Blog Feed

Rose

Kate, It’s me TJ. Can I talk to you for a minute?  So I have a problem. So you know how my little sister Rose and I have currently moved in with our aunt  about three months ago, and its been tough. Last week when Rose came to school with the bruises and black eye on her face, I told you that she had got into a fight. The thing is, she didn’t get into any fight. Our aunt has been hitting her.

But wait please don’t tell anyone yet, It’s my aunt, and I don’t want her to get arrested. It started around the first few weeks of school. Rose and I were still getting used to living with her.

We came in the house from school, and Rose didn’t say hello. So my aunt  ran up to Rose in her face screaming at her, saying ¨when you come in this house you speak to me!”. Of course she started to cry. The woman threw her backpack across the room and just started hitting her.

What did I do? I know that she wouldn’t just do this out of nowhere.

She says if I ever try and help Rose in this kind of situation she would get her boyfriend on me. Kate I don’t know what to do. I’m only 13 and I know I can defend myself from people my age, but a 27 year old man, I don’t know. I really haven’t seen her boyfriend. I know he comes there a lot but he only stops at the door to give my aunt money. And Rose. Rose is only 9. She can’t defend herself at all. I can’t call anyone because she took my cell phone and uses it for her “orders”. So I just figured that I open up to you.

It’s so crazy because I know my aunt  like the back of my hand.. When we were little, she wasn’t  like this at all. She would always take Rose and I to the park and get us ice cream from the ice  cream truck. When my mother was arrested, she was right there ready to take us in. Oh and I know she only took us for the money. She walks in the house with a new purse everyday. I don’t know if it’s the money she gets from her boyfriend or the state.

But Rose. I’m scared for her. She barely gets any sleep because she is scared that she will come in and take her away, so I hold her to make her feel safe. She screams and cries from the nightmares she has from her. She can’t get comfortable when sleeping because of the bruises on each arm hurts her.

Rose has gotten so quiet. She talks when she is told to and only when she is told to. Even in school. She only talks to me when we wake up for school in the morning. If momma could only be here for us. Man I know things  would be different. Rose would go back to being the old Rose. Playing with her dolls, having friends over every friday. Just… Happy.

This is my slide. In my Me Magazine, I specially mentioned many quotes that are important to me, I picked the one that I use and love.

Keeping it simple

In the Presentation Zen, when Garr Reynolds was in Osako Japan, he used the IKEA signs as an example to explain in design. He said that keeping it very minimal and simple was a very good way to get whatever the selling product is out.  As Zach Holman said in his writing, slides, posters, billboards need to be nice to look at for our eyes.

Another vital factor that many people don’t realize is when they try to cram too much information into one slide. I knew I wasn’t going to put as super long quote on my slide and have it in size 11 font, it wouldn’t be comfortable for my audience to read a super long paragraph that is difficult to read.  I gave “EVERYTHING” a different font because I wanted to show emphasis on it, by making it a little bigger, different font.

I kept a lot of spaces because also, it gives our eyes a nice view to look at because our eyes likes simple, we don’t like looking at too much things, a lot times, we can't focus.

Image; Instead of putting many images that could go along with my quote, I decided on picking just one to represent my central idea of the quote.

Dopamine

Oh my god, there he is! The boy I was telling you about. Be cool, be cool.

(pause)

Every time I see Tyler, it’s like 20,000 shots of dopamine gets released from my brain. He walks towards me and I lock my eyes into his, like a reminder to brush my teeth twice a day, every day -- just in case we get close. My eyes wander down to his lips, what a perfect pair of lips. I look at his arms, nice and strong. He walks away from me and I feel myself gazing at his butt. (Shakes head) Snap out of it Billy. If he turns around and looks down he’ll see you with that, and then you’ll be exposed. Fucking snap out of it!

(Pause. Billy is turned towards audience, but isn’t looking at them. He’s talking to his best friend Jor (h-or))

I know, I know, Jor. It’s wrong, I just can’t help myself though. He’s so sexy. And it’s not even like a, “damnnnn boy! Look at your body” type sexy, it’s like a,  “damnnn boy! Your face, your body, your style is just a turn on.” And his personality just melts my heart. He’s perfect.

