Blog Feed

Hey, what’s up. I haven’t seen you in a long time. What?What is it, What you mean, Ohh, this? Heh.Yea It’s a pain in the butt. What do you mean how this happen?

Well, long story short, I was at practice during Ultimate, and while sprinting to block someone I was bouta run into a freshman, and I didn’t want to hurt him so I jump to the side and when I did, I was running extremely fast and when I jumped I had a misstep and I twisted it pretty badly.Man I should’ve just ran him over(jokingly). I’m too nice. But now I been stuck like this for a while now. At, first I didn’t think it was that bad, I just needed to get an Xray to make sure. Then I was told I have a fractured, had an appointment set for them to look into it more and then it turned into also having a dislocated tendon. And then it was recommend I had surgery which turned even more crazy, my mom started freaking out saying nonsense and stuff.

Well, I can’t blame her, she is my mom, and she did have her experience with surgery which went pretty ermmm. But that doesn’t mean the same thing would happen to me. I’m not going want to walk around with a messed up ankle and never run again. I would rather take the surgery and have a normal ankle again which they said I would have if I do it because there was low risk chances. It was all crazy, all my mom did was tell me how it was going to be painful and blah blah. Like I knew what I was going to go through, and I’m willing to do it. But all she did was complain and get on my nerves. After appointments and appointments we decided we was going to do it. My mom was out of options so she couldn’t really avoid the surgery. But I was prepared, I wasn’t planning on throwing my reputation on the team away. And I’m still young I need to stay active yanno? But woooo, that surgery was a pain in the ass after. You can say there was a lot of needles, and then after the surgery It was painful the first few days. Pain meds didn’t really help. I couldn’t really sleep because It would feel like my wound was reopening itself, it would feel like I can feel the stitches pop one by one as it slowly open. Oh boy.Well I was in a split, but after one of my appointments they took it off and put me in a cast.Man you should’ve saw my leg, it was interesting you can say. Like it became so skinny,and wrinkly, it just wasn’t nice to see it. The aftermath I guess. I’m going to be stuck like this for a little more, but after it’s all over I’m going to work in getting back in shape. Going to have therapy to help with that too.

But I want to come back strong this spring. My mom doesn’t support me still playing sports and etc tho. Especially after what happen. I’m not sure If I would be allow to play, I hope I will be able to. If i do I have to be more careful next time, because your arms and legs and a valuable part of your body. It was a good first experience in a way.Can wait until, The Return of Michael. Well shit, long story short turn into me telling you mostly what happen haha. I can’t wait to be out of this. Until then, a positive mindset is good.

Thunder He Cries

Silence You’ve lost all but one, me. rain drizzling sound

It hits me when you’re hurt, when you’re drowning in deep sorrow until you’re yet to hit rock bottom. thunder sound, continues to rain drizzling You seek a light so bright, yet you’re stuck in the dark. You blame yourself, but it’s not you. You’ve made mistakes, but you’ve learned from them. You had little from the start, not much to spare. It meant everything to you, everything. You’ve lost it though, all of it. The little you had is now nothing. How do you feel? another thunder No don’t cry, don’t sob. Because you were wrong. I was wrong. You have me. I’m worth more than everything you once had. What you’ve lost, it was never there to stay. It was on a joyride that came upon you. You enjoyed it then, but now it’s gone. There never was a permanent commitment. You don’t know what it feels like to have a permanent commitment, but you do have one. One you do not realize until that point in life you will stumble upon, and when you do you will lose it all. Me. pauses Do you not believe me? thunder sound, silence There has been many points in your life where I have been with you. I helped you. I lived those moments with you whether they were good or bad. I was there. Me. thunder, rain drizzles continues You were never alone from the moment you met me. It may have not seemed like it, but that’s not because you didn’t notice my presence, it’s because you were not comfortable enough to throw your issues at me. You choose to leave me out and expect me to be there? How? I’m not a magical being, I’m human, just like you. You make mistakes, I know, I do too. Everyone does. BUT quick thunder a mistake takes more than one person. You’re not alone.

