Pink

Dear Mr. President,


[should all be read quickly and eagerly, like a small child, sad parts slow down like a little kid too]

My name is Lexi, and I am 6 and 3 quarters. My birthday is February 15th and that’s one day after Valentine’s Day which is the day of love. My teacher asked me to write about something I love. But I love a lot of stuff. I love pizza and swimming, but I hate pink. Pink is for babies and I’m a big girl now. Never wear pink, Mr. President, because I won’t like it. My mommy likes pink though, especially when the sun rises and the clouds turn into cotton candy in the sky. I love my mommy. I also love my daddy. They love me too. They love me soooooo much that they’d do anything for me. They tell me that every day just so I’ll remember. I think that’s silly though because I’m smart, so I’ll remember it anyway. My teacher wants me to write about how much we love you, Mr. President. I think I can do that.

My mommy really loves you. She said that she voted for you a whole 2 years before I was born. Two years is pretty long if you ask me. She said that the White House was in serious danger because some really bad men were trying to live in it, and we needed a hero to come protect us. She said that you were different from all the other Mr. Presidents that came before you, and that you were the one who could save the day! You were the one who could change the world and keep our country happy and safe forever! When you won, my mommy cried big happy tears. In 2012, I went behind the blue blanket to help push the button with your name on it to make you win again. When you won, my mommy told me our country was still safe from the bad guys. The big tears happened all over. This year was really different. We didn’t get to push your name.

Why did you take your name away, Mr. President? My teacher told me it’s because you have to give someone else a turn, but you’re doing a great job keeping out the baddies, so it’s fine with me if you just stay. This year, Mommy wasn’t so happy to watch TV with me anymore. She would turn it off sometimes when this one man came on the screen. He had tiny little eyes and almost-gone hair like Daddy’s that was always rushing away from his face. Kind of like it was blowing in the wind but all the time. When he talked, his mouth got really small like he was biting a lemon, and he would move his hands around like he was my music teacher. The weirdest thing about him though was his orange skin. It was almost as orange as my friend Crissy’s hair, except by his eyes. Sometimes this man was hunched over behind a tall table, talking to a blonde haired woman that made Mommy smile. Other times, he was just talking to the screen. He was always yelling at Mommy through the box. He always looked angry. He always said mean things. I asked my teacher about the big orange man one day, and she told me that he was trying to get your job, Mr. President! Can you believe that? When my teacher told me that, I got really upset and I threw my notebook. She got stern with me, but I told her that you can’t just take someone’s job like that, especially not a hero’s! She still told my mom. Luckily my mommy agreed with me, so she didn’t get too angry. Mommy says the orange man has none of the experience that you need to be a good president for our country, and that he is mean to all of the people who don’t look and think like him. She said he would break our country. That sounds bad. Daddy doesn’t hate him like Mommy does. He says the orange man will make more jobs, and he needs one. He says he will run the country like a business, and make us all rich! I want to be rich too!...But Mommy says he’s a bully. Sometimes we watch the TV all together. Sometimes it’s not fun. Mommy gets upset and Daddy tells her she’s being stupid because of course the orange man can’t actually do anything that bad to the Mexicans, but Mommy says it doesn’t matter, it’s the fact that he says it at all, and I just sit there. Mr. President?

Last night, Mommy made Daddy and leave our house for the night. When I asked Mommy why he left, she said it was because the nice old woman didn’t get picked to take your job. She said the mean orange man did, and Daddy helped him. She told him that he was just as bad as the orange man himself. My dad threw something at the wall. I could hear it from my bed. I heard the door slam too. My mom crawled into my bed last night. This time she wasn’t crying big happy tears. These were blue. They were the ones that leave a big line on your face because they don’t stop for a while. Like when a boy takes your toy while the other kids are watching, but when you tell on him, they all shake their heads. And the teacher gives the boy the toy. And the kids walk away with him, laughing. And you know you’re all alone. Those kind of tears. When I woke up next to my mommy this morning, the sky outside was gray and still. The birds weren’t singing. Cars barely honked. The world was stiff and tired. Mommy didn’t smile today.

Mr. President, I know you aren’t going to have your job for much longer, but if you can do one last thing for us, can you please make the birds sing and the sky pink again? I think that will make Mommy smile.


Love,

Lexi


To Read or Not to Read by Harlem Satterfield

It should be around here somewhere...is it here? No...there? No….ummm...AHA! Here it is! I’ve been looking for this for so long.  I can’t wait to read this. I bet this’ll be…oh…hey Dad. What are you doing here?

What do I have here? Oh, umm…it’s a book. I was going to start reading it for class. I need it for English this quarter.

What book is it? It’s uh…it’s called “War of the Skeletons.” I’ve been looking for it for a while.

Uh, yeah, you can see it. I know it’s not something you’d want me to read, but-

Wait what? Why!?!

B-But it’s a good book! I actually want to read it! Ms. Vomohap said-

Are you seriously bringing this up now? Of all times?

...

Why are you being like this dad, you never let me read what I want! You’re always telling me to read harder books and now that I have one, you won’t let me read it! And for what reason? It makes no sense!

Why are you always so critical? This doesn’t even affect you! You never let me have any fun whatsoever! All you do is criticize me! You always think I’m playing video games when on my laptop! And it’s not like you do it to everyone, either. If my brothers we’re to make a mistake, they’d just get a slap on the wrist! You don’t even yell at mom that much! It’s always me! Why do I always have to get the lecture? It’s not fair! Now, I really need a book to read for class. My teacher said it could be anything as long as it’s something adequate for a 10th grader to read! And this is!

I don’t want to take any of YOUR books. I want to bring my own! Besides, your books are so boring!

Why? Because they’re so long! I don’t want to spend my time reading a 50 chapter book! And there always about the same thing! I know how they all end! There’s some kid who’s a nobody, they find out they some secret or superpower, then they meet a girl and ends up dating them at the end. I know!

...

It’s because of the subject, isn’t it?

...

The book is set in a famous video game, and I know how you feel about them. You’ve always hated video games. Always.

...

Ok, let’s say that I had a book about World War II. It’s exactly like this one, a lot of chapters, no pictures, everything. Accept it’s a very violent book and goes into full detail about the war. It’s gory details fly through your head and never come out, resulting in endless nightmares and such. Would you have let me read that? Have you?

I thought so.

....

Look Dad, I know you’re upset, and I know how much you want me to read. You want me to be better, and I do too. So I started by picking out a book about something that interests me, because then I’ll have a reason to pick it back up. I really want to take a look at this book. So can you please, please let me read it?

….

Really? You’ll let me? Seriously? I actually convinced you.

….

Thank you! Finally I can read something!

….

You won’t be disappointed, Dad! Not at all!

(Dad leaves, character looks at book)

I better make the best of this. If I’m going to change, this is a good start. I remember when my brother read this a few months ago, and he said it was awesome. I think it’s awesome, too. So, yeah, I’m going to read this, no matter what anyone says! I now have something to read!


