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Why are you doing this to yourself? You’re my best friend and I’m not going to let you put all of your energy towards some boy. He pays no attention to you and you keep pouring your heart out to him.

Stop telling yourself this. He is clearly entertaining other girls. At the end of the day I’m always the one you come running to when Josh isn’t responding and doesn’t want to talk to you. That seems to be the only time you’ve been talking to me lately.

You keep saying that. No, you haven’t been busy, you’ve just taken all of your time and put it towards him. I just can’t understand why you’re doing this.

I know you have work and school, I have to do just as many things as you do but I always make sure I check up on you and see how you’re doing. Not once have you checked up on me Sofia. Every time we talk it has to be about him. It's never about me or how I am doing. Your life revolves around him.

No, I don’t have an issue with you coming to me for help. You can always come to me with whatever you need. I just don’t like that fact that it's never about you or what you need, I want to know how you’re doing and what has been going on in your life, not what he has been doing. You deserve better. He is clearly causing so many problems in your life.

You think I’m jealous of you? That is not what this is about. I have no need to be jealous of you obsessing over someone like him. I don’t even know why you would say something like that.

I am the one causing issues? Do you not realize what he is doing to you? You should be on my side right now but you’re deciding to choose a boy over our friendship. Do our 8 years of friendship not mean anything to you Sofia? Do I not mean anything to you? For the past 3 months he’s used you for his own convenience. He talks to you when you’re there, and when you’re not, he moves on to the next girl. You’re just too absent minded to realize it. You get distracted by anything he does and it makes you forget about everyone else around you.

This isn’t about jealousy or anything like that, this is about your health. I am not going to let you continue down this path. If you trusted me and valued my opinion as a “best friend” you would not be sitting here thinking I would approach you about this because of jealousy.

If you honestly think this low of me then I don’t know if we can make this friendship work anymore. Josh has changed you entirely and you’re not the same person I thought I’d known for 8 years.

I am trying to say that if you don’t value my opinion in this situation and you want to choose him over our friendship then so be it.

How are you going to make it up to me? There is no way to fix how I’ve been feeling these past 3 months without you. Something like this that has been happening for this long can’t be fixed over a trip to the mall or taking me to the movies. You can’t just throw money at a situation and make it better. You have no consideration for how I feel.

Its 1980. My names Jamal and I'm 16 year old black man. I'm busy as hell and 6’5 and I live in North Philly… pretty much the hood. I'm living in a world where it seems everyone is a G. Where everyone's a Thug and packing heat. Its pretty common to hear about gang warfare and gang violence and territorial disputes and a lot of times you'll hear shoot outs and drive bys and it's almost an every night thing to hear police sirens in the distance. I live life one day at a time and honestly life is rough. I need to put some money on the table so i'm out here slangin dope, my dad left me and my mom, my mom has resorted to drugs to deal with stress and to top of the cake i'm in a gang that I don't even know I want to be in. Now yeah, in my own ways and just my personality I have been called as a thug and been compared to one but i've never been in a gang. I've always just flown solo, just the lone wolf. But now I have been associated with people who are in one of the biggest gangs in town. They are my friends in school who brought me in but now that I actually see what they’re doing, see what life they’re living.I don't know if I want in anymore. There was not initiation that I had to do to get in and yeah if you're in a gang you have people who have your back and who are ride or die, But this might just be too much. But at the same time this is pretty much all I know. I was basically raised by the streets and the streets are what helped me put food on the table and keep money in my pockets. The one thing I could always count on was my music. But even my music gave me reasons to be a G or not to be. My favorite artist Like Eazy-E, Tupac, Big L, Big Pun, and Biggie Smalls  were all Gangsta rappers and Eazy- E was in a gang himself and they're all very successful so why shouldn't I be like them?  I've always been good with words, beats and rhymes. Maybe I can have the same outcome as them. Not only their success but their music and lyrics speak to me. They give reasons to want to live the thug life but I have to remember that throughout a lot of their music the express emotions on the life they live like in a lot of Tupac's music he expresses the struggles that the black race and  young black males have to deal with like in his songs Changes, Me Against The world, and Ambitionz az a Ridah or in Biggie’s song “Juicy” Music is pretty much where I go to think and it helps my mind find answers but this time i dont think its working. The only thing I could think of was to just stop all this completely and start trying to be a rapper but I have no idea if i'd even get that chance to be big. I also have to worry about my reputation out here. Reputation can mean everything out  here in the streets. But there's a part of me who likes the liv i'm living but I liked the life as a lone wolf the best. Make me feel like I can relate to Tupac's song “Me against the world”. If i'm in a gang that just ups my chances of getting poped out here by rival gangs flamin gats because of something some other people in my gang did. I can't have that happen. I just hope for whatever i decide I make the decision fast before it's too late and im not around to make that choice anymore.

As you can see, this slide is about photography. Well how do you know this? Rhetorical question for you, I’ll answer it myself. I set up this slide to be glance media. What is glance media you ask? Glance media is a type of media that you can look at or pass by quickly and instantly know what it’s about. A billboard, for example, should be glance media; companies want you to be able to know exactly what they’re talking about or selling as you pass it by.

Well now that you know why it’s simple, you may be thinking, “Okay I know it has to be simple. But why does it have to be so big? [Gestures to slide, specifically the word “Photography”] It’s not an actual billboard.” Good question! It only needs one point because the slide is just an aid in speaking. If it only needs one point, why not make sure that point gets across thoroughly? Big font and little points are remembered.

“Why do you have that empty, blurry space on the edge, Sara?” [Gestures] some would ask. The reason for that is known as the Rule of Thirds. Imagine looking through the viewfinder on a camera. Have you ever noticed that there are faint lines going through the image? [Draws lines] The viewfinder breaks up what you see into thirds going horizontally and vertically. The Rule of Thirds makes things aesthetically pleasing. Think about if you had a picture of a flower or a person [Drawing] in the center of the photo. It’d be incredibly boring! I have this set up like this specifically to appease the Rule of Thirds.

