Introduction: The purpose of this essay is to explain the preset mold people get throughout their life and how to handle it. Something I'm proud about with my essay is my scene of memory because it was a big shift in my life in becoming who I am. I would want to improve my writing process by connecting with my sources more.

My life did a lot of molding as I have grown into the person I am today. I think this is true for a lot of people, no matter how much someone will try to control the image of what you’re supposed to be based on gender and race. This image is mostly made from what they’ve experienced from people similar to you.  It can make you think differently of yourself and change how you decide to carry on in the outside world.

The movie Beast of the Southern Wild touches on a topic of identity and what you’re supposed to be. The movie explored the relationship between the main character Hushpuppy, who was a young wild girl, and her father, who was stern and complicated.  You also see the way she was raised throughout the film. At one point, there was a scene where we heard Hushpuppy’s inner thoughts and she stated, “It wasn’t no time to be a bunch of pu*****.” This was a mindset she learned from her father in the Bathtub, which is where she lived. The dynamic switches between her identity of being a “girl” and who she was raised to be because it’s always believed that boys are supposed to get that type of upbringing. So in the eyes of the viewer, this challenges the idea that only the boys are supposed to be in the “no crying” mindset while growing up but we see that in some ways, it depends on a person’s environment too.

When I was around 9 years old, I played on a basketball team. I never took it seriously because I never had a reason to. My parents always put the idea in my head that sports are just for fun. The thing is I was a very sore loser at that age and at one of my games, we lost in a way that didn’t make any sense to me. It was the last seconds of the game. Everyone was screaming and cheering because we were down by two points. I drove to the paint and went up for a layup and took a hard foul. I hit the ground so hard and all I saw was red when I didn’t hear a whistle for a foul. I screamed in frustration and shortly stormed off the court and started to cry. My dad ran after me. He told me in a strong tone, “Don’t ever act like that again, men don’t cry. He said you’re acting like a girl.” I heard “men don’t cry” a lot so when he said it, I didn’t think much of it. I just wiped my tears and went back to the court. As I got older, I never really found myself to share my emotions at all. It was hard for me to feel the urge to cry in certain situations where my family was crying. I had the mindset that I had to be strong for everyone else around me because that’s the image that was always pushed onto me to be a man.

These images of what you’re supposed to be can stem from other people other than your guardian. In the book Lies That Bind by Kwame Anthony Appiah other people made assumptions about him based on his race and appearance. When talking about places he had traveled, he said, “Colored” person; in Rome, for an Ethiopian; and one London cabbie refused to believe I didn’t speak Hindi.” This quote shows that  there will always be an image of what you should be in other people’s eyes simply based off of looks. If you reject these expectations, you could miss out on opportunities in life because of you not wanting to be something you’re not. People could also begin to dislike you if you don’t live up to their expectations that they get from other people of your race or gender. In the long run, you should always stay true to yourself.

Having a parent mold your upbringing or having someone having a preset mold of who you are from your looks aren’t always bad things. You could use these expectations to better yourself or you could break these expectations to create a better image of yourself. Race and gender are important to me because they’re factors of the person I am today. Before anything, I will always be identified as an African-American male. From the way my father raised me to the way, people see me outside are all things I appreciate because they made me who I am today and will continue to make me me.

The purpose of this essay is to show it's okay for people to need help.  Even though you can handle situation on your own most of the time don't turn people down who try to aid you in tough times. Writing skills I'd like to improve are transitions because I feel like they can be stronger in this essay.

Kai Payton

Ms. Pahomov

English 2

April 5, 2018

Fear of The Unknown

The fear of the unknown is a powerful aspect of people’s lives. There are many different forms of fear that a person could experience in their life. People are not aware of the things that cause the fear inside of them, or what fear can do to a person. Most of the time fear lives inside of you and it seems to become a reality. Fear can sometimes control a person to the point that they do not think before taking action. It is something that isn’t controllable. People fear the unknown because they do not know what is going to happen if that fear becomes real.