If video does not work go here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwshJIYsxV0&feature=youtu.be

English Monologue: For Him

(Does the sign of the cross)


In the name of The Father, of The Son, and of The Holy Spirit.


(Proceeds to pray as her hands are in prayer position)


Oh Lord, I ask that you watch over my family and friends. That you guide us in the right direction and help keep us from harm. I pray my grandpa is watching over me from Heaven, but can I ask? Ask why you would take him away from me. Why you would take someone who had so much faith in you away from their family?


(Remove hands from prayer position and intensifies tone of voice)


Haven't you seen what I’ve been through? Don’t you remember how much faith I have in you or had I should say. I … I just can’t do this anymore. I’m done believing.


You’ve failed me. After everything I’ve done! After everything I’ve been through, all you do is put me through more pain. You said that Jesus died for us. That he died to prevent us from the pain he went through when he was nailed to the cross, but if that's true then why did you leave my grandpa helpless in a hospital bed dying from cancer!


(Runs her hands through her hair and starts to pace/walk around the room as she talks)


I’d spent an integral part of my adolescence in a hospital. Fox Chase Cancer Center to be exact, and even though it wasn't me who was sick, I would have prefered that compared to the actuality of the situation. My best friend was in the hospital with stage four cancer.


He was such a happy person. Not even being diagnosed with cancer could dull his sparkle, but the chemotherapy did. It made him weak. Tired. I could see how the pain affected him whenever I’d visit.


(Pause and look up)


He was the matriarch of our family. Yet the chemotherapy made him weak when we needed him most.


(Look like you’re about to cry)


All we wanted was for him to be okay! We’d be excited when they’d tell us that he could come home, but we’d be distressed and depressed when we’d have to bring him to the emergency room no more than 3 weeks later.


(Look like you’ve had a train of thought and then smile)


I visited my grandpa everyday after school hoping he would get better. It put a smile on my face to see how his eyes lit up when I walked into the room. “Hola Ava” he would say. “Hola Abuelo” I would reply as I walked towards him to give him a hug.


For the rest of the afternoon, we would watch tv with our family, and tell corny jokes until it was time for us to go home. “I love you Abuelo” I'd tell him before I left.  “I love you too” he’d say with a cheesy smile on his face. It made me happy to see that he was happy. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.


(Look towards the ceiling)


God, during his treatment I stopped believing. Believing that you would help the situation, that you would make everything better. As he continued to get worse I continued to wonder why you would do this to me, to my family, to our family. I was on constant alert fearing that one day you would take him away from me.


(Short Pause)


Every time I saw him the last sentence I would say to him was I love you. I said I love you because was I so scared that I would lose him at any moment.


(Intensify the urgency as this sentence is said)


Do you know how emotionally unstable that makes a child? To know that her grandpa, her best friend, could die from esophageal cancer at any minute.


(Pause)


And then it happened. On an early afternoon in August he died. My dad hadn't told me until we got home, but I could sense that something was wrong before then. I tried to prepare myself, but I wasn’t ready to hear the news. I don’t think anyone else was either. His death affected me deeper than I could even fathom.


(Start speaking in a slight whisper)


It made me lose faith. Faith in you, your religion, and I’m sorry.  Saying all of this has helped me realized that it isn’t your fault. My feelings of anger and betrayal were out of distress, despair. I was trying to find someone to blame the situation on, and you just happened to be the target.


You were the only person I thought could help him and seeing how he hadn’t gotten any better I took that as you failing, but (Sigh) I was wrong to blame you. I mean you did help him live four and half years longer than the doctors said he would. In fact they called his survival a miracle.


(Slowly does the sign of the cross)


And with that being said, I’m sorry.


(Slight Pause)


Amen. (She says as she bows her head)


English Monologue -Cripple Struggles

Hey, what’s up. I haven’t seen you in a long time. What?What is it, What you mean, Ohh, this? Heh.Yea It’s a pain in the butt. What do you mean how this happen?


Well, long story short, I was at practice during Ultimate, and while sprinting to block someone I was bouta run into a freshman, and I didn’t want to hurt him so I jump to the side and when I did, I was running extremely fast and when I jumped I had a misstep and I twisted it pretty badly.Man I should’ve just ran him over(jokingly). I’m too nice. But now I been stuck like this for a while now. At, first I didn’t think it was that bad, I just needed to get an Xray to make sure. Then I was told I have a fractured, had an appointment set for them to look into it more and then it turned into also having a dislocated tendon. And then it was recommend I had surgery which turned even more crazy, my mom started freaking out saying nonsense and stuff.


Well, I can’t blame her, she is my mom, and she did have her experience with surgery which went pretty ermmm. But that doesn’t mean the same thing would happen to me. I’m not going want to walk around with a messed up ankle and never run again. I would rather take the surgery and have a normal ankle again which they said I would have if I do it because there was low risk chances. It was all crazy, all my mom did was tell me how it was going to be painful and blah blah. Like I knew what I was going to go through, and I’m willing to do it. But all she did was complain and get on my nerves. After appointments and appointments we decided we was going to do it. My mom was out of options so she couldn’t really avoid the surgery. But I was prepared, I wasn’t planning on throwing my reputation on the team away. And I’m still young I need to stay active yanno? But woooo, that surgery was a pain in the ass after. You can say there was a lot of needles, and then after the surgery It was painful the first few days. Pain meds didn’t really help. I couldn’t really sleep because It would feel like my wound was reopening itself, it would feel like I can feel the stitches pop one by one as it slowly open. Oh boy.Well I was in a split, but after one of my appointments they took it off and put me in a cast.Man you should’ve saw my leg, it was interesting you can say. Like it became so skinny,and wrinkly, it just wasn’t nice to see it. The aftermath I guess. I’m going to be stuck like this for a little more, but after it’s all over I’m going to work in getting back in shape. Going to have therapy to help with that too.

But I want to come back strong this spring. My mom doesn’t support me still playing sports and etc tho. Especially after what happen. I’m not sure If I would be allow to play, I hope I will be able to. If i do I have to be more careful next time, because your arms and legs and a valuable part of your body. It was a good first experience in a way.Can wait until, The Return of Michael. Well shit, long story short turn into me telling you mostly what happen haha. I can’t wait to be out of this. Until then, a positive mindset is good.


