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Thoughts that keep me awake at night
A quote by C. S. Lewis that I really like: An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason.
It really makes me think about why people do the things they do. What are the reasons for people's actions? How do you justify your actions you're when put in a difficult situation? I always look back at things I've done and often doubt my sanity.
It really makes me think about why people do the things they do. What are the reasons for people's actions? How do you justify your actions you're when put in a difficult situation? I always look back at things I've done and often doubt my sanity.
Textual Love.
Sept. 8.
Hey there babe, hope you had a fantastic nights sleep and have a wonderful day at school. You’ll be on my mind for sure<3
Sept. 9.
I need to be honest. I like you a lot but I’m scared to get too close to you.
Me: You can’t be scared if you don’t take the chance, you’ll never know what you could’ve had.
If we had the time I’d dive in head first.
Me: This fucking sucks, like, I legit want to cry right now. Alright, look. I feel the same way, but I don’t wanna lose you. I wanna get to know you more and I wanna spend time with you before you go away… like I seriously started rethinking me and Tom after we started talking and when I found out you were leaving I got so confused.
You won’t lose me, I promise.
Me: <3.
I want you to be the first person I see when I come back and I wanna talk to you everyday in some form.
Me: I’m a text away baby, you know that. I will never ignore you, &I wanna see you as soon as you come home.
That text makes me want you so bad.
Me: I wanna be with you so bad. Like, what the fuck.
I don’t believe in the whole love at first site thing, but I feel like what we have is kinda close.
Sept.9.
You’re beautiful.
Sept.10.
Maybe if I Google most beautiful girl in the world I can find your picture.
Sept.10.
Love is too soon but I can’t see anyone being any more perfect than you for me.
Sept.10.
Hey there beautiful. Good morning.. hope you had a refreshing nights sleep and I can’t wait to see you tonight <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 text me when you get up.
Sept.11.
I wanted to turn around the whole way home.
Sept.11.
Good morning love! I was so glad I got to spend that time with you. Being with you felt amazing. I thought about you until I fell asleep. Hope you slept well babe <3.
Sept.11.
You’re beautiful! Love you!!
Sept.11.
I wanna tell you I love you as much as I can before I go.
Sept.12.
Me: I love how I looked like shit and you didn’t even care.
I don’t know what you’re talking about, I was just with the most beautiful girl in the world.
Me: Haha, aw (:
I’m home and I’m sorry I like to goof around I wasn’t trying to be too forward by like grabbin ya boobs I was foolin around.
Me: Matt, relax. I’m comfortable around you. I don’t mind it<3 and I know you’re goof, I love it.
I don’t wanna screw anything up with you not the tiniest thing.
Sept.12.
Good morning beautiful <3 I am so sorry I fell asleep on you I was exhausted. I hope you slept well and I hope you enjoyed my company last night <3<3<3 love you.
Sept.12.
I told my sister where you lived and she asked and she said is she ghetto and I said nope. I said I got a new girlfriend and she said who and I said yeah, she’s a beautiful young lady.
Sept.12.
I loved being able to just sit with you last night.
Sept.12.
I’d rather be with you.
Me: <3
You never say sweet things like that to me.
Me: I do too.. If you’d like I can write you a whole paragraph.
I mean, that would be amazing.
Me: I think you’re amazing. I don’t know what I’m going to do while you’re gone. Your good morning texts make my day go by so much better than they usually would and you’re the sweetest guy that has ever walked into my life. It hasn’t been long since we first met, but you drive me crazy. Your personality is perfect and we look adorable together. I wish I would’ve met you sooner but then again, everything happens for a reason. I love being with you and when you leave I wish you’d come back and stay.
Wow, that gave me butterflies.
Sept.12.
Shawty you da best.
Me: Da best you ever had?
Honestly… yes you’re so perfect. I could just hold you and kiss you all day.
Sept.12.
I can’t believe I’m not gonna get to kiss you tonight. How will I sleep?
Sept. 12.
I care a lot about you and I don’t want anything to go wrong.
Sept. 12.
You’re the first girl I’ve known who I can act so comfortable around. I love you, sleep tight, and I’ll talk to you in the morning.
monday
So i washed and deep- conditioned my hair. I don't know what to do with it. Don't be surprised if it's not done tomorrow. I don't really care about doing it at this point.