   In Lord of The Flies, by William Golding is a book that revolves around the idea of fear. Boys are stranded on an island and have to find a way to survive. At the beginning of the story fear wasn’t something influential and important, but as the story went on it can be seen taking over the boy’s minds. A moment in the story occurred where Sam and Eric, the twins, were watching the fire on the island. While doing this they fell asleep and when they woke up they saw a dead man hanging from a parachute. In Chapter 6 the narrator says, “The twins stared at their identical laughter then remembered the darkness and other things and glanced round uneasily.” (97) They saw that man as the “beast” on the island. There was no actual beast, but this still built up fear inside of the boys. The beast started controlling and impacting the way they made a lot of decisions on the island. It influenced the way the leaders made decisions in certain situations. When the twins came back to the rest of the group and told them about the beast, the rest of the group was startled and frightened by their story. The twins along with the other boys have things they fear which in a way brings them back to reality.  The fear continues to grow because there is nobody there to tell them the beast is just in their head and there's nothing to be afraid of. They don’t know what the beast could do to them if they allow it to get them. In addition to that, the boys are only 12 years old or younger. Their imagination is still running wild while it can.

A form of  fear can be as simple as a young child's nightmare that follows people their whole life. It could be that one distinct thing people have been afraid of. Recurring fears are something that makes people feel like they can’t escape. When people go to sleep and have a nightmare they eventually wake up but that fear stays with them. You might go to sleep again and have that same nightmare that fuels your fear to stay and linger within. According to KidsHealth.org nightmares usually, occur for no apparent reason or occur when a child is going through a time of stress or change. With the young age of these boys, they’re going through a lot of changes since they’re still growing up. Seeing as though the boys are stressed with the constant fear of the beast they’re in a living nightmare. Along with that they have built up stress from the fact that their stranded on an island with no adult figure for reassurance.

   Essentially fear is in your head you make yourself scared of things or the people around you give you reasons to fear. With fear people have to think of a way to overcome it because it’s not something, people deal with easily. With the boys on the island, some people were doubtful of the idea of the beast towards the beginning. Then as time went on and things related to the beast started to happen more and more of the boys began to believe that the beast was a real. Just like many other fears, it was just in their heads and it’s not real. When kids are that age they usually have someone to tell them everything will be okay when dealing with fears. Sadly for this group of boys, the only ones who could be of any authority showed fear of this beast too which only strengthens the idea of it. Referring to KidsHealth.org again it states that parents should encourage nice dreams during this time. No one is telling the boys the beast is actually a nice guy and won’t hurt them.

   At one point in the book, some of the boys kill what they believe is the beast. When doing this they had no remorse for it and didn’t stop until it was lying lifeless and still. Once this happened the fear of the beast was alleviated in some way. They carried themselves in a different way after the “death” of the beast. They no longer had as strong of a fear following them while on the island. They felt as if the beast was able to come back they would be able to kill it again since they did it before. Killing the beast brought the boys a form of closure in this situation. This killing of the beast was a way of having a parent tell a child everything will be okay when having nightmares. The points of closure to a person's fear is what destroys the fear piece by piece.

   Fear has a strong effect on many people's lives. The beast influenced many of the boy's choices because they didn’t know what it could do to them. Children fear their nightmares because they never know when they’ll happen or what they’ll see when they have them. People don’t like the feeling of fear because it causes problems outside of it. With nightmares, it can cause a loss of sleep and with the beast, it can cause you to think some things aren’t what they really are.  It affects people in many different ways some stronger than others.

WORK CITED

1. Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. New York: Penguin, 2006.

