again, over time that holds a great amount of meaning and power. This could be seen as the ritual all handmaids must go through. So not only does this specific line connect to the characters in “The Handmaid’s Tale” but the overall meaning is a clear theme in the book as well.

The Other Woman- Lana Del Rey The relationships between the Commander, Serena, and Offred are all very complex. The Commander doesn’t seem to hold much interest in Serena anymore. And has then tried to make a special connection with Offred in private, an emotional connection. The theme of affairs comes up quite frequently, looking back on the relationship between Offred and Luke we learn that Offred was “The other woman.” And once again, she is cheating with the Commander in a way. In this song the line “The other woman will never have his love to keep” stuck out to me in particular when studying the connection between the two pieces of media. This could connect both to Offred and the Commander or Serena and the Commander. Offred doesn’t get to pursue a real relationship with the Commander, she can’t fall in love with him and doesn’t get to know she is loved either. Serena has now lost a connection with the Commander. She cannot provide a child for him and therefore they are bridged by this gap in their relationship. Offred notices that Serena is often held up in different rooms of the house keeping busy. “Many of the wives have such gardens” (12). She doesn’t yet have the role of mother and because her relationship is so structured and his emotional connection is going straight to Offred she is stuck trying to fill her need to contribute to her marriage.

Pushing It Down and Praying- Lizzy McAlpine This song describes sexual guilt in quite a blunt way, walking through the mind of the artist craving the want to be needed, and the guilt that may follow. Margaret Atwood uses a similar technique when walking the reader through Offred’s relationship with sex in the new world. Offred and Ofglen are walking through the small town when they pass two Guards. Offred knows the guards are watching them closely, she knows that she is off limits and uses this power. “I move my hips a little… it’s like teasing a dog with a bone held out of reach, and I’m ashamed of myself for doing it.” (22). This quote reminded me of the line of my chosen song; “I wanna feel guilty, I wanna feel that it’s wrong.” Offred holds little power in her life, but because everything is surrounded by her body’s purpose she can use her “forbidden fruit” to feel like she is in control. Just like how Lizzy McAlpine is describing how she wants to feel like what she is doing with her body is “wrong”, she describes how she holds that same power.

Mother- John Lennon Throughout the book the reader gets small snippets of the relationship between Offred and her mother. When she has flashbacks she recalls usually upsetting memories of her mother and her strong views. In this song the line “I wanted you, but you didn’t want me” connects to a particular memory Offred shared. When she was a young her mother took her to the park but ended up spending time with her friends instead, burning magazines. Offred says “Saturdays were supposed to be my day” (38). She wanted her mother but her mother didn’t want her. John Lennon also wrote “I couldn’t walk, I tried to run.” This reminded me of how Offed made the decision to be a handmaid when her mother would have been an unwomen. Her mom was known to protest -as she came up in the video shown to the Handmaids of the old world- and always wanted Offred to be more outspoken. Offred was too young but more responsible than her mom. And when the new world began she didn’t fight back but became a handmaid.

Savior Complex- Phoebe Bridgers The Commander’s relationship with Offred evolved into a deep emotional connection. At first this was quite confusing to both Offred and the reader. Considering it is dangerous for them to meet privately it seems odd that he would go out of his way to play scrabble with her, and let her read old magazines. It wasn’t until later that Offred learns that the handmaid before her killed herself. The Commander was immensely guilty for her death and wanted to do everything in his power to make sure Offred could bear her experience a little more. In this song, Bridgers states “emotional affair, overly sincere”. I felt that this line couldn’t describe the relationship between the Commander and Offred better. The Commander has a strong savior complex from his past experiences and is now trying to “save” Offred from the miserable world she is forced to live in. He tries to do this by giving her special treatment, and small glimpses into her past life.

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5iU8NV6mbCotyDzsqFwi1O?si=YuG3JZyYRdGaAbwiUGTNBw

link to doc

While reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, I experienced a combination of disturbance and strange familiarity. Atwood’s portrayal of Gilead is brutal but also mirrors certain aspects of real-world experiences, especially in how people adapt to the systems of control and power. The book’s scenes, symbols, and main themes Atwood tends to draw are the traditions of religious justification, women exploitation and objectification, power dynamics, and the journey to love and freedom. Even being a male reader in the world world, I found myself connecting to these themes through my own personal past experiences and history. My reaction comes not from sharing the same oppressions the female characters face, but recognizing how power, fear, and identity shape people in different ways. A powerful object in the novel that seems to be mentioned often is The Wall. Early in the book, Offred and Ofglen walk by during their grocery-run where Offred narrates, “What we’re supposed to feel towards these bodies is hatred and scorn. This isn’t what I feel. These bodies hanging on The Wall are time travelers, anachronisms” (page 31, pdf) For me, it would become weird that I would strangely relate to a wall, but that became the case. The Wall is decorated with dead bodies organized in a certain way to symbolize their punishments and the consequences they’ve deserved for their crimes against Gilead, sometimes having a yellow star next to them to show that they’re a Jew. Personally, I would’ve freaked out but Offred doesn’t seem to show any uneasiness or panic, but learns to adjust her emotions in a way to adapt to an environment of fear. In my own life, The Wall resembles my parents’ strict discipline growing up. I’m not objectifying my parents that they’re literally a wall, but the fact that they instilled great discipline in me and redirected me from the unrighteous things in life that made me the person I am today. They represented a kind of firm, moral, and source of fear when it comes to the daily decisions I make. Whenever I would make bad decisions, their punishment wasn’t cruelty, but rather harsh love meant to correct my growth. Over time, I learnt to associate the fear of their discipline with making more morally right choices, just like how The Wall in Gilead stands as a visible reminder of the consequences of disobedience. In a strange way, The Wall became the reminder of moments in my childhood that shaped me into who I became today because of the discipline I’ve been raised on. It helped me understand why Offred doesn’t blatantly rebel on certain occasions because fear causes people to be silent and obedient. Another scene that deeply impacted me was when Offred reflects on her loss of identity due to the environment of Gilead in how they’re misrepresenting women specifically. Offred says, “I’m a cloud, congealed around a central object, the shape of a pear, which is hard and more real than I am and glows red within its translucent wrapping.” (page 64, pdf) This occurs as she began to see herself through the role that Gilead had forced upon Offred and other women. The role being a reproductive vessel. Offred no longer felt like a human nor a whole person, but just a body with one singular function. Additionally, she was stripped of her responsibilities, financial state, and relationships simply because of Gilead’s substantial power imbalancement. In Gilead’s hierarchy, men are viewed as more dominant, strong, and having more control over women. Especially on how this hierarchy works–their idea of utilizing women for reproduction, objectification, and lustful desires–exploits women completely and changes their whole entire identity. Even if I have never experienced anything like this level of control, I’ve always become an identity that wasn’t me. In school, I remember how I acted dependent on who I was around with. When I was around the “cool kids” and popular people, it meant that I needed to be humorous, chill, and more overreactive. But over time, being around those types of people did not truly make me a better person. I felt detached from my true self and it felt like I had put on a mask just to feel socially accepted, just like how Offred would obey if only there are guards around but wants freedom at the end of the day. At times, I would be caught under the principal’s hand of mischief by the amount of peer pressure that I’ve gotten to do whatever I needed to please those types of people. Both situations reflect on how environments shape behavior, often in ways that make us feel powerless and put on a show. After all, The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood didn’t just become a book about women exploitation and gender inequality, but causes a deeper connection with the reader to reflect on their own past experiences similar to the characters and events that take place in The Handmaid’s Tale.