I can’t believe you were going to let this happen to you. I don’t care if you don’t love yourself or if your parents can’t find a reason to love you, because I do and I will teach you how to love yourself. storm gets loud You have to know it wasn’t your fault that your parents are always fighting, it’s not your fault that they do not believe in love.

No, it’s okay. I understand. Do you? Pauses, rain drizzles continue I know it’s hard to believe. I’m not God. I can’t save you. But whatever you go through, I’ll go through WITH you. It’s hard. I understand, but hey, you’re most certainly not alone. You’re most certainly not the only one that cares. sighs as if his message did not get through to the significant other You don’t have to believe me. It’s your choice. Everything you do is your choice. There may be a lot of significant others that influences your choices, but in the end, the choice you make is yours. The consequences you get are yours. This doesn’t mean you deal with the consequences alone. You have me. I choose to be with you. I choose to drag my life through all that you need or want me to be there with you for. Like the many times your dad left your mom for a few days and she was always drinking and causing problems with you, I was there. Just like how you would tell me good news that we could celebrate together. Like that time you got your first college acceptance letter with full scholarship, I was there. You can also tell me not-so-good things that you wouldn’t want to be alone for. Like that time your mom kicked you out of the house and you had nowhere to go so you called your brother and I had to find out through him weeks later. quiet sob over the rain drizzle

audio via google drive-https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B4o7xZVa6WS1TFBkN1A1WUhITjA

You bonehead! Why do you have to say something like that?  For once can you shut your mouth and be respectful, not everyone has to be your sex toy.

You weren't always like this you know, you used to be nice and most of all respectful. I know you don’t want to talk about this especially not here, where we first started when we met where we made something more out of ourselves together.  Before falling apart really seeing the face behind the mask.   I thought I loved you! Boy, I was wrong! you're nothing but a disrespectful whore.

I know you know exactly where this is going to go but this time is going to be different, this time you're going to listen or were done, if you F this is like you always do then goodbye I'm not talking to you again, you do this then look at me like you did nothing wrong, and then with a quiet voice that almost just almost makes you sound like you really actually care, then you squeak out, I'm sorry if that offended you?

I'm Sorry if that offended you? Well if you were really sorry you wouldn’t do it F every day.  You won’t, rate women by how hot they are or act like the only reason they exist is to fuck them.    

Almost every time you open your big ass mouth, something stupid comes out.  If you're really sorry then show it, I used to be proud to be your friends now I don’t want to be seen with you.  Pointing and laughing at like it some kind of joke, it’s sickening I don’t even want to be around you, put myself through this every day.  When you stop and look at me with your eyes almost crying and say it was only a joke. I can’t keep letting myself take this torture it hurts. To hear and see James, I used to look to look at you and see someone so kind and so compassionate and now I see a jerk who covers it up with thier huge smile and big wide eyes.   

I want to laugh also so explain it to me please, I don’t get it why the hell you think this is  alright. If you think this is some kind of joke it not funny. I want to be your friend, your best friend like we used to be. When we knew each other and our conversation had an impact, when we mattered to each other.   You're making it kind of hard if I have to put up with this, every day.

(pause waiting for a response)

You're an ass and you're mad at me for pointing it out.  I’m saying my honest opinion about what you do. You're saying I’m the ass for telling you what I think instead of standing there agreeing with you, the way women are supposed  to right?!

(pause waiting for a response)

RIGHT?!

I don’t even know what to say any more to you,  I look back and it magic and I stand here and it’s hell, washing over us.  I thought we were perfect. (crying) If I had known it would come to this I don’t know if I ever would have tried. We had so many good times. But looking back they were only full of cruel jokes and lies. I honestly cannot forgive myself for being a part of that.

So, go ahead and say whatever you want me to believe, try and use you tilted head and big eyes to make everything ok. It’s not going to work this time, I can’t keep doing this, forgiving you and forcing myself to forget what is really happening.  

