being a female.

I was wondering why being a female was so fucking hard.
We have to deal with everything x10 PLUS other things on top of the normal things.

- Why does it take so long to get over someone?
- Why are emotions for us more in depth then most guys?
- Why do I have a period?
- Why do I have to give birth with all that pain?
- Why do I break out with random pimples when two days ago I was glowing radiantly?
- Why one minute I love my mom then I hate her for reasons I don't even know?
- Why do I cry when watching The Notebook?
- Why do I read my love horoscope, hoping one day it's actually accurate?
- Why am I looking into the problems of being a female?
- Why did Dumboldore die in Harry Potter?!
- Why in 10 minutes will I feel differently?
- Why do I care about everything?
- Why the fuck do I watch Lifetime and eat icecream when I'm sad?
- WHY DID THEY KILL DOBBBY IN HARRY POTTER!?

The Weekend...

​Friday
On Friday my sister & I decided to stay in and do the whole pizza/movie thing. It was mellow since we haven't really hung out that much due to the fact we both been busy.
Saturday
Saturday I couldn't sleep in which sucked so I did the whole sex and the city morning with my coffee. Then my sister & I did a sister day with manicure/pedicures. It was fun with some lunch & drinks. Oh I also got a cute bracelet at H&M I like it so much that I'm getting leeann & dyamond one. 

Sunday
Sunday I missed church because I had to help my dad clean because my family is in town staying at my house. They come back today after there mini road trip with my mommy. It was fun hung out did some father/daughter bonding. During breakfast we did the cofffee and church on tv deal. He also made biscuits like every Sunday and like always he uses butter & jam.  Today I hide the jam so for 10minutes he looked for it while I laughed then gave it to him he was a little annoyed. SO now I sit here at 1:43pm with nothing to do hmm maybe i'll do a benchmark.

SLA Baseball Notches 1st Win in Opener, 25-8!

Just as the umpires arrived in the lead up to the first pitch of the 2011 baseball season the sun disappeared, the wind picked up and the sky was blanketed by ominous clouds. None of these things seemed to impact the energy as SLA ignored the elements and kept their side of the field warm by posting six runs in the first. Aggressive on the base paths and focused at the plate, the Rockets were patient, fundamental and took advantage of Comm Tech's starting pitcher who struggled to find the strike zone early on. After Jeff Schwartz lined a run-scoring single, Brandon Williams really opened it up with a bases loaded single to right, which scored two to make it 4-0. He would eventually add three more RBIs on two hits in a fourteen-run third inning to cap off his day with five ribbies.
 
Comm Tech eventually erased the 6-0 deficit on timely plays of their own in the 1st and 2nd, but Brandon Williams struck out four, the last looking with a runner on third, to preserved the tie. When they came back to the dugout SLA's coach shouted "now get it back!", and boy did they ever. Sixteen "SLAyers" came to the plate in the 3rd, and fourteen crossed home in what seemed like a never-ending cycle of walks, stolen bases, and clutch hits. Comm Tech's pitcher was forced deep in the count on every batter, and when he needed to throw a strike SLA was ready to take it for a ride. This included  solid rip into the gap by Ian McClendon, who finished off the play with a picture-perfect head first slide into second. Ian, who was really seeing the ball all game and barely missed a home run off in the first, was one of three standout stars for the game for SLA by going 2-3 with a double, 4 RBI and 3 Runs scored in five plate appearances.

After the nightmare of a third inning finally came to an end for Comm Tech, Jeff Schwartz took the mound and Brandon Williams went behind the plate. Schwartz matched Williams's solid performance on the mound (2IP, 4K, 2BB, 2H, 6R, 0ER), with two frames of his own in which he struck out four, walked one, surrendered just one hit and gave up two runs with only one earned.  His solid performance on the mound was only beaten by his consistency at the plate. Schwartz went 4-4, notched 3RBIs, and crossed home four times, which earned him star of the game honors along with McClendon and Williams.