“In the Stars” - Benson Boone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmcEXd1K9XM

“We thought we had such problems then , How could we know we were happy?”(pg. 51)]. This song fits with this moment, because as you listen to the song, you feel this dark, grieving tone, which usually comes from reflecting on something you can never get back. The soft piano and echoing vocals almost make it sound like a loss…The theme of grief is used all throughout the Handmaids tales, especially through Offred’s flashback of her old life. Offred isn’t just mourning her past, her daughter, Lulke, but she’s mourning her freedom, her sense of security and safety that her old life. The people she loves may still be alive, but it would be easier for her to pretend they were gone, because hope hurts a lot more. The song’s legato rhythm mirrors the emotional pull between the pain that comes with remembering and trying to forget the pain. It’s almost like every note is a memory forcing her to remember what Gilead took from her.

Escapism - Raye

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EBw-CWc4Uw

This song reminds me of Moira. The title”Escapism” caught my attention because that was what Moira was tryna do the entire time: escape. She almost made it too, but got caught when she was close to the finish line. She ended up at Jezebel’s and found herself in a “little black dress”. Then not too long after there was a shift in her. She used to be strong, rebellious and full of fire but now it seems she’s just surviving. The lyrics “And I’m out on the town on a simple mission, In my little black dress and this sh*t is sittin” and “I don’t wanna feel how I felt last night, captures that same same exhaustion and numbness Moira was feeling about her new life. When Moira tells Offred. “Don’t worry about me…I’m still here you can see it’s me. Anyway look at it this way:it’s not so bad…”(pg. 249) It sounds like she is trying to convince herself that she’s okay rather than Offred. The dark, moody, and fast paced almost restless rhythm match that emptiness that Moira is probably feeling. Moira isn’t escaping anymore; it seems like she’s surrendering to what she was running from.

All the Good Girls Go to Hell - Billie Eilish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmMqFCyfPLo

This song reminded me of the moment when the Commander pressured Offred to have sex in a spare room in Jezebel’s. “All the Good Girls Go to Hell” fits that scene perfectly. The line “Lucifer was lonely” makes me think of the Commander, seemingly powerful but still capable of feeling lonely. In class discussion,we stated that the Commander desired human touch, intimacy but from this scene its clear he’s trying to do it by control. By bringing Offred to Jezebel, he assumed that she would be willing to do what he wanted her to do. He definitely framed Offred in a way because originally it seemed he had no sexual intention, but once they reached the hotel room, it showed his true intentions. The song’s dark rhythm and slow, almost haunting bass, creates this tension that was shown, in the scene, something tempting but wrong. The feel of this song also captures how powerless Offred feels. She has no choice in the matter, forcing her to convince herself that she is okay. The beat of the song moves almost like a racing heartbeat, building this pressure, tension, just like the power imbalance showcased in this scene.

Jealous - Labrinth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5nrZ5sHgxk

The lyrics of this song really spoke to me because it reminded me of the moment where Offred saw the picture of her daughter. In chapter 35 it says “She grows and lives. Isn’t that a good thing? A blessing? Still I can’t bear it, to have been erased like that. Better she’d brought me nothing”(pg. 228). From this we can see that Offred was able to relief a sign of relief because she was able to see for herself that her daughter was alive and seemingly taken care of, but it also reawakened the grief she has been carrying since her daughter was taken from her. Her role as a mother was stript away from her and seeing this picture reminded her that her child is now being cared for by someone else, and the possibility that she would get that back is almost impossible. The song “Jealous” fits this moment so well because it carries that same quiet ache that Offred was feeling. The piano and instruments used in the songs makes it seem creates the feel of someone not trying to cry. The slow rhythm mirrors the heaviness that Offred feels when looking at the photo torn between gratefulness and heartbreak. The line “ it’s hard for me to say, I’m jealous of the way you are happy without me” captures exactly what Offred feels but can’t say out loud. She’s jealous and broken that she can no longer be a mother.

Back To December - Taylor Swift

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awdH9ChjsUg

In chapters 34 - 35 Offred and the Commander talk about love and its role in people’s lives. During their conversations, Offred brought it to the Commander’s attention that when they built this new system they “forgot about love” The Commander responded by saying, “ Was it really worth falling in love “(pg. 220). This response shows that maybe he never experienced love or didn’t have a great experience with it, like he is out of touch with that emotion. The tone of the song “Back to December” has a sort of nostalgic air to it, like someone is replaying memories that they can’t let go of yet. Which reminds me of how Offred often reminisces about her and Luke’s love. It was an almost necessity for her, a way for her and love ones to connect. Love used to have meaning, but now in this new system love is unheard of. The lyrics “Maybe this is wishful thinking, mindless dreaming” mirror Offred’s quiet reflection and almost regret of not realizing how much she took her old life for granted. She knows that love brought both joy and pain, but it was real, despite how much Gilead tries to control that narrative. In summary, The vibe of the song shows that Offred isn’t angry, just aware that what Gilead took could not be replaced.

Lit Log #2 - Playlist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJcR1aq5UqI Kid Charlemagne - Steely Dan The tone of the song “Kid Charlemagne”, although originally written about a Chemist-turned-drug dealer, fits well with the story of Gilead in The Handmaid’s Tale, written by Margaret Atwood. The lyrics “Did you feel like Jesus?/Did you realize that you were a champion in their eyes?” remind me of the switch from government to complete control, and focus on the Bible and how things “used to be”. On page 220, the Commander says, “Those years were just an anomaly, historically speaking, the Commander said. Just a fluke. All we’ve done is return things to Nature’s norm.” The men in power feel that they are returning things to the way that Jesus intended them to be. They are making decisions for women, without regarding how they feel about it. Later in the song Kid Charlemagne, the lyrics “’Cause the man is wise/You are still an outlaw in their eyes” remind me of how the way that women behaved before is outlawed. Now, they’re under total control of men.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJWYTetgsns Tha Crossroads - Bone Thugs-N-Harmony The song “Tha Crossroads” by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony is very similar to the story happening in The Handmaid’s Tale. The lyrics “Now tell me whatcha gonna do/When there ain’t no where to run (tell me what)/(When judgment comes for you, when judgment comes for you)” remind me of Offred’s experience with trying to escape Gilead. On page 74, the reader sees a small vignette of Offred’s experience running with her daughter. “I’m running, with her, holding her hand, pulling, dragging her through the bracken, she’s only half awake because of the pill I gave her, so she wouldn’t cry or say anything that would give us away, she doesn’t know where she is.” In this scene, readers begin to understand how Offred attempted an escape, but it was futile. Just like in Tha Crossroads, “When there ain’t no where to run”, they are left with no other options but to run into the woods to get away.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN1aV4ZwAg8 What It Feels Like for a Girl - Madonna The song “What It Feels Like for a Girl” by Madonna is a great representation of society’s pressures on women in Gilead. The lyrics “Strong inside, but you don’t know it/ Good little girls, they never show it/When you open up your mouth to speak/Could you be a little weak?” reminds me of how the consensus towards women is that it is their fault that rape and sexual assault happen. When they open up about it, they should remember that it was their fault for dressing provocatively, for making the man do what he did. Later in the song, Madonna sings “Hurt that’s not supposed to show/And tears that fall when no one knows/When you’re trying hard to be your best/Could you be a little less?” which reminds me of how women are expected to hide how they really feel, putting on a front to show up correctly for men. Even when they’re upset about something, they should mask that and pretend to be less, to not be so emotional. When the handmaids give birth, they are not given any medicine. They are expected to feel that pain, to bear through it. In a conversation in class, Mara mentioned this happened when tourists from Korea were introduced to the Handamids. She said that when the tourist asked “are you happy?”, Atwood was suggesting that they know that the handmaids are probably unhappy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNgIz0b5lHU Everything Reminds Me Of Her - Elliot Smith The song “Everything Reminds Me Of Her” by Elliot Smith explores themes of loss, yearning, and mourning past relationships. The name of the song, along with the lyrics repeated across the song “Everything reminds me of her,” are similar to the feelings that Offred has as she thinks about her daughter, and the life that she had before the change in government power. To add, the lyrics “And I gotta hear the same sermon/All the time now from you people” is reflected in Offred’s experience with the Handmaid bootcamp, learning about all of the changes in rules. Everything was explained through biblical references; everything could be explained by the bible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSqYsmmfbCI Incomprehensible - Big Thief The song “Incomprehensible” by the band Big Thief delves into society’s expectations of women as they grow older. The songwriter Adrienne Lenker hits the nail on the head of how it feels to physically age and change, while struggling with the idea of still loving herself and appreciating her beauty. “‘I’m afraid of getting older’, that’s what I’ve learned to say/Society has given me the words to think that way” Lenker is describing her experience of fear of aging. This is similar to Offred’s fears, although not explicitly expressed. There is knowledge that all older women, apart from the wives, end up getting sent to the colonies for forced labour and pollution hazards. On page 112, Atwood wrote, “Your flesh may be polluted, dirty as an oily beach, sure death to shore birds and unborn babies.” This references how pollution is affecting their landscape and health. Later in the song, Lenker sings “The message spirals, ‘Don’t get saggy, don’t get grey’/But the soft and lovely silvers are now falling on my shoulder”, a reaction to society’s expectations. She is showing she has found peace with her physical appearance changing. Offred doesn’t have this privilege, as she knows that the loss of physical youth can be lethal to her. Once her eggs are no longer of use to the commanders, she has no more use.