I tried and kept trying, watching as you point as laugh like it no big deal, pointing out every single flaw someone has, when there just walking down the street, I can’t anymore after all that you have done.  You final pushed to my breaking point rubbing me off, treating me like a servant, like a slave to your every wish.   I nothing to you anymore, nobody is to you we're all just there for sex when you want it.   

Well I'm sorry then that it had to come to this, but I can’t put up with this anymore and You're not going to change, for me we both know what your happy the way you are, with or without me, you know what I'm glad, You can have your fun and I can have new better friends, it a win-win situation,  Nobody is on the bottom.  

Don’t bother saying you're going to change, I don’t believe you. I tried it all with you, you're not going to change so don’t bother lying to me or yourself, someone will be ok  with it  just not me. We were once so strong, now here we are barely holding on to the sight of each other as we walk away.   

Bye I guess, there nothing really else to say.

          In the Life of a ¨No¨

Sweet heart you finally came, you really came, come sit next to me give me your hand I want to tell you some things today.  Why are you looking at me like that,  I know what you’re thinking, but that's not important anymore. No no you will not come here everyday just to watch me wither away slowly. Live life while you can be free. Look at me I am your living example. Physically I have the doctors standing over me watching every single one of my steps, very carefully telling me what I can and can't do. There is an invisible bondage of shackles. All around me from every corner all I hear is “No, that is harmful, no we can’t give you that, no sorry we don’t think that’s possible, NO, NO, NO!!” hearing these words is now a part of my daily routine. They tell me what to eat, do and wear. Even without them I still have the machines watching every one of my moves, from what I’m eating to the calculation of my heart beat.

My last wishes are nothing to them their only job is to keep me “alive”, alive physically but not mentally. The binding words of the doctors ¨no sugar¨ or you will have a fast death no getting up from bed, rest or you might feel weak. Listen to me sweet heart never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Your death is already written for you, when you're supposed to die you will die. Those small things that they say no to you for when they say “No, that's too dangerous, No thats gonna hurt” these are the the things in your path that stop you from getting to your bigger goal. Do you want your whole life to be controlled? If you don’t start to follow your dreams and heart now one day you too will be lying on this hospital bed alone, nothing but the orders of the doctors and your relatives controlling the rest of your life or in my case days. I sit and watch the sun as it goes up and then back down, every sunset counting the last of my days. My only movement from sitting up to laying back down, my whole life concealed in four corners of a room and my body connected to a machine, my bed is angled at the right direction so the sun hits my face right at dawn and then once it's gone I am left to stare at those dull blue curtains. I watch life go by and dream only dream in my bed, in my bed of sorrows. It’s as if though they all waited for me to get this weak and old so they could just place me here. Yes your father and your uncles pay for everything but that's not what brings me happiness. Sending me to this dull hospital bed isn’t what is pleasing me. My life consisted of starting out with the rule of my parents then settling down with a family of my own, raising your father and then your grandfather left me, now I sit here alone left with only my thoughts to accompany me, clouding over me and making me realize how it's all too late. Only I can understand how I feel the pain of watching everyone live on running, jumping, dancing, hopping and walking doing what they want while these wires and needles are the only thing binding me to this bedpost. They have my body here but my soul has already died and fled to another world.  Rather than dying a slow awaited stretched out death I wanted to die proud and accomplished. But that is impossible when you have so many restrictions that you are faced with. Even on your deathbed there is no escape you have every eye on you, mourning. These wrinkles and ripples on my skin are here to prove something I am your grandmother and I have seen and experienced a lot in my time, if there is one thing I can tell you with all my heart is to do what you want before it's too late never limit yourself, never let anyone tell you you can’t. Never take No for an answer.

Heyyyyyy
Are you my uber, Carl S-Sagan? Oh, it's Carlos?

My bad Carl, I'm Caesar.

