In March 2019, Sydney Aiello, a parkland shooting survivor committed suicide from survivors guilt. She said she didn’t feel safe anywhere, remembering the event that scarred her and left her feeling guilty. With the growing amounts of violent acts in the U.S. more people have started experiencing PTSD. For some, recovering from these events is simple and doesn’t impact their everyday lives. However, many people are unable to recover from these violent experiences and it can stop them from having their desired futures.
In the book The Things They Carried, the author Tim O’Brien discusses things he and his fellow soldiers witnessed in Vietnam; He talked about some people weren’t able to recover from the experiences they witness. One man in particular was named in the book as Norman Bowker; on page 154, O’Brien discusses that Bowker committed suicide leaving no note or reasoning behind. Tim believes he did this because he was unable to save Kiowa, a fellow soldier from an attack. Throughout the chapter, Bowker brought up how “I let the guy go” (147) with the guilt deteriorating him. Bowker committed suicide because he was unable to recover from this experience. When he did talk about it seemed to allow him to breathe, as a way of recovery. however he was a quiet person who didn’t want to bother others, and so he held everything within himself bottling it all up until he snapped.
P.K. Phillips was a man who suffered from PTSD throughout his entire life facing multiple traumatic experiences. At age 17 he suffered from his first panic attack, and Phillips wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD until he was 35. Phillips said “I cannot express to you the enormous relief I felt when I discovered my condition was real and treatable. I felt safe for the first time in 32 years.” Although Phillips feels better he says there is no cure or final healing, but he's no longer at the mercy of his PTSD. Phillips started taking medication as well as behavioral therapy to cope with his PTSD; which is something that is available to most people. However, Phillips repeatedly stated for him there is no true or real cure.
According to PTSD United, 70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced at least one traumatic event in their life. Within that 70% of people 20% go on to develop PTSD, equivalent to about 24.4 million Americans. Those who are victims of PTSD can’t be truly cured in some cases, although they can receive treatment that can make things easier on them. These numbers will most likely continue to grow with the rising amount of violent events within the U.S. and most likely worldwide.
As with many things in the world, PTSD is growing and affecting more people, like all those who’ve experienced or went to war, and those affected by the violent events that happen everyday. People who suffer from PTSD can get help, with medication or types of therapy. However, in some cases people are unable to recover. This trauma can lead them to drastic events including suicide. While it’s important to look at what types of treatment or effective for handling PTSD, it’s also important to look at what is causing the psychological trauma in the first place.
Bloom, Harold. Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. Chelsea House, 2011.
“My Story of Survival: Battling PTSD.” Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/personal-stories/my-story-survival-battling-ptsd.
“PTSD Statistics.” PTSD United, www.ptsdunited.org/ptsd-statistics-2/.
“Sydney Aiello, a Parkland School Shooting Survivor, Kills Herself.” NBCNews.com, NBCUniversal News Group, www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/survivor-parkland-school-shooting-sydney-aiello-kills-herself-n986266.
“What Can I Do to Recover from PTSD on My Own?” Screening 2 Supports, screening.mentalhealthamerica.net/content/what-can-i-do-recover-ptsd-my-own.
Currently the norm of our society is having these false external personas. Lots of people act different to fit in because they never feel they belong. Personally, I find myself always wearing these masks and finding myself being fake. I’ve had moments of feeling like a complete outsider within my own friend groups and within my own school. Not knowing if they had changed or if I had changed myself. Reflecting on my experiences, the best way to remain my authentic self is to resist overthinking things, not taking things personally, and focusing on what makes me happy.
Throughout middle school I had a lot of people I considered my friends, but my memories of them are filled with frustration. This made me resonate with the article, How Technology is Hijacking your Mind, when it states, “Once you know how to push people’s buttons, you can play them like a piano” (Harris, 2016). This quote really reminded me of my middle school experience, how people treated me and knew what would bother me. It makes me feel like even when I was apart of that friend group I was still different from them. We would all go to this one kids house and all hangout in his basement. It always seemed like they were all flirting with each other and just teasing each other, but I just wanted to play games and have fun with them. I was stuck in a cycle of not wanting to hangout with them cause I knew I wouldn’t like what they were doing or feeling left out and alone without anyone else to go.