God damn I got too drunk last night. I wish I would’ve never went to the bar with Rick, but he was back in town after that tour, and I hadn’t seen him for months.... I ended up in a hotel room by myself and left my wife at home by herself with the kids. *Looks around the room* What happened last night? Condom boxes? Liquor bottles? No no no what did I do? What did I do? *Checks Phone* She called me twenty times last night. She had to be worried sick *pause*

Wait, who’s number is this *reads messages* Last night was great those pills make everything better right? *Puts phone down*  I have to tell her but I can’t because that will ruin the marriage. But how will my wife look at me knowing I let the woman get the best of me even though I was drunk. Why would Rick ever let me leave with her? Even when we were growing up in high school he always got me into the worst situations but he’s my bestfriend a person I could always count on *sighs* Jay you really messed up big time *sniffs* What will my kids think of me if Brittney leaves and they never see their dad again. They’ll think I’m a dead beat. Maybe I could keep this to myself and just act like this night never happened. Or not I’m not the best liar especially when it comes to talking to Brit.

I feel like the most disgusting man alive right now. Nobody will respect the fact that I let myself get to the point where I couldn’t make it home to my wife. Your family should always be your first priority but Rick even when we were younger always brought the worst out of me. This isn’t the first time I ended up in a hotel after a night with Rick but this time is different. You have a wife and kids now and you let a woman take advantage of you. You’re a grown ass man Jay. Why couldn’t I snap out of it. I can’t look at my daughter little face without the thought of what I’ve became last night. I’m a cheater, someone that can’t control himself when he’s out with the guys, and the worst part is that I can’t be her Superhero anymore.

No Jay you’re overthinking this it isn’t your fault she had to see the wedding band on your finger she’s the one in the wrong. She saw how drunk you were and decided to make a move on you. She wanted you more than you wanted her. What you want is waiting for you to come home. You’re gonna get a hell of a talk when you get there. I wonder how many time my kids asked where’s daddy last night. *housekeeping knocks* I’m good. *laughs to himself* Imagine what would’ve happened if Brit found out about last night. Guess I dodged a bullet right there.

*phone rings* Hey Brit. (Pause) I know I know I’m sorry baby I’m on my way home now. I went to a hotel Rick got me tore up from the floor up. (pause) Baby I couldn’t drive home I was done I could barely walk. Rick drove me to the hotel and I’ve just been sleeping as soon as I got here I fell asleep. I just woke up a couple minutes ago. (Pause) Alright okay don't worry I’m on my way home now.

Has your mom ever gotten on your nerves… Like a lot? Well, my mom can be a very annoying at times. All the time that would probably be the be more truthful option for me. She always tries to find ways to be right, no matter the situation but sometimes she’s just trying to enlighten me on things.

For example, last week my mom and I were having in the car having a regular conversation. I was on my phone during the conversation but I was still engaged in the conversation. I was texting a good friend of mine that my mom didn’t know, so she got upset. I was really confused on why she was so upset, because I didn’t think it was that serious.

“I know all of your close friends,” she told me. “You always bring them up in conversation, but how come I don’t know about this one?”

“I didn’t know I had to tell you every time I have a new friend,” I replied.

That only added more fuel to the flame, sadly. Everything I said to her after that was seen as disrespectful or snarky through her eyes. I feel like I can never win with her, even when we just have seemingly insignificant disagreements. There isn’t any enlightenment in this situation, just another loss for me.

One situation where I really did gain wisdom is when we were talking about my ex-girlfriend. That was around my 8th-grade year, so I was most likely 14. I’m not gonna lie, that was the first girl I really cared about; I was usually heartless. I thought that I knew what I was doing, because I was very cocky back then compared to now. My ex and I weren’t on the best terms, and it was easy to tell. My overall mood wasn’t my usual one.

My mom asked me, “what was wrong?,” but I didn’t want to tell her because I don’t like her in my business.  

She caringly told me something I won’t forget: “If she’s making you act like this, it’s most likely not going to last.”

             I didn’t want to listen to her because I thought I knew what love was back then. I still think I know what it is now. Let’s fast forward to the end of the school year. My ex magically disappeared and I didn’t understand why. Long story and a heartbreak later, I began to understand how my mother’s help would’ve prepared me for the disappearance when it happened.