Where I am I going? Um let's see the home I think yeah. Oh where yeah that makes sense um let's think 24th and Peridot I think that is where I live, My apartment is cool you should be able to see it from the street I forgot to turn off the light so you can see my fake plant and my poster of Nas, I like Nas.

Where am I coming from you ask? The bar isn’t it obvious? [lifts up up a bottle] 17th and Geno? At this rate it's gonna take foreverrrr.[Slides back in seat]. There was quiet for a second Tell me a story!.

A story about MY family afraid’ not Carlton closest thing I had to a family was my wife well except she wasn’t my wife she was my girlfriend.[Looking out the window dramatically] You don’t get it, Cole! She wasn’t your run of the mill dane, she was to kill for. Man, how old should she be now? [Pulls out fingers and starts counting] I’m twenty-four and she was a year younger than me so that would make her...yeah 23 something like that. [Pause] No you don’t *hic* you don’t get it, Comatose , she was my world my Mundo as the french say. [Puts head in lap], what was she like,um let me think. She was tough as nails a real never had to say it twice, always wanting to talk on late summer nights, bars! [Raised bottle] Kind of like this one [Looks out the window again]. What happened? I’ll tell you what happened?! I leave Brooklyn for a week One Week![holding up a finger]. Then she tells me “I can’t be with you anymore, I don’t love you, I’m sorry” I ask Why she gives me a whole spiel about “You never pay attention to me, you make me self-conscious about my body, and you don’t listen” I tell you, Cody, I’m the most concentrated man you have ever met, I turned my eye for a second then she’s gone she thinks I don’t look at her Instagram with a fake account to see she’s with a new guy a day later! I tell ya Christopher dating was so much easier when I was in high school! Empathy? What about me?!

HOW ABOUT MY FEELINGS CONNOR?! I spent all those years putting her feelings before mine I left my dog with my parents because she was allergic, I didn’t have to do that, I sold my motorcycle because she thought I’d hurt myself and I went with it. I stop cooking my grilled cheese sandwiches on the roof because she said it was “Unsanitary” and I battled her for that one but I quit. It sounds like she cared for me? What did she do for me that made my happy ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? “Buy me this buy my that, what clothes should I wear? Can you take out the trash? Eat spaghetti with me, Wait for me so we can watch Luke Cage together, Let’s take our picture together… [Reaches into pocket and pulls out picture] Clifford I feel like I really screwed this one up big time. It’s all too funny I guess you never really know what you have until it’s gone. Y’know Charley, she always pointed out on this you know my house is close because of the giant neon sign that says “Psychic” we went in there once I remember she called out the woman because she said she couldn’t do a kickflip on a snowboard in the middle of summer. Boy, where we all shocked when she showed us. Or that one time where she told me she invented concrete shoes and then slipped into the river we’re at the hospital for hours. Oh and that other time-

Oh we’re here already? Alright well um see you thanks for “this”[Car door opens and then leaves but immediately gets back in the car] . Hey, Carlos wanna go to a diner or something I like these little talks.

‘So you go to kill her, because she is my mother… WHAT?’

So in this moment, I got confused by the script. That’s the time to talk with the director.

‘Hey, director!’

‘You tell me to shut up? Hey! I have a question! And you call me to shut up? Did your mum teach you to be polite to everyone huh?’

...

‘Who wrote this script? This scene is trash! Wait… not even the scene is trash, the entire script is trash! Look at the grammar! Change the plot, fast!’

...

At this point you may ask, why an actor will complain the script? Well...that’s not an argument, this scene is actually in the script, so don’t worry.

...

‘What the hell man? And now you start swearing to me and try to lower my salary because I was being rude to the director? Not cool man, NOT COOL!’

...

But this scene is not in the script, things start getting wrong. Ugh!

‘Hey Director! I just follow the script, what are you angry for?’

...

‘What? You don’t want me to in this movie?’

...

I got the feeling when you screwed up and get someone angry! So, you may ask, ‘Hey, so how do you calm the director down?’ Spoiler alert, I calm him down but with a long story.