An all-around team effort, supported by really strong coaching on the corners by Blase Biello (3B) and Isaac Adlowitz (1B), put SLA in position to end the game in the third, but Comm Tech was able to scratch a few runs across to keep within the fifteen run rule. The ripping wind really started to pick up, but that was nothing compared to the frustrations felt by Comm Tech's bullpen, which surrendered another five runs in the fourth. Schwartz came back out to shut it down, and the game ended on an unassisted ground out to T.J. Nicolella at first. Final score, SLA 25-8. Solid, strong and focused. SLA executed the fundamentals right through to the freezing conclusion by dousing their coach with the water bucket. Now that's brisk baby! SLA's next game is on Tuesday against Simon Gratz.

Congrats to the SLA girls as well, who routed their opponent 41-0 (not a typo or a football score). Apparently Bria Wimberly's home run, would have been enough, but Melissa Buchanico's Grand Slam didn't hurt the cause.

SCORECARD BY INNING:
                  1  2   3  4     R   H   E 
SLA             6  0  14  5    25  14 10
Comm Tech  3  3    1  1     8    4  2

PITCHING:
SLA:                     IP K  BB  H  R  ER

Williams, Brandon  2   4    2   2   6   0
Schwartz, Jeff        2   4    1   1   2   1

STARS OF THE GAME: (For SLA)
Williams, Brandon 3-5, 5RBI, 2R, 1SB
Schwartz, Jeff       4-4, 3RBI, 4R, 4SB
McClendon, Ian     2-3, 2B(1), 4RBI, 3R, 2SB

Waiting for you

I am quiet
Alone is a world with no sound
I sit waiting for something
For color to reach this world
For warmth to fill my heart
Then I hear a load boom
Colors burst throughout the world
Tree's become green
The sky become like a beautiful rainbow
And I find myself in a crowd
I walk slowly through the world
The colors touch my heart
But I feel like something is missing
So I search
High and Low
Through this ocean of people
Over the flush dew covered grass
I walk under the rainbow colored sky
I know that one day that small hole in my heart will be filled
Someday, because I am waiting for someone special
I'm waiting for you
But no matter how beautiful this sky it
Or how the colors warm my heart
I'll still be a grey, quiet soul
Until I see you, and my breath is taken away
So remember, I'm waiting for you
Under that rainbow colored sky

Sunday Morning

On Sunday morning I can always count on my mom to wake up struggling to unlock the door, with the tiny key. Normally the rattling door knob would scare me but I know that it's her. After I let her in I crawl in bed making sure I leave enough space for her to join me, she then says, "You have any plans today"
"No"
"You wanna go to breakfast"
"Sure"

Now this conversation normally varies based on certain events but that is the main conversation we have. See, Sunday Morning breakfast at June's dinner is a tradition for us. We always go at least once a weekend. We share stories about our  week, what happened on Saturday if either of us had gone out, etc. Last time she put me on a guilt trip when we were talking about college next year, "Who will I have breakfast with when you leave." That had to be the most hurtful thing she could have said. I already have anxieties about leaving her, but that was just the icing on the cake. Anyway, I have to go, she waiting for me to go to breakfast, now.

Get It Right

These next few lines kind of explain my life right now:

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow.

But how many it times will it take?
How many times will it take for me?
To get it right​...


Shouldn't Be That Difficult

Today I had to be to work at 3pm. I got off at 10pm and didn't get home until 11:43pm. Something is definitely wrong with that. So because of that I don't really have the time to write the story and wanted to and to be honest I am just exhausted and I just want my credit for today. Maybe I'll have some better luck tomorrow :/

The mailbox...