When I came to SLA I was hoping to have a solid group of friends who I could always go to and talk to. Freshman year I was in about 4 separate friend groups, one with a bunch of guys, two different groups of girls, and the kids from the robotics clubs. Slowly as time went on I found myself drifting from each group of friends feeling unwanted or like I didn’t fit in. A large portion of my humor had become pushing people's buttons from my middle school experiences and I always was worried afterwards whether I’d gone to far it feels like I’m disconnecting and seperating myself from them. I’d find myself changing my humor to fit in with them and adapting to their typical mindset. Social media was been a prominent piece in my shifting mindset and continues to affect me today.
Seeing my friends having a good time without me on social media always makes me feel like I’m not a part of the friend group. I feel like I’m a side character in a TV show that sometimes speaks, but is usually in the background like Gunther from friends. Again I find myself agreeing with the article, How Technology is Hijacking your Mind, specifically when it states, “Technology hijacks the way we perceive our choices and replaces them with new ones.” This quote relates to how seeing post/ads online can really shift how people think. Expanding on this I relate this to how advertisements use small little tricks and techniques to gain our interest and convince us we need the product.
When I was younger and didn’t have social media, if I knew I wasn’t invited to something I’d ask about it and make sure I was invited next time. Nowadays, I just feel like I’ve been stabbed in the gut and It’ll kill me on the inside. However, I can’t share how I feel because I will feel like people pity me, so I hide under my emotional covers and sleep through it. The first time I experienced this was in middle school when my entire friend group decided to go hangout without me, and I felt more hurt than I ever had before. I didn’t even want to confront them about it, I felt like they didn’t care about our friendship and that they wouldn’t care how I felt. I often find myself looking back in time comparing what I had to what I have now, not knowing which brings greater happiness.
Throughout my life there have been standout moments that have made me happier than anything prior. I often find myself looking back to this moments and trying to figure out what could be done to recreate them, or if it was something said I’ll find myself repeating them. This reminded me a lot of the The Great Gatsby, when Gatsby says “Can’t repeat the past?…Why of course you can!” This quote helped show how lost Gatsby really was, living off the desire to recreate his past with Daisy. His past with Daisy being one of the solid things that strove him forward.
This however, is where I see some difference with myself. I’m not driven by my past, but by the possibilities of the future. I want to relive elements of my past, but not in the future, I want to relive them now because their all experiences I feel like I can only recreate now and not when I’m older. Recently I’ve seen a lot of my friends from my past and spent the day or a few hours talking and hanging out with them. It always seems so promising and is enjoyable for a while, but then I always find myself talking or listening to our memories of things we’d done. As if our story moving forward is a closed chapter and our friendship is over. With my old middle school friends, a majority of them still hangout, and I’ll message one once and a while. Our interest now is completely different from one another and every conversation is about something we’d done. We always say “We need to hangout,” but nothing ever comes of it. I’ve come to realize that I can’t keep recreating and living off these moments in the past, but my realizations haven’t stopped me.
In the future I want to change who I am and become a person I am truly happy with. I want to be real to my friends and have friends who are real with me. As I grow older, I know at some point these covers and mask will come off at least partially, and I want to make sure the mold they leave beneath is something I’m okay with being. Underneath all of these mask and personas, our real personalities are present, and looking towards the positive can make these personalities something satisfactory.
My goal for this essay is to explain how my anger issues have controlled me. Throughout the essay I talk about how I am striving to gain better control on my temper. I mainly describe what I do when I’m angry and what has happened because of my anger. I want to improve on condensing my writing in my future considering there was a lot more I wanted to talk about and get to, but couldn’t considering the word count. I also want to improve on my use of figurative language like metaphors and also include more thoughtful dialogue.
I have always struggled to control my anger. My anger sparks at small things and builds up. I get angry and frustrated by looking at social media post, trying to solve problems I don’t understand, playing games, and just when things don’t go my way. I know I shouldn’t act the way I do, but sometimes I just can’t control myself. The first time I started noticing these anger issues was in middle school.