Don’t want me in this movie? Yeah.

‘That’s not cool, director!’

‘That’s what the script tell me to do, calm down.’

‘Oh guys, here! Help me to calm down the director, please!’

…

‘Just like they said, calm down!’

‘Just… just look at the script god damnit’

…

‘Oh now you feel sorry huh? You should be. Thanks you friends!’

So the director calmed down and we keep on filming.

But before we refilm, me and my friends spend a hour to rewrite the script with frustration.And we are off!

‘So you want to kill her because she killed your mum?’

...

‘But that so risky, she know how to kill but you, you barely know how to use a scissors! How can you avenge your mum if you don’t know how to deal with a killer?’

...

‘What cut, director, huh?’

…

‘What are you saying? What “I don’t like this script?”! We already CHANGE the script. What do you want?’

…

‘Now you want to fire us all, but you can’t! You are not the boss here! Let me call the boss. Oh wait, that’s no signal here, darn.’

...

‘What do you want?’

...

‘Whoa! He-hey, calm down, director. Put down the knife, that is a real knife, not a prop. Just… put it down.’

‘Holy crap, you almost hit me when you throw the knife! Friends, HELP!’

…

‘Director, put down the gun. That’s not a prop too. Put it down before someone get shot, ok?’

In this moment, he pointed the gun to me and fire straight right to me, luckily I dodged it just in time!

‘Friends, I am sorry! Don’t come in here! Call 911 instead, quick!’

Now i stuck in a large filming room with 4 other actors and actresses, they hide with me in the same place. And he is coming to our hiding place!

…

‘This is not what fire mean...oh crap, RUN!’

I am so dumb, I give up our position to him! Although he still misses me but he hit one of the actresses in the leg and I shout…

‘Quick, distract him by throwing anything you found. I am going help the girl!

They trust me and do what I tell them. This give me time to rescue the girl. I move her to the cover at least.

‘Are you ok? I am sorry i don’t have any bandage but some Tissue paper for stop you bleeding. Oh, the cops are here.’

I will never break the 4th wall again!

https://www.soundtrap.com/playlink/b1c7e10d-1dae-48cf-9481-3dfff30b67c5/

Stop! Stop! Oh My God thank you I thought I would have to wait another hour. (swipes transpass)

My transpass,  I already swiped it!

I am telling you the truth the transpass has been swiped you can even ask the people behind you.

It doesn't matter there is no one behind me, I swiped it.

No I am not being loud I am just telling you the truth! Here, I will even show it to you. (goes  through her pocket )

Here you see there’s my transpass.

What do you mean, swipe it? I already did. (swipes transpass)

You see, it won't work, because I already swiped it. I just need to get to the other side of the city

What do you mean I am getting too loud¨!

No I am not on any drugs! Why does everyone think that just because I am me I am on drugs!

It’s not my fault you don't believe me.

Why do I need to get off the bus?

If you felt you were falling behind then you should have already started to move.

Why are you calling the cops? I am doing nothing wrong!

I am not holding up the Bus, you are!

No I am not disturbing the peace.

Why are you trying to blame me for your unwillingness to let me on the bus.

I am trying to get to my brother's school, so I can pick him up.

Because I am the only one that can pick him up after school

You know I swiped my transpass and you saw me can you please let me pick up my brother

No that’s not true and I can't believe you think that is ok to say to me at my age.

No I didn't drop out of school, I have a backpack right here.

No I am not carrying drugs. I am just trying to pick up my brother.

No you can't check my bag.

Get off of my bag!

Can you please let me on the bus

I am not hiding anything I am just trying to get on the bus

What do you mean it’s filled to capacity, half of the bus is empty

Why don't you want me on the bus

No, that can't be the reason because half of the bus is empty. Is it because of my hijab?

How am I making the passengers feel uncomfortable? Is it because I called you out on not letting me on the bus because of my religion and that you feel uncomfortable with someone with a hijab on the bus? If you aren’t being racist, give me a good reason right now before I call your boss and get you fired.  