Reading chapter 33 of the Handmaid’s Tale left me with a complicated mix of sadness, in a way fascination and anger. Margaret Atwood’s portrayal of a society that celebrates female subjugation under the guise of holiness hit me deeply. What resonated most wasn’t just the obvious cruelty of Gilead’s rituals, but how normal and even “beautiful” they appear to those within the system. That distortion of morality, when oppression is dressed up as virtue, reminded me of many moments in my own life where conformity was rewarded more than compassion. In chapter 33, Aunt Lydia urges the Handmaids to view the ceremony as a “victory”. She tells them that “We must all be joyful for the good that is being done”, referring to the arranged marriages of very young girls to older men. Offred’s narration, however, strips away the holiness Aunt Lydia tries to impose, her tone is weary, observant and quietly resistant. She sees through the ceremony facade. “There is something indecent about the way they are so happy” she notes about the Wives, watching them smile and clap. This tension between what the regime demands people say and what they actually feel. Looking at their lives and how they lived, in comparison to mine, it was a difference but similar but more so towards my appearance and the way you looked and appeared to other adults, in which my grandparents cared most about. You had to appear, dress, act a certain way, you couldn’t wear certain things because it would be deemed as “improper” or “uncanny” in a way of unacceptable or strange. Appearance and the way you carried yourself mattered and a lot of it is shown in the Handmaids tale, based off of the roles you had to play in society, what you had to do, instead of what you wanted to do, in both, there wasn’t an option, but it was a demand. Reading about the young brides in chapter 33, dressed in white, and paraded as symbols of virtue, I thought about those moments in my past when I felt defined more by what I shouldn’t do than what I could do. Atwood’s description, “They are being given to men who have served the state” perfectly captures that transfer of ownership. It made me realize how easily language can normalize control. Another moment that “resonated” with me was Janine’s behavior. Once celebrated for her successful childbirth, she now appears detached and unstable. Offred describes her as “smiling vacantly” and speaking nonsense, her mind clearly fractured by the trauma she endured. Another moment shown, Offred and Ofglen’s whispered exchange during the ceremony also struck a personal chord. Their small act of connection felt quietly revolutionary. In a world where even speech is dangerous, that moment of shared recognition, the simple acknowledgment that they both see the truth felt profound. It reminded me of times I’ve found solidarity in silence: glancing at a friend across a room during an uncomfortable moment, or sharing a private joke in a setting where we had to act “proper.” Those tiny acts of rebellion remind me that resistance doesn’t always look like protest, sometimes it’s just the courage to whisper when everyone else stays quiet. The chapter also made me think about how rituals, whether religious or social, can both comfort and constrain. The Prayvaganza is meant to unify, but it erases individuality. In contrast, I’ve experienced rituals like weddings, graduations, or even shared meals that bring people together in joy and equality. Atwood’s ceremony feels hollow because it’s built on fear, not faith. That distinction helped me reflect on the kind of community I want to be part of: one that values questioning and compassion over blind conformity. Ultimately, my reaction to Chapter 33 comes from recognizing how fragile freedom can be. Gilead’s world doesn’t feel entirely fictional, it’s an exaggerated version of patterns I’ve seen in real life, how societies justify inequality, how trauma hides behind ceremony, and how women are taught to celebrate their own limitations. Offred’s quiet awareness, her ability to observe without completely surrendering, feels like an act of hope. I connect to that deeply. Like her, I’ve learned that survival sometimes means holding on to the smallest sparks of truth, even when you can’t say them out loud and this goes for anything and everything. Atwood doesn’t just critique patriarchy in this chapter, she exposes how easily people adapt to it, even celebrate it. That realization unsettled me, but it also strengthened my resolve to question the systems I live in. When Aunt Lydia praises the ceremony as sacred, and Offred internally recoils, I felt that recoil too not just as a reader, but as someone who has learned that questioning authority is often the first step toward freedom.

When reading Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, there are many central themes. One of the themes that I have picked up the most on is escapism, attempting to push down the feelings of wanting to get out and being unhappy with the current state of the world. Offred experiences this a lot, even thought the aunts try to sway her the other way, trying to convince her that she is safe and better off in this world. She finds herself trying to justify her life, and trying to be appreciative but she can’t help but want to get out.

Be Quiet and Drive Far Away- Deftones- Offred slowly starts to notice that the world in which she lives is irregular; therefore, she attempts to adjust to this new normal. The aunts tell her she needs to adjust, like when in the book it says, “Ordinary, said Aunt Lydia, is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after some time it will.” This quote shows that in Gilead, they attempt to make the scenario seem normal. After all of this, Offred still longs to get away. This song expresses a longing to escape from one’s current life. Offred also experiences similar feelings. She is having trouble adjusting to this new normalcy and thinks about her life before, and longs to go back similar time to the song.

Exit Music For a Film- Radiohead- This song encapsulates a plan to escape, and, similar to the last one, shows the longing for escape. This theme is central throughout the whole book, wanting to escape the current system. Offred soon starts to acknowledge that she will have to forget her past life and loses all hope in escaping the world in which she lives now. She says, “Time’s a trap and I’m caught in it. I must forget my secret name and all ways back.” This presents a very important plot point in the story, in which she officially gives up her past life, and turns to acceptance in the life in which she lives now, similar to the song.