My friends and I always played wall ball at recess. We played everyday but I was the worst out of all of us. Frequently fumbling the ball out of my hands. I always tried harder knowing this and got upset everytime I loss. One time I attempted to catch the ball and it slipped out of my hands towards my friend. I ran full sprint, not even bracing myself to stop before impact. I touched the wall and heard the thud at the same time, but I wasn’t sure whether I was first. Everyone told me I was out and I refused to accept it. I chucked the ball and throwing it away from the wall, I felt my index finger scrape across the wall as I threw, burning badly. I was already upset, Only taking a few seconds for me to start crying. I held my finger as people came to look. I was bleeding, not bad, but for a 5th grader it was a decent amount of blood. We examined it as I sniffled, tears pouring down my face. Something white was inside the cut, my friend Liam said “You gotta go to the nurse, I think that’s your bone.” I was terrified, I had never had a bad injury, I thought I was gonna lose my finger or permanently damage it. Without knowing it I had cause damaged to myself.
My experiences with gaming also helped me realize how angry I get. I yell at my friends for the way they play, I blame other people for my mistakes and freakout. I often slam my fist onto my arm chair or desk. The desk has suffered lots of damage. Underneath my mousepad lies two holes and dents from my fist slamming against the top layer. The desk being tired of my abuse retaliated everytime I hit it, if I slammed it hard enough it would turn off my computer by pulling wires, causing me to get disconnected. These periods were times to cool down and think. My keyboard is missing the S key because it popped out too many times from me slamming my desk. Once I moved to my dad’s I got a little better with my anger. More yelling as opposed to physically hitting my desk, mostly due to my desk at my father’s being a stronger material that leaves my hand sore for a few days after hitting it. When I get angry I can lose all control, the only thing I can think is “Where could I slam my fist down that it wouldn’t break anything.” However, as time goes on I improve on controlling these outburst. After every incident, I look back on how much I was overreacting only taking a few seconds to truly understand. I know these are only games, but my friends don’t understand that I can’t stop myself from reacting. I don’t enjoy getting angry and yelling at them, but sometimes it’s just the way I am.
My anger is a part of me, having been a factor in my life that has shown no signs of stopping. I’ve gotten better in controlling my anger towards most things other than games. I’ve learned that I can’t change the way I am, but I’d rather get furious about games than anything else. My anger issues are most likely from my father, throughout my life I have memories of hearing him throwing something across the room. Usually occurring if the team he was rooting for lost or messed up, and he’d throw the TV remote. To me I see that as his version of gaming. My anger is something that has gotten the best of me at times, ruining experiences for me. By understanding more, it has been easier to try and take back parts of my life.
Fear; an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause mental or physical pain. People fear different things, some people fear deadlines and dates, some people fear loneliness and isolation, some people fear death, and for children a common fear is a monster underneath their beds waiting to hurt and scare them. This emotion is a plot-driving element in the book Lord of the Flies by William Golding. Fear is a recurring element that revolves around an image that the boys created known as “the Beast.” The Beast was powerful because of the fact that it was something unknown. The fear of the unknown is something that is much greater than fear of tangible situations because something unknown cannot be expected.
In the novel, the boys on the island are young, aging from ages 12 and under. As children, they have huge imaginations causing ideas to grow out of proportion. The Beast is an unknown creature that terrified the littluns at first until the image formed into something terrifying enough that even the bigguns were scared. Eventually the fear built up to the point that they killed one of the boys named Simon cause they believed he was the beast. Ralph the leader of the boys and Piggy his closest friend and the most intelligent among the boys discuss the situation regarding the beast.“‘But s’pose they don’t make sense? Not here, on this island? Supposing things are watching us and waiting?’ Ralph Shuddered violently and moved closer to Piggy, so that they bumped frighteningly. ‘You stop talking like that! We got enough trouble, Ralph’” (92) Children fear many things when they are young, but what makes the children brave are when their parents reassure them that the fear is just in their head. Most of the time on the island, the boys were not afraid of being stuck on the island or even starving. When some of the bigguns start to believe the Beast, there is no rational person to convince each other that is in their heads. This allows the Beast to become something much scarier than it first was. They had no control of their situation. If the boys had never feared the image of the Beast and if they’d learned to control their fear Simon wouldn't have died.