(Pause)

What do you mean “how does his personality melt your heart?” Like the way he--well, it’s more like how he--It’s like when you’re on a roller coaster. When you’re waiting in that long line and you’re preparing yourself for what’s about to happen. You finally get up to the gate and see the other people slowly pull off in the roller coaster. A few seconds later, you hear their screams--the beginning is scary and challenging, but in the end, you know they’re having a good time. Then, they come back, and they look so happy. The only difference with me is that I never get in the line, I’m too scared.

(Pause)

No, it’s not alright! I want him, but I’m too scared to tell him. I’m such a pussy.

(Pause)

You really think so? I mean, I kind of think I am. I don’t know, maybe you’re right. Ughhhh, I wish I had the balls to tell him.

(Pause)

No, I don’t! What if he looks at me like I’m crazy? Or what if he laughs and tell everyoneeeeee I’m gay? I can’t go through that humiliation. I mean, commmmmme on! How would you feel if your crush told everyoneeeeeee you liked him? Huh? (Sits down on a bench)

(Pause)

Yeah, that’s what I thought, but--

(Pause)

Wait...what?

(Pause)

So, you’re saying you wouldn’t be humiliated?

(Pause. Billy is confused)

What the fuck? ...Why not?

(Pause)

So, you’re basically saying you wouldn’t be upset if the whole school, including your crush, knew you liked him? You wouldn’t be upset to know that everyone in school knew you were gay? You would instead feel relieved?

(Pause) Damn...you have guts. You know what, you’re right. I’m gonna rip a page out of your book, and tell him. I’m gonna tell him that I like him, and he’s gonna act normal and not tell anyone that I told him I liked him. Yeah, of course. It’s totally normal for guys to like guys. Yeah! I totally got this. Yeah, because it doesn’t matter if he laughs at me, or if he doesn’t. I had the courage to tell him, which is all that matters. But how do I do it? Oh myyyyyyy God (sits down and puts face in hands). It’s like one thing after another! Like, Jesus Christ! Can I get a freaking break!

(Pause and takes face out of hands) You’re right. I don’t need to take time out of my day to flip out about what to say, or if he’ll tell everyone. He should respect me as a human being who has feelings. He should acknowledge my courage and strength to even talk to him, so that’s what I’m gonna do.

(Gets up and walks over to Tyler)

Hey, what’s up?

This is my slide. At first glance it my look bland and simple, but each part of my slide represents an important part of me. I have summarized one major part of my me magazine into my slide, this major part is me having both Ecuadorian and Philadelphian heritage. The first photo is of the sunrise in Philly. I took this photo from my balcony, I used this photo to represent my time here in Philadelphia. The second photo is of a sunset in Ecuador, I used this to represent my time in Ecuador. I used sunsets and sunrises in my slide because of my fascination with them. I used a sunset and a sunrise respectively to show that they are diffrent places. The box in the middle is my favorite color, which also matches the sunset and sunrise. I hope you have liked this presentation.

The final part of my presentation is this quote that I resonate with. I just feel like together yet separate just sums up perfectly how I feel about living in Philly but being born in Ecuador. This slide is split into three different parts. I felt like this template was the most aesthetically pleasing. I used harmony in my slide because I kept the same pallet of colors.

Takes place in a dark corner of stage.

Be quiet, not a sound I think he’s coming. Don’t breathe too heavy, don’t show fear, it’ll be over soon.

(pause)

Where’s my mother? Where’s my father? Why hasn’t anyone come yet? Is it my fault? What did I do wrong? All I was doing was coming home from practice right around the corner. The man didn’t seem like a threat then. He just asked which direction he needed to take.

“Hey, excuse me miss which way to the park”

(Character shivers)

I can still hear him in my head...why! (Crying)

He went the opposite direction of where I was walking when he pulled off, and then turned around. Why? Did I have something? Does he hate me? What does he want to do with me?

I don’t even know where I am. You know what, where’s the freaking police?

Can they not do there job, correctly? What if I’m dead, is anyone even worried? Does anyone even know I’m gone?

I’m only 15 years old. I thought I was doing everything right. I didn’t act older than my age, behave well in school, got involved in programs. Most girls my age now a days don’t even take care of themselves. At least I don’t go around… ughhh they're all boy crazy. But not me, I try to stay on task. And of course this happens to me.

Silent pause.