Back to the Old House- The Smiths- To add onto my previous point, Offred soon moves to accept her current situation and says she cannot go back to the world she once lived in. In the song, it says, “I would rather not go back to the old house. There are too many bad memories, too many memories.” This is very reflective of Offred’s mental state as well, trying to cope by saying her son had died, trying to recall bad memories from the life she lived before, to attempt to comfort herself that she is in a better place right now. She tries to tell herself that she is safer in Gilead than she ever was in the real world, even though she knows it’s not true. She thinks that thinking like this will ease the pain of reality.

Mask Off- Future- In the beginning of the story, Offred says, “In the night is when I can be myself.” This is similar to the lyrics of this song because the artist talks about how he is tired of faking things, and he wants his metaphorical mask to come off. Similar to this, Offred describes how in the night she is unchained by everyone around her, that she can be herself no matter what others want her to do. However she is still restricted to a certain extent, she can be free to think what she wants and to move how she wants during the night time. Therefore her figurative mask comes off and she can rid herself of the appearance she has to uphold with everyone else (commanders, aunts, angels, etc.) Her mask comes off during the night, therefore letting her be herself.

Rosemary-Deftones- “Our minds set free to roam.” This is a good song that can tie all of the story together, because throughout the story we are shown that the only freedom which the handmaids have is mental freedom. Even though the aunts tell them things to try to infiltrate their thinking, the handmaids are all ultimately responsible for what they think. This is why Offred enjoys the night time so much, because she has the freedom to think whatever she wants, without anyone trying to tell her what else to think. Therefore this song, about your mind roaming to other places while your body is in one place, is accurate to describe the situation in which the handmaids are in.

https://youtu.be/dAW8CoH_lN0?si=rEo-pzAzVFvcJQq2 https://youtu.be/Bf01riuiJWA?si=maxzt5zeOkpadOnv https://youtu.be/laXY5e5JaV0?si=pt7M4-gJ4isVEkm7 https://youtu.be/aWb8z-KhZdo?si=zHA3W_Pw53xBdLm7 https://youtu.be/fZcAQ0kuw1s?si=pKK4wNsisyGduE6_

In Chapter 23, Offred sees the Commander outside the ceremony and in his public duty. Offred is instructed by Serena Joy to visit the commander’s office. She is nervous because secret meetings between handmaids and commanders are forbidden, and it could potentially be dangerous. But to her surprise, she isn’t called to be interrogated or punished; the commander asks her to play a game of Scrabble with him.

Offred is confused and a little suspicious because reading is forbidden for women in Gilead. She feels guilty about this meeting. But as she and the commander continue through the game, she feels a mix of excitement and power. “We play two games. Larynx, I spell. Valance. Quince. Zygote”, she feels memories of her old life coming back to her, when playing a simple game of Scrabble was not frowned upon. The commander has one more thing for Offred, an old-fashion magazine. This magazine is from pre-Gilead, but it is also now banned. “This is freedom, an eyeblink of it”, she feels as if this moment is intimate, showing the reality of how starved she has been for a real human connection.

Offred does not let this feeling blind her; she knows this “relationship” is dangerous for her, and she cannot tell anyone. If she and the commander are caught, they would be severely punished. But why does the commander consider Offred? Why does he offer her a game of Scrabble even when he knows reading is forbidden for Handmaids? This meeting isn’t random; it’s connected to what happened to Fred and Serena’s previous handmaid before Offred arrived.

Though we don’t know her name, we know her story. She was the one who wrote words that Offred found; she was the one who took her own life, and she was the one who left both emotional and physical stains on the household. The commander has this meeting with Offred because he wants to prevent the same thing from happening to her. Even though he wants to make her life easier as a handmaid, he still hopes for a genuine human connection. The commander is lonely and bored in the power-obsessed world that they are forced to live in. He wants normalcy and a companion. But this is not fully pure, the commander is still centering his needs. Scrabble becomes his form of rebellion. By inviting Offred to play, he thinks he is being kind, but it’s also a power move. Offering Offred something “illegal” can make her feel indebted to him and give him more control.

For my art piece, I made Scrabble tiles that spell out themes that appear so far in our readings. I chose seven words: autonomy, handmaids, self, men, power, less, and fertility. I feel like all of these words relate to THT completely because we know the struggle of autonomy, fertility, and a sense of self for the handmaids in a world that just discards them. I added the word men because they are at the hierarchy in Gilead. Even though the words power and less are separate, when you look at my art piece, they are connected at the “E” in power and less. This adds an artistic touch and puts a play on words.

Secret Relationships

College English Ms. Pahomov Beau Riviere October 13th, 2025

Reading Chapter 23 of the Handmaid’s Tale I found the scene in the Commander’s Study gave me a whole new view on how the people in power are actually affected by the system they created. When I read the moment where Offred is summoned to the Commander’s forbidden room and plays Scrabble with him and later finds out he wants a kiss from her, I was surprised by this moment. But what really intrigued me was trying to understand why he wanted this type of relationship with Offred at all.

Offred describes her approach to this moment with the Commander with fear and thinking about the ways she could be punished for it. She says “My presence here is illegal. It’s forbidden for us to be alone with the Commander”(136). This detail goes into how women are supposed to be just the things in the society that are able to give birth which makes it clear how restricted her existence is. Although as I continued to read this section I realized that the Commander was also restricted just in a completely different way.

When the Commander reveals he wants to play scrabble with her, I was taken back at first. But then I started thinking about what this really means. Offred describes his nervousness and how “sheepish” he looks, like “the way men used to look once”(138). He’s embarrassed to ask for something so simple. This made me realize that the Commander is starving for something his own regime has taken away from him. He can’t play scrabble with his wife , or have a normal conversation with her, or be a regular person anymore because Gilead has turned him into something else.

I think what surprised me the most was realizing that even those who are in power are trapped by the system they created. The Commander has all the control he could and authority that he could possibly want, but he’s so isolated and lonely that he has to sneak a Handmaid into his study room just to have a conversation with someone who can think for themselves. He is willing to break the rules that he enforces because he needs to feel like a normal human. He has this want and need to be seen as a regular person and not just a Commander.

The way Offred describes the Scrabble game shows how much it means to him to be doing such a simple activity. She says “The feeling is voluptuous. This is freedom, an eyeblink of it”(139). But I realized that Offred isn’t the only one experiencing freedom from this moment. The Commander is too. For him having someone to talk to and play a game with is like finding a crack in the wall that he built around himself. He is so desperate for human connection that he’s willing to risk everything to have it.

What really made me interested in why the Commander wanted this was understanding that his need for Offred isn’t just about romance or attraction in a normal sense. It’s about his need to connect with someone who can understand him and who he can be somewhat of himself around. In Gilead the Commander is surrounded by people who fear him and the power he has, but no one actually knows him on a personal level. He has created a world where he has total control but no real connection and that’s making him miserable.

Another thing that showed me how desperate the Commander is was the way he asked Offred to kiss him like she meant it. He says “Not like that”(140). This moment revealed that what he actually wants isn’t just physical affection. He wants to be wanted by someone else. He wants someone to choose him, not because they have to, but because they actually care and want to. This is something Gilead has made impossible for him with his Wife or anyone else in his position. The rules that kept Offred as just a womb also keep him from ever having a genuine relationship.

By having Offred come to his study in secret the Commander is essentially admitting that the system he represents is broken. He has the power and the control, but he’s completely alone. He needs her to need him back even if that need is complicated and dangerous. He’s looking for someone who understands what freedom and normalcy used to feel like. Someone who remembers that life could be different.