I completely forget about it when I start to make my long journey home. Minding my own business while I listen to Adele to drawn out the screaming babies, and the loud conversation of the women behind. Looking out the window, I think about what I have to do for school, how hungry I am, or that funny joke Mr. Miles told about Andre today in class. Before I know it, my bus stop comes. I excuse myself through the long aisle of people on the bus, wishing I had gone out the back. I finally get off after thanking the bus driver, which most people normally don't do. I feel kind of bad for them, because I know how much I hate SEPTA and I can only imagine how bad they feel. So I hope that maybe my "thank you" will make them feel like someone appreciates their job, and understands their struggle. Anyway, the air has been colder these days, and the winds stronger, so I fight my way on the quick journey home. Then there it is, I see it as I arrive on my tiny block of Uber st. "Aww Man, I forgot" I whisper to myself. Stopping in my tracks I shortly contemplate turning back around, but then I remember it's after 7 and I can't use my transpass is up, I'm trapped so I must continue. Walking up the steps, I swear I hear that scary music that comes on right before you die in movies. I stick my arm out, and lift up the lid. Holding my breathe in fair of what I may find. I lean over and see..... A Vogue magazine, and a PECO bill. I breath out, "No rejections" I whisper to myself. I walk up the steps feeling a bit better then I did before. But oh no, I forgot about my email... To be continued...

omg its 11:14 . im glad i turned my head.... i think.

it almost slipped my mind , like everything else i dont care about.
i forgot i had to write.
i like writing though. but on my own time. when i feel like it ....you know?
half of the time im spending more time figuring out what i should write about rather than writing it.
story starts here :
but at this current moment , i would like to thank myself for turning around. i was about to steal . not just from anybody but from a loved one. :/ a family member. less than 6 minutes ago , i grabbed it . layed it down. felt on it . and then crept back into the room i found it in  and put it back. i wanted it . i needed it . not even for myself but for someone else. something made me put it back though besides the fact that i could just ask for it. i would be taking the easy route.  i have to face this fear soon, but if i would have stole this thing , i wouldnt even be afraid.

o well .
im still scared.
but at least i didnt steal this for the easy route.

defy gravity

watched myself float away,
fell apart while you smiled and waved.

dreams mean nothing if they never come true.
maybe that's why i never felt close to you.

stars wouldn't shine if no one was looking.
i couldn't breathe without something to keep me on the edge.

and i hope you get this in time.
enough to say you're coming back to save me again.

Skins

​My mom started watching the original Skins on netflix today. Eventually she got me to sit and watch it with her. We didn't think we would like it but we are big on watching british television. Things like Absolutely Fabulous, East Enders, Doctor Who and Being Human are common staples we like to watch. So far we have seen 4 episodes and are quite into it. I am pretty sure I wont watch the american version. Why? Simply because I never liked american remakes of any british shows. British humor is best kept as it is not remade.

The Break Up

It had the air of an awkward breakup. ​I expected outrage, or anger as I told my boss that I was quitting. For most, It's probably not a big deal, but this was my first real job and she had gone through great lengths to accommodate my schedule. It was particularly bad because one food runner had just taken a month off, and the company was only left with 2 others. A company, that which, without food runners, would not be able to function. But instead she looked at me with incredibly soft eyes and said "I'm sorry I need you to work." I was quitting in part because of the unpredictability of my schedule. Over the next month I have a barrage of college trips, vacations and birthdays, and I refuse to put this job over my life. I'm at a time now where school is the most important and these college trips will determine the rest of my life. Also, I have about another 4 months before the friends that I have enjoyed throughout my time in high school become a distant memory, and I am forced to explore the social obligations of college. I got firm with my boss, while retaining my apologetic tone and said "I'm sorry.. I just can't." I thought for sure this would anger her but again, she maintained those soft eyes and disappointed voice and just said "That's not nice." and walked away.

I cried today...

Onji, 

The admissions committee at New York University has carefully considered your application and supporting credentials, and it is with regret that I must inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to NYU this year.  I am so sorry about the disappointing news.

Please know that your application and supporting credentials were given full consideration.  As you likely suspect, we receive more applications from exceedingly qualified students than we are able to admit each year.  This year was no exception, as this was one of the most competitive admission processes in NYU’s history.  Unfortunately, even though students may be clearly competitive for admission based on their academic records and their test scores, we are only able to admit a fraction of qualified students given the space we have available in our classes at NYU.  Please know that whether or not you requested financial aid or on-campus housing did not factor into our decision-making process.

Given the volume of applications we receive each year – roughly 42,000 – please understand that we do not have an appeal process of any kind and we cannot reconsider your application this year.  You can certainly re-apply for admission as a transfer candidate, should you matriculate elsewhere next fall, but we cannot reconsider your application until then and we cannot evaluate any new credentials or materials at this time.