A similar incident occurred regarding the fear of a unknown or mythical being only this time it was not in a book. In 2014 a 12-year-old girl from Wisconsin was stabbed 19 times by two of her friends. The girl was left for dead, but she had managed to crawl to a sidewalk where she was found by a bicyclist. The girls stated they were trying to impress Slenderman, a fictional character found in horror stories. According to CNN “One of the suspects told the police that Slenderman is the site’s supposed leader, and to climb into his realm, a user must kill someone.” The two girls had attacked their friend out of fear of Slenderman. Slenderman being a very popular figure has had lots of online users create images with him, making him seem more realistic giving the girls more reasons to fear him. After seeing these images and reading the stories online about how he murdered and abducted kids, they hoped that with killing their friend the girls could enter his realm where they could be safe. In his realm, they would not have to fear being killed or hurt by Slenderman.
There are many ways people attempt to overcome fear. According to the University of Minnesota there are a few key strategies; promoting positivity, find meaning behind the fear, go for a walk, and getting support from others. A strategy often used with children is finding support and sharing it with an adult. Often parents try to reassure their children that they will protect them and that they should have nothing to fear. However, In Lord of the Flies the children’s fear is made worse with the children repeating the idea of the Beast. At one point the boys even put a pig's head on stake as a tribute to the beast so they would be safe. The support they try to build with each other just made the fear worse, especially with no authority figure telling them that they have nothing to fear and that they will be protected. With the two girls who stabbed their friend, they had no parent or authority figure reassuring them that they were safe because they never tried to get support. Slenderman was seen as an authority figure to them who could protect them if they entered his realm, similar how the boys left the pigs head for the Beast so they would not be attacked.
The Beast was only powerful because the fear of something unknown is worse than the fear of something realistic. Fear is caused by the unknown outcomes and possibilities in life. The Beast was only able to gain control over the boys because they had no reassurance that it was in their heads. Similar to the Slenderman story, the girls had let the monster control them and it led to the attempted murder of their friend. Fear is something very powerful and has the capabilities of controlling people and destroying people. People need to grasp ahold of their fears before they build up and begin to become a practical reality. In both scenarios, following strategies for overcoming fear, especially getting support can prevent these figments from maturing.
Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. New York: Penguin, 2006.
How to Deal with Chronic Fear and Anxiety.” Taking Charge of Your Health & Wellbeing, www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/enhance-your-wellbeing/security/facing-fear/how-deal-chronic-fear-and-anxiety.
“Fear.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, www.dictionary.com/browse/fear.
To person: What are you doing Emmy! He’s literally right in front of you!
To self: Okay it's 10:33, I should be done by at least 11ish, leaving me about an hour to finish my homework. Why do teachers have to give us projects and homework? What's the point of school if we have to do the work at home? I mean everyone knows 80% of the kids just look up the answers for whatever they demand us to do. Do teachers want our childhoods to be spent having anxiety and breakdowns over every other project? Why give us this busy work? And why give us so much work? How much homework do I have for one night? Just tonight I have Four 3-step equation problems, answer questions for a 10 page document, answer 10 questions for biochem, write a 500 word script in spanish, write a 3 paragraph film analysis, and write a 600 word draft for a monologue. Now each of these things are simple, but in 1 night. 1 night!
To person: Emmy why is everybody in this game so toxic? I make 1 mistake and this kid will not stop crying .
To self: Okay so I don’t have history tomorrow, so I can do that homework tomorrow after school. Then I can do biochem in the morning, Math and the film analysis at lunch, leaving the spanish script and the monologue for tonight. I'm a decently fast typer so it should be fine. As long as this game doesn't last too long.
To person: Can you guys actually try so we can win already? I got homework I still have to do. No you’re not even trying, you keep using the scout which is utter garbage. (Slam fist on desk) It's not my fault I procrastinate… (realization, over exaggerated sigh)
To self: I can’t keep doing this to myself. I had 3 days to do the monologue, the entire week for history, 2 weeks to do the spanish script and the film analysis. I promise after today I will no longer procrastinate. If these assignments weren’t due until the morning I’d be screwed. Wait… Are they all due in the morning? Sometimes they switch it up… Nah probably not right.... I should check to be sure. (pause) No. NONONONONONONONONONO! Why is the monologue have to be due at 12!? That's nowhere near enough time! There's no way I’m gonna finish I don’t even have an idea yet.