Oh My God Did you just say I could have been a threat to the other passengers. Ok how could I hurt the passengers? (start pulling out a book) Am I going to hurt them with reading out loud from a history textbook or am I going to hurt them with a math problem?

What! You think I am going to stab people with a pencil and give them lead poisoning!?

Yes I can wait for the cops to come and arrest you for what you are saying to me.

You are an adult accusing me! A teenage for being a terrorist! You are crazy and delusional.

Look who’s here. Officer this man won't let me on the bus because of my Hijab.

What? What are you doing? What, why do I have to leave the Bus?

Let me go! Get off of me!

Help! Help!

No I am not, (sobbing) I’m not resisting arrest

Stop! No! Dont Hit Me!

AAAHHHH!

Better Together

“Umm… this is awkward don’t you think? I mean class is over and the teacher has left. Should we be here? I mean, yeah, the school doesn’t lock up until eight tonight but doesn’t it seem too quiet?”

*deep sigh*

“Sure, I’ll talk now in here but I have to leave in about an hour. You said you wanted to ask me something important, so I guess it is better to get it over now than later, right?”

*pause*

“Hmm? What was that? What type of people do I hang out with? Well… I don’t have a certain group of people nor certain person to hang out with. I am able to pop in a group of gossiping people. Then there is the Asian Group where all food is good. I love Asian food. I am what I eat haha. A lot of people have trust in me. Do you not have a group to hang out with?”

*pause*

“Oh, I see. Well the thing is, you don’t need to be in a group to be popular. Like I said, I don’t have a certain group I hang out with. Just be the shadow and find out you think is going to be a great friend to you. Personally, I have been in depression for almost four years. People thought I was creepy and had no life in school. We are in high school now and there are people from all over the place. It’s not like there isn’t anyone that will be perfect and be with you all the time. I struggle with that same problem too.”

*pause*

“ I see… I’m sorry to hear that your friends abandoned you. I was also abandoned because my secret was spilled out a while ago. If you think I’m that popular, then you’re wrong. I treat people with kindness and respect so that I can receive the same back, but they all take advantage of me and think that it okay to take my life like their own personal pawn. Those people who keep smiling at me and those who seems like my friends who treats with respect are FAKE! Those smiles on their faces were just to show me that they are happy with my existence, but inside those eyes of their souls they don’t care if I was around or not.”

*short pause*

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you my secret. Well, hahaha it is not a secret anymore. Most people know already. I just don't want to see the same damn expression from another person! I had enough, honestly.”

*blank stare for a few seconds*

“No, I’m not lonely, I’m just more independent and the type of person who doesn’t stick to a certain group of friends. Tyler, I  don’t get noticed by people a lot. You by far this year are the only person who would talk to me and have a decent conversation with. I thank you for this moment.”

*pause*

“I have to go, I’m sorry to interrupt the conversation, but I have an urgent text about an issue at home! But we can pick this conversation up tomorrow if that is okay with you?”

*pause*

“Okay cool! I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then. “

*narrator pauses and looks back at character #2*

“Wait… I just had a thought… we are both in the same position, would you like to be my friend? We can always hangout whenever. We both have the same classes together and the same lunch periods. We can be our own independent group, am I right? You seem like a cool guy to be honest.”

*Pause*

“OKAY! Awesome! I’ll definitely look forward to our friendship! I promise you that you won’t regret this! Thank you for this talk! It put me out of my comfort zone and finally be able to talk to someone with a real conversation! Okay! See ya tomorrow and thank you again Tyler!”

For my entire life, I have looked up to my father. I have wanted to be just like him, as every boy does. When my father died, though I was grief stricken, I was also eager to take over the family business.