-life-2

English Monologue - Thunder He Cries

Thunder He Cries

Silence You’ve lost all but one, me. rain drizzling sound

It hits me when you’re hurt, when you’re drowning in deep sorrow until you’re yet to hit rock bottom. thunder sound, continues to rain drizzling You seek a light so bright, yet you’re stuck in the dark. You blame yourself, but it’s not you. You’ve made mistakes, but you’ve learned from them. You had little from the start, not much to spare. It meant everything to you, everything. You’ve lost it though, all of it. The little you had is now nothing. How do you feel? another thunder No don’t cry, don’t sob. Because you were wrong. I was wrong. You have me. I’m worth more than everything you once had. What you’ve lost, it was never there to stay. It was on a joyride that came upon you. You enjoyed it then, but now it’s gone. There never was a permanent commitment. You don’t know what it feels like to have a permanent commitment, but you do have one. One you do not realize until that point in life you will stumble upon, and when you do you will lose it all. Me. pauses Do you not believe me? thunder sound, silence There has been many points in your life where I have been with you. I helped you. I lived those moments with you whether they were good or bad. I was there. Me. thunder, rain drizzles continues You were never alone from the moment you met me. It may have not seemed like it, but that’s not because you didn’t notice my presence, it’s because you were not comfortable enough to throw your issues at me. You choose to leave me out and expect me to be there? How? I’m not a magical being, I’m human, just like you. You make mistakes, I know, I do too. Everyone does. BUT quick thunder a mistake takes more than one person. You’re not alone.


I can’t believe you were going to let this happen to you. I don’t care if you don’t love yourself or if your parents can’t find a reason to love you, because I do and I will teach you how to love yourself. storm gets loud You have to know it wasn’t your fault that your parents are always fighting, it’s not your fault that they do not believe in love.


No, it’s okay. I understand. Do you? Pauses, rain drizzles continue I know it’s hard to believe. I’m not God. I can’t save you. But whatever you go through, I’ll go through WITH you. It’s hard. I understand, but hey, you’re most certainly not alone. You’re most certainly not the only one that cares. sighs as if his message did not get through to the significant other You don’t have to believe me. It’s your choice. Everything you do is your choice. There may be a lot of significant others that influences your choices, but in the end, the choice you make is yours. The consequences you get are yours. This doesn’t mean you deal with the consequences alone. You have me. I choose to be with you. I choose to drag my life through all that you need or want me to be there with you for. Like the many times your dad left your mom for a few days and she was always drinking and causing problems with you, I was there. Just like how you would tell me good news that we could celebrate together. Like that time you got your first college acceptance letter with full scholarship, I was there. You can also tell me not-so-good things that you wouldn’t want to be alone for. Like that time your mom kicked you out of the house and you had nowhere to go so you called your brother and I had to find out through him weeks later. quiet sob over the rain drizzle


Do you? Do you know? If not just let me know and I’ll go. No, I know. I know you love me. I love you too. But it’s not that easy. Love is a four letter word that crashes just like how life is a four letter word that would always burn you, scar you. Love is meant the same way. Oh… No, you know I didn’t mean it in that way. I’m exposing this to you so that you can realize what is here for you. Me. pauses Why is it so hard for you to understand? Why is it so hard for you to believe?! bang/thunder I’m sorry. No, I didn’t mean to…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNHQorBIHJI

English Monologue:Better Days

audio via google drive-https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B4o7xZVa6WS1TFBkN1A1WUhITjA


You bonehead! Why do you have to say something like that?  For once can you shut your mouth and be respectful, not everyone has to be your sex toy.


You weren't always like this you know, you used to be nice and most of all respectful. I know you don’t want to talk about this especially not here, where we first started when we met where we made something more out of ourselves together.  Before falling apart really seeing the face behind the mask.   I thought I loved you! Boy, I was wrong! you're nothing but a disrespectful whore.


I know you know exactly where this is going to go but this time is going to be different, this time you're going to listen or were done, if you F this is like you always do then goodbye I'm not talking to you again, you do this then look at me like you did nothing wrong, and then with a quiet voice that almost just almost makes you sound like you really actually care, then you squeak out, I'm sorry if that offended you?


I'm Sorry if that offended you? Well if you were really sorry you wouldn’t do it F every day.  You won’t, rate women by how hot they are or act like the only reason they exist is to fuck them.    


Almost every time you open your big ass mouth, something stupid comes out.  If you're really sorry then show it, I used to be proud to be your friends now I don’t want to be seen with you.  Pointing and laughing at like it some kind of joke, it’s sickening I don’t even want to be around you, put myself through this every day.  When you stop and look at me with your eyes almost crying and say it was only a joke. I can’t keep letting myself take this torture it hurts. To hear and see James, I used to look to look at you and see someone so kind and so compassionate and now I see a jerk who covers it up with thier huge smile and big wide eyes.   


I want to laugh also so explain it to me please, I don’t get it why the hell you think this is  alright. If you think this is some kind of joke it not funny. I want to be your friend, your best friend like we used to be. When we knew each other and our conversation had an impact, when we mattered to each other.   You're making it kind of hard if I have to put up with this, every day.


(pause waiting for a response)


You're an ass and you're mad at me for pointing it out.  I’m saying my honest opinion about what you do. You're saying I’m the ass for telling you what I think instead of standing there agreeing with you, the way women are supposed  to right?!


(pause waiting for a response)


RIGHT?!


I don’t even know what to say any more to you,  I look back and it magic and I stand here and it’s hell, washing over us.  I thought we were perfect. (crying) If I had known it would come to this I don’t know if I ever would have tried. We had so many good times. But looking back they were only full of cruel jokes and lies. I honestly cannot forgive myself for being a part of that.


So, go ahead and say whatever you want me to believe, try and use you tilted head and big eyes to make everything ok. It’s not going to work this time, I can’t keep doing this, forgiving you and forcing myself to forget what is really happening.  


I tried and kept trying, watching as you point as laugh like it no big deal, pointing out every single flaw someone has, when there just walking down the street, I can’t anymore after all that you have done.  You final pushed to my breaking point rubbing me off, treating me like a servant, like a slave to your every wish.   I nothing to you anymore, nobody is to you we're all just there for sex when you want it.   


Well I'm sorry then that it had to come to this, but I can’t put up with this anymore and You're not going to change, for me we both know what your happy the way you are, with or without me, you know what I'm glad, You can have your fun and I can have new better friends, it a win-win situation,  Nobody is on the bottom.  


Don’t bother saying you're going to change, I don’t believe you. I tried it all with you, you're not going to change so don’t bother lying to me or yourself, someone will be ok  with it  just not me. We were once so strong, now here we are barely holding on to the sight of each other as we walk away.   


Bye I guess, there nothing really else to say.


I'm Coming by Majd Bostani

“I’m Coming”

walks into room with flight book in hand, opens up book, and starts crying

What the heck does a runway guard light look like?

I really don’t know anymore. This summer hasn’t allowed me to focus on anything. I already had to drop out of summer Geometry, and now I can’t even remember what I worked so hard on for flight school. My life was flipped around like it’s some kind of aerobatic thrill ride without any gravity.

“Go flying. You’ll be closer to him… then you are now,” my pilot buddies told me.

They’re just trying to get money from me. I’m not feeling good, both emotionally and physically! I have been like this for a week now. How am I supposed to get all better on Wednesday?