Crazy thing is, I watch shows like this almost everyday. Criminal minds, law and order, how am I not prepared for when something like this happens. In most situations like these something bad happens within a short time frame to the victim in kidnaps.

Investigates body for marks of any kind

Oh god, I have scratches all over my arm. I must’ve put up a fight, at least that’s good, right? I did what I could. Now it’s up to the police to do what they can and find me. I hope there's good evidence left behind.

Maybe I dropped something, or he did.

Maybe there’s already a suspect in mind.

What if I, actually do know him.

There’s a good chance I may. (panicking)

You know what, maybe if I just count in my head they’ll be here sooner than I anticipate.

1….2…..3…...No I can’t

They’re taking too long to get here. Maybe they can’t find me, it was a random man that took me I think. How will they find him! Maybe they will like in those shows, they always find them. Yea ,okay I’ll be fine. I’ll be back home with my parents fine and okay. Yes, The place where I’m the most comfortable. Right about now I’d be in my room listening to my playlist, scrolling through Instagram feed. But, I just want to go home!

Hears Footsteps.

Oh no, I think he’s coming. What to do, what to do? Should I act sleep? Fight back? Act brave and speak? Ask him questions? Make him feel guilty? Pause

*Gasps

The door

Yes officer, I’m okay.

My story? You want to hear about the whole day?

Okay…

So I was walking home from school. From my fourth new school. I hated the school I currently attended. It sucked being the new kid every time. Everyone thought I was a weirdo but I really didn’t care. I was a 16 year old girl that could care less of what people thought about me. I didn't fit in with the others. Maybe because I was quiet and didn't like opening myself up to others. My favorite part of the day came up, leaving school.

After 10 minutes of walking, I finally got home. I seen that my mother was making my favorite for dinner, barbecued wings with mashed potatoes and broccoli. As soon as I came face to face with my mother she asked me how school was. I didn’t like when my mother would ask me how school was because i would give her the same answer every time. It was miserable. But I would always answer her. I respected her. So I just tell her my day was okay or that it was an awful day.

I was always completely honest with my mom. I never lied to her about how I was feeling. We'd been through so much together and she was my biggest supporter. My mother was pretty chill about everything which I loved about her. She would give the greatest advice and would always tell me to be my own person.  And that’s exactly what I did. My mom was like my best friend. I loved her with all of my heart. I never wanted things to end up the way they did.

It was just my mother and I living at another temporary home. We moved from our old house because my father began to harass us again after he had found us. My father never got over the fact that my mother left him, he would always come back. She left him because he was a drunk and always got fired from his jobs. He was a deadbeat. My mother couldn’t deal with it anymore so we decided to move every once in a while and hoped he never find us. It was exhausting and it took a toll on my mother.

I never had a close bond with my father because he would always judge me for the kind of person I am. He would always tell me to fix my hair. He would tell me to put some makeup on and wear girly clothes. Honestly, I believed that my father didn’t say those things as friendly advice. I believe he said those things so he could have something good to look at all day. Do you know what it's like for a girl to only see her father as a pervert. Of course you don't don't answer. I wish I could love him as any daughter would love their dad but I wasn't normal. I had the prevented and messed up father.

My father would always be really friendly with me, which is why I always kept my distance. I didn’t want to believe my father would look at me in that way but he did. And there was nothing I could do about it. He basically owned me and my mother by owning our fear of him. No one would ever know what ya like to live in constant fear.

Every time there was a knock on our door, I can see the look in my mother’s widened eyes that believed, Could it be my father?

Around 10pm, my mother was watching her lifetime movies and I was sitting at the dining room table doing my homework.

There was loud banging on our door and my heart almost jumped out of my chest. My mother looked at me and then slowly got up from the couch to go open the door.

Something in my gut told me, it was my father. The urgency and inconsistency of the knocks maybe gave it away.

My mother peeked through the peephole of the door and she immediately told me to go upstairs. I disobeyed her. I had to be brave.

She opened the door and tried to keep it somewhat closed but my father swung it open with excessive force.

As soon as the door swung open he began to say all of these crazy things. He was shouting so loud it felt as if my ears were gonna explode. He was drunk and high, like he always was. It was an inner demon he couldn't get rid of.

My mother kept saying that he had to leave and that he couldn’t be here right now. She was just as scared as I was but put up a better front.