Hey mom I’m home. Yeah my day was good. Okay let’s see what I have to do for tonight…What did you ask?... Sorry mom I can’t, I have a ton of homework. “Phew”. Feels nice to sit down after a few hours worth of walking, god I love my bed.

Man I can’t believe they’d assign me 3 projects, due all on the same day!?!? I mean c’mon man what the hell am I supposed to do all by myself. English is already hard enough having to write essays. I mean I have like… The worst writers block in the world. (Exaggerate)And I have to read on top of that, (chuckles) Nooo thank you. Jesus crisps cookies… why is this math so hard I can’t even look at it- (phone buzzes) Oooh shit, that new update for clash is up! No! I don’t have time to play it, ughhhh. This is exactly why I don’t like homework. What ever, I can’t afford to bomb these projects, not when grades are almost in. This is exactly why I don’t like homework.

(Phone buzzes again) Well... it’s only 7:50 so I should be able to get this done before the morning. No! Stay focussed!(Phone buzzes) Ohh but Idubbbz came out with a new vid- AND FRANK?!?!?!  Hell yeah boi aww! I gotta watch this real quick(Starts to type fast for two seconds) Hahaha. (Uncontrollable laughter, puts hand over mouth) (Maybe six seconds later, video ends) (Sigh)Ahh god that was too funny man…(raises wrist to look at his watch) Ok, ok it’s 8:30. I still got some time left to finish but god my eyes are starting to hurt just looking at the work. (Yawn!) Man, and now  I’m way too tired to do this. Fifteen minutes couldn’t hurt. (Yawn)… (Yawn) Jesus, 11:39? What the hell, I can’t believe I overslept, I KNEW this was going to happen if I took a nap (silent for a few seconds). I guess I gotta use my last resort.

(Starts typing fast) Dear - Mr. Dadadadada, with the mountains of assignments I’ve been given over the past week I have no other choice but to ask you for an extension. I know that I can’t get all of my homework and projects done before tomorrow. (Typing stops for about a second or so, Rich lets out a “hmmm”) If I can receive an extension that would be wonderful. (Mutters under breath)”hit Send”. (click) There, one teacher down three more to go. Alright (Breathes out).

Dear Ms.So’n’so…(typing stops briefly then starts back up) My apologies for not writing sooner but I wanted to know if I could receive an extension on the project that is due. I know that I have some fault in in this.( Quick pause) But you must understand, I’ve been given a ton of extra work that I know that I can’t finish in time on top of your assignment. I know that this could help my grade and myself personally if given the extension. I hope you have a wond-(Stop). (Firm tone) No. No, no, No! (Just a little quieter) Delete all of it.

(Fast typing) Dear Mr.Dadadadada and Ms.So’n’so. I’m sorry for not starting the project earlier but I have a problem… I’m not asking for an extension but to take it back. I never really needed it in the first place. I was too busy forcing myself into thinking that I couldn’t do the work when in reality, I just didn’t want to. I know that almost everyone gets writers block, or finds some of their work to be challenging but I can’t use that to justify my choices. I can see that receiving an extension would only damage my grade and my image towards you, the teachers. I can’t use all of these excuses to justify my actions, that would make me incompetent and hurt my grade and my education. I just want you to know that I will be trying my hardest form now on, no more waiting and no more excuses. Sincerely, Richard Bee. (Drawn out)And, send.(click)

https://www.soundtrap.com/playlink/9199a578-6a4d-40d2-924e-6450fd8e1480/

Okay, so it’s 4 p.m. on a school day. I should be going home, I know. But, my best friends Sophia, Emma, and Ava just invited me out!

“It’s just a little white lie,” Sophia said. “Come on, tell your mom that you have a club or something to go to. Just hang out with us for one hour, it’s not like we’re gonna do drugs or anything Mia.”

I wish I could go! With different programs and work to go to, I get home late, even on the weekends. Therefore, there’s not much time that I’m at home and I don’t get much time to hang out with my friends either because of our schedules always clashing.

For some reason, they think that I wanna distance myself from them, or that I’m too busy for them. But that’s not true! In reality, it’s just because I have a strict mom so I can’t really go out as often as I would like to. I don’t blame her, I mean, I’m her youngest child so she’s probably afraid of letting the little bird go. Plus, it’s tough now since it’s the middle of Fall, and daylight savings are kicking in, because everything is getting darker.

I’m basically in a pickle. Nothing I would do could satisfy everyone in the situation. An option could be lying to my mom and hanging out, or not being able to do something outside of school with my friends. It’s like having an angel and a devil on my shoulders. At that very moment, the devil is more persuasive.

So, what am I gonna do?

Oh no, my mom just texted me!

“Honey, where are you?” she questioned.

What do I do now? Casually say, hey mom, nothing, I actually lied to you and am hanging out with my friends. I can’t say that because we all know how that sounds.

I tossed my phone over to Ava and told her to respond for me. She told me that I wasn’t going to like what she was gonna say.

I was a bit concerned honestly. Like, what could she say? Oh, she said she would’ve been honest with my mom and simply say that I’m hanging out with her.

Well, in that case, NOPE. I quickly took the phone back because doing that would be equivalent to me asking my mom to be punished. Instead, I just told her that there were a lot of things to discuss at the club meeting today.

I know, lying is bad, and trust me, did I feel horrible. Even though they’re called little white lies, it doesn’t make them okay, but somehow, I just kept allowing them escape my mouth.  

Well, since I already decided to do this, I should just give it my all and not have regrets while hanging out. If I want to feel regretful, that would be something to save for my midnight wonders.

We all decided to go to Chinatown and it was honestly so fun. We explored little shops even though we bought nothing, ate some noodles from Terakawa Ramen, and even got some ice cream because the cold doesn’t bother us. Okay, that’s a lie, it was freezing, but we still ate ice cream! Suddenly, I looked at my phone and boom, it was 5:30 already.