It’s not like he has any superpowers to get us back to normal in two days.

The worst hit I could probably take would be to go to my flight lesson and have my instructor take the controls from me because I forgot how to respond to whatever kind of situation he tests me on. If I want to fly, I want to fly. I’m paying for the plane, not my instructor. I don’t want my instructor to fly the plane for me.

“You leave it all on the ground when you fly”, they say. All of the stress of day-to-day life.

Well, the struggle is getting off of the ground. If I want to fly, I don’t want to cry for 20 minutes after all of the airport people offer me their condolences. I don’t want to embarrass myself during the ground test and have it feel like a setback to my progress.

My dad wouldn’t have wanted to see me cancel a lesson out of pure stress. Being a pilot himself, he would always stress not being stressed when flying.

“Fatigue is what kills most pilots. Always sleep for two extra hours, eat something nutritious, and make sure you are at your 150% when you fly.” My dad would remind me the night before a flight lesson.

Oh man, how much do I miss seeing my dad everyday? I’ve spent all 495,239,400 seconds of my life with my dad. That’s 6732 days. That’s better than any Snapchat streak will ever be. My dad has never steered me wrong, and I think that I should cancel this flight lesson out of respect for him and what he would say.

“You need to fly, Majd. I want you to escape from this depressing state of mind.”, my aunt told me.

Well yeah, I do need to get my mind off of stuff, but suppressing the loss of the most important person in my life… is unreal. That’s like not reacting along with a nose dive, and not trying to correct it.

“You still have it, Majd,” my aunt told me.

If I still have it, then why couldn’t I remember a page of the Airplane Flying Handbook? I don’t want this lesson to be the thing that ruins fourteen months of hard work. I want to feel ready for this lesson. The problem is that I don’t feel ready. I’m not sure if it will take me a month, a year, or a century to get back to feeling my best. But when that does happen, I’ll start doing what I love again.

(really excited tone) You know what, screw it. SCREW IT! It will be a lot more worthwhile if I go up and have fun. My depression is bad enough! I know I will be closer to my father in the air, then here, sitting on my ass in bed crying. Who cares if my instructor has to take over? I’m sure he will understand and respect everything I do. Heck, I could even take cousin Riley, who has been there for me every step of the way. Dadio wants to see him as much as he wants to see me. I’m sure my instructor is going to understand what I’m going through.

“Dadio, I found a better way to get up there and spend time with you!” “Let’s fly! Riley’s coming too!”

starts crying once more

In the Life of a ¨No¨

          In the Life of a ¨No¨

Sweet heart you finally came, you really came, come sit next to me give me your hand I want to tell you some things today.  Why are you looking at me like that,  I know what you’re thinking, but that's not important anymore. No no you will not come here everyday just to watch me wither away slowly. Live life while you can be free. Look at me I am your living example. Physically I have the doctors standing over me watching every single one of my steps, very carefully telling me what I can and can't do. There is an invisible bondage of shackles. All around me from every corner all I hear is “No, that is harmful, no we can’t give you that, no sorry we don’t think that’s possible, NO, NO, NO!!” hearing these words is now a part of my daily routine. They tell me what to eat, do and wear. Even without them I still have the machines watching every one of my moves, from what I’m eating to the calculation of my heart beat.

My last wishes are nothing to them their only job is to keep me “alive”, alive physically but not mentally. The binding words of the doctors ¨no sugar¨ or you will have a fast death no getting up from bed, rest or you might feel weak. Listen to me sweet heart never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Your death is already written for you, when you're supposed to die you will die. Those small things that they say no to you for when they say “No, that's too dangerous, No thats gonna hurt” these are the the things in your path that stop you from getting to your bigger goal. Do you want your whole life to be controlled? If you don’t start to follow your dreams and heart now one day you too will be lying on this hospital bed alone, nothing but the orders of the doctors and your relatives controlling the rest of your life or in my case days. I sit and watch the sun as it goes up and then back down, every sunset counting the last of my days. My only movement from sitting up to laying back down, my whole life concealed in four corners of a room and my body connected to a machine, my bed is angled at the right direction so the sun hits my face right at dawn and then once it's gone I am left to stare at those dull blue curtains. I watch life go by and dream only dream in my bed, in my bed of sorrows. It’s as if though they all waited for me to get this weak and old so they could just place me here. Yes your father and your uncles pay for everything but that's not what brings me happiness. Sending me to this dull hospital bed isn’t what is pleasing me. My life consisted of starting out with the rule of my parents then settling down with a family of my own, raising your father and then your grandfather left me, now I sit here alone left with only my thoughts to accompany me, clouding over me and making me realize how it's all too late. Only I can understand how I feel the pain of watching everyone live on running, jumping, dancing, hopping and walking doing what they want while these wires and needles are the only thing binding me to this bedpost. They have my body here but my soul has already died and fled to another world.  Rather than dying a slow awaited stretched out death I wanted to die proud and accomplished. But that is impossible when you have so many restrictions that you are faced with. Even on your deathbed there is no escape you have every eye on you, mourning. These wrinkles and ripples on my skin are here to prove something I am your grandmother and I have seen and experienced a lot in my time, if there is one thing I can tell you with all my heart is to do what you want before it's too late never limit yourself, never let anyone tell you you can’t. Never take No for an answer.


https://soundcloud.com/aysha-siddiquee/in-the-life-of-a-no

Late night talks

Heyyyyyy
Are you my uber, Carl S-Sagan? Oh, it's Carlos?

My bad Carl, I'm Caesar.

Where I am I going? Um let's see the home I think yeah. Oh where yeah that makes sense um let's think 24th and Peridot I think that is where I live, My apartment is cool you should be able to see it from the street I forgot to turn off the light so you can see my fake plant and my poster of Nas, I like Nas.

Where am I coming from you ask? The bar isn’t it obvious? [lifts up up a bottle] 17th and Geno? At this rate it's gonna take foreverrrr.[Slides back in seat]. There was quiet for a second Tell me a story!.

A story about MY family afraid’ not Carlton closest thing I had to a family was my wife well except she wasn’t my wife she was my girlfriend.[Looking out the window dramatically] You don’t get it, Cole! She wasn’t your run of the mill dane, she was to kill for. Man, how old should she be now? [Pulls out fingers and starts counting] I’m twenty-four and she was a year younger than me so that would make her...yeah 23 something like that. [Pause] No you don’t *hic* you don’t get it, Comatose , she was my world my Mundo as the french say. [Puts head in lap], what was she like,um let me think. She was tough as nails a real never had to say it twice, always wanting to talk on late summer nights, bars! [Raised bottle] Kind of like this one [Looks out the window again]. What happened? I’ll tell you what happened?! I leave Brooklyn for a week One Week![holding up a finger]. Then she tells me “I can’t be with you anymore, I don’t love you, I’m sorry” I ask Why she gives me a whole spiel about “You never pay attention to me, you make me self-conscious about my body, and you don’t listen” I tell you, Cody, I’m the most concentrated man you have ever met, I turned my eye for a second then she’s gone she thinks I don’t look at her Instagram with a fake account to see she’s with a new guy a day later! I tell ya Christopher dating was so much easier when I was in high school! Empathy? What about me?!