My father grabbed my mother and began kissing her and caressing her. I just didn't know what to do I was frozen with shock. My mother got angry and pushed him off of her. Then, he seemed so full of rage.

My mother kept shouting at him to leave and the only thing I can do is stand there in total shock, I didn't  move. I couldn’t do anything. What I should have done was call you guys. I know that now. I'm sorry. I should've. Everything I learned about calling the police just flew away in this time.

After a lot of yelling at each other, I seen my father reaching to the back of his pants. It was a gun. He pulled it out and first pointed it at me, and began to threaten my mother. If she didn't comply with him he would shoot me. My mom started crying hysterically and began shouting, “Shoot me, not her.”

Tears ran down my face. I didn’t know whether my father was gonna pull the trigger or not.

He then pointed the gun at my mother and time stopped. It was as if everything was in slow motion. The five bullets that pierced through the air hit different parts of her body. She had fallen to the ground really really hard. I screamed and ran over to my mother. I kept repeating “Just look at me mom everything's gonna be okay.”

She then whispered “I love you Mariana.” and she took her last breath.

Oh no, I have no idea where my father is now. I was only worried about my mother.

Is seated on a chair

Waiter gives menu(invisibly)

 *Gives a nervous smile and a small chuckle*

looks at menu and then looks up*

 Oh no…. what the hell do I even want. Why is it always like this everytime I go out to eat? It’s like I don't even know myself well enough to choose a single damn thing.

*Person looks at menu at points at things* *sighs*

I could have the- no that's too uhm- OH, how about the- hmm... noo. Maybe i'll just have the ew... Nope. no thanks. Ugh, why did I not think ahead and look at the menu online or just go my regular place, why did I need to feel the need to  go here anyways, time is money. I could be working right now. I'M SUCH A FOOL. Google is my best friend, ALWAYS! and yet…. I couldn't even ask what the hell what was on the menu for this place? Wow me! I kinda just came here anyways, cause she told me so much about it. How much she wanted to come here… Mom-

*Sees waiter coming, panics*

(In a nervous tone) No i'm- I'm not ready yet. T-t-thank you.

      (shakes head)  It's not like I don't k-know what’s on my brain. I-I know what’s on my brain , i-i want some food. AGHH. In the crevices of my brain the-there’s all that stuff that I learned in high school, then t-there’s all that stuff the teacher said to k-ee-ep at the back of my brain c-cause it go-gonna be on the test, i-i-relevant really .... oh, oh and then there's all th-those witty remarks mom used to tell me in response to all m-m-my stupid ones. (grows grim and sad) I miss her. I really do...s-s-she would h-help me when I started to panicking , a-and be-begin to stutter like this e-even though I-I wasn’t a-always like this.  (takes deep breath) She w-would be proud (takes deep breath then sighs again, goes to normal tone), that i'm “exploring new foods.” She loved food. If only I took her to places before she died….to this place... Hmpf, death. That’s a meal she never should never have swallowed…. However, if she were here she would tell me to not be nervous, to be brave I suppose, and explore new aspects of different things, and to just choose the damn dish that I wanted already, but i would tell her, it ain't that simple. I’d tell her that I think it’s my fault that she died, because family never fails to tell me so, I’d tell her that because of that, the choices I make have to be articulated before hand so I don’t regret everything I do...because I already do. I feel that way mom. And if you think otherwise you're wrong. Look at the menu of my brain mom, look at it, it’s filled with memories of empty actions….regrets…. regrets that I could have avoided, but i I didn’t. When you were alive I spent most of my precious time working overtime. We needed the money. At least, I thought we did.  All that time that I could have spent on you…..  I don’t deserve to be in this damn place without you here… I-I already feel empty…. hah(chuckles) and the fact that i’ve been trying to fill my emptiness with-

     “Oh, uhm, food, m-my order? hah, yeah uh... (looks at time, fakingly), a-a-ctually, I-I uhm w-wasn’t really h-h-ungry anyways,  I-I have to go, I-Im so so, so sorry, b-but I-I have to go. T-Thank you.”

    (Walks out) I-it was never going to f-fucking work out anyways….(sighs) Happy Birthday Mom....