Overall the scene in Chapter 23 where the COmmander and Offred are together alone provided me with a new view on how the system built in Gilead affects and hurts everyone involved. What surprised me the most was understanding that the Commander’s need for Offred isn’t a sign of weakness in him, rather it’s a sign of how suffocating Gilead’s system is. Even those in power are starving for something their regime does not allow, which is genuine human connection and to be truly seen by another human.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E_Xb5mpeNJmfKd9BNSnY5qjXNa-6I5KnVnuebg1gsSo/edit?usp=sharing

The One I Love - REM
“The One I Love” by REM is a simple song with a small variety of lines but there is still a lot of implication in its 3 minutes. The chorus goes, ”This one goes out to the one I love//This one goes out to the one I left behind//Another prop to occupy my time.” The singer sings about how he left behind his love and uses the thoughts of her to pass the time. When thinking of Luke and her daughter, Offred says, “This message, which may never arrive, that keeps me alive. (106)” “The One I Love” portrays how love is what keeps us alive. Additionally, the song and The Handmaid’s Tale demonstrate how even if we know something will most likely never happen, we hold onto it as it keeps us from insanity. Offred repeatedly states how bored she is and recalls times before Gilead when her life was full of love and fun.

Seasons - Future Islands
In the latter chapters of The Handmaid’s Tale, the reader learns how the commander is quite a complex character. He is the oppressor as well as being a supporter of the new laws in Gilead. However he still feels regret for his actions and misses the old world. In Future Islands, “Seasons,” the singer sings, “But the winter will wash what’s left of the taste// As it breaks//the summer will warm//But the winter will crave what has gone//Will crave what has all gone away.” In relation to the song, the commander is the winter who didn’t stop summer from coming but then longed to go back once it had come. The commander did not oppose the new laws but in turn lost his old way of life. The beginning of the second verse goes, “Seasons change//But some people never do,” which can be connected to how the world around him is changing but the commander wants to keep with the old way of doing things.

Fifth of May - Zach Bryan
In “Fifth of May” by Zach Bryan, Bryan sings about leaving home and how he dreams of back home but then ends the chorus with, “So if you need me//know that I’m bleeding//somewhere alone in some coastal town.” Offred is in a similar situation. Most of her time is spent thinking about her old life. The deeper connection is how Offred worries about her daughter and wants to find her, but she can not because she herself is in a horrible situation. Similarly, Bryan sings about how he wants to see his mom but is instead getting wasted and sinking into madness in a place not even he knows. In a similar way to Offred, Bryan uses vividly depicted moments from his past before he left home, as well as the moments leading up to his leaving, as a way to keep himself sane.

Nights - Frank Ocean
Though her life is full of boredom, Offred has a lot going on in her head. The song “Nights” by Frank Ocean is as all over the place with its lyrics as Offred is with her thoughts. For someone who is being cut off from all relations with non-handmaids, her relationships have been what stand out as conflicting in recent chapters. In “Nights,” Ocean sings, “You know I can’t hear none of that spend the night shit//wanna see nirvana but don’t wanna die yet.” This relates to Offred’s difficult relationships with Nick and the commander, as well as her suicidal temptations. She knows that being too close to either of them could get her sent to the Colonies, so she tries to shut out the temptations. Similarly, connecting to the second line, she notices every opportunity to end her life but never does because she believes she can escape.

Temptations - Joey Bada$$
On pages 194 and 195 of The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred depicts a scene from inside the gymnasium, where they are being forced to pray, and she thinks about suicide. Joey Bada$$ starts the chorus of “Temptations” with, “And I really can’t take it no more//I’ve been fighting temptations my lord.” It is interesting how both Offred and the song refer to temptations in accordance with god. The Bible says that temptation is the root of all evil, telling how Eve was tempted by the apple in the Garden of Eden. Offred says, “Don’t worry about forgiving me” for her temptations of suicide, the same way that Joey Bada$$ says that he is struggling with temptations, being unable to live young and reckless because of oppression.

Sounds of Gilead

Sailor Song By Gigi Perez: (https://youtu.be/1lrFsXkT_rM)

Sailor Song by Gigi Perez reflects on queer relationships in a society that isn’t accepting. The lyric, “love me like a sailor,” signifies that love is a commitment and true love endures the highs and lows of life, like a sailor enduring the rough sea. In The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, Gilead bans any real relationships. The government forcefully separated Offred and Luke. Luke’s whereabouts are still unknown, and Offred has become a Handmaid. Her duties aren’t easy; even so, she still loves Luke and chooses to believe that he is waiting for her. While thinking about him, she tries to believe, “they didn’t catch him or catch up with him after all, that he made it, reached the bank… It comforts me to dress him warmly” (105). She remains hopeful that he is free and comfortable, even though she is living in oppression. Her mindset is similar to how mothers love their children and constantly wish the best for them. Offred shows commitment and love towards Luke when Serena suggests she produce a child with Nick. She recalls, “One and one and one and one doesn’t equal four” (192). The mathematical equation makes sense; however, she is referring to how Luke is more valuable to her than Nick or the Commander, thus they aren’t interchangeable. Even as society has forcefully pulled Offred and Luke apart, her love for him is enduring.

Friend By Benson Boone: (https://youtu.be/GF7_KGSJjTM)

Friend by Benson Boone expresses loneliness and longing for friendship. The narrator of the song has been running alone in the world, desperately craving emotional connections and support. Boone writes, “I’ve been on my own, tryin’ to carry this alone. Only so much weight my back could take, I’m sinking like a stone.” This shows that loneliness is exhausting, and over time, it emotionally and physically erodes people down. Friendship is a support system that helps you when you feel lost or stressed. In The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, Offred feels alone. She often talks to Ofglen and sometimes the Commander, but she feels empty. She is constantly asking people about her friend Moira, who ran away from the Red Center. While they were both still in the center, she says, “It makes me feel safer, that Moira is here” (71). Moira was someone who understood Offred because they were friends, and that made Offred feel safe to see a familiar face. But after so much time alone, away from Moira, she began to crave an emotional bond, but she says, “There’s nobody here I can love” (103). Everyone around Offred seemed like coworkers. The Marthas made her food, and the other Handmaids were just like her. No one understood her like Moira did. Finally, when she reunited with Moira at the hotel, her response was, “I touch her arm again. Then I begin to cry” (242). This shows that Offred was broken from being alone for so long; she cried when she saw Moira again. But it also shows the depth of the bond between the two friends because crying in front of someone is a sign of vulnerability and trust. Like the narrator in the song, Offred really needed a friend, and Moira was that friend.

Simple Joys By Yanti Niels: (https://youtu.be/f2JPXjCj0Fs)

Simple Joys by Yanti Niels reflects on all the little things in life that make life better. In The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, there isn’t much joy in Gilead. Women are banned from reading and playing games. The most that Offred can do is go on walks and speak quietly with Ofglen. When the Commander secretly asked Offred to play Scrabble, the readers can see her light up with happiness like a child. She states, “The feeling is voluptuous. This is freedom, an eyeblink of it… What a luxury. The counters are like candies, made of peppermint, cool like that” (139). This moment shows that Offred was having fun playing Scrabble. The words “voluptuous,” “freedom,” “luxury,” and “candies” have very positive and happy connotations. Similarly, these are all things that aren’t present in Gilead, showing that she is enjoying Scrabble a lot, but also that when society oppresses and restricts certain freedoms, the small things we never batted an eye at before turn into joys. While the song reminds us to appreciate the small things in life, the novel warns us of a future where the things we take for granted become forbidden.