This day was the most I’ve laughed this week, taking the stress from home and school off of my shoulders, temporarily at least. It’s time for me to start heading home, so my friends walked to me the bus stop.

As soon as we got there, I heard a riiiiing riiiiing riiiiing and without even looking at the caller ID, I could already tell that it was my mom summoning me.

“Mia, where are you? Tell your teachers that you can’t stay too long!”

My mind was saying "Uhhh, my teachers wouldn’t keep me this long", but what actually came out of my mouth was,”Oh, hi mom, I’m at the bus stop now. I’ll be home soon!”

Emma smiled at me and shook her head. I said to her, “Oh, the things I do for you guys, but I love you guys anyways.”

Later, I arrived home to a very worried mom. She was just relieved that I made it home alive. You know what, I think the devil’s done his deeds today and the angel wants her part. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I told my mom to pinky promise to not be mad about what I was going to say next.

She hesitantly stuck out her pinky and as soon our pinkies collided, I blurted out the truth. I could definitely tell she wasn’t happy, but she couldn’t be mad after seeing how happy I was afterwards. She wasn’t as upset as I thought she would be, I guess she understood where I was coming from.

*Story starts with are main character in a car talking to his friends*

I'm ready yall do we really have to do this, you keep saying we do and i know Momma still doesn't  have enough for the little ones but no one's starving. Don't y'all know that little B got sick, we need this money. No one knows what he got but it's serious and we ain't got healthcare so it's gonna cost us.

(Pause)

Whatever yo let's just get this over with. Im acting white? What the hell do you mean by that. I'm down to do this because this is necessary, this is for little B it's just i ain't trying to catch my first offense like Pie did.

(Long pause)

Why we even tryin to hit up a KFC they won't have that much cash anyway. Really man we doing this for the chicken, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard. If I go to jail over some stupid ass chicken i’ll be really pissed. Remember what happened to Tank when he went to jail? That fool came out gay and remember what happened to Ricky? When he tried to rob that gas station a gang pulled up on him and shot him straight in the back. Dead instantly. I ain't trying to have that happen to me i'm just trying to deal with little B. What you mean that's a myth i ain't stupid, RJ back there was the one who told me…..whatever. But seriously chicken? Can't we at least rob like a liquor store or something, at least make it a Popeyes they are better  down here in Louisiana than a KFC, it's in their commercial. By the way what's the plan again man i always forget this stuff..

So you're saying that we just gonna roll up point are choppas at the clerk and roll out through the back alleyway? If you remember that's how Tank got caught. How the hell we even gonna escape if the ride is parked in the front. You haven't thought of that? Man I just wanna get this done, how bout we let RJ drive and park the car around back and then we go in and grab the chicken then we get the hell out. How is that a stupid idea? it's better than go in leave the car and run.

(Long pause)

We’ve arrived it's time to get The job done and put food on the table. And can we make sure we do this the right way, if I go to jail my family will really be in trouble. The only reason i'm doin this is because yall know I got laid off. I ain't out here to do anything gang related I'm just trying to make money for little B and quit it with calling me white.

(Semi long pause)

You know what? I don't need this. I got a job before I can get one now. Yall act like you need to do this but ya dont. This type of life ain't fun and it ain't for making money. I had to drop 300 for this damn gun when I could've spent it helpin B get better. It's time for me to go yall to slow for this crime game, peace.

Make sure you call me when you get home. I don’t know why you didn’t let my mom drive you, Said my friend.

It’s cool, and I’ll call you as soon as my foot touches my front step. I promise.

Before I locked my phone, I saw the red low battery at the top of my screen. 20 percent. Why the hell didn’t I charge my phone when I had a chance to. Now it’s about to die, and I need to get home. I just need to walk past the Mcdonald's on Oregon Avenue to get the G bus. The only thing is, I don’t know where I am now. This is actually my first time on this side of South Philly. I never stay out this late. Especially in unknown neighbourhoods, I should know better than that. At least I had fun, I haven’t seen my friends in a long time. They do say, time goes faster when you’re having fun, right? 18 percent.The street signs blended into the darkness of the night. I couldn’t even read the letters. It took me minute or so to realize I was about 8 blocks down from where I needed to be. Great. If I had charged my phone I could use siri, but I need to preserve as much battery as I can. I need to think more, mom would kill me if she knew I let my phone die like this. Speaking of, let me tell her I am on my way home.

Hey mom, everything is all good. I am heading home now, ttyl.

I hope she replies before my phone dies.

Where are you? Said my mom, her text message lit up my phone. Almost as a beacon, for my journey ahead.

I'm heading toward 12th and Oregon to catch the bus now, I have to walk through a few neighborhoods.

She replied, Ok be careful. Please call when you get on the bus.

11 percent.

Oh wow, I walked four blocks already? This isn’t so bad. The streetlights on this side of the street are getting dimmer though, so I should probably cross over.

Hey you nigger! Get out of our neighborhood, before we have to force you out. Your kind isn’t welcomed around here.  

Who is he talking to? He isn’t talking to me right? Is there anyone else walking besides me? I turned a round, and saw a group of tall men on the corner of a pub. They’re probably drunk.

Yeah keep on, somebody watch her and make sure she doesn’t disappear into the night.

Are you serious? I would have never thought of hearing this outside of a Hollywood Movie! I thought of saying something, but my body kept moving forward. He really just called me that. So much for times have changed, “We Are the World” bullcrap! You know what, why don’t I say something back? I’ll shut him down real quick. I tried to gather the words to say, but my mind blocked me from putting them together. My brain was like an intense game of scrabble. Why couldn’t I twist words off the tip of my tongue, and hurt this man’s pride like he did mine? The word kept repeating in my mind, like a broken record in a way taunting me.  WHY COULDN’T I SAY ANYTHING! I realized, I could never stoop down that low. To judge someone for something they cannot change, is not who I am. The difference between him and I is

Ignorance.

