Just coming home from school, with the heaviest weight that has been placed on my heart in my life. Traveling with a whole marching band of my family with me, I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. My grandmother was my best friend and she was gone. It was no going back now. I stepped in my house very eager because I couldn’t wait to go upstairs in my room and rest my brain. Instead I was greeted by all of my family members. I guess they expected me to be an emotional wreck. However, it was the complete opposite. I was expecting myself to flood Philadelphia with my tears, but my eyes were as dry as the Sahara desert. This was not healthy for me. I needed to let it out. I felt since everyone around me needed somebody to lean on, I had to be the strongest thirteen-year-old there was.
I sat down at my dining room table, frustrated with life. My sister approached me with her big brown eyes filled with water. I didn’t need that right then. I needed a break from everyone’s tears and heartbreak. Anybody could tell that I was tight-lipped because I needed to find out how to deal with my pain. However, I sucked it up and told my sister “What did grand mom always tell us to do when we felt like there was nothing left?” She was so hysterical she could barley answer, so she shrugged. My grandmother always told us to pray. I grabbed my sister’s hand very gently, and brought her over to the piece of art work (The Lord’s Supper). She looked at me and grinned.
My mother handled this situation better than I thought she would. I didn’t see her shed a tear. I did something I was very wary about because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I asked my mother why didn’t she cry when her mother died. She looked at me and said, “I had nothing to cry about.” She did everything right by her mother she stated. She felt that her brother and sisters were so emotional because when their mother was alive, they didn’t do everything for her that they were capable of doing. As a result of that, they felt guilty. I started to think how my aunts and uncle felt at this moment. I asked myself “If my mom died today, would I be pleased with how I treated her?” I couldn’t help but cry myself a river. In my eyes I treated my mother so poorly.
Waking up on Sunday mornings are complicated. I am always plotting a plan so it can keep me from going to church. Every Saturday night my mother tells me, “Get your clothes out Lex and be ready for church”. Then I say in my head, “Yea yea, I’m not going to be anywhere but my comfy bed”. Usually my excuses like “My tummy hurt mommy”, or “I’m so tired”, works on my mom. This Sunday morning, my mom was on something totally different.
I heard the creeks of my floor on this beautiful Sunday morning, and automatically thought “Get your game face on Lex”. I turned around peacefully and opened my eyes to my mother’s big round head and Chuckie look alike glasses from the Rugrats. She startled me, but I had to get back in character. I turned around and mumbled “Mom, my stomach hurts so I can’t go to church”. My mom said, “The heck you aren’t, I’m tired of your B.S Lex!” This came as a shock to me because I was use to the answer yes, not the two letter word that begins with the letter “N”.
My mom thought she had won but there is always a plan B in Lexus’s book. I figured maybe if I took forever, by the time my mom was ready to go, I wouldn’t be dressed and she would just leave me. I had another thing coming! My mom said, “Come on Lex!” I barely had any clothes on, so I yelled, “Mom are you kidding me… I barely have one leg in my pants”. She said, “Oh well whose fault is that, now come on”. I was almost devastated about this. I didn’t want people to see me at my worst in church. I know church is not supposed to be about showing off, it’s supposed to be about your worship time with the higher source. However, in my head first it’s about worshipping and second it’s a fashion show.
Getting in the car with my hair all over my head, no make-up, and no phone just seemed unreal to me. I was so appalled with the whole situation. I was furious with my mom. I dared my mom to ask me a question because she was definitely getting the silent treatment on this morning. I couldn’t let my mom tell that this was getting to me though because then she was going to feel that she won this war. I held my tears in that felt like they were trying to push out like a fifty-pound weights all the way to the church. Once we got to the church I finally snapped on my mother. I told her that she was a mean and horrible mother. I finally realized what I said and how much I hurt my mother’s feelings. My mom does everything in her power to take care of me and I don’t know what I would without her.
I don’t want to end up like my aunts and uncles. If my mom was to die today I would like to know that I did everything in my power to make her feel like she is the best mom in the world only because she is. I would be up to me head in guilt if she had died and I knew that I didn’t treat my mom with respect and expressed to her that I appreciated her.