I have been physically, mentally, and emotionally silenced. This has been going on for so long, I am almost immune to it. The beatings, the touching, the lies. I am in over my head. I have to let someone know or I will go crazy.  I’m so scared. I do not know how this will change my life. If I tell the police and they both get locked up, who is going to take care of me? I am afraid that it will all backfire, that I will suffer worse than them. Because although they have put me through so much, I need them more than they know. This is tearing me apart, and consuming me,  If I don’t tell something soon, I am going to explode. I’ve

} been thinking about telling my best friend Aidan. Aidan’s been my best friend since we’ve both learned how to walk. lol bus rides, he has been there for me more than anyone else. I cannot imagine life without him, his kind smile, reassuring words, and his warm laugh. They have all but made everything bad in my life more bearable. I’ve trusted him with everything, every single part of me, he pretty much knows me more than anyone else on earth.

I know he’s a good friend but still, i'm frightened to tell anybody because I don't want them sharing out my secret. My mom and Aiden's mom were friends since they were in high school and after going to the same college, because they became so close, they decided that when they both had children, their kid’s would also be best friends.

I just don’t know what to do right now I'm hoping he’s not going to say anything I know he’s going to stick by my side through everything again is the only person who I can trust he’s the only person in the world who means so much to me I don't know what I would do if he broke trust

All I'm thinking is about how my father is sexually abusing me and how my mother is physically I just need help but I don't the help because my parents are going to be in danger and i'm afraid of what they're going to do to me. Why do i have to go through this how come i just can't have a perfect life how come my parents are doing this to me what type of parents would do this to there own child how can you feel so comfortable doing this to me i want to love my parents but i can't because of the things they're doing i don't even know if they love me because if they did they wouldn't be abusing me

All im hearing is the ambulance the cops  the sirens cops banging on to the door to get in.

Why would adian ever let my secret out i thought i would be able to trust my bestfriend the one who i knew since kindergarten the one where we learned how to walk together the one where we stuck together the one and the one where we grew up together that was supposed to be my best friend it's killing me inside that my trust broken i feel so hurt i thought that i can trust that one person but now i can't because i told him i told him not to tell anyone he knows my parents are going to be in danger he knows they might do something to me when the both get out so why would you ever share out that secret that was suppose to stay between me and you.i feel like my life ended

“Jacob, you can't keep doing this. Its getting out of hand. Let me see your face… This is unbelieveable!”  

Your face is worse than last time, the old cuts are reopened and now bursting with blood and puss. Why do you do it, and don't tell me ‘it's fun’ because I know for a fact that you don't do this for a hobby. Ugh, and those sneakers! Take those off, their soaked, i'll throw them in the dryer for an hour while I get you cleaned up.

What did you say?I  hear your voice doing that ‘I don't actually want you to hear me, but I need you to know’ thing. I’m just gonna ignore you if you ramble like that. If you wanna tell me something then tell me and stop that under-your-breath bullshit, it really gets on my nerves.

*slap*

“You got in a fight with our dad? Look i'm sorry I slapped you but but I had no choice, the fact that you even had the nerve to do something like. Turn your head and let me get that disgusting mucusy blood off you jaw. Thats disgusting. So how'd it happen? I'm not gonna ask who started it cuz I already know it was you, it's always you”

I can't believe you did this again. Haven't you learned by now? How could you fuck up that bad? How could dad fuck up that bad?maybe this was my fault, maybe if I had just listened to dad and stop trusting you then I wouldn't be in this situation, cleaning my screwup of a brothers bloody face. Why do I even comfort you anymore? your a jerk! But you're my big brother.

I hear your apology and although it does sound sincere, which is weird coming from you,it's not gonna work this time, you screwed up. Your rambling is getting out of hand just speak. Yes I heard you, and I know you're sorry I know you do it for me and I know you will never stop fighting for me, but this is unforgivable, he's our dad and you need to get that through your thick head. I don't know why I continue to hurt myself like this maybe I do get myself into these situations, because I know for a fact that you'll be back out on the street again tomorrow sending yet another guy to the hospital for looking at me the wrong way.  You're a liar! you lie to dad, to mom to your friends, just stop it and maybe people will stick around longer! Just try. ok?

stop crying.  No, no I don’t think you’re a liar. At least not to me. You're my favorite person in this crazy world and I know you'll protect me. You're my big brother.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/1Y39zGAD3mK52jIH3

My king, ruler of the great kingdoms and heir to the throne, If you would grant me time and your presence, I will speak truthfully with a clear tongue by your great name I swear it. I know I have wronged you in the past and my words have been venom to your military but I beg of your ears.  It would be my honor to inform you of who conspires to bury your army in the dust.