Numb By Linkin Park: (https://youtu.be/kXYiU_JCYtU)

In The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, Janine was turned into a common hatred by the other women in the Red Center. While in the Red Center, she testified, “she was gang-raped at fourteen and had an abortion… She seemed almost proud of it” (71). Janine recounts the horrors of her past life, which should be taken with sympathy. However, in Gilead, abortion is illegalized and having an abortion became one of the worst crimes a woman could commit. In her moment of vulnerability, rather than receiving caring words, the other women chanted, “Her fault, her fault, her fault” (72). Janine initially believed that she had done the right thing, but now feels ashamed of her actions. Similarly, the song Numb by Linkin Park refers to the feeling of being constantly reminded of your mistakes, that you become numb. You start to accept the negativity. That was the whole point of the testifying activity: to emotionally break women down and rebuild them according to Gilead’s laws and values, such as anti-abortion. Like Janine, the other women in the Red Center were also constantly judged by each other and had grown to accept the judgment as reality. They’ve grown numb.

I’m Gonna Be an Engineer By Peggy Seeger: (https://youtu.be/m1gf7JENZHI)

I’m Gonna Be an Engineer, by Peggy Seeger, released in 1979, represents the stereotypical role of women in society and the massive pay gap between men and women. In the song, the narrator wanted to be an engineer, but everyone around her pushed her towards stereotypically feminine roles, such as obeying her husband, managing the house, and having kids. On the other hand, her husband went to school and became an engineer. Later in her life, she does become an engineer, but her boss refuses to pay her equally. In The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, Gilead is much worse than 1979 America. The expectation for women in society is to be vessels for babies. Offred explains, “I’m a cloud, congealed around a central object” (73-74). Women aren’t seen as people in Gilead. They are a “national resource” (65). They are nothing more than their reproductive organs, the “central object.” Women aren’t just discouraged from education. They are entirely banned from reading and writing. They are forced into stereotypical feminine duties by the government, while men are allowed greater freedom and knowledge, similar to how the narrator’s husband from the song was able to pursue an education in engineering. But she was told to stay home and be a wife. Both the song and the novel show the societal oppression of women in different time periods.

What Was I Made For? by Billie Eilish
(https://youtu.be/cW8VLC9nnTo?si=G_s9hHk9vsN-npZd)

Lyric: “I used to float, now I just fall down”

Quote: “I used to think of my body as an instrument, of pleasure,… Now the flesh arranges itself differently. I’m a cloud, congealed… I see despair coming towards me like famine.” (page 74)

The song expresses a sense of emptiness about identity, and this quote reflects this idea of a loss of recognition. Offred reflects on how she lost control of her body and how she no longer exists for herself, but for her reproductive system. Both the song and this quote shows the feeling of being disconnected from her true self. Offred’s sense of self has been replaced by her societal role, just like the lyrics she’s questioning her worth beyond what others expect from her. There is an emotional pain that comes from being defined by external forces.

Freedom by Beyoncé (https://youtu.be/7FWF9375hUA?si=BoR7MafCvkoszkMa)

Lyric: “Imma keep running, cause a winner don’t quit on themselves”

Quote: “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. (Don’t let the bastards grind you down.)” (page 52)

This quote is a latin phrase carved into Offred’s room and this becomes a source of strength for her. The lyric and the quote express determination to keep fighting despite being trapped in oppression. For Offred the carving represents hope and the strength to resist Gilead’s control over her body, similarly to Beyonce’s lyric emphasizing the empowerment of fighting through the struggle. Both show that to get freedom, you can’t give up hope and spirit, even if you’re not physically free yet.

Bad Religion by Frank Ocean
(https://youtu.be/JMpypbtrcCg?si=5JF5lAlPrJhCORAx)

Lyric: “Its a bad religion to be in love with someone who could never love you”

Quote: “I would like to believe this is a story I’m telling. I need to believe it. I must believe it. Those who can believe that such stories are only stories have a better chance.” (page 39)

Frank Ocean sings about needing hope or faith to survive heartbreak. Offred is very similar in the way that she relies on belief as a survival mechanism. She tries to convince herself that her suffering is just a story, to try and hold on to the little hope she has left. Frank Ocean turns to religion for comfort to cope with unreturned love and emotional pain. Between both, faith becomes a form of hope, it offers them temporary relief, but also reveals how powerless and lonely they are.

TV by Billie Eilish (https://youtu.be/_JGGLJMpVks?si=-cIEleova_dyB95g)

Lyric: “The internet’s gone wild watching movie stars on trial, while they’re overturning Roe v. Wade”

Quote: “We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edges of print.” (page 57)

This lyric shows how society loses focus on women’s struggles and rights, but instead pays attention to celebrity drama. In Gilead women have no control over their own body and have been completely erased in a sense. Both highlight how choosing not to pay attention allows oppression to happen and to continue to grow. The book and the song emphasize the primary idea that silence can be just as harmful as the system of control.

Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé
(https://youtu.be/LXXQLa-5n5w?si=yqNaAu2w7B28l-eS)

Lyric: “Perfection is the disease of a nation”

Quote: “My nakedness is strange to me already. My body seems outdated… I avoid looking down at my body, not so much because it’s shameful or immodest but because I don’t want to see it.” (page 63)

Women are stripped of their individuality and identity and forced to reach unattainable standards of appearance or roles, and defined by how well they “perform”. Just like the lyrics reveal about the world we live in, Gilead reduces women to objects of appearance and function rather than humans with feelings or freedom. The women in the book are important solely for their fertility, Gilead enforces control over women’s bodies similarly to how society takes control over women’s beauty. Both emphasize the idea the patriarchal power wants to define a woman’s worth through their physical appearance or function.

Tiles on the table

In front of me

CMSEIR and a blank.

Command.

Motherhood.

Sex.

Elation.

Illegal.

Real.

And future possibilities.

I command. I am a commander.

I know all the rules.

A commander is me.

I think not.

The world drifts from my grip like the sands of time

Why grip harder?

Mothers are to be cherished.

We value struggle.

Whose struggle?

Sex is our tool.

Use it for good.

For whose good?

I can’t be so generous for long.

Elation requires its equal.

Nothing is comparable to the call of the world beyond

Who receives?

Care was for the poor.

This doesn’t pay.

I mustn’t contemplate it

Who pays its cost?

Why are we still here?

Not for love or hate

This world can’t accept either.

I just put the tiles down.

What is a tile?

To hold on.

Their struggle, our gain.

I wish I knew. Who does?

Not I. She.

Wooden. Solid. Easily lost. Easily forgotten.

Rarely found.

Now there are crimes on this table.

Only the future remains.

Artist’s Statement:

This poem contains many references to the themes of The Handmaid’s Tale. A few things to point out if the reader hasn’t yet noticed them: Readers will note that each of the middle stanzas is an exploration of one of the commander’s thoughts as he plays his opening move of scrabble against Offred. The last stanza refers to scrabble only in part. Don’t read too much into it. You might find something if you do.

ARTIST’S STATEMENT STATEMENT:

There was nothing to find. Unless, of course, you wanted there to be.