To person: OH MY GOD WOULD YOU JUST DO ANYTHING! YOU LITERALLY HAVE DONE NOTHING FOR THE TEAM. I NEED TO GO AND I'M NOT GETTING BANNED BECAUSE YOU SUCK!
To self: Okay Okay I’ll just type on my phone between rounds… I’m so stupid. I should’ve just done the projects in the first place. Then I wouldn’t be stressed out every night getting a max of 4 hours sleep.
To person: God our teammates were trash… Good Game! Hey Emmy you up for another game? I can just do my homework in between rounds. (3 second pause) Aw come on, can’t you do your homework later?
To most people this is a normal phrase mainly said on ones birthday. For me however, it’s a whole other mess of a day, because my birthday falls on December 27th. Every year, on Christmas Eve, my family has a party celebrating both Christmas, and all late december birthdays, considering there are three: me, my aunt Michelle, and my grandmother.
“Thank you! I haven’t seen you since last year!”
I’d say these things without knowing half the people I talked to. The whole tradition had just become so routine.
Stage 1 always starts with us arriving either first or third, greeting our grandparents and a possible close uncle. My grandmother would be freaking out running back and forth making all the food. She’d spend hours and sometimes days into making the food, usually lots of pasta and Italian dishes. The rest of us would just sit and watch TV, only moving for each guest that arrived. Each family that arrived would go through the same greetings. Stage 2 starts with usually the father of each family, the only exception being my godmother, would present the 3 winter birthdays with their gifts. I purposely would plant myself closer to the door for this reason as well as the fact I could greet first instead of awkwardly standing and waiting. Following a perfect pattern, with a few late arrivals and those giving gifts when they parted.
Stage 3 can be either the worst or most entertaining part of the night. As the oldest “children,” my sister and I would have to take care of the younger children in the sweltering basement. Even though it was winter, the basement always felt like ninety degree temperatures. My sister, as per usual, was of no help, sitting on the steps talking to the third oldest. Meanwhile, I would always attempt to play a boardgame or something with the fourth oldest, who is about 8 or 9 at this point. The four youngest toddlers would throw anything they could pick up, and would scream and yell at each other. At times it’s a lot of work, but it can be entertaining to watch them play.
Stage 4 always favored those who got there early. All the best meals and dishes would go very fast. Especially the holy grail of Italian food: the Stromboli. My sister, father, and I would devour the entire stromboli before the majority of the guests could even arrive. Other than that, I'd really only scavenge the tables for spaghetti, meatballs, and plain rolls of bread. The food was also a useful tool to keep the children stalled.
Cake is usually the 5th and final stage for most of the guests. There are typically 2 or 3 cakes, depending on whether my aunt, Michelle (the 2nd christmas birthday), comes or not. Usually my aunt and grandmother would have cakes that were average, but never truly compared to mine. The ice cream cake, chocolate and vanilla ice cream with a layer of crushed oreos in between. That is the kind of cake that could only be described as perfect. Luckily, because it was always my cake, I could make sure I’d get a big slice first, before the little kids could get their grubby little hands all over it.
Finally, the part of the night, stage 6. This is where the parents start rounding up their kids and trying to get home so they can get a good night's sleep and set up their presents. Others wait for the end, either due to how closely they are related to my grandmother, or to make sure that when they leave there is less people to have to say goodbye to. This is where I finally get a bit more relaxation before having to leave. My main core family, I would usually see the next day due to the order of houses for Christmas. That order being, mother/grandparents, father, grandparents.
Christmas Eve is probably one of the biggest nights of year for me, in terms of family traditions. It’s something that I can really enjoy throughout anything that happens that day. Most people might be unhappy sharing their birthday, but compared to other family events, none come close and I feel special being a huge part of it. I never really get or want to do anything for my birthday considering it's over winter break and people are busy. Which is why I enjoy Christmas Eve and the rest of winter break so much. Of course I'd still have birthday cakes on my actual birthday, but the Christmas Eve party just feels like mine, so many people are there for my birthday.