Last 10 Seconds
It was the heat of the moment. The home team was down by 1 point. All they had to do was score. They away team took the shot and misses. Number 8 jumps up for the rebound with 10 seconds left on the clock. He dribbles to half court to be stuck by defense. 7 seconds left on the clock. He dribbles to the left and right and soon number 21 was open. He bounce passed the ball to number 21 with 5 seconds left on the clock. Number 21 takes the ball and dashes to the hoop. As the clock reaches 2, number 21 jumps up above the defense and slams the ball through the hoop for the winner score. The home team won.
Six Word Story #3: Childhood Nightmare
Dad, I have nightmares about you.
Just Go With It
Today I woke up, played with my ferret (who I named Draco) and went to my mom's house. At my mom's house I met up with my friend Elena who has been a part of my life since we were in first grade. She now lives in Willow Grove and I don't get to see her often. So, she comes over, we go to the mall to see a movie, miss the first showing and have to kill an hour and a half in an extremely tiny mall, and then we finally watched the movie (Just Go With It, it was amazing). Afterward we drove around, she did a very poor job of trying to avoid Knorr Street without me noticing because she didn't want me upset and I haven't had this much fun in a long time. I love my friends.
Hipster Pup?
2.21
doubt the "happy ever after" ending
doubt the super power delusion
doubt the evolution theory
but never doubt yourself
Like Father, like daughter...
The memories I have of my father are mostly the ones of him being in the hospital. Spending days with him in those rooms, watching and sitting with him in those beds...Seeing it so much, and promising that I would never let that happen to me...I..was wrong.
I spent the last week worrying, crying, being scared over everything in my life. Monday through Wednesday, I was two types of sick. The first, from the combination of my stomach and sinuses and the second was from the fear of going into the hospital for my endoscopy exam. I felt so many emotions, that I could've written more then enough stories for class, but no words could come to mind. I spend those days talking to only to Perry, seeing no one but my mom, and trying hard not to have any panic attacks. I would get the occasional IM from other people but they would stop talking after one or two messages, but I digress
Thrusday came, my heart stopped cold. I wanted so much not to go. I understood everything (how the procedure would go, that I would be asleep, that it wouldn't take long) but it didn't take away any more of the fear. The fear of being in the hospital (like I swore I wouldn't) and the fear of waking up during the procedure, like my father did. I wanted so much to have a friend with me, I wanted so much to be home, I wanted so much to be done with this, but I wanted to see my dad again.
There I was, changed into the gown and sitting on the gerny, waiting to be taken back into the room. My mom kept saying "everything will be ok" but the only thing I could feel was fear, sadness and anger. I was mad at myself for letting my health get so bad. I started to cry.
I layed down, in the room, on the gerny, while the nurses and doctors hooked me up to every machine they had. The worse was the IV. It felt like I was being stabbed in the back of my hand and on my wrist. I cried harder, whining "I want my dad. I want daddy here with me." I felt like a fool, 17 years old and I was crying because of a needle in my hand. Now it was time for the aneastedic, or so I though because now I was being made to get up so that they could run a test that they had forgoten.
Finally, I was back on the gerny, hooked up to everything once again, and now I wasn't nervous. I was more so anxious to just get it over with. They gave me the aneastedic and told me my ears would start ringing before I fell asleep as well as put a guard in my mouth to keep it open. Everything seemed ok, until an odd feeling hit me quick and my ears did ring. I felt dizzy and found myself mumbling something I never thought I would, then darkness.
I woke up in a different room and heard my mom's voice. I was happy that it was all over...but there were a few things on my mind like seeing my friends, finally having something to eat (since I couldn't eat anything the day before up to the exam), and wondering if how I was feeling was the same way my dad felt...
Now, it is over and done with. Nothing is wrong but I still feel sick...and I still wish my dad was here to make me feel a bit better about it all...
I spent the last week worrying, crying, being scared over everything in my life. Monday through Wednesday, I was two types of sick. The first, from the combination of my stomach and sinuses and the second was from the fear of going into the hospital for my endoscopy exam. I felt so many emotions, that I could've written more then enough stories for class, but no words could come to mind. I spend those days talking to only to Perry, seeing no one but my mom, and trying hard not to have any panic attacks. I would get the occasional IM from other people but they would stop talking after one or two messages, but I digress
Thrusday came, my heart stopped cold. I wanted so much not to go. I understood everything (how the procedure would go, that I would be asleep, that it wouldn't take long) but it didn't take away any more of the fear. The fear of being in the hospital (like I swore I wouldn't) and the fear of waking up during the procedure, like my father did. I wanted so much to have a friend with me, I wanted so much to be home, I wanted so much to be done with this, but I wanted to see my dad again.