As royal advisor of the king I’m obligated to advise you of what's to come at the Battle of Dorm. As your men march south… west I mean west on the shores, my apologies my king. Lord Darzi's Intends to intercept your men in the midst of night while beds are laid. There are no safe lands on your route my king. My king I beg of you to listen to my advice, You’re the greatest war commander the 10 kingdoms have, but even leaders such as yourself have won many other battle’s when avoiding bloodshed, and yet to this day you stay seated on the throne. Some of the greatest battles to come to the 10 kingdoms have simply been won from the words of an advisor, however I know my words are not as fluent as the advisors before me but I’m trying to show you I’ve changed my King. What I speak of does not come from the mouth alone, it is written in ink. My words are not crafted in my mind. My king, to avoid such warnings from raven would be sentencing your entire army to death my king. “Lord Darzi is planning an attack on the shore of the king's army, inform the king immediately.” it said. I propose we prepare camp first sight of sunlight. We head west up the mountains for higher ground. We arm all of our men with bows and flaming arrow and rain hell on them from the mountain.

No more blood needs to be shed my lord, no more men need to sacrifice themselves to a lost cause.  My lord you are ruler of an army, that I as a General commanded and fought for. I’m 55 years of age, but If I were still young on that battlefield I would rather slit my wrist than have the thought of death a cloud my mind knowing there could’ve been hope. Draw your men back to the capital and all of the forces will soon be aware that they cannot penetrate your mighty army. This is what I advise you my king, no my king this is what I beg of you, I fought many wars as a General before being at your hand my king, I’ve experienced things, I’ve seen thing no man should ever lay an eye upon, yet i'm standing here by the grace of the Gods, so hear me out my king and I won’t disappoint you as I have before. Now I’m sure all of which I speak may come unreasonable considering the lost battle in Germania in which we lost because of my foolish advice, but maybe today is the day my king, today is the day I save the lives of all the children and women in the city, I’m trying to prove to you my worth my king, but a decision must be made my king. I have won wars for you though my king haven’t I? I’m just doing what you have called me for my king. So will you believe me just this once? Are my words not clear enough today? Will you save the lives of thousands of your men? Will you spare an old man the guilt of death on his shoulder? Will you do this for your people and for me my king? So take my advice my king and spare me… no spare us all the thought of another man losing his life.  

(Sighs)“It’s good to see you too, Em. But I’m not Hope. I’m Faith.” (Turns to audience) But am I? At least I think I am. I mean, I’ve been around to see 15 years of my life. I should know. Sadly Emily still doesn’t know.

I wish I can accept it and push it of, but Em, I can’t. Like really, like, you’ve been friends with my big sis for like 18 years and me for like 15 of them. That should be enough time to see the differences between us, right? YES, I look like Hope. I get it. But we are different. Different people, different names, just … different. I mean yeah, we do similar stuff from time to time. How was I supposed to know a handful of that will turn into a lifetime of confusion with telling the difference between two people? I mean like, you even got the twins’ names right but you can’t get my name right. You can’t identify me? Seriously?

Do you see this? Are you kidding me! My friend? My own friend? (Calms herself. Looks to the roof) You know what … I don’t even know if you’re my friend. I don’t even  know if anyone is my friend. Like, the first thought that comes to y’all head when you see me is Hope? Hope, that one girl whom I’m related to. The one girl that’s like an itch that can’t be relieved, no matter what you try to do. That ONE GIRL where I, me, Faith Patterson, is forced to live in her shadows. Just sitting there, never to be truly seen.

I mean, yeah she’s a good person ‘n’ all. S-she’s a people’s person just like mom. People love people’s person that can talk clear. She’s not awkward socially. She’s unique. People like unique people. Not me. I’m just the opposite. Just last Saturday she was invited to three parties. She’s the life of the party. I wanted to say “Is she the life of us all too?” That’s not even the worst part. I was right next to them when they invited her. They turn their backs towards me. They didn’t- They didn’t want me there, but I can’t blame them. Who would want a socially awkward person who tries to be her best to not be at their party? But I just don’t understand. Am I wearing a mask with her face or something?