Negative space is a form of art where the background is in one color representing negative, and the rest of the drawing is in another color representing positive space. These colors can be flipped as well creating positive space in the background. In photos negative space can also be created by having the background of an image being blurry, while the point of focus is clear. The art style is somewhat simplistic, but have been used in many unique ways. The image I was cutting out and creating in positive/negative space was an owl. I decided the darker parts of the image would be the negative space, and the lighter parts the positive. After cutting these out into green paper, I layered the negative space cut outs on one side of the page and the positive on the opposite side.
Negative space helps artist draw focus to parts of an image, and can be used to create images without necessarily connecting the pieces. Artist use these techniques to enhance their drawing. Using colors that are opposites also helps enhance by creating contrast that draws reader to the image. Artist often use a technique of putting negative space within the center of the image to allow people to have a better understanding of what the artist is trying to show.
Soy hijo de padres italianos y americanos.
Tengo una hermana y un gato.
Somos de Filadelfia,
Soy hijo de padres divorciados..
Veo las personas caminando sin cuidado para otros.
Saboreo la amargura de café.
Huelo vapores de los carros en la noche.
Toco el metal frío de invierno.
Oigo discutiendo y la risa de borrachos, a veces en mi casa.
Voy al club de ingeniera,
Hablamos ingles y un poco italiano,
La lengua de espagueti y albóndigas,
Mi familia es cerca,
Mi familia es bueno.
Ellos son tres chicos y una chica. Ella acepta invitaciones from all tres chicos at the same time and same place. Selena needs to figure out who to chose. Who will be successful in getting la chica. Stay tuned for the special premiere episode of ¿Tres Novios?
Charles como Carlitos
Alex como Juan
Sal como Jesús
Michaela como Selena
The Slide I made gives an idea about what kind of person I am and associated with. The reason I made the slide the way it is is to grab someone's attention and leave them curious. The slide I made gives people the main idea, but the text adds a bit of curiosity. It gives how I act as a person and why I act these ways, but it gives one big point that just goes untouched. Great advertisements are the ones like movies, they give you a lot of information and a general idea, but there's always more to it. Stuff that's left unsolved that makes you want to see it. In my slide I tried to give that general idea while still focusing of who I am as a person. The way I designed my slide was to have the main attention grabbing statement be the biggest statement and be in a bright color. I also tried to arrange it by rule of threes putting it at the vertex of the top left of the middle quadrant. I also stretched and put my images at the other center vertices drawing attention to them and giving the reader something to look at and piece with the rest of the board. The only things that I wish I could improve upon would be a way for this to be remembered, something to stand out compared to others pieces or designs. The board itself is also to the point where there's to much text on it. If it was simplified keeping only one or at most two parts of the white text then it would be a more simplified board while still hopefully getting my main idea out. The problem with the slide is there is to much going on, If it was the only left half it would be a much better slide and representation with the exception of the text in the bottom left. The left shows the cool style and makes sure my main idea stands out in the biggest font that contrast to the background. The right side is unnecessary and makes the slide look cluttered and unappealing. When I make these projects about myself I regret them and always want to change them, I need to learn to just go through with things.
Q1: Explain your L.A.N. Local Area Network - all the devices on your internet connection?
Since my modem/router comes with 2 wifi channels, we split them up. I use the second channel for my computer, xbox, and my phone. The main channel is used for everything else, except the desktop hooked up through an ethernet cable.
Q2: Reflect on what you learned about networks, did you have an OMG moment that you learned something new and interesting? if now write about what you learned?
There wasn’t many new things I really learned, but I didn’t know about packets not being sent and having to be resent. I was surprised by the stages the packets went through. I didn’t realize how many stages there are to getting and receiving something from the internet, going through multiple routers and service providers.
Q3: What would you tell other people that they need to know about having an ISP/Home network?
They should know that its better to get something that goes through fiberoptic cables rather than copper cables/wires. Its also good to make sure your getting something that won’t run slow or at least meets your needs and requirements.