ARTIST’S STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT:

The thing with art is that people see what they need to see. “‘I’m significant’, screamed the dust speck.” “Questions I know the answer to, I don’t need to ask, right?” -Jesus, Pat Buchanan, Kublai Khan, and/or King Joseph I of Spain.

ARTIST’S STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT:

You don’t need this one. Nor the next. You already understand this poem as much as you’re going to, and you’re unhappy about it.

ARTIST’S STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT:

Why are you like this?

REAL ARTIST’S STATEMENT BECAUSE THE OTHER ONES WEREN’T ACTUALLY ARTIST STATEMENTS THEY WERE JUST EXTENSIONS OF THE POEM, IN A SENSE: ALSO IF YOU’VE SEEN THREE IDENTICAL CATS LINGERING BY YOUR DOORWAY PLEASE CONTACT THEM AND TELL THEM YOU DON’T CONSENT TO BEING WATCHED.

Yeah, sorry about that. Those were not four random historical figures all the way back in “ARTIST’S STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT”. They each have something to do with creation, sex, reproduction, and birth, in that order. PS. This website completely messed up the formatting

Women can’t add, he once said, jokingly. When I asked him what he meant, he said, For them, one and one and one and one don’t make four. What do they make? I said, expecting five or three. Just one and one and one and one, he said.

He is the Commander, Fred, in his office with Offred, but in Offred’s mind on page 186 of The Handmaid’s Tale. The two chatted after their regular game of Scrabble, the tensions between them diminishing with each secret rendez-vous. After Offred asks about the Commander about the phrase in faux Latin, she offers to write it down. The Commander hesitates, considering whether to allow this forbidden usage of a pen or pencil, which is what pushes Offred to remember what he said about women and simple arithmetic.

Adding is the first math operation that is taught to young children, so it is statistically untrue that women cannot add. Plus, to assume that women would fail to perform at a task that is expected of small children is to diminish the skillset and value of an entire group of people. This is the first step to objectifying women. To determine (falsely) that they are simply incapable of doing certain tasks, rather than trying and being wrong. This way, they are prevented from doing anything other than whatever they assign to them, which in the case of The Handmaid’s Tale, is being silent and carrying children.

What’s more with the Commander’s statement is the implication that women are not allowed to add. They are not allowed to prove his misconception wrong. This means two things. First, the Commander and whoever else “believes” in the sentiment that women are incapable know that they are wrong. They know that their statements fail to be backed up by any scientific evidence or research, but they don’t need to care about scientific evidence as long as they maintain a faux image of power. As long as the Commanders and men keep the women oppressed, stripped of any opportunity to prove themselves and refute the Commanders’ facade of superiority. If women are given a chance, the Commanders know that they will actually thrive and excel, which means there is nothing that makes men superior, and their power becomes useless.

This phenomenon is not exclusive to The Handmaid’s Tale unfortunately. I was immediately reminded of the horror, infantilization, and verbal abuse experienced by women in the gaming community. I have personal ties to this, as my family tried to prevent me from playing video games entirely, always treating the satement, “Girls don’t play video games” as a rule. All of the girls and women in the gaming scope are treated as though they were clueless, needing a man to mansplain and guide them through the game. All of the stereotypes of girls who have cutesy, pink gaming setups who are not treated or respected as “real” gamers, and at the same time, they are reduced to being a sexually favorable woman, being subjected to all types of sexual harrassment. My friends who play combat or RPG games that are male-dominated have expressed hiding their voices or deepening it to avoid being perceived as a woman.

Further examples are in STEM fields, politics, and any argument against women in leadership. Women engineers, for example, are scarce, because of the harassment and undermining they receive. For example, when I interviewed Ms. Serenity Baruzzini last year about her experience as a woman studying engineering, she recalled a story where a male professor said the best students he’s ever had were students who said they were engineers who happened to be women, and that her identities as a woman and engineer should be completely independent of each other. Again, this shows how women being in the STEM field is so unexpected that the entire image of an engineer aligns with a man. This image excludes women and discourages them from pursuing a pathway where they could really thrive.

The last example is the argument that women are too emotional to be leaders. I’ve heard it all the time. In politics, STEM, everywhere. However, research literally suggests that women are more effective leaders. Back to the point of the Commander, it is so much easier to shut women out from these fields and claim that they are incapable, than try to justify their falseties when women are more effective than men. It’s interesting that the Commanders in The Handmaid’s Tale have to continuously oppress and reframe the ethics of their society to prove that they are right. To prove that they are superior. Even though it works in Gilead, it’s no doubt there are flaws in their logic. Especially now when the state of our nation is fragile and uncertain, it is important to remember to poke holes in arguments until they are sound. No one should be reduced, objectified, and infantlized. Oppression will not win.

In the Handmaid’s Tale, Offred and Nick both share a romantic interest in each other. Throughout the book, they exchange glances and give each other looks that say what words can’t. They’re forbidden to speak to each other, and the type of relationship they want is one that would certainly not be allowed. Despite Offred’s growing interest in Nick and him reciprocating the same, their interactions make it obvious to the reader that Offred doesn’t actually like Nick, she just craves the human connection that has been lacking in her life by being a Handmaid and seeks the rebellion that comes with it. Offred has no control over her life or her decisions. She’s forced to have intercourse with someone she doesn’t know and her husband was taken away from her. Offred’s infatuation with Nick revolved around this; she only wants him in her life for the excitement of it. In Chapter 17 when Offred goes to see the Commander, while waiting in his sitting room, she runs into Nick, who both are not supposed to be there. They suddenly embrace each other and share a kiss, something they both had been waiting for. Offred says, “Both of us shaking, how I’d like to.” (p. 98). Offred is “shaking” from the rebellious nature of it all. The excitement of being with a man for the first time since Luke is making her want to do more. She’d like to take things further and explore. This is the first time she’s been connected with a man since Luke, which is what she has been craving during her time of being a handmaid. The Commander doesn’t fulfill her any emotional needs so she’s left wanting more, extremely unhappy with her life. She hasn’t mentioned anything about what she likes about Nick or anything good about his personality. Offred is just in it for the thrill of it, understandably, since she’s been deprived of a real connection with a man. Additionally, Offred’s want to rebel is displayed even more in the next sentence. She proceeds to say, “In Serena’s parlor, with the dried flowers, on the Chinese carpet, on his thin body.” (p. 98) It shows the nature of this situation, and how dangerous it is for them to be doing this. “In Serena’s parlor” implies that Offred is proud of her actions. Serena will never know what’s happening under her nose and that gives Offred power over her. Also, “on his thin body” demonstrates her need for a physical connection and her focus on the scandalous situation going on. Again, she says nothing about what she actually likes about Nick. She barely knows him and they’ve only really exchanged looks before and they jump straight to kissing. Offred just wants to feel like she has some sort of control over her life and this is her way of doing it. Lastly, during this forbidden interaction between the two lovers, Offred says “A man entirely unknown. It would be like shouting, it would be like shooting someone.” (p.98) Offred is admitting that she doesn’t know the man before her. She doesn’t know him like she knew Luke and she feels guilty for what she’s doing. Yet, her craving to do something, to have some sort of sense of control over her life, is too strong. She knows what the worst case scenario is. For this, they could be executed, put on the Wall. She thinks she won’t mind the consequences in the moment. Offred is attracted to Nick but not for the right reasons. The shallow nature of their relationship reflects the control society had over them. They had no will of their own; people aren’t supposed to mingle like that. “It would be like shouting” means that Nick and Offred in that living room was them asking to be caught. It was such an obviously stupid thing they were doing that Offred knew she was lucky that they weren’t executed on the spot. Essentially, Nick and Offred’s relationship reflects the rebellious nature of Offred and her desires. What she truly wanted wasn’t a relationship with Nick; she doesn’t even know him, and she still misses Luke. Yet, she’s deprived of all human connection in her oppressive society, so she’ll take what she can get and get into a romantic relationship with Nick so that she can have some sort of sense of control over her life. This demonstrates the importance of relationships in our day to day lives; human connection is an important thing, and it’s crucial that we maintain those relationships in our lives in order to truly be free and happy.