HOW ABOUT MY FEELINGS CONNOR?! I spent all those years putting her feelings before mine I left my dog with my parents because she was allergic, I didn’t have to do that, I sold my motorcycle because she thought I’d hurt myself and I went with it. I stop cooking my grilled cheese sandwiches on the roof because she said it was “Unsanitary” and I battled her for that one but I quit. It sounds like she cared for me? What did she do for me that made my happy ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? “Buy me this buy my that, what clothes should I wear? Can you take out the trash? Eat spaghetti with me, Wait for me so we can watch Luke Cage together, Let’s take our picture together… [Reaches into pocket and pulls out picture] Clifford I feel like I really screwed this one up big time. It’s all too funny I guess you never really know what you have until it’s gone. Y’know Charley, she always pointed out on this you know my house is close because of the giant neon sign that says “Psychic” we went in there once I remember she called out the woman because she said she couldn’t do a kickflip on a snowboard in the middle of summer. Boy, where we all shocked when she showed us. Or that one time where she told me she invented concrete shoes and then slipped into the river we’re at the hospital for hours. Oh and that other time-

Oh we’re here already? Alright well um see you thanks for “this”[Car door opens and then leaves but immediately gets back in the car] . Hey, Carlos wanna go to a diner or something I like these little talks.


https://www.soundtrap.com/aalfaro.allah?

This is the day


Mama wants me to stand up for myself. Mama said that I need to stop crying every time someone gives me a mean look. Mama wants a strong boy, a winner. Mama made me go on that mat and look at the other boy my weight. I never win. Mama said it would make me stronger. She said it would make me not fear the bullies. She said that the second I saw another kid across the mat I would be fearless, and I would fight. She said it would make me the bully. Mama doesn’t want a scrawny boy. She wants a big strong boy, one that looks like you.


Every match I look up at the stands, I see Mama’s face. She’s happy when I’m standing. I look over when my head is on the mat, when the boy is pushing me down. That’s when mama’s mouth turns down and her eyes look away. That’s when mama looks sad. She tells me to look at you before I leave. She tells me to look at something strong and I will feel strong.


Look at you. You are strong, you win. Every match I set up between you and Blue, you win. I need to be like you. Emotionless, yet strong. Mama wants a you. I am not a you. You wouldn’t cry every time Coach says to be stronger. You wouldn’t cry every time your head is hit to the ground, but your head would never be hit to the ground. I can’t be the bully when all I get is bullied. Looking at a stronger guy across the mat is bullying. Coach is a bully. Coach tells me to stop being a weak little boy. He says that the boys that beat me aren’t weak and they don’t cry. He says I need to be like them, I need to stop crying because it won’t get me anywhere. Him and Mama are right. I’m weak and worthless. I never win, they have nothing to be proud of. They make me do this. They all make me cry. They all make me feel weak. Mama just called up to my room, we have to go. Mama I’ll be down in a minute. I just need to get my suit on. Where are my ear protectors. Okay I found them. You are strong. I can be strong. I will be strong. This is the day I won’t cry. I will be like Red, a mighty and strong fighter. The one who wins. Plastic, but a winner. Mama doesn’t see how much I want this, how I fight, but she will see today. This is the day Mama’s mouth won’t be turned down. This is the day she will be proud. Maybe Coach won’t yell at me if I win. Maybe he’ll talk to me like he talks to the other boys.


I stumble down the stairs out of excitement for the day I will win. The day I will look at the other wrestler across the mat, not out of fear, but out of ambition. Mama asks me why I’m smiling. I tell her it’s because this is the day that I will make her happy, the day that I will win for her and Coach. She replies with a chuckle as she turns around and opens the door. She says to me, “We can see what you have in ya.” Seems like mama doesn’t believe in me, but I will prove her wrong. I will prove them all wrong. The boys on the team won’t recognize this new winner. Coach will be surprised. Best of all, Mama will be smiling as her little weak boy beats one of them to the ground.


A Hidden Love


What are you doing?!?!? You can’t just let him walk out the door….Not after what you found out yesterday. I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t let him marry the wrong girl! I’d be a terrible friend for letting him ask her to marry him (extremely certain)RIGHT? (Increasingly uncertain)Right?!...right? God, why couldn’t it have been me? Why didn’t he CHOOSE me? Can’t he see that I’m madly  in love with him or maybe perhaps he doesn’t care. In all those years of our childhood a lifelong bond was created-one that would never be broken. It started out as a friendship that seemed stronger than any friendship there had been in history, we and everyone around us knew it. Usually friendships between a girl and guy tend to get a bit messy because one begins to fall for the other but not ours-at least...not at first. I don’t remember when it happened it just kinda did. I remember it was when we were in high school. My friends did the expected teasing. Ya know how it goes “Why don’t you guys date?” or “You two would make a cute couple”. I mean, all it would do at the time is make the situation awkward. But then, my heart and brain got to talking and nothing good ever comes from that. The feelings just sorta developed over time and day by day I just started seeing him in a different way.

Now we’re in our junior year of undergrad...and sure I’ve dated people here and there, (and so has he) but he’s always been at the back of my mind. But then he met her. I remember when he introduced to me. Said her name was Sofia. He was happy. It was all over his face. They’ve been together for about two and a half years all of them seemingly blissful and now...he wants to marry her. I had no reason to dislike her other than the fact that she was dating the guy of my dreams. But she made him happy and that’s all I wanted for him (even if the only thing I wanted more was for to be the one to do that  and I guess I do but not in the way I want to).

However, yesterday all of that changed and I saw her for the conniving little snake she really was.  I walked in on her and one of his friends making out half naked in his bedroom(I was there to pick up some papers he needed for a class and I wasn’t busy so I graciously agreed to do it for him). After I stood in the doorway  with a look of astonishment on my  face for a good five minute, she proceeded to explain to me that she never really loved him in the first place and she was only marrying him for the millions he was worth(I also forgot to mention that he comes from an extremely wealthy family). I didn’t have words, just tears of anger, so I simply left. I knew she was too good to be true. But the problem was then, now that I know do I tell him? And to some it might seem like a no brainer but he’s put blood sweat and tears into that relationship and getting that news would crush him and he had a presentation that day and I didn’t want to screw with his head, but...seeing his face when I gave him those papers-looking into his kind eyes that seemed to stare into the depths of my soul-that might’ve been the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. But now-now he’s gonna ask her to marry him..I can’t let him do that, at least not without telling him the truth. Then I can admit my undying love for him and he’ll see that I’ve always been her waiting. Yes! I’m gonna do it, finally! But wait what if he doesn’t feel the same way...well then at least he won’t be with that gold digger and that’s all I care about right now...Okay here it goes….