There I was, changed into the gown and sitting on the gerny, waiting to be taken back into the room. My mom kept saying "everything will be ok" but the only thing I could feel was fear, sadness and anger. I was mad at myself for letting my health get so bad. I started to cry.
I layed down, in the room, on the gerny, while the nurses and doctors hooked me up to every machine they had. The worse was the IV. It felt like I was being stabbed in the back of my hand and on my wrist. I cried harder, whining "I want my dad. I want daddy here with me." I felt like a fool, 17 years old and I was crying because of a needle in my hand. Now it was time for the aneastedic, or so I though because now I was being made to get up so that they could run a test that they had forgoten.
Finally, I was back on the gerny, hooked up to everything once again, and now I wasn't nervous. I was more so anxious to just get it over with. They gave me the aneastedic and told me my ears would start ringing before I fell asleep as well as put a guard in my mouth to keep it open. Everything seemed ok, until an odd feeling hit me quick and my ears did ring. I felt dizzy and found myself mumbling something I never thought I would, then darkness.
I woke up in a different room and heard my mom's voice. I was happy that it was all over...but there were a few things on my mind like seeing my friends, finally having something to eat (since I couldn't eat anything the day before up to the exam), and wondering if how I was feeling was the same way my dad felt...
Now, it is over and done with. Nothing is wrong but I still feel sick...and I still wish my dad was here to make me feel a bit better about it all...
Overheard
I was in the restroom at Target today and overheard this conversation:
"She did what?"
"She lost her wallet, like she can't find it."
"Is it at the register?"
"No, they already checked."
"Oh, s#*&!"
"Oh, s#*&, is right! And we stopped at the farmer's market on the way here."
"All I know is someone better not have broken my window to get it."
"She did what?"
"She lost her wallet, like she can't find it."
"Is it at the register?"
"No, they already checked."
"Oh, s#*&!"
"Oh, s#*&, is right! And we stopped at the farmer's market on the way here."
"All I know is someone better not have broken my window to get it."
Relationship between power and language #3
When I got into arguments with my mom she would laugh at me.
"Mom! Swhy's shdo she have shto so shat? Shat's shnot ssfair!"
Her ever so serious face dropped when the words blasted from my mouth. I would storm off in even more anger then I came in as. When I read long paragraphs or sentences in my class come in even stronger. The whole class would be laughing at my lisp with me no longer laughing with them. From this, teachers stopped calling on me in class. The only time I did have power in my voice was when I was online and with a group of close and understanding friends. One somebody asked me why I don't talk anymore. I took a deep breath trying to speak my best.
"Becaushe every time I talk you shluagh and it getsh annoying."
They said they would stop and admitted it had been going on for a while.to my surprise they up to their words. By the end of the day I explained to my mom that she needs to stop laughing at me when I'm being serious with her.
"I understand I shound funny but you're my mom. You're shopposed to shupport me."
Luckily enough she got the message and apologized on account for her actions. Unfortunately my message didn't get across to others.
"Mom! Swhy's shdo she have shto so shat? Shat's shnot ssfair!"
Her ever so serious face dropped when the words blasted from my mouth. I would storm off in even more anger then I came in as. When I read long paragraphs or sentences in my class come in even stronger. The whole class would be laughing at my lisp with me no longer laughing with them. From this, teachers stopped calling on me in class. The only time I did have power in my voice was when I was online and with a group of close and understanding friends. One somebody asked me why I don't talk anymore. I took a deep breath trying to speak my best.
"Becaushe every time I talk you shluagh and it getsh annoying."
They said they would stop and admitted it had been going on for a while.to my surprise they up to their words. By the end of the day I explained to my mom that she needs to stop laughing at me when I'm being serious with her.
"I understand I shound funny but you're my mom. You're shopposed to shupport me."
Luckily enough she got the message and apologized on account for her actions. Unfortunately my message didn't get across to others.
Story #14
Every kid wants some wheels, even when you have four legs.