I’m not even gonna give this racist the time of day. The bus stop is right down the block. To avoid this, I’ll just hurry along before this escalates. I hear a commotion, are they following me? I’m already on my way, Leave me alone! There goes the bus, I need to run. Running seems like the only way to escape the harassment. I ran to the bus, swiped my pass and I smiled to my bus driver. I pulled out my phone to text my mom, 5 percent.

Mom, I’m on the bus. Man do I have a story to tell you.

Ok, today is the day, I’m gonna talk to her, I'm not gonna wimp out of it anymore. I want to meet her and get to know her so bad, I just haven’t had the courage to talk to her yet. She’s just so… perfect, there’s no other way to describe it. I mean you guys understand right, that one special girl that you just lay your eyes on and you are already on cloud 9. That’s who Anna is to me, that dream girl. I always see her and have classes with her, and I’ve always wanted to say “Hi,” at the very least but I could never build up the courage. Well, that all changes today! In about 3 minutes lunch is gonna start and she should be walking out of her History class. That’s when I make my move and just go up to her. No.. no I can’t… no there’s no point, she probably won’t like me or wanna talk to me anyways, I mean I’m a boring person and I’m sure as hell not funny. The only reason she would laugh is probably out of awkwardness. GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS. Why do I have to be so self-conscious and put myself down so much… oh, wait I do know why it’s because my standards are too high. I don’t have a chance with her…. *bell rings and door to history opens, Anna is one of the first people to walk out*

Dear Mr. President,

[should all be read quickly and eagerly, like a small child, sad parts slow down like a little kid too]

My name is Lexi, and I am 6 and 3 quarters. My birthday is February 15th and that’s one day after Valentine’s Day which is the day of love. My teacher asked me to write about something I love. But I love a lot of stuff. I love pizza and swimming, but I hate pink. Pink is for babies and I’m a big girl now. Never wear pink, Mr. President, because I won’t like it. My mommy likes pink though, especially when the sun rises and the clouds turn into cotton candy in the sky. I love my mommy. I also love my daddy. They love me too. They love me soooooo much that they’d do anything for me. They tell me that every day just so I’ll remember. I think that’s silly though because I’m smart, so I’ll remember it anyway. My teacher wants me to write about how much we love you, Mr. President. I think I can do that.

My mommy really loves you. She said that she voted for you a whole 2 years before I was born. Two years is pretty long if you ask me. She said that the White House was in serious danger because some really bad men were trying to live in it, and we needed a hero to come protect us. She said that you were different from all the other Mr. Presidents that came before you, and that you were the one who could save the day! You were the one who could change the world and keep our country happy and safe forever! When you won, my mommy cried big happy tears. In 2012, I went behind the blue blanket to help push the button with your name on it to make you win again. When you won, my mommy told me our country was still safe from the bad guys. The big tears happened all over. This year was really different. We didn’t get to push your name.

Why did you take your name away, Mr. President? My teacher told me it’s because you have to give someone else a turn, but you’re doing a great job keeping out the baddies, so it’s fine with me if you just stay. This year, Mommy wasn’t so happy to watch TV with me anymore. She would turn it off sometimes when this one man came on the screen. He had tiny little eyes and almost-gone hair like Daddy’s that was always rushing away from his face. Kind of like it was blowing in the wind but all the time. When he talked, his mouth got really small like he was biting a lemon, and he would move his hands around like he was my music teacher. The weirdest thing about him though was his orange skin. It was almost as orange as my friend Crissy’s hair, except by his eyes. Sometimes this man was hunched over behind a tall table, talking to a blonde haired woman that made Mommy smile. Other times, he was just talking to the screen. He was always yelling at Mommy through the box. He always looked angry. He always said mean things. I asked my teacher about the big orange man one day, and she told me that he was trying to get your job, Mr. President! Can you believe that? When my teacher told me that, I got really upset and I threw my notebook. She got stern with me, but I told her that you can’t just take someone’s job like that, especially not a hero’s! She still told my mom. Luckily my mommy agreed with me, so she didn’t get too angry. Mommy says the orange man has none of the experience that you need to be a good president for our country, and that he is mean to all of the people who don’t look and think like him. She said he would break our country. That sounds bad. Daddy doesn’t hate him like Mommy does. He says the orange man will make more jobs, and he needs one. He says he will run the country like a business, and make us all rich! I want to be rich too!...But Mommy says he’s a bully. Sometimes we watch the TV all together. Sometimes it’s not fun. Mommy gets upset and Daddy tells her she’s being stupid because of course the orange man can’t actually do anything that bad to the Mexicans, but Mommy says it doesn’t matter, it’s the fact that he says it at all, and I just sit there. Mr. President?

Last night, Mommy made Daddy and leave our house for the night. When I asked Mommy why he left, she said it was because the nice old woman didn’t get picked to take your job. She said the mean orange man did, and Daddy helped him. She told him that he was just as bad as the orange man himself. My dad threw something at the wall. I could hear it from my bed. I heard the door slam too. My mom crawled into my bed last night. This time she wasn’t crying big happy tears. These were blue. They were the ones that leave a big line on your face because they don’t stop for a while. Like when a boy takes your toy while the other kids are watching, but when you tell on him, they all shake their heads. And the teacher gives the boy the toy. And the kids walk away with him, laughing. And you know you’re all alone. Those kind of tears. When I woke up next to my mommy this morning, the sky outside was gray and still. The birds weren’t singing. Cars barely honked. The world was stiff and tired. Mommy didn’t smile today.

Mr. President, I know you aren’t going to have your job for much longer, but if you can do one last thing for us, can you please make the birds sing and the sky pink again? I think that will make Mommy smile.

Love,

Lexi

It should be around here somewhere...is it here? No...there? No….ummm...AHA! Here it is! I’ve been looking for this for so long.  I can’t wait to read this. I bet this’ll be…oh…hey Dad. What are you doing here?

…

What do I have here? Oh, umm…it’s a book. I was going to start reading it for class. I need it for English this quarter.