Well, yesterday, I got to be just like my father, and I was shocked to learn that everything that I thought I knew throughout my entire life had been fabricated and sugarcoated. I realized that I had known nothing about who my father really was, what he had done, or even what the family business dealt with. I never knew that our customers’ lives were destroyed by our business. Our customers are weak and desperate, they rely on our products just to be somewhat content with life. When I went to observe the work of the dealers, I saw a woman stumbling towards us. She was twitching, she had black teeth, bloodshot eyes, and had deep wrinkles despite only looking like she was in her thirties. When she got to the line, she was begging to get ahead.  I couldn’t believe that my family business had been turning people into zombies for generations. I never knew that the products we traded led to mountains of dead bodies.  When I was on the job, I saw a member of the coast guard approach the ship I was on, to ask some questions. I was shocked when one of my employees shot him in the back. I watched as the blood drenched his uniform and he fell to the ground with a permanent look of surprise on his face. I thought about how this officer probably had a family, a wife, children, and parents that would never see him again. Many of our own people have lost their lives in the name of our company’s profit. Jorge Gonzales, one of my longest serving employees, and a friend of my father’s was shot dead yesterday. I doubt that I will ever recover from seeing the man whom I had known so well as a child riddled with bullets, and I realized in that moment that he had lost his life because of my company.

Many of you standing here listening to my speech have put your lives at risk trying to eliminate our business rivals. I ask all of you whether providing for your family is worth the risk of never being able to see them again.  I assure you that your family would rather have you in their lives than the money you earn. I don’t know what to think of my father anymore. Am I thankful for the fact that he raised me and inspired me throughout my childhood, or do I despise him for lying, sugarcoating, and fabricating the details of the family business? Now that I am a fully grown man and have seen what it is my father was actually doing to provide for my family. I have decided to leave the family business.

To my family, I know that all of you are disappointed in me. You think that I am disgracing the family by abandoning the long lived family business. Believe me, I thought long and hard about this decision, I stayed up all of last night thinking about what I observed on my first day. I was not eager to put an end to everything my father had started, or to dishonor the family name, but I decided that staying true to what I believe was more important. Though I’ve wanted to be a drug lord since I knew what jobs were, I realize now that all of my dreams, aspirations, and fantasies about my future were all lies.

Why does Dad always ask me that? Everyday, “When are you gonna get a real job?” Digital media is a real job. It takes a lot of work to write, record, and edit a film. What a surprise, right? Then he has the nerve to tell me to settle down and do something useful with my life. I have settled down and I am doing something, but he doesn’t care because it’s not what he wants.

Dad just wants me to do something that pays well so he can feel validated. He says he’s only looking out for me, but forcing me to do something that I don’t want to do won’t make me happy. I want to spend my time creating. Watching an idea blossom from just a storyboard to a full blown film is the best thing in the world. Then seeing it go on to be successful, it makes me feel like a proud parent. I wish I knew what that felt like, having a parent that supports you no matter what you decide to do.

My entire family has been hounding me about getting a good job for as long as I can remember. They never care about what I want, they just want me to make money. I know that it’s because they want me to be better off than they are, but I don’t know what to do. Maybe they’re right, I mean, it is really hard to find work in this field, but it’s worth it, right? I love photography and cinematography, but maybe it’s not the best choice.

Wait, what am I saying?! Of course it’s the right choice, it makes me happy. Plus I don’t want to be stuck in some office job doing the same things everyday. I want to have adventures, I want to travel and capture all the places I see. I went to college for this for christ sake. It’s been my dream to be a filmmaker since I was a little kid. I’ve been watching and analysing movies and videos since my childhood.

Does that mean I wasted my whole life? Did I spend all those hours, working on a skill that won’t lead me anywhere? Doing the same thing everyday is safer, filing papers, going to meetings all the time. There’s no way I could mess up, get lost, or get hurt. Is it worth it to be safe, but unhappy? I wanna make my family proud. I want to be the kid that grows up and makes tons of money, to be the one that can buy everybody expensive gifts for Christmas, that’s not really easy in a place like this where creativity doesn’t pay off. I guess I should do what my dad wants me to do.