Why? Why are the people so confused? We’re different. I try to make that clear. I dress different from her, no matter how uncomfortable. If she looks casual, I look professional. Elegant. If she wears jewelry, I don’t. If she wants to wear make-up, I don’t want it. I mean, I’ll probably look like a clown … or pretty for John. I did tell you- Did I tell you he was at the party with Hope too? I heard that they were dancing together at the parties. Whatever, off topic. If I wear make-up, maybe I can attract people. Or maybe- you know what, forget it. It’s a hope. A dream. I’ll never get noticed. Not if I keep being myself … right? I mean, like, I’ve won many rewards and went to places. But everyone else at school has done that countless times. Even my sister Hope. It’s nothing special. I’m not special. Not like them. What if I can’t be like them? Or like Hope? Or like anyone? Who am I supposed to be?  So I have a question. When will you people notice me? Not the mask I put up for you, a smile that can fool obviously the average person for 15 years. Look closely. I’m the one who’s deprived of a-affection. I’m the one who has a humor and snorts when laughing. The one that’s in the background, chained down by the ignorance of you  people and forced to watch everyone else in the sun. Will you notice me when if I was as skinny as my sister? Will you notice me if I was as pretty as Alana? Will you notice me if I showed the cuts that litter my skin?

I wish Layla was here. It’ll be nice to be seen right about now. Now she’s gone. I lost her to a drunk driver. He survived. Only a few scratches. Not her though. One minute she’s here, the next, she’s in a funeral bed. And I didn’t have enough strength to even go to say my last word to her. I guess why people also like Hope. She knows what to say to others while I can’t say anything to myself…

Layla, if you hear me, I … I’m sorry. For not going to your funeral. For not saying what I wanted to say to you as your spirit was alive there at the time, before I had to adjust life without you. You’ll always be my best friend. I’m glad I have you for a best friend. Because I don’t know who is. Everyone moved on. I’m stuck in one place. I just want to ask you if God tells you if I’ll have a miracle soon. A person like you anytime soon perhaps? A person who’ll notice that I’m in pain. Just let me know in any way you can, ok? Knowing you, you’ll go overboard. Anyway, I’ll listening out for you.

Hey, mom, I am home. Oh sorry I forgot to I will get it done when I get done my

Breath

ok, but I need to do my homewo... ok mom fine I will get it done right now

Although really, I don't care about cleaning when I have homework that needs to be done

I don't understand why I have to do this now this is wasting time I could spend doing homework.

And you ask why I am failing a few of my classes. Ho, I did not say anything it's not like people listen to me anyway.

I am going to go to the bathroom I have to go take a whizz. What are you in my room for, I did not start cleaning it, wow ok where did you find that. No, I asked you a question first where did you find that at. Oh ok, so you went into my bag and found marijuana. It's cool because that's not mine I don't smoke.

Oh shit I  don't have any idea what to do or what to say, I already know I am going to get kicked out the house for having it but if she knows I smoke it that means that I am dead.

If I tell you the truth than you will just talk over me and I never get what I wanted to say. If you really want to know you need to calm down and have a conversation with me like I am 17 Years old and a junior in high school.

SHIT do I really tell her the truth or do I make up something.

Are you ready mom? Ok then here is the truth. I am stressed you give me thirty things to do and then you get mad at me when I forget to do one thing you then you say that I am not getting anything done and I did not do anything but I clearly did and you can see what I did. You don't understand how much I have to do and you hit me when the things not there, like hitting me is going to make the situation better. Every night I go to sleep crying with no food in my stomach because we don't have money and I have to work two jobs just to get a bag of chips some sprite.

pause

Oh, that's not the half of it

pause

as soon as I come home you are always yelling at me like today. (Yelling) Stop talking when I am talking if you don't like it when people do it to you why would you do it to them

Breathe.

Thank you. Now another thing is that you want things done as soon as you say it that's not how it works you are treating me as a slave and I tell you things and you don't  them right now so why, should I have to. What because you are an adult ok and I am a teenager and may people say I am a young gentleman, and gentlemen and men are adults so, I think you can call me an adult too. But I am a young adult so I should be able to make my own decisions. From now on, I want to be respected and when I say that I have more important things to do that means that I have homework to do, and if I don't get to it right away that does not mean that I will not get it done. So I guess what I am asking you to do is just chill out ok. Thank you. I am going to do my homework. Yeah…  OH, the weed in my bag?