“Wait!”

https://www.soundtrap.com/woneal? 

First day of school

Mom, I’m home!


How was my day? 


I woke up and thought today was the best day of my life because today is the first day of tenth  is the first day I study  my sister’s school  mov to my sister’s high school, the school that i study before is TRASH, cannot teach me anythings, the students are naughty, the lunch that the school give us are disgusting. It was a nightmare to study  my old school. ow, I am very excited  the first day of school, I can meet new friends. “Good morning, mum” I said, at that moments I still sleepy but my body make me wake up and move to the living room to eat my breakfast, “Oh, good morning, Zoro, what make you so late to wake up, Zoua is already eating her breakfast.” you replies, you always smile to me when you talk, make the morning much more better, even I have some bad things happen before, you always bring the smile to me, your smile make me relax and safe. After I finish my breakfast, I go to school with my sister. Is there has a food store? What does the lunch taste like? … In my head all the question are popping out from my brain about the things in the new school, at that moment i really cannot sit down because of my excited. We arrive at school at 7:16 am, the school starts at 8:15. So we have about one hour to do anythings we want I ask my sister to show me around the school, she nods. She explains every detail where we have walked in the school, she even showed me where my class and my locker are. Then her best friend Saly and Mercy came toward to us and say hello to me and Zoua, my sister always talk about their stories and things when she has free time with me, “Hey Zoua, I want to walk somewhere else, if you have somethings want me, call me.” I said “I will” she reply. on the way to my locker to put some stuff in it.  bullies  bullying a boy I thought Zoua’s school do not have bullies, I  just stand  not help the student who get bullied I  toward them and said “what are you doing here?” I said, “none of your business,” they push me  the floor like I am blocking the way, then a teacher come by. he teacher saw the bullies push me on the floor  call the bullies . “Thank, “ the student who just got bully said, “I am Kama, 10th grade,” “Nice to meet you Kama, I am Zoro, I am new here and I am 10th grade too,” That’s how I meet my first friend, Kama in the first day at school. Then the bell ring, which mean class is ready to start, “Hey Zoro, I think you are in my class, do you want to come with me?” “Sure,” He said


So that’s the first day of my new school, kinda fun, At least the lunch in the new school is yummy.

When breaking the 4th wall...

‘So you go to kill her, because she is my mother… WHAT?’

So in this moment, I got confused by the script. That’s the time to talk with the director.

‘Hey, director!’

‘You tell me to shut up? Hey! I have a question! And you call me to shut up? Did your mum teach you to be polite to everyone huh?’

...

‘Who wrote this script? This scene is trash! Wait… not even the scene is trash, the entire script is trash! Look at the grammar! Change the plot, fast!’

...

At this point you may ask, why an actor will complain the script? Well...that’s not an argument, this scene is actually in the script, so don’t worry.

...

‘What the hell man? And now you start swearing to me and try to lower my salary because I was being rude to the director? Not cool man, NOT COOL!’

...

But this scene is not in the script, things start getting wrong. Ugh!

‘Hey Director! I just follow the script, what are you angry for?’

...

‘What? You don’t want me to in this movie?’

...

I got the feeling when you screwed up and get someone angry! So, you may ask, ‘Hey, so how do you calm the director down?’ Spoiler alert, I calm him down but with a long story.

Don’t want me in this movie? Yeah.

‘That’s not cool, director!’

‘That’s what the script tell me to do, calm down.’

‘Oh guys, here! Help me to calm down the director, please!’

‘Just like they said, calm down!’

‘Just… just look at the script god damnit’

‘Oh now you feel sorry huh? You should be. Thanks you friends!’

So the director calmed down and we keep on filming.

But before we refilm, me and my friends spend a hour to rewrite the script with frustration.And we are off!

‘So you want to kill her because she killed your mum?’

...

‘But that so risky, she know how to kill but you, you barely know how to use a scissors! How can you avenge your mum if you don’t know how to deal with a killer?’

...

‘What cut, director, huh?’

‘What are you saying? What “I don’t like this script?”! We already CHANGE the script. What do you want?’

‘Now you want to fire us all, but you can’t! You are not the boss here! Let me call the boss. Oh wait, that’s no signal here, darn.’

...

‘What do you want?’

...

‘Whoa! He-hey, calm down, director. Put down the knife, that is a real knife, not a prop. Just… put it down.’

‘Holy crap, you almost hit me when you throw the knife! Friends, HELP!’

‘Director, put down the gun. That’s not a prop too. Put it down before someone get shot, ok?’

In this moment, he pointed the gun to me and fire straight right to me, luckily I dodged it just in time!

‘Friends, I am sorry! Don’t come in here! Call 911 instead, quick!’

Now i stuck in a large filming room with 4 other actors and actresses, they hide with me in the same place. And he is coming to our hiding place!

‘This is not what fire mean...oh crap, RUN!’

I am so dumb, I give up our position to him! Although he still misses me but he hit one of the actresses in the leg and I shout…

‘Quick, distract him by throwing anything you found. I am going help the girl!

They trust me and do what I tell them. This give me time to rescue the girl. I move her to the cover at least.

‘Are you ok? I am sorry i don’t have any bandage but some Tissue paper for stop you bleeding. Oh, the cops are here.’

I will never break the 4th wall again!

Transpass Mishap

https://www.soundtrap.com/playlink/b1c7e10d-1dae-48cf-9481-3dfff30b67c5/

Stop! Stop! Oh My God thank you I thought I would have to wait another hour. (swipes transpass)

My transpass,  I already swiped it!

I am telling you the truth the transpass has been swiped you can even ask the people behind you.

It doesn't matter there is no one behind me, I swiped it.

No I am not being loud I am just telling you the truth! Here, I will even show it to you. (goes  through her pocket )

Here you see there’s my transpass.

What do you mean, swipe it? I already did. (swipes transpass)

You see, it won't work, because I already swiped it. I just need to get to the other side of the city

What do you mean I am getting too loud¨!

No I am not on any drugs! Why does everyone think that just because I am me I am on drugs!

It’s not my fault you don't believe me.

Why do I need to get off the bus?

If you felt you were falling behind then you should have already started to move.

Why are you calling the cops? I am doing nothing wrong!

I am not holding up the Bus, you are!

No I am not disturbing the peace.

Why are you trying to blame me for your unwillingness to let me on the bus.

I am trying to get to my brother's school, so I can pick him up.

Because I am the only one that can pick him up after school

You know I swiped my transpass and you saw me can you please let me pick up my brother

No that’s not true and I can't believe you think that is ok to say to me at my age.

No I didn't drop out of school, I have a backpack right here.

No I am not carrying drugs. I am just trying to pick up my brother.

No you can't check my bag.

Get off of my bag!