That’s the thing though, it’s what Dad wants me to do, it’s not what I want to do. The only way to live life to the fullest is to actually live. I don’t want to be some robot sitting behind a desk all the time, I’ll go crazy! I don’t want to live in a world of black and white, I need to do something original. Do I want to make myself happy, or my family? Do I want to enjoy working, or do I want a guaranteed salary? I don’t know what to do.

What am I going to say? What am I going to do? How can I make them be by my side? I know them. They are my parents, right? So I’m supposed to know how they will respond. I should know that they won’t accept it. But, finally, if they don’t accept it they won’t be accepting me either, they won’t be accepting his son. Yes! I could say that! It’s a strong sentence. Let’s keep thinking… Hmmm… Could I tell them I love her? They should be able to understand that! No, that wouldn’t work. That’s upsetting. I’m sure they will say “you’re only teenagers, you don’t know what love is.” Are you kidding me? I know I love her! I want to spend the rest of my life with her! She is the most interesting, beautiful and clever person I’ve met before. That’s what attracted me the most the first time we’ve been together. That’s why I have to try it. I really want to see her, in real life again, not just on my phone or computer screen. Even if seeing her face makes me happy, it’s not like seeing her face to face. Here I go.

(Opens a door)

Mom, Dad, I have to tell you something. No, don’t worry, I’m okay. It’s just that I want you to know something. Before saying anything, I want you to hear me out and try not interrupting me, thanks. Well… Do you remember that time, when some students from another school came one month to my school? Well, I… I fell in love with one of them. Please, don’t interrupt me, mom, at least let me finish telling the story. We started seeing each other in their second week here. We’ve been dating for six months already, we talk at least twice a day, and do Skypes or FaceTimes  frequently for a check-in. It’s serious, mom. Well, I didn’t tell you anything because I knew you would think I was crazy and that you wouldn’t accept this relationship. Well, now it’s  March. I am already making plans for the summer, you kn... Let me finish, please. Just listen, you promised it! Well, I want to go to see her. Thanks mom, thanks dad, for treating like I was crazy. You are really tolerant. Thanks for saying we’re going to break up soon. That’s your wish, right? I am going to see her! We have been saving money since we started, to make this trip possible. I would be one week there. I already have the three-fourths of the money I need. She is going to pay for a hotel and I’m going to pay for the flight. You see? This isn’t a joke. I have never been so sure of anything in my life until I realized I really like her. Her family approved it, I don’t know why you do not. She doesn’t live that far. It’s just Spain! Europe is only across the ocean!

Hey Sel- since when did you start smoking, you are in school! Give that to me, you airhead. What is wrong with you?

Okay, you are the loudest person on the face of this earth, and now you can’t talk? You don’t have anything to say to me right now? Well I have something I need to say to you.

I don't want you to take this in a good or bad way. I mean this is for the better...wait! I'm not saying you should improve yourself I jus- nevermind just listen to what I have to say. I met you in kindergarten, I was holding on to my mother’s leg and I refused to let go. You came over to me, took my hand, and placed a gummy worm in it. We were instantly best friends. Our friendship only grew stronger and you are always here for me, so I want to be here for you. I just don’t think that being with Connor is a great idea.

I love you, but you and I both know you’ve changed. In the beginning of the school year you were completely different: you had all A’s and B’s, you were in soccer, we volunteered at the after-school program with the children, and you took care of yourself. Now turn around and look in the mirror, besides from the dirty splatters, lipstick stains, and gum from these horrid girls, do you see the same intelligent and sporty girl you once saw? I know I don’t.

Look at your eyes, they aren’t a bright and sparkly wonderland anymore, a land where everyone wanted to be, to make their lives happier and more adventurous. Your hair, it used to be in a dark brown curly bun, with an Under Armour headband to top it all off. Even your clothes, as you once were opinionated and didn’t care what anyone thought of your sporty and artsy style unless it was either your mother or I.