…

What book is it? It’s uh…it’s called “War of the Skeletons.” I’ve been looking for it for a while.

…

Uh, yeah, you can see it. I know it’s not something you’d want me to read, but-

…

Wait what? Why!?!

…

B-But it’s a good book! I actually want to read it! Ms. Vomohap said-

…

Are you seriously bringing this up now? Of all times?

...

Why are you being like this dad, you never let me read what I want! You’re always telling me to read harder books and now that I have one, you won’t let me read it! And for what reason? It makes no sense!

…

Why are you always so critical? This doesn’t even affect you! You never let me have any fun whatsoever! All you do is criticize me! You always think I’m playing video games when on my laptop! And it’s not like you do it to everyone, either. If my brothers we’re to make a mistake, they’d just get a slap on the wrist! You don’t even yell at mom that much! It’s always me! Why do I always have to get the lecture? It’s not fair! Now, I really need a book to read for class. My teacher said it could be anything as long as it’s something adequate for a 10th grader to read! And this is!

…

I don’t want to take any of YOUR books. I want to bring my own! Besides, your books are so boring!

…

Why? Because they’re so long! I don’t want to spend my time reading a 50 chapter book! And there always about the same thing! I know how they all end! There’s some kid who’s a nobody, they find out they some secret or superpower, then they meet a girl and ends up dating them at the end. I know!

...

It’s because of the subject, isn’t it?

...

The book is set in a famous video game, and I know how you feel about them. You’ve always hated video games. Always.

...

Ok, let’s say that I had a book about World War II. It’s exactly like this one, a lot of chapters, no pictures, everything. Accept it’s a very violent book and goes into full detail about the war. It’s gory details fly through your head and never come out, resulting in endless nightmares and such. Would you have let me read that? Have you?

…

I thought so.

....

Look Dad, I know you’re upset, and I know how much you want me to read. You want me to be better, and I do too. So I started by picking out a book about something that interests me, because then I’ll have a reason to pick it back up. I really want to take a look at this book. So can you please, please let me read it?

….

Really? You’ll let me? Seriously? I actually convinced you.

….

Thank you! Finally I can read something!

….

You won’t be disappointed, Dad! Not at all!

(Dad leaves, character looks at book)

…

I better make the best of this. If I’m going to change, this is a good start. I remember when my brother read this a few months ago, and he said it was awesome. I think it’s awesome, too. So, yeah, I’m going to read this, no matter what anyone says! I now have something to read!

(Does the sign of the cross)

In the name of The Father, of The Son, and of The Holy Spirit.

(Proceeds to pray as her hands are in prayer position)

Oh Lord, I ask that you watch over my family and friends. That you guide us in the right direction and help keep us from harm. I pray my grandpa is watching over me from Heaven, but can I ask? Ask why you would take him away from me. Why you would take someone who had so much faith in you away from their family?

(Remove hands from prayer position and intensifies tone of voice)

Haven't you seen what I’ve been through? Don’t you remember how much faith I have in you or had I should say. I … I just can’t do this anymore. I’m done believing.

You’ve failed me. After everything I’ve done! After everything I’ve been through, all you do is put me through more pain. You said that Jesus died for us. That he died to prevent us from the pain he went through when he was nailed to the cross, but if that's true then why did you leave my grandpa helpless in a hospital bed dying from cancer!

(Runs her hands through her hair and starts to pace/walk around the room as she talks)

I’d spent an integral part of my adolescence in a hospital. Fox Chase Cancer Center to be exact, and even though it wasn't me who was sick, I would have prefered that compared to the actuality of the situation. My best friend was in the hospital with stage four cancer.

He was such a happy person. Not even being diagnosed with cancer could dull his sparkle, but the chemotherapy did. It made him weak. Tired. I could see how the pain affected him whenever I’d visit.

(Pause and look up)

He was the matriarch of our family. Yet the chemotherapy made him weak when we needed him most.

(Look like you’re about to cry)

All we wanted was for him to be okay! We’d be excited when they’d tell us that he could come home, but we’d be distressed and depressed when we’d have to bring him to the emergency room no more than 3 weeks later.

(Look like you’ve had a train of thought and then smile)

I visited my grandpa everyday after school hoping he would get better. It put a smile on my face to see how his eyes lit up when I walked into the room. “Hola Ava” he would say. “Hola Abuelo” I would reply as I walked towards him to give him a hug.

For the rest of the afternoon, we would watch tv with our family, and tell corny jokes until it was time for us to go home. “I love you Abuelo” I'd tell him before I left.  “I love you too” he’d say with a cheesy smile on his face. It made me happy to see that he was happy. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

(Look towards the ceiling)

God, during his treatment I stopped believing. Believing that you would help the situation, that you would make everything better. As he continued to get worse I continued to wonder why you would do this to me, to my family, to our family. I was on constant alert fearing that one day you would take him away from me.

(Short Pause)

Every time I saw him the last sentence I would say to him was I love you. I said I love you because was I so scared that I would lose him at any moment.

(Intensify the urgency as this sentence is said)

Do you know how emotionally unstable that makes a child? To know that her grandpa, her best friend, could die from esophageal cancer at any minute.

(Pause)

And then it happened. On an early afternoon in August he died. My dad hadn't told me until we got home, but I could sense that something was wrong before then. I tried to prepare myself, but I wasn’t ready to hear the news. I don’t think anyone else was either. His death affected me deeper than I could even fathom.

(Start speaking in a slight whisper)

It made me lose faith. Faith in you, your religion, and I’m sorry.  Saying all of this has helped me realized that it isn’t your fault. My feelings of anger and betrayal were out of distress, despair. I was trying to find someone to blame the situation on, and you just happened to be the target.

You were the only person I thought could help him and seeing how he hadn’t gotten any better I took that as you failing, but (Sigh) I was wrong to blame you. I mean you did help him live four and half years longer than the doctors said he would. In fact they called his survival a miracle.