Can you please let me on the bus

I am not hiding anything I am just trying to get on the bus

What do you mean it’s filled to capacity, half of the bus is empty

Why don't you want me on the bus

No, that can't be the reason because half of the bus is empty. Is it because of my hijab?

How am I making the passengers feel uncomfortable? Is it because I called you out on not letting me on the bus because of my religion and that you feel uncomfortable with someone with a hijab on the bus? If you aren’t being racist, give me a good reason right now before I call your boss and get you fired.  

Oh My God Did you just say I could have been a threat to the other passengers. Ok how could I hurt the passengers? (start pulling out a book) Am I going to hurt them with reading out loud from a history textbook or am I going to hurt them with a math problem?

What! You think I am going to stab people with a pencil and give them lead poisoning!?

Yes I can wait for the cops to come and arrest you for what you are saying to me.

You are an adult accusing me! A teenage for being a terrorist! You are crazy and delusional.

Look who’s here. Officer this man won't let me on the bus because of my Hijab.

What? What are you doing? What, why do I have to leave the Bus?

Let me go! Get off of me!

Help! Help!

No I am not, (sobbing) I’m not resisting arrest

Stop! No! Dont Hit Me!

AAAHHHH!


Farewell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o0Yq6DH8vk
Dear Reader, 

I’ve lived all my life wondering what it is that I’m living for. There was this interesting question that a teacher asked us many years ago: Would you die for those you love or would you live for them? I thought about it. I had a liking for such philosophical things, but I knew that the question didn’t apply to me. I never had anyone to love.

My parents died before I could remember. In my mother’s will, I went to live with my aunt. She was like the generic evil stepmother in the fairytales I read as a kid — mean, controlling, and unloving. I was told to do all of the house chores, and I did them willingly. I was thankful for the life she had given me, but she never seemed to be satisfied. She never married and had no kids. I always thought that that might be the reason why she treated me so. But I think we had something in common — we never learned to love. 

I grew up not having any friends. But it’s not like I’ve never tried. I’ve tried to change my life. I’ve tried to make friends. I’ve tried to be more outgoing. But in the end, all efforts were futile. I never had the courage to talk to people. I was always afraid that I might accidently say something that will make them hate me forever. I was afraid to be alone, but my efforts to prevent that only resulted in more solitude. Even in those rare instances where I do get the courage, I find myself not having any topics of discussion. I haven’t had enough experiences in my life. I don’t have anything interesting to talk about. I don’t have any worthwhile stories to share. 

I’ve never been the kind of person who wants to be the center of attention. But it’s different when no one pays attention to you. It’s different when no one ever acknowledges your existence. I just want someone to tell me that I matter. I want to have something to live for. It’s not something to boost my ego, but simply a sign of affirmation that I’m real. I go through everyday as if I were just a spectator, as if this life is something that I’m not actually living, but simply observing from the first person. 

When I was young, I thought about all the possibilities, all the different things I could be when I grew up. I was hopeful. But as I grew up, as I began to understand more about the reality of the world, all those dreams and aspirations seemed less and less plausible and became more and more distant. I work as a janitor at Phiph Middle School three blocks down the street. It’s nothing flashy. Being a janitor is rather stigmatic by society’s standards. But it’s fitting. Think about it. It’s a job where you are secluded from human interaction and left every day observing the doings of other people. No one ever talks to their janitor. People know they exist, but have absolutely no interest in who they are. They’re just there to clean up everyday when classes are over. It’s the one thing in my life that shows that I have purpose, but I was too replaceable. Anyone could’ve done what I did. 

It’s kind of depressing to think that when coming to the end of my life, I feel so empty. Maybe I was never meant to be around people. I have nobody. I hate my job. I hate my parents for leaving  me alone in this world. I hate my life. I struggle to find a reason to continue. On the bright side, at least I have nothing to live for. No one is waiting for me tomorrow morning to have breakfast together. No one is expecting me to see my face in the morning. I have no responsibilities. I have no fear. No one will be hurt if I go. 

Farewell, 

Stewart 

Better Together - Benjamin Seing

Better Together

“Umm… this is awkward don’t you think? I mean class is over and the teacher has left. Should we be here? I mean, yeah, the school doesn’t lock up until eight tonight but doesn’t it seem too quiet?”

*deep sigh*

“Sure, I’ll talk now in here but I have to leave in about an hour. You said you wanted to ask me something important, so I guess it is better to get it over now than later, right?”

*pause*

“Hmm? What was that? What type of people do I hang out with? Well… I don’t have a certain group of people nor certain person to hang out with. I am able to pop in a group of gossiping people. Then there is the Asian Group where all food is good. I love Asian food. I am what I eat haha. A lot of people have trust in me. Do you not have a group to hang out with?”

*pause*

“Oh, I see. Well the thing is, you don’t need to be in a group to be popular. Like I said, I don’t have a certain group I hang out with. Just be the shadow and find out you think is going to be a great friend to you. Personally, I have been in depression for almost four years. People thought I was creepy and had no life in school. We are in high school now and there are people from all over the place. It’s not like there isn’t anyone that will be perfect and be with you all the time. I struggle with that same problem too.”

*pause*

“ I see… I’m sorry to hear that your friends abandoned you. I was also abandoned because my secret was spilled out a while ago. If you think I’m that popular, then you’re wrong. I treat people with kindness and respect so that I can receive the same back, but they all take advantage of me and think that it okay to take my life like their own personal pawn. Those people who keep smiling at me and those who seems like my friends who treats with respect are FAKE! Those smiles on their faces were just to show me that they are happy with my existence, but inside those eyes of their souls they don’t care if I was around or not.”

*short pause*

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you my secret. Well, hahaha it is not a secret anymore. Most people know already. I just don't want to see the same damn expression from another person! I had enough, honestly.”

*blank stare for a few seconds*

“No, I’m not lonely, I’m just more independent and the type of person who doesn’t stick to a certain group of friends. Tyler, I  don’t get noticed by people a lot. You by far this year are the only person who would talk to me and have a decent conversation with. I thank you for this moment.”

*pause*

“I have to go, I’m sorry to interrupt the conversation, but I have an urgent text about an issue at home! But we can pick this conversation up tomorrow if that is okay with you?”

*pause*

“Okay cool! I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then. “

*narrator pauses and looks back at character #2*

“Wait… I just had a thought… we are both in the same position, would you like to be my friend? We can always hangout whenever. We both have the same classes together and the same lunch periods. We can be our own independent group, am I right? You seem like a cool guy to be honest.”

*Pause*

“OKAY! Awesome! I’ll definitely look forward to our friendship! I promise you that you won’t regret this! Thank you for this talk! It put me out of my comfort zone and finally be able to talk to someone with a real conversation! Okay! See ya tomorrow and thank you again Tyler!”



