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“Yo, there’s some crazy jawn that’s over in the city! Let’s slide thru real quick and make this the move!” Okay, whatever, let’s go. “ard, let’s dip!” is what comes out my mouth. “Zahirah, how was school?” it was ard i guess. “It was good, I hung out with some friends, and had a good day. How was work?”

I am one of those people that when it comes to language, I have two different personas. I can be completely formal, mostly around adults, and polite- or in other words, I talk like I have ever picked up a book before. I can’t speak a certain way in front of my grandmother, and expect to not get slapped or lectured about my grammar. The way I was brought up in my family, improper grammar and slang, is just simply not acceptable or tolerated. I was always told to “speak like a lady, like you are talking to the president of the United States”, and in turn there is always an expectation that I follow in front of my elders. “Don’t use the word ain’t in my house. Don’t refer to things as jawns in my presence! I know I raised you to know better than that young lady.” These are the rules in which I had based my childhood off of in my home, and it has benefitted me so much. My vocabulary was forced to expand, and I am able to surprise adults when I speak to them for the first time because they’re used to hearing a child of color talk with a drawl, or improper English.

However, when I am around my friends, or people my age, speaking the way that they do, or sounding like I come from the streets, and know all this slang is more beneficial than isn’t. Part of that is society’s fault because it made teenagers my age think differently of anybody who “talks right”. I’d get called stuck up, or uppity, and looked at in a weird way if I actually name objects instead of saying jawn, or saying isn’t instead of ain’t. My entire persona switches up really quickly when I get around my friends, and I curse more than usual. I go against everything that I was taught as a child.

“How are you doing?”

That’s too proper.

“Wassup, how you been?”

Acceptable.

For awhile I often felt really conflicted because I was being put in situations when I had to constantly switch up the two different ways I talked. It caused me to often stumble upon my words, and that resulted in me being insecure to speak sometimes.

Growing up with the two different dialogues I was being taught, and also influenced to say have made me into an individual that I hope stands out with her voice. I used to be so confused and conflicted over which kind of speech I could use around which kind of people, and after a while it became an everyday struggle trying to switch up the two. As time went on, I realized that there was no need to keep changing myself to fit the situation. I came up with my own way of how I communicate combining both dialects I’ve grown up around. It’s helped me really be more comfortable with my own voice, and has helped me communicate to people better when I feel comfortable with the way I sound.

“Don’t say the word jawn.”

“Why not, I hear Dad say it all the time.”

“I don’t want my son to sound ghetto.”

My mom told me this as I was having an average conversation with her. I was using the word jawn to describe an object in the room. I don’t really use a lot of slang when I talk, so I took offense when she told me that she doesn’t want me to sound ghetto. Every time I say something that she considers to be ghetto she will tell me, “Even though you live in the ghetto you don’t have to act ghetto.” It sounds like a tape recorder on replay.

“It’s not like I talk like this all the time.” I said.

“I don’t care, just don’t use that word.”

“Okay whatever you say woman.”

I walk away not really listening to my Mom’s advice because I know how to control my language around different types of people. I talk usually talk proper with my mom, but when I talk proper with my Dad’s side of the family it’s a whole different perspective. I was at my grandma’s house one day and I was having a conversation with my aunt she’s the complete opposite of proper, she doesn’t have a filter on anything that comes from her mouth. She speaks her mind no matter the consequences, which is an unsavory character trait.

“How’s school?”Aunt Maria asked.

“It’s going okay, I am just kind of stressed out because I have a lot of work to do. Other than that it’s fine.”

“You sound like a gringo.”

“This is just the way I talk.” I said.

I walked away thinking about what she said. If you don’t know what a “gringo” is, it’s a person who doesn’t know spanish but in this context she was using it as a way to say “you sound white.” This got me a little mad , I knew  that I talked proper but being called a gringo was a punch to the gut. In order to not be called a gringo anymore, I tried speaking a little more slang and spanish around my family. A couple months later I was at my grandma’s house again and my grandma served me food.

“Gracias” I said.

“Denada” My grandma replied.

“Why do you say gracias like that?” My 10 year cousin teased.

“Like what?”

“You say it funny.”

No matter how hard I try there is not a win-win with my Dad’s side of the family. That is why I like talking to my Mom’s side of the family more. I can talk about anything and in anyway I want to and not be judged by them. With my uncle I always talk about reptiles and game and not feel like an outcast in my own family.