Another thing that I despise about my mom is that she thinks she knows me so well. She’s watched me grow up for 15 years, my entire life, but she doesn’t know what I go through on a day to day basis. This summer we went on a cruise and I was in a terrible mood the whole time. I found myself in the cruise cabin a lot, because I needed people to talk to. So I would call people that could help me with the situation. My mom didn’t like that, because she felt as though I was wasting her money though that wasn’t the case at all. I couldn’t enjoy myself because I knew that I was gonna have to go home and deal with my mistakes.

         My mom said “You’re on a cruise! There are a million things to do, so there’s no reason you shouldn’t be enjoying yourself,” in a stern tone and stormed out of the room.

         I realized she was right and I found ways to forget about the situation that made me upset and started to enjoy myself a little more.

Despite all the little disagreements, my mom and I always find the lesson in it sooner or later. My mom has become one of my best friends because I know I can talk to her about anything and she’ll have some insight on the situation to help me get through it. When I was younger, I never wanted to listen because I thought it wasn’t cool to talk to her about my personal relationships or struggles, but she always helps me through everything now. All of our disagreements have made my and my mom’s relationship stronger due to the realization at the end of each one. I realized my mom would never tell me anything to steer me wrong. She only wants to see me succeed in every way possible and she does everything in her power to do so.

Hey it’s Kai Payton again. In my previous two post I introduced my You & The World Project. For my topic of the project I chose to focus on premature births. In my first blog post I gave basic information on premature births. I also discussed some of the more serious topics of premature births. In my second blog post I discussed stories of other families that had premature births. I also included the major parts of the interview that I had with my aunt where she talked about how she got through the experience.

In this blog I’m going to be talking about the Agent of Change portion of the project. The Agent of Change portion of the project is where you go out and do something to make a change to your topic. So since my topic is premature births I did the March for Babies walk. The walk was on April 30th and it was ran by the March of Dimes Foundation. For the walk there are teams that raise money for the foundation to help with premature births. My aunt’s team raised a little over a thousand dollars to go to the foundation. I love doing these walks every year because it’s a good way to see family but because it’s for a good cause.

At the walk there was so many people from different walk teams and I thought it was so cool that so many people support premature births. Each team gets a custom shirt to represent their team. This year my team's shirt said “Fight Like a Preemie.” In my opinion that’s another reason to go to the walks every year because every always has cool different shirts. My team is called “Chasing Jase,” and it’s made up of family and friends basically whoever comes out to support Jase. From this walk it got family members to come together to support Jase. During the walk they gave Jase a purple cape and it was really funny to see him run around in it.

- Picture of Jase with his cape

-Picture of the shirt

- A picture of the walking team

While doing the walk you meet a lot of other families that share a similar story to yours. The experience creates a way to be active and meet new people who all support each other. There was a lady we met and she had a daughter that was the same weight as Jase when she was born (1 pound 11 ounces). My aunt and her had a heart to heart in a way because their children were in the hospital for about the same amount of time. I wish I had a way to thank the March of Dimes Foundation personally because the walk is always a great experience when we do it.

Before we started this project I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go with it. In the beginning I was thinking about choosing littering as my topic. Then as time went on I realized that I could choose premature births a topic that people know about but don’t know the major facts or how they can help change it and I had a better connection with it. This project helped me gain a new understanding of premature births because before I did this I didn’t know too much myself.

So in conclusion, I want to thank Ms. Giknis for allowing us to do this cool project. It helped us go out in the world and make a change big or little to a problem we connected with. It helped us learn more about each other and connect with our classmates on a deeper level.

You can check out my Annotated Bibliography here

Lyrics:

Kai Verse:::

Lil Richard he had a plan

Mama sick lived with his gram

When you think bout his life it’s like damn

You know you won’t see good things from this man

He was 6 and went into a bar

Old heads was drinking they peeped from a far

Lil Richard he sipped from the cup

This was the second time my man messed up

He went to the store and got jumped

Mama said no no don’t run bet not front

So Lil Richard went grabbed a stick

Told em don’t run up or he’s swinging it

Fast forward when Richard got older

Went to the church gave the kids the cold shoulder

Told Jesus he’ll be here no longer but Granny said if you do you’ll be a goner

So my man he went and got baptized cause you know that it’s harder for black lives on the South side when it’s crunch time