The Struggles of Being Rich- Cynthia To

Why do I need someone to set me up with a blind date when I am fine being alone? Do I have to be in a relationship to take over the company? I am about to turn 27 and I don’t need people to tell me when I should get married. I should get to decide when I should get marry and who I want to get marry with.

(PAUSE)

I know it would be really great for the company and my family if I get married but I’m not ready for the big commitment and marrying someone that I don’t love. “This will help out the company by increasing the percentage rate and being known. This helps my family with the income inequality and to keep our class status too,” they say but I want to get marry but I am not really.

(Pause)

I can still take over the company even though I don’t want to get married right now. I helped the company increase by 0.2 percent. People in the company love working with me because I’m a hard worker and I get things done. Taking over the company takes a lot of hard work that I am willing to do. How does being married now affect me from taking over the family company?

(Pause)

All of my friends already taking over their family company and already married to the girls they love or their parents took them to get married to. Some of my friends aren’t happy with their wife’s and there’s nothing that they can do about it. People that are rich have a hard life finding love as it is already. They are forced to get married to the person that they dislike to help keep their class status and increase the income percentage. Sometimes when I hang out with my friends or with my coworkers, I always imagine what it’s like being married but not how my parents want me to get married. The girl that they want me to get married is Jimin. Her father is a chairman of a really successful company and her parents are also close to my parents because they use to go to Highschool together.

(PAUSE)

For my whole life, I only thought Jimin as a really close friend and nothing more than that. She’s three years younger than me. That’s weird!! Why would I date someone that is three years younger than me? She liked me since we were little. Everyone is telling me that, “It doesn’t matter about our age but the thing that matters is true love.” Why can’t I just live my life taking over the company and find my true love? Probably I don’t give her a chance is because I’m being forced and just think of her as a friend. I wish people will understand me and my feeling.

(Pause)

I should probably give Jimin a try and not be so harsh on her. I will probably love her later on and get to take over the company and make my family happy. She still loves me even though all I have been doing is be mean and crude to her. That has to mean something, right? I hope. In order to take over the company, I need to marry Jimin. It won’t be so bad since we are close friends, right? I want to make it right for my parents and for the company as well. I guess age doesn’t matter when you grow older and have money. I don’t know what the next step of my life is and I don’t know… can I really handle this commitment?

The Rejection of Family and Fortune

For my entire life, I have looked up to my father. I have wanted to be just like him, as every boy does. When my father died, though I was grief stricken, I was also eager to take over the family business.

Well, yesterday, I got to be just like my father, and I was shocked to learn that everything that I thought I knew throughout my entire life had been fabricated and sugarcoated. I realized that I had known nothing about who my father really was, what he had done, or even what the family business dealt with. I never knew that our customers’ lives were destroyed by our business. Our customers are weak and desperate, they rely on our products just to be somewhat content with life. When I went to observe the work of the dealers, I saw a woman stumbling towards us. She was twitching, she had black teeth, bloodshot eyes, and had deep wrinkles despite only looking like she was in her thirties. When she got to the line, she was begging to get ahead.  I couldn’t believe that my family business had been turning people into zombies for generations. I never knew that the products we traded led to mountains of dead bodies.  When I was on the job, I saw a member of the coast guard approach the ship I was on, to ask some questions. I was shocked when one of my employees shot him in the back. I watched as the blood drenched his uniform and he fell to the ground with a permanent look of surprise on his face. I thought about how this officer probably had a family, a wife, children, and parents that would never see him again. Many of our own people have lost their lives in the name of our company’s profit. Jorge Gonzales, one of my longest serving employees, and a friend of my father’s was shot dead yesterday. I doubt that I will ever recover from seeing the man whom I had known so well as a child riddled with bullets, and I realized in that moment that he had lost his life because of my company.

Many of you standing here listening to my speech have put your lives at risk trying to eliminate our business rivals. I ask all of you whether providing for your family is worth the risk of never being able to see them again.  I assure you that your family would rather have you in their lives than the money you earn. I don’t know what to think of my father anymore. Am I thankful for the fact that he raised me and inspired me throughout my childhood, or do I despise him for lying, sugarcoating, and fabricating the details of the family business? Now that I am a fully grown man and have seen what it is my father was actually doing to provide for my family. I have decided to leave the family business.


To my family, I know that all of you are disappointed in me. You think that I am disgracing the family by abandoning the long lived family business. Believe me, I thought long and hard about this decision, I stayed up all of last night thinking about what I observed on my first day. I was not eager to put an end to everything my father had started, or to dishonor the family name, but I decided that staying true to what I believe was more important. Though I’ve wanted to be a drug lord since I knew what jobs were, I realize now that all of my dreams, aspirations, and fantasies about my future were all lies.

Dreaming Through A Lense

Why does Dad always ask me that? Everyday, “When are you gonna get a real job?” Digital media is a real job. It takes a lot of work to write, record, and edit a film. What a surprise, right? Then he has the nerve to tell me to settle down and do something useful with my life. I have settled down and I am doing something, but he doesn’t care because it’s not what he wants.

Dad just wants me to do something that pays well so he can feel validated. He says he’s only looking out for me, but forcing me to do something that I don’t want to do won’t make me happy. I want to spend my time creating. Watching an idea blossom from just a storyboard to a full blown film is the best thing in the world. Then seeing it go on to be successful, it makes me feel like a proud parent. I wish I knew what that felt like, having a parent that supports you no matter what you decide to do.

My entire family has been hounding me about getting a good job for as long as I can remember. They never care about what I want, they just want me to make money. I know that it’s because they want me to be better off than they are, but I don’t know what to do. Maybe they’re right, I mean, it is really hard to find work in this field, but it’s worth it, right? I love photography and cinematography, but maybe it’s not the best choice.

Wait, what am I saying?! Of course it’s the right choice, it makes me happy. Plus I don’t want to be stuck in some office job doing the same things everyday. I want to have adventures, I want to travel and capture all the places I see. I went to college for this for christ sake. It’s been my dream to be a filmmaker since I was a little kid. I’ve been watching and analysing movies and videos since my childhood.

Does that mean I wasted my whole life? Did I spend all those hours, working on a skill that won’t lead me anywhere? Doing the same thing everyday is safer, filing papers, going to meetings all the time. There’s no way I could mess up, get lost, or get hurt. Is it worth it to be safe, but unhappy? I wanna make my family proud. I want to be the kid that grows up and makes tons of money, to be the one that can buy everybody expensive gifts for Christmas, that’s not really easy in a place like this where creativity doesn’t pay off. I guess I should do what my dad wants me to do.

That’s the thing though, it’s what Dad wants me to do, it’s not what I want to do. The only way to live life to the fullest is to actually live. I don’t want to be some robot sitting behind a desk all the time, I’ll go crazy! I don’t want to live in a world of black and white, I need to do something original. Do I want to make myself happy, or my family? Do I want to enjoy working, or do I want a guaranteed salary? I don’t know what to do.