“How is your bearded dragon doing.” My uncle asked

“He is doing well, I just bought him a new heating bulb the other day.”

“That’s cool, I just got my leopard gecko the other day.¨

“How big is it.”

“It is about 6 inches.”

If I talked like that with Dad’s side of the family, they will silently judge me and think that I’m weird. I forgive them though because that is the way they talk and I understand that me talking a certain can be really foreign to them. As J.K. Rowling said, “Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” I forgive them for judging the way I talk and this will help me become better at being more attached to my roots. I want to fit with my family without abandoning who I am as a person.

In the end, it doesn’t what people think as long as you are comfortable with the way you talk. The only people you have to please is yourself and the people close to you. I am going to continue talking how I want to talk and you should too.

Hola, me llamo Andy Mineo. Tengo 27(veintisiete) años. Soy de Syracuse pero vivo en Uptown, New York.

Soy sociable, trabajador, y divertido.  Chicos y Chicas dicen que soy talentoso y creativo. Es cierto.

Me encanta escuchar música. Yo canto pero No me gusta nada correr. Muy difícil.  Prefiero dormir y pasar tiempo con mi mejor amigo. También, me gusta escribir y Lecrae.

¿Te gusta escuchar música?

Soy Shilo. Tengo 14 años. Soy de Filadelfia.

Soy baja y morena. Soy seria y creativa.

Me gusta tremendamente escuchar música y ver la tele. No me gusta tremendamente hacer la tera y bailar. ¿Qué te gusta hacer?

“Hey, how are you what are you doing today?” That's how I talk to my elders, but when I talk to my cousins I say “yo what you doin?”  This is just how different the conversation between my elders and young people are, yet they mean the same thing

The language I use is one of the biggest parts of my identity. It might not change what my thought process is or what I really mean but when it comes to communication it means a lot. I have to have a switch when it comes to language use. I talk to everyone differently, I talk to my family differently than I  talk to my friends and my teachers and I talk to my teachers differently than I talk to my boss or a business man/women.

When it comes to my family I talk to my parents, grandparent, aunts and uncles differently than I talk to my cousins. If I talk to my parents and older adults in my family in a bad tone or in a unmannerly fashion it's gonna make me look like a bad child but I don’t go to heavy on speaking proper, I try to speak proper while also using some slang terms that the adults would get. When I talk to my cousins, we have more of a friendly conversation. The conversations are still a little proper but I don’t care at all about my grammar. I don’t because I know they won’t judge me or really care if I didn’t say something correctly.

One time I was talking to my grandmother at a family gathering and I realized how much I articulated and said yes or no.

“Did you have a great day at school?”

“Yes”.

“What did you do today?”

“Today we learned about catalyst in bio-chem class, so that was fun, and I also hung out with friends after school because I did not have Students Run practice”

At the same family event one of my cousins, Ana who’s more intelligent and in college asked me about school and the way I answered was completely different than when my grandmother asked me even though she was in college, she’s still my cousin.

“Did you have fun in school today?”

“Yeah, it was ard.”

“What did you do today?”

“Well ummm, I learned about this thing called catalyst and I ain’t run today so it was okay, oh yeah and I hung out with some peeps”

This was interesting to me. Why did I switch the way I said things? I knew I wanted to be respectful to my grandparents and live up to what I thought were their expectations. I talked to my cousin in that way just so I could fit in. Yeah fit in. All of my cousins speak Black English and I’m the only one who don’t. I often stay silent just because the properness in my voice would break the conversation or at least that’s what I thought would happen. There have been times where my own family called me out and said “Why do you sound white?”, that question shattered me. It made me feel like an outsider, like I was doing it wrong. I never answer to that question, I just smile to hide what’s really going on inside.

“Can I get a caramel macchiato with almond milk”

“Yes sir”

“You don’t have to call me sir, we’re in the same business and I’m no better than you, plus it makes me sound old”

“You sure?”

“Of course dude, your such a well mannered kid”

I recently starting working at a coffee shop called Saxbys. When talking to my boss I try to say yes sir as a sign of respect to someone of a higher level. My boss doesn’t really like it or neither does he care that I call him sir. He thinks it’s really old fashion and makes him seem old. This made me question if words like sir and mam were just slang words. Sir and mam aren’t used in my generation as often.  Some people misunderstand what slang words are. Most people usually think they’re uneducated words that people make up and they become words that lots of people use.