Especially when it was this time

Factory workers didn’t see this side

They was lucky cause he got a G side

Kicked him out so he gave em a peace sign gave em a peace sign

 Rahmir Verse:

Hi, it’s Kai Payton again. In my first blog, I introduced my You & The World project which I’m doing on premature births. I gave basic information about premature births, such as about 380,000 babies are born prematurely a year in the U.S. A premature baby is a baby that was born 36 or fewer weeks from their initial due date and can cause many problems. Some of those problems were stated in my previous blog post so if you haven’t read it check it out. I also talked about why I chose to do premature births and it was because my aunt had a premature baby and it was a hard experience for her.

In this blog, I wanted to know more about the experience and how other families felt so I researched some stories from other mothers that had premature babies. The first story I found was from Catharine Aboulhouda’s family. Catharine was born weighing 1 pound and 11 ounces with a bleeding brain, a heart defect, and a heart murmur. She was due in October but was born in July. Catharine came home from the hospital after 113 days of being hospitalized there but she still needed monitors and oxygen. Now she’s a healthy little girl that is traveling around the country to share her story to help others understand how serious premature births are.

Another story I read about was from Tyler Jameson’s family. Tyler’s mom said she “developed preeclampsia with her first baby and was hospitalized on complete bedrest.” Tyler was born by emergency c-section at 26 weeks due to placental abruption. Placenta abruption is when the placenta detaches from the womb and it’s rare for it to happen. He was born with “respiratory distress syndrome, apnea, anemia, bronchopulmonary dysplasia, intraventricular hemorrhage, patent ductus, arteriosus, jaundice, and infections.” Some of the infections he was diagnosed with were sepsis, pneumonia, and bacterial meningitis. Due to his prematurity he had to get 2 surgeries when he was 6 months. Tyler has grown since then and shows no signs of disabilities that are common in premature babies.

I also did an interview with my aunt recently (The one who had Jase). She went deeper into her story about the experience of having Jase and the difficult times she had going through it. It was helped me think back to when Jase was going through his struggles. She explained that the experience when she first had Jase knowing that he was premature was like an “out-of-body experience,” and she didn’t realise how severe the experience was until later on. She also said that one of the things that got her through the experience was gospel music and praying. This adds to my understanding of Premature Births because I got  personal opinions from a mother that had a premature baby. It still amazes me how premature births can happen to any mother and if they want to do something about it it’s very expensive.

-Picture of The Interview With My Aunt and The Interview Questions

Overall with this blog post I wanted to get real stories from other families that experienced what my aunt experienced because some cases are more severe than others. I also wanted to share some of my personal connection to the topic to show why I care about it.

For this assignment I had to create a stamp the represented me. The previous assignment helped guide us to make our “stamps.” We made our design on a separate piece of paper.  We then shaded the other side of the paper so we could get the design of the stamp on construction paper. We cut out our designs to show the negative and positive space. My final product is above.

The green is my negative space and the white is my positive space. The eyes shouldn’t be cut out. I found the negative space by thinking if a light was behind it what would the light go through. If there wasn’t negative and positive space my guy wouldn’t be shown in the picture.

When we first learned about negative space it was really confusing. Then over time I started to understand it more and more. I got stuck when doing this assignment because I had a belt but due to the negative and positive space it wouldn’t show. Another thing that wouldn’t show would be the eyes but I didn’t realize that until I cut them out. I also had to change lines into shapes so that they could show on the final product.

A - The negative space is usually the darker part of the photo and it isn't the main part

B - I found the negative space by looking at the outsides and darker spaces of the drawing

C - It can help make the main focus of your art piece pop and catch eyes

Hi, I’m Kai Payton a Freshman at Science Leadership Academy, and I’m doing my You And The World project on Premature Births. The You And The World project allows you to pick a topic you want to make a change about. I got this idea because my aunt had a premature baby about three years ago. It was a very hard time for her and I wouldn’t want anyone to have to experience hoping their child will survive. While doing this project, I hope to increase the awareness of premature births because it can be very stressful for mothers.