In the Handmaid’s Tale, Offred and Nick both share a romantic interest in each other. Throughout the book, they exchange glances and give each other looks that say what words can’t. They’re forbidden to speak to each other, and the type of relationship they want is one that would certainly not be allowed. Despite Offred’s growing interest in Nick and him reciprocating the same, their interactions make it obvious to the reader that Offred doesn’t actually like Nick, she just craves the human connection that has been lacking in her life by being a Handmaid and seeks the rebellion that comes with it. Offred has no control over her life or her decisions. She’s forced to have intercourse with someone she doesn’t know and her husband was taken away from her. Offred’s infatuation with Nick revolved around this; she only wants him in her life for the excitement of it. In Chapter 17 when Offred goes to see the Commander, while waiting in his sitting room, she runs into Nick, who both are not supposed to be there. They suddenly embrace each other and share a kiss, something they both had been waiting for. Offred says, “Both of us shaking, how I’d like to.” (p. 98). Offred is “shaking” from the rebellious nature of it all. The excitement of being with a man for the first time since Luke is making her want to do more. She’d like to take things further and explore. This is the first time she’s been connected with a man since Luke, which is what she has been craving during her time of being a handmaid. The Commander doesn’t fulfill her any emotional needs so she’s left wanting more, extremely unhappy with her life. She hasn’t mentioned anything about what she likes about Nick or anything good about his personality. Offred is just in it for the thrill of it, understandably, since she’s been deprived of a real connection with a man. Additionally, Offred’s want to rebel is displayed even more in the next sentence. She proceeds to say, “In Serena’s parlor, with the dried flowers, on the Chinese carpet, on his thin body.” (p. 98) It shows the nature of this situation, and how dangerous it is for them to be doing this. “In Serena’s parlor” implies that Offred is proud of her actions. Serena will never know what’s happening under her nose and that gives Offred power over her. Also, “on his thin body” demonstrates her need for a physical connection and her focus on the scandalous situation going on. Again, she says nothing about what she actually likes about Nick. She barely knows him and they’ve only really exchanged looks before and they jump straight to kissing. Offred just wants to feel like she has some sort of control over her life and this is her way of doing it. Lastly, during this forbidden interaction between the two lovers, Offred says “A man entirely unknown. It would be like shouting, it would be like shooting someone.” (p.98) Offred is admitting that she doesn’t know the man before her. She doesn’t know him like she knew Luke and she feels guilty for what she’s doing. Yet, her craving to do something, to have some sort of sense of control over her life, is too strong. She knows what the worst case scenario is. For this, they could be executed, put on the Wall. She thinks she won’t mind the consequences in the moment. Offred is attracted to Nick but not for the right reasons. The shallow nature of their relationship reflects the control society had over them. They had no will of their own; people aren’t supposed to mingle like that. “It would be like shouting” means that Nick and Offred in that living room was them asking to be caught. It was such an obviously stupid thing they were doing that Offred knew she was lucky that they weren’t executed on the spot. Essentially, Nick and Offred’s relationship reflects the rebellious nature of Offred and her desires. What she truly wanted wasn’t a relationship with Nick; she doesn’t even know him, and she still misses Luke. Yet, she’s deprived of all human connection in her oppressive society, so she’ll take what she can get and get into a romantic relationship with Nick so that she can have some sort of sense of control over her life. This demonstrates the importance of relationships in our day to day lives; human connection is an important thing, and it’s crucial that we maintain those relationships in our lives in order to truly be free and happy.

Though this scene Offred is at the doctors office. The doctor checks her out and then offers her a deal to get her pregnant. In the beginning of the close read, Offred describe the process of getting undressed and the moment for the doctor enters the room. She uses phrases such as, “ When I’m naked I lie down on the examining table, on the sheet of the chilly crackling disposable paper.” [60] This gives me a connotation of being closed off and cold towards the moment. It’s clear Offred doesn’t entirely feel comfortable about the doctors office. Another phase like, “At neck level there’s another sheet, suspended from the ceiling. It intersects me so that the doctor will never see my face.” [60] This further shows the connotation of being closed off and uncomfortable. This one adds another connotation of being cut in half, that could be used as a metaphor of the lower half of her body being the only useful part of her. Since the handmaid’s only job is to get pregnant and produce a baby without defects it doesn’t matter what they look like or sounds like it only matters of they have good enough equipment. When the doctor starts his exam, there are some “ground rules” Offred explains to the reader, “He deals with the torso only” [60] This goes back to the idea of only the lower half being useful. So we learn he only exams her midbody, front the neck to the upper upper thigh. She also tells us, “He isn’t supposed to speak to me except when it’s absolutely necessary.” So this means no interactions beside part of the body or getting pregnant. I also had a side thought of “Didn’t they kill a bunch of doctors? So why didn’t they kill this one?” I was just a little confused but my question never got answered. Towards the middle of the close read, Offred and the doctor start interacting. Some red flag went off in my head especially around the words, “honey”. Something about it felt wrong even though that’s a very innocent word. I guess it comes from her being so exposed to him and him calling her something endearing. But what was more concerning is her immediate reaction to him offering her help. Her reaction was, “Does he know something, has he seen Luke, has he found, can he bring back?” [60] My first reaction to that was exactly what he was actually asking her, I knew that he was offering himself to help her and my reaction was that was disgustingly and really gross, not to mention I also think it’s illegal. He says, “It’s time. Today or tomorrow would do it, why waste it? It’d only take a minute honey.” [61] He uses the word honey again but everytime he uses it it become more and more creepy. It adds on to the connotation of the doctor being mega creepy and perverted. Offred’s next reaction after figuring out what he was actually saying was, “I hesitate. He’s offering himself to me, his services, at some risk to himself.” [61] I was proud to see that she hesitated but I was disappointed that she was thinking about the risk to the doctor before thinking about the risk to herself. He says, “It’s genuine, genuine sympathy; and yet he’s enjoying this, sympathy and all. His eyes are moist with compassion, his hand is moving on me, nervously and with impatience.” [61] ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! He is not offering this to help her, he is offering it for his own pleasure. He is using his power over women to get off on having sex, not to help them. He is saying, that it will help them but that’s not the true intentions behind his actions. But the best part is she said, “It’s too dangerous, I say, No. I can’t.” [61] YESSS OFFRED! I was so proud that she shit that idea down. Part of me actually thought for a second that she was going to go through with it, but I’m mega glad she didn’t. After reading this close reading, I learned the following things; Offred is an empath and care more about other people’s safety and feelings over her own. In short terms, She is a people pleaser. Doctors have the power to commit disgusting acts over their patients because they are behind close doors and that they can convince them it’s better for their health. Overall, I was very disgusted with this chapter more so because I know this stuff actually happens in real life. I’m always so surprised about how good The Handmaid’s Tale is about certain societal issues.