(Slowly does the sign of the cross)

And with that being said, I’m sorry.

(Slight Pause)

Amen. (She says as she bows her head)

Hey, what’s up. I haven’t seen you in a long time. What?What is it, What you mean, Ohh, this? Heh.Yea It’s a pain in the butt. What do you mean how this happen?

Well, long story short, I was at practice during Ultimate, and while sprinting to block someone I was bouta run into a freshman, and I didn’t want to hurt him so I jump to the side and when I did, I was running extremely fast and when I jumped I had a misstep and I twisted it pretty badly.Man I should’ve just ran him over(jokingly). I’m too nice. But now I been stuck like this for a while now. At, first I didn’t think it was that bad, I just needed to get an Xray to make sure. Then I was told I have a fractured, had an appointment set for them to look into it more and then it turned into also having a dislocated tendon. And then it was recommend I had surgery which turned even more crazy, my mom started freaking out saying nonsense and stuff.

Well, I can’t blame her, she is my mom, and she did have her experience with surgery which went pretty ermmm. But that doesn’t mean the same thing would happen to me. I’m not going want to walk around with a messed up ankle and never run again. I would rather take the surgery and have a normal ankle again which they said I would have if I do it because there was low risk chances. It was all crazy, all my mom did was tell me how it was going to be painful and blah blah. Like I knew what I was going to go through, and I’m willing to do it. But all she did was complain and get on my nerves. After appointments and appointments we decided we was going to do it. My mom was out of options so she couldn’t really avoid the surgery. But I was prepared, I wasn’t planning on throwing my reputation on the team away. And I’m still young I need to stay active yanno? But woooo, that surgery was a pain in the ass after. You can say there was a lot of needles, and then after the surgery It was painful the first few days. Pain meds didn’t really help. I couldn’t really sleep because It would feel like my wound was reopening itself, it would feel like I can feel the stitches pop one by one as it slowly open. Oh boy.Well I was in a split, but after one of my appointments they took it off and put me in a cast.Man you should’ve saw my leg, it was interesting you can say. Like it became so skinny,and wrinkly, it just wasn’t nice to see it. The aftermath I guess. I’m going to be stuck like this for a little more, but after it’s all over I’m going to work in getting back in shape. Going to have therapy to help with that too.

But I want to come back strong this spring. My mom doesn’t support me still playing sports and etc tho. Especially after what happen. I’m not sure If I would be allow to play, I hope I will be able to. If i do I have to be more careful next time, because your arms and legs and a valuable part of your body. It was a good first experience in a way.Can wait until, The Return of Michael. Well shit, long story short turn into me telling you mostly what happen haha. I can’t wait to be out of this. Until then, a positive mindset is good.

Thunder He Cries

Silence You’ve lost all but one, me. rain drizzling sound

It hits me when you’re hurt, when you’re drowning in deep sorrow until you’re yet to hit rock bottom. thunder sound, continues to rain drizzling You seek a light so bright, yet you’re stuck in the dark. You blame yourself, but it’s not you. You’ve made mistakes, but you’ve learned from them. You had little from the start, not much to spare. It meant everything to you, everything. You’ve lost it though, all of it. The little you had is now nothing. How do you feel? another thunder No don’t cry, don’t sob. Because you were wrong. I was wrong. You have me. I’m worth more than everything you once had. What you’ve lost, it was never there to stay. It was on a joyride that came upon you. You enjoyed it then, but now it’s gone. There never was a permanent commitment. You don’t know what it feels like to have a permanent commitment, but you do have one. One you do not realize until that point in life you will stumble upon, and when you do you will lose it all. Me. pauses Do you not believe me? thunder sound, silence There has been many points in your life where I have been with you. I helped you. I lived those moments with you whether they were good or bad. I was there. Me. thunder, rain drizzles continues You were never alone from the moment you met me. It may have not seemed like it, but that’s not because you didn’t notice my presence, it’s because you were not comfortable enough to throw your issues at me. You choose to leave me out and expect me to be there? How? I’m not a magical being, I’m human, just like you. You make mistakes, I know, I do too. Everyone does. BUT quick thunder a mistake takes more than one person. You’re not alone.

I can’t believe you were going to let this happen to you. I don’t care if you don’t love yourself or if your parents can’t find a reason to love you, because I do and I will teach you how to love yourself. storm gets loud You have to know it wasn’t your fault that your parents are always fighting, it’s not your fault that they do not believe in love.

No, it’s okay. I understand. Do you? Pauses, rain drizzles continue I know it’s hard to believe. I’m not God. I can’t save you. But whatever you go through, I’ll go through WITH you. It’s hard. I understand, but hey, you’re most certainly not alone. You’re most certainly not the only one that cares. sighs as if his message did not get through to the significant other You don’t have to believe me. It’s your choice. Everything you do is your choice. There may be a lot of significant others that influences your choices, but in the end, the choice you make is yours. The consequences you get are yours. This doesn’t mean you deal with the consequences alone. You have me. I choose to be with you. I choose to drag my life through all that you need or want me to be there with you for. Like the many times your dad left your mom for a few days and she was always drinking and causing problems with you, I was there. Just like how you would tell me good news that we could celebrate together. Like that time you got your first college acceptance letter with full scholarship, I was there. You can also tell me not-so-good things that you wouldn’t want to be alone for. Like that time your mom kicked you out of the house and you had nowhere to go so you called your brother and I had to find out through him weeks later. quiet sob over the rain drizzle

audio via google drive-https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B4o7xZVa6WS1TFBkN1A1WUhITjA

You bonehead! Why do you have to say something like that?  For once can you shut your mouth and be respectful, not everyone has to be your sex toy.

You weren't always like this you know, you used to be nice and most of all respectful. I know you don’t want to talk about this especially not here, where we first started when we met where we made something more out of ourselves together.  Before falling apart really seeing the face behind the mask.   I thought I loved you! Boy, I was wrong! you're nothing but a disrespectful whore.