My aunt had her premature baby 3 years ago on February 4th. He was one pound and 11 ounces when he was born. He had to stay in the hospital for about 4 or 5 months. He had many surgeries during this time and it worried my aunt very badly and I didn’t like to see her like that so we just had to hope and pray that he would recover. I couldn’t even visit him when he was in the hospital because I wasn’t his sibling. When he first came home he had to be on oxygen for a couple months since he couldn’t breathe as well as other babies due to his premature birth. The medical attention needed for this was very expensive and we used to call him the million dollar baby. Thankfully my little cousin is now fine despite the many things he’s allergic to.

Since she had him we’ve been doing this walk that was started by the March of Dimes Foundation called the “March For Babies,” that raises money to help premature babies stay alive. A lot of family members come out to do the walk and it’s nice seeing everyone come out and support. The walk happens in many states over the U.S including Pennsylvania. The walk this year is on this Sunday, April 30th and I will be doing the walk again. I do the walk not only for my aunt and little cousin but because it’s fun seeing other people that also want to help the struggle mothers have after they’ve had a premature baby.

This picture is the logo of the March of Dimes Foundation

There are “about 380,000 premature births every year.” These premature births can be caused from smoking cigarettes or using other drugs. They could also be caused by multiple children, stress, not gaining enough weight during the pregnancy, and many other things. You can try to prevent premature births but they can happen to any female that’s having a baby. Once you have the baby and it’s premature it’s placed in an incubator to help it maintain its body temperature, but many problems can come up when the baby is growing. Premature babies tend to have weaker immune systems than other babies, and can be born with disabilities at a higher rate than babies that aren’t premature.

Overall, I want to bring awareness to Premature Births due to what can happen to the baby and the mother but also because I have a personal connection to watching my aunt go through it. It can happen to any mother having a child and it can be a scary experience.

Annotated Bibliography

Soy yo

El hijo de padres chevere

Un hermano no hermanas

Pero mi familia es grande

Producto de Filadelfia

Veo calles de Filadelfia

Saboreo la comida de mi familia

Oigo la música de África

Toco abrazars de mi familia

Huelo la mar mis antepasados navegar

Juego con mis primos

Canto el cancións de mi familia

Bailo con mi familia

Necesito mi familia vivir

Somos productos de America

Pero mis antepasados son productos de Africa

Somos Africanos

Hola, somos Kai, Kennedy, Sean, y Abe. Somos del primer año de Science Leadership Academy. SLA es una escuela pequeña, con quinientos estudiantes y veintiséis professors. Science Leadership está en 55 N 22nd St, Filadelfia, PA 19103. Está cerca de 7-11, Dunkin Donuts, Wawa, Arch Gourmet, y  Starbucks.  Tenemos cinco pisos. Ofrecemos programas estar preparada por ejemplo; laboratorio de matemáticas y laboratorio de literatura. Abraham participa en robótica y Kennedy participa en animadoras.

Tenemos siete clases en SLA. Tenemos Historia, Bioquimica, Español, Drama, Inglés, y Álgebra. Mi clase favorita es Drama con el Señor Kay. Es chévere. Necesitamos prestar mucha atención. Necesitamos los tenis. A Kennedy le gusta Inglés con profesora Giknis. En la clase para tener éxito necesitamos prestar atención. Me llamo Abraham y mi clase favorito es almuerzo.

La Señorita Manuel enseña Español . El Señor Symonds enseña la Historia. La Señorita Giorgio enseña Matemáticas. La Señorita Sessa enseña la Bioquímica. El Señor Kay es nuestro favorito. Nos encanta porque él es muy cómico y chévere.

The decisions I made were based on color really. My goal was to make my slide like glance media, but I think it’s too many pictures for it to be glance media. I wanted this to be something that would catch the eye. I also wanted to implement contrast so I put the red in the front since it’s bolder than white. One thing that my slide isn’t is one slide, one point. Since there is many points of interest.