Again, I am sorry for the disappointing news.  My experience shows that the vast majority of students who are delivered similar news – myself included, as I was not admitted to my own first choice university more than 20 years ago – go on to be highly successful in their chosen fields of study.

On behalf of the NYU community, I wish you only the best as you continue your education.

Sincerely,

Shawn L. Abbott, Ed.D.
Assistant Vice President for Admissions

_____________________________________________________________

I was trying to get into my Temple account when I couldn't seem to log in. So I go to my e-mail to look for the e-mail that gave me my username and password, when I see I have 12 unread messages; one of which was from New York University - labeled "Your Admission Decision." Excitement surged through me, because this was it. This was what I'd been waiting for since December when I applied. Each day I thought, if not drooled over my future life in New York as NYU. And so I opened it. I read to "with regret," and my heart sank. First unsure how to take the heart stopping news, I continued to read down to the very last word, even though I knew what it would read. I had gotten the same letter from Villanova, but that was far less disappointing. After reading it I handed the computer to my sister for her to read. Then I turned and tears burned my eyes and washed my cheeks. I cried... a lot. Snowball came trotting over and jumped on my lap and tried to lick the tears away but I just laid her down and grabbed for my Kleenex. But no matter how many times I wiped the tears away, it didn't change the fact that my whole future has changed, whether for better or worse is irrelevant, it's how I'm suppose to plan my life from here on out. I was always the type to plan my future, or anything for that matter, but I'd only plan for the best outcome and never the a bad outcome be a reality. But now I know one of the most important lessons I could ever learn; plan for the best, the good, the bad, and the worst. That way, disappointment won't hurt nearly as bad.  

-Onji 

I cried today...

Onji, 

The admissions committee at New York University has carefully considered your application and supporting credentials, and it is with regret that I must inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to NYU this year.  I am so sorry about the disappointing news.

Please know that your application and supporting credentials were given full consideration.  As you likely suspect, we receive more applications from exceedingly qualified students than we are able to admit each year.  This year was no exception, as this was one of the most competitive admission processes in NYU’s history.  Unfortunately, even though students may be clearly competitive for admission based on their academic records and their test scores, we are only able to admit a fraction of qualified students given the space we have available in our classes at NYU.  Please know that whether or not you requested financial aid or on-campus housing did not factor into our decision-making process.

Given the volume of applications we receive each year – roughly 42,000 – please understand that we do not have an appeal process of any kind and we cannot reconsider your application this year.  You can certainly re-apply for admission as a transfer candidate, should you matriculate elsewhere next fall, but we cannot reconsider your application until then and we cannot evaluate any new credentials or materials at this time.

Again, I am sorry for the disappointing news.  My experience shows that the vast majority of students who are delivered similar news – myself included, as I was not admitted to my own first choice university more than 20 years ago – go on to be highly successful in their chosen fields of study.

On behalf of the NYU community, I wish you only the best as you continue your education.

Sincerely,

Shawn L. Abbott, Ed.D.
Assistant Vice President for Admissions
 

:D!

​There's so much goodyness going on in my life right now! Strong believer that things always gets better.

- I'm working with Sneaker Villa: Join the Movement for my capstone! Don't ask how or why, just know I know how to network my butt off.

- Wale is having a concert :D

- My grandma is moving back to Philly in April :D

- I'm getting my prom dress today, it's sex on a uhh stick? Anyway it's GORGEOUS.

- COLLEGE & GRADUATION is two months away.


LIFE IS GOOD.

Sleep overs

When I was at my church for the grand sleep over, it was the funniest thing in the world. Four of my little cousin are involved so when it came down to when a kid wouldn't share their toys or blanket some one was bound to say " Siiiiiiisssssssyyyyyy she wont share with me!". I It the most annoying thing that I could have ever witness, because it never ended through out the night. Then in my head, I'm just curious about what they expected me to do about it. The funniest  time was when my cousin was the first to fall asleep and she got whip cream all over her body. It was a pretty preachy night.