I know you know exactly where this is going to go but this time is going to be different, this time you're going to listen or were done, if you F this is like you always do then goodbye I'm not talking to you again, you do this then look at me like you did nothing wrong, and then with a quiet voice that almost just almost makes you sound like you really actually care, then you squeak out, I'm sorry if that offended you?

I'm Sorry if that offended you? Well if you were really sorry you wouldn’t do it F every day.  You won’t, rate women by how hot they are or act like the only reason they exist is to fuck them.    

Almost every time you open your big ass mouth, something stupid comes out.  If you're really sorry then show it, I used to be proud to be your friends now I don’t want to be seen with you.  Pointing and laughing at like it some kind of joke, it’s sickening I don’t even want to be around you, put myself through this every day.  When you stop and look at me with your eyes almost crying and say it was only a joke. I can’t keep letting myself take this torture it hurts. To hear and see James, I used to look to look at you and see someone so kind and so compassionate and now I see a jerk who covers it up with thier huge smile and big wide eyes.   

I want to laugh also so explain it to me please, I don’t get it why the hell you think this is  alright. If you think this is some kind of joke it not funny. I want to be your friend, your best friend like we used to be. When we knew each other and our conversation had an impact, when we mattered to each other.   You're making it kind of hard if I have to put up with this, every day.

(pause waiting for a response)

You're an ass and you're mad at me for pointing it out.  I’m saying my honest opinion about what you do. You're saying I’m the ass for telling you what I think instead of standing there agreeing with you, the way women are supposed  to right?!

(pause waiting for a response)

RIGHT?!

I don’t even know what to say any more to you,  I look back and it magic and I stand here and it’s hell, washing over us.  I thought we were perfect. (crying) If I had known it would come to this I don’t know if I ever would have tried. We had so many good times. But looking back they were only full of cruel jokes and lies. I honestly cannot forgive myself for being a part of that.

So, go ahead and say whatever you want me to believe, try and use you tilted head and big eyes to make everything ok. It’s not going to work this time, I can’t keep doing this, forgiving you and forcing myself to forget what is really happening.  

I tried and kept trying, watching as you point as laugh like it no big deal, pointing out every single flaw someone has, when there just walking down the street, I can’t anymore after all that you have done.  You final pushed to my breaking point rubbing me off, treating me like a servant, like a slave to your every wish.   I nothing to you anymore, nobody is to you we're all just there for sex when you want it.   

Well I'm sorry then that it had to come to this, but I can’t put up with this anymore and You're not going to change, for me we both know what your happy the way you are, with or without me, you know what I'm glad, You can have your fun and I can have new better friends, it a win-win situation,  Nobody is on the bottom.  

Don’t bother saying you're going to change, I don’t believe you. I tried it all with you, you're not going to change so don’t bother lying to me or yourself, someone will be ok  with it  just not me. We were once so strong, now here we are barely holding on to the sight of each other as we walk away.   

Bye I guess, there nothing really else to say.

          In the Life of a ¨No¨

Sweet heart you finally came, you really came, come sit next to me give me your hand I want to tell you some things today.  Why are you looking at me like that,  I know what you’re thinking, but that's not important anymore. No no you will not come here everyday just to watch me wither away slowly. Live life while you can be free. Look at me I am your living example. Physically I have the doctors standing over me watching every single one of my steps, very carefully telling me what I can and can't do. There is an invisible bondage of shackles. All around me from every corner all I hear is “No, that is harmful, no we can’t give you that, no sorry we don’t think that’s possible, NO, NO, NO!!” hearing these words is now a part of my daily routine. They tell me what to eat, do and wear. Even without them I still have the machines watching every one of my moves, from what I’m eating to the calculation of my heart beat.

My last wishes are nothing to them their only job is to keep me “alive”, alive physically but not mentally. The binding words of the doctors ¨no sugar¨ or you will have a fast death no getting up from bed, rest or you might feel weak. Listen to me sweet heart never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Your death is already written for you, when you're supposed to die you will die. Those small things that they say no to you for when they say “No, that's too dangerous, No thats gonna hurt” these are the the things in your path that stop you from getting to your bigger goal. Do you want your whole life to be controlled? If you don’t start to follow your dreams and heart now one day you too will be lying on this hospital bed alone, nothing but the orders of the doctors and your relatives controlling the rest of your life or in my case days. I sit and watch the sun as it goes up and then back down, every sunset counting the last of my days. My only movement from sitting up to laying back down, my whole life concealed in four corners of a room and my body connected to a machine, my bed is angled at the right direction so the sun hits my face right at dawn and then once it's gone I am left to stare at those dull blue curtains. I watch life go by and dream only dream in my bed, in my bed of sorrows. It’s as if though they all waited for me to get this weak and old so they could just place me here. Yes your father and your uncles pay for everything but that's not what brings me happiness. Sending me to this dull hospital bed isn’t what is pleasing me. My life consisted of starting out with the rule of my parents then settling down with a family of my own, raising your father and then your grandfather left me, now I sit here alone left with only my thoughts to accompany me, clouding over me and making me realize how it's all too late. Only I can understand how I feel the pain of watching everyone live on running, jumping, dancing, hopping and walking doing what they want while these wires and needles are the only thing binding me to this bedpost. They have my body here but my soul has already died and fled to another world.  Rather than dying a slow awaited stretched out death I wanted to die proud and accomplished. But that is impossible when you have so many restrictions that you are faced with. Even on your deathbed there is no escape you have every eye on you, mourning. These wrinkles and ripples on my skin are here to prove something I am your grandmother and I have seen and experienced a lot in my time, if there is one thing I can tell you with all my heart is to do what you want before it's too late never limit yourself, never let anyone tell you you can’t. Never take No for an answer.

Heyyyyyy
Are you my uber, Carl S-Sagan? Oh, it's Carlos?

My bad Carl, I'm Caesar.