Story # 13
I was running out of things to write for stories. I stared at the screen for about 15 minutes. So I closed my laptop in hopes of a dream. I woke up and noticed this is a story in it's self and posted it.
Story #12
Playing basketball, video games, hanging with his boys, and going out with you is what some may think life is like for the average teenage boy, but secretly every guy loves baby-talk and playing peek-A-boo.
Just Jump!
Scaling through the ancient city Petra I had some of the best times of my life. Being with sme of the most adventurous people I have ever met in my life we drifted off the path from time to time.
"Just jump!" My Jordanian friend Zain said from below.
"No...I'm afraid of heights." I said in panic as I stared down at everyone who fearlessly climb down the narrow mountain path. A couple minutes went pass and at this point I had gave up, until Conner came along. Then before I knew it he had lifted through the path, effortlessly,with me screaming, "NO! You're gonna drop me!"
"Just jump!" My Jordanian friend Zain said from below.
"No...I'm afraid of heights." I said in panic as I stared down at everyone who fearlessly climb down the narrow mountain path. A couple minutes went pass and at this point I had gave up, until Conner came along. Then before I knew it he had lifted through the path, effortlessly,with me screaming, "NO! You're gonna drop me!"
"No I'm not..." he said as he put me down and continued his way through the illegal path.
Text
Jake just bought a new iphone at AT&T and was excited because he was upgrading from a horrible slide up phone that he had for three years. He was happy finding out how to use this 21 century phone and loved the new texting on touch screen.
One day he was driving and he got a text. He was always told by his parents to not be on his phone and drive at the same time, but today he seen there was no cars in front of him on Bigler street so he went for it. Unlocked the code he had on the welcome screen, looked up, made sure everything was good and then looked at the text. Jake took a mere 2 seconds glancing at the screen but they cost him and his car. A pothole unseen from around the side of the street was deep and missed the cone that should had been covering it. He went into it and the tire popped off, as it popped off, he flipped his tiny car over to the side. He suffered a broken arm, leg, fractured skull, a broken phone , and insurance cost him thousands.
The text read: "Where you at?"
One day he was driving and he got a text. He was always told by his parents to not be on his phone and drive at the same time, but today he seen there was no cars in front of him on Bigler street so he went for it. Unlocked the code he had on the welcome screen, looked up, made sure everything was good and then looked at the text. Jake took a mere 2 seconds glancing at the screen but they cost him and his car. A pothole unseen from around the side of the street was deep and missed the cone that should had been covering it. He went into it and the tire popped off, as it popped off, he flipped his tiny car over to the side. He suffered a broken arm, leg, fractured skull, a broken phone , and insurance cost him thousands.
The text read: "Where you at?"
Sunday
Today consisted of work, work, and more work. One thing a person learns though from working are the different people and personalities you meet in a restaurant...
Table 5, a deuce, two men, nicely dressed. I go up to give them their waters and they stop me and converse.
What school you go to? Whats your name? Grade? How you like it?
Questions started to pour out that I answered fast and then they stated their positions, head of the school district panel. Nice men, listening to what I had to say and talked to me. Even recognized my dedication to making money and having a job while in school. They were a nice pair, giving a job to a friend at work. One of the waiters who was looking for a job, they offered one in the school district. Its always different every night at a restaurant and you could meet someone that changes your life or makes your night. Its a different atmosphere, one alot of people should experience once in their life time. You never know if it will benefit you.
Table 5, a deuce, two men, nicely dressed. I go up to give them their waters and they stop me and converse.
What school you go to? Whats your name? Grade? How you like it?
Questions started to pour out that I answered fast and then they stated their positions, head of the school district panel. Nice men, listening to what I had to say and talked to me. Even recognized my dedication to making money and having a job while in school. They were a nice pair, giving a job to a friend at work. One of the waiters who was looking for a job, they offered one in the school district. Its always different every night at a restaurant and you could meet someone that changes your life or makes your night. Its a different atmosphere, one alot of people should experience once in their life time. You never know if it will benefit you.
Saturday's post
Today was the beginning of a nightmare for Bella. Being stalked by wolves and vampires gives a strain on your personal life and love life as she shown today, speaking to her psychiatrist.
B: I cant take all this "trying to kill me" stuff. I didnt do anything to anyone!
P:That is true but no matter what, you were in a relationship with a vampire. Didnt you think that would cause something?
B: He was hot! what would you have done?