Oh no. Oh shit. Shit. Holy crap what is he doing here? He’s supposed to have marching band today. Ahhh. NO. You know what it’s fine, I’m fine, I’m sure he won’t notice me. Oh wait of course he’ll freaking notice me. Why? Cause I’m the one gonna be ringing up whatever he buys. Okay it’s okay, I’ll be fine.

I should say something to him. Yeah it's not like he doesn't know who I am. Let me just… let me just organize this candy first. -organizes candy at cashier-

Oh he likes root beer. Wow… lots of root beer. He's taking his time. He seems like one of those customers that spends ten minutes picking out what they want to buy. We don't have a huge selection here, not being a chain and all, so it'll be no time before he comes up and has to pay.

Let's do this. When he comes up, I say hello, he says hello…. what happens after that? Is it weird to tell someone that you're madly crushing on them, and have been for a year and a half, in a candy store?  -jumps from ringing of store bell- My god we should really get a less jumpy bell.

Ah Matthew he's so great. I've known him since third grade when we arrived in Ms. Perkins class and our moms started to chat it up, moms being moms. His family would come over to my house every Friday and our moms would drink wine out of huge glasses, gossiping about the neighborhood while our dads would go down to the garage and work (obsess) over the 1967 blue mustang my dad had in our garage. While we usually just ending up watching whatever is on TV that night, and then we gather up for a ‘family and friends’ game night. Oh god, did I really just say that? Shows how exciting life is here in New Jersey suburbia.

Why tell him now? Well! Maybe because today in school I overheard Becky and Jessica discussing how if Becky asked Matthew out then it would increase her social status. And I quote, “Have you seen him? He’s little boy no more.” First of all, we’re in tenth grade, not running for congress, so why do you need a goddamn social status? Second of all, he is more than just good looking, although he did have a really nice glo-up. Not that I noticed! Oh whom I kidding he went from Screech to Slater in one summer between ninth and tenth.

But he’s more than just a face. He’s the boy that carried me from the local pool back to my house when I banged my head against the concrete in fifth grade. He’s the boy that doesn’t speak mean of anyone, no matter how vile they are. He cares about his mom, his friends, and the happiness of others. He’s the person that geeks out over the new stars wars movies and Harry Potter. He loves photography and the outdoors… and dresses not as if he just came to school in his pajamas! He’s amazing, and his smile sends me on a whirlwind of butterflies in my stomach.

Oh, looks like now he’s in the chip section. Hot cheetos, respectable choice. He won’t be long. He’ll probably be here soon.

But a guy like him would never look twice at a girl like me, even if we have been friends for years. I’m not pretty like Becky and Jessica. They flirt and flaunt, and then there’s me. Me who doesn’t know how to flirt. Doesn’t have much, or anything to flaunt. A boy says hi to me and I try to speak, and then words don’t always come out! Oh god here he comes. Hair, teeth clean, boom okay.

Hey. I’m good, how bout you? Good. Is this all? Okay. Anything else I can help you with? Okay. That’ll be 7.92. Ten dollars, here’s your change- 2.08. Have a nice day…

Matt! Would you want to maybe, perhaps, hang out on Friday? Ditch annual family game night and um, go to the carnival downtown instead….?

My slide represents my goal in life. I chose this theme because the themes on google slides were nothing that represented me. I chose an aesthetic background to symbolize my calmness and the way I feel about hard work and success.  The colors in the background were green and black, since I believe that green is a soothing color. The contrast in color between the green and black so It won’t be the same shade of green because I believe that normal is boring, and that I should be my own person and not who others think I am. The quote, “Not all Art will go down in history” Isn’t a quote that I made myself, but a quote I believe created by Maria Anwander.  I believe this quote means that not everyone’s hard work will be noticed by the whole world, but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t hard because of it. I chose to work hard now so I can achieve my goal of becoming a computer programmer and no matter if I get a lot of recognition or a  little recognition, I wouldn’t care because I reached my goal and hope to reach more goals in the future.