Where I am I going? Um let's see the home I think yeah. Oh where yeah that makes sense um let's think 24th and Peridot I think that is where I live, My apartment is cool you should be able to see it from the street I forgot to turn off the light so you can see my fake plant and my poster of Nas, I like Nas.

Where am I coming from you ask? The bar isn’t it obvious? [lifts up up a bottle] 17th and Geno? At this rate it's gonna take foreverrrr.[Slides back in seat]. There was quiet for a second Tell me a story!.

A story about MY family afraid’ not Carlton closest thing I had to a family was my wife well except she wasn’t my wife she was my girlfriend.[Looking out the window dramatically] You don’t get it, Cole! She wasn’t your run of the mill dane, she was to kill for. Man, how old should she be now? [Pulls out fingers and starts counting] I’m twenty-four and she was a year younger than me so that would make her...yeah 23 something like that. [Pause] No you don’t *hic* you don’t get it, Comatose , she was my world my Mundo as the french say. [Puts head in lap], what was she like,um let me think. She was tough as nails a real never had to say it twice, always wanting to talk on late summer nights, bars! [Raised bottle] Kind of like this one [Looks out the window again]. What happened? I’ll tell you what happened?! I leave Brooklyn for a week One Week![holding up a finger]. Then she tells me “I can’t be with you anymore, I don’t love you, I’m sorry” I ask Why she gives me a whole spiel about “You never pay attention to me, you make me self-conscious about my body, and you don’t listen” I tell you, Cody, I’m the most concentrated man you have ever met, I turned my eye for a second then she’s gone she thinks I don’t look at her Instagram with a fake account to see she’s with a new guy a day later! I tell ya Christopher dating was so much easier when I was in high school! Empathy? What about me?!

HOW ABOUT MY FEELINGS CONNOR?! I spent all those years putting her feelings before mine I left my dog with my parents because she was allergic, I didn’t have to do that, I sold my motorcycle because she thought I’d hurt myself and I went with it. I stop cooking my grilled cheese sandwiches on the roof because she said it was “Unsanitary” and I battled her for that one but I quit. It sounds like she cared for me? What did she do for me that made my happy ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? “Buy me this buy my that, what clothes should I wear? Can you take out the trash? Eat spaghetti with me, Wait for me so we can watch Luke Cage together, Let’s take our picture together… [Reaches into pocket and pulls out picture] Clifford I feel like I really screwed this one up big time. It’s all too funny I guess you never really know what you have until it’s gone. Y’know Charley, she always pointed out on this you know my house is close because of the giant neon sign that says “Psychic” we went in there once I remember she called out the woman because she said she couldn’t do a kickflip on a snowboard in the middle of summer. Boy, where we all shocked when she showed us. Or that one time where she told me she invented concrete shoes and then slipped into the river we’re at the hospital for hours. Oh and that other time-

Oh we’re here already? Alright well um see you thanks for “this”[Car door opens and then leaves but immediately gets back in the car] . Hey, Carlos wanna go to a diner or something I like these little talks.

‘So you go to kill her, because she is my mother… WHAT?’

So in this moment, I got confused by the script. That’s the time to talk with the director.

‘Hey, director!’

‘You tell me to shut up? Hey! I have a question! And you call me to shut up? Did your mum teach you to be polite to everyone huh?’

...

‘Who wrote this script? This scene is trash! Wait… not even the scene is trash, the entire script is trash! Look at the grammar! Change the plot, fast!’

...

At this point you may ask, why an actor will complain the script? Well...that’s not an argument, this scene is actually in the script, so don’t worry.

...

‘What the hell man? And now you start swearing to me and try to lower my salary because I was being rude to the director? Not cool man, NOT COOL!’

...

But this scene is not in the script, things start getting wrong. Ugh!

‘Hey Director! I just follow the script, what are you angry for?’

...

‘What? You don’t want me to in this movie?’

...

I got the feeling when you screwed up and get someone angry! So, you may ask, ‘Hey, so how do you calm the director down?’ Spoiler alert, I calm him down but with a long story.

Don’t want me in this movie? Yeah.

‘That’s not cool, director!’

‘That’s what the script tell me to do, calm down.’

‘Oh guys, here! Help me to calm down the director, please!’

…

‘Just like they said, calm down!’

‘Just… just look at the script god damnit’

…

‘Oh now you feel sorry huh? You should be. Thanks you friends!’

So the director calmed down and we keep on filming.

But before we refilm, me and my friends spend a hour to rewrite the script with frustration.And we are off!

‘So you want to kill her because she killed your mum?’

...

‘But that so risky, she know how to kill but you, you barely know how to use a scissors! How can you avenge your mum if you don’t know how to deal with a killer?’

...

‘What cut, director, huh?’

…

‘What are you saying? What “I don’t like this script?”! We already CHANGE the script. What do you want?’

…

‘Now you want to fire us all, but you can’t! You are not the boss here! Let me call the boss. Oh wait, that’s no signal here, darn.’

...

‘What do you want?’

...

‘Whoa! He-hey, calm down, director. Put down the knife, that is a real knife, not a prop. Just… put it down.’

‘Holy crap, you almost hit me when you throw the knife! Friends, HELP!’

…

‘Director, put down the gun. That’s not a prop too. Put it down before someone get shot, ok?’

In this moment, he pointed the gun to me and fire straight right to me, luckily I dodged it just in time!

‘Friends, I am sorry! Don’t come in here! Call 911 instead, quick!’

Now i stuck in a large filming room with 4 other actors and actresses, they hide with me in the same place. And he is coming to our hiding place!

…

‘This is not what fire mean...oh crap, RUN!’

I am so dumb, I give up our position to him! Although he still misses me but he hit one of the actresses in the leg and I shout…

‘Quick, distract him by throwing anything you found. I am going help the girl!

They trust me and do what I tell them. This give me time to rescue the girl. I move her to the cover at least.

‘Are you ok? I am sorry i don’t have any bandage but some Tissue paper for stop you bleeding. Oh, the cops are here.’

I will never break the 4th wall again!