P: Well that has nothing to do with this situation, Im an older lady.
B: Right so let me have some fun with hot vampires!
P: I didnt say you couldnt, but dont you think thats why your being hunted by alot of different groups that arent human?
B: I geuss..
Bella starts to ponder about her relationship with a vampire, and stayed. She made this decision off of love and stupidity. She died shortly after making this decision.;
B: I cant take all this "trying to kill me" stuff. I didnt do anything to anyone!
P:That is true but no matter what, you were in a relationship with a vampire. Didnt you think that would cause something?
B: He was hot! what would you have done?
P: Well that has nothing to do with this situation, Im an older lady.
B: Right so let me have some fun with hot vampires!
P: I didnt say you couldnt, but dont you think thats why your being hunted by alot of different groups that arent human?
B: I geuss..
Bella starts to ponder about her relationship with a vampire, and stayed. She made this decision off of love and stupidity. She died shortly after making this decision.;
Adios
The damage is done, good bye.
RoMeO
Monday 21.2011 at 2:15pm Romeo passed away he was dear to us all & a great fish. He was a legit fish always chased the tank when he followed my finger and ate all his banana's. He battled life for three days and finally couldn't hold on no longer. Tear!
Mom dances
I recently got Just Dance 2 as a late gift from my aunts. I went to try the game and the first song that played was Tic Toc by Ke$ha. I badly followed along trying my best. About half way through my mom randomly busted into the room and stood right in front of the TV following along. You never have seen anything quiet as funny as a parent trying to follow a song they never heard in a game. Even better was after she danced to Firework by Katy Perry while loudly singing the chorus (which is the only part she knows)
An Unwanted Guest
Many of you may know that I have two pet mice in my room. Their names are Peanut and Oreo. About two months ago, Peanut and Oreo were living together in one cage. Since they are both males, they often fought and argued a lot over little things like territory and food. Their constant squeaking and rolling around was no surprise to me. One night, I noticed that they were jumping around and squeaking a bit more than usual. I got up and walked over to their cage and noticed a small, brown shadow. Since Peanut is gray/white and Oreo is black/white, the brown was an unfamiliar color. I quickly ran downstairs to my mom in a panic. "Mom, I think, I'm seeing things," I said to her. She thought I was losing my mind and that my medicine was making me have weird side effects. However, she came upstairs with me anyway. After looking into the cage, she saw what I thought I had saw: another mouse in the cage.
Apparently, an outdoor mouse had been attracted to the scent of my mice and found it's way into my house and into my room. He then squeezed his tiny body into their cage and was confronted by two angry enemies. The mouse was not even half the size of Peanut and was quickly attacked by both of my mice. Oreo and Peanut suffered minor bite wounds to the tails, but the outdoor mouse was nearly killed. I managed to manipulate the outdoor mouse and get him to crawl up into the removal compartment of the cage so that I could safely release him back into the wild. I then cleaned the cage thoroughly.
That night was so shocking but funny at the same time. My mom said that I looked like I had just seen a ghost when I came downstairs to tell her what I saw. Since then, Peanut and Oreo have not had any unwanted visitors, thankfully.
Apparently, an outdoor mouse had been attracted to the scent of my mice and found it's way into my house and into my room. He then squeezed his tiny body into their cage and was confronted by two angry enemies. The mouse was not even half the size of Peanut and was quickly attacked by both of my mice. Oreo and Peanut suffered minor bite wounds to the tails, but the outdoor mouse was nearly killed. I managed to manipulate the outdoor mouse and get him to crawl up into the removal compartment of the cage so that I could safely release him back into the wild. I then cleaned the cage thoroughly.
That night was so shocking but funny at the same time. My mom said that I looked like I had just seen a ghost when I came downstairs to tell her what I saw. Since then, Peanut and Oreo have not had any unwanted visitors, thankfully.
Daily Story: Feb. 21
Me and my mom went out to breakfast this morning at the Country Club Diner since we both have off for President's Day. As we were sitting and talking, my mom tells me, "Look over there". There were these two guys talking but I looked again and noticed that it was actually just one guy talking. He was standing over this one guy who was just trying to sit and eat his food and drink his coffee but this other guy would not leave him alone. And he was like right in his face making the guy practically fall off his chair leaning away, trying to get some personal space. Poor guy.
2.20
Music: best thing ever.
