Blog Feed

Even though I'm so tired and I feel like I have no energy left I just can't get off the phone, and maybe I don't want to get off. Every time we talk my body awakens to the sound of his voice. My ears become addicted to the sweet sound of the deep vibrations coming from his mouth. He has the type of laugh that makes me want to laugh. Sometimes we are just on the phone for hours not talking, but just knowing that he is on the other end of the phone is good enough for me. The silence is then broken by the first verse of "Part of the List". I close my eyes and I imagine him right there in front of me singing. A smile starts to appear on my face and my body sways to the words that are leaving his mouth and entering my ears. Before I know it it's morning and I can't wait until 10:00 so it can happen again. :)

The permanent marker fades, just as the sun sets. Memories die just ad metal rusts, and although we try, all too often love dies just as we die. But I think we shall live again, just as the sun will shine again.

One life is valuable in a moment and not.  It fades......it fades away

one cent more and im brought to the floor. They took so much, they can’t take much more. Death comes to meet me and I sigh. Lost competently im not afraid to die,

And I only say what I don’t mean because I mean things that I can’t say
so let me fade  away, but I'll be back again someday

This is a different me

Not the fearful and childish kid

That once broke your heart

Without caring how you feel

 

I know is hard to believe

That a person like me could change

But losing you made me realize

That love could still exist

 

If only I could go back in time

Everything would have been better

We could have been together

Today started around 7 30 am, a first happened. Rushing to get to school in my car, I was going pretty fast down 22nd to get to school for our DA shadowing that we had today because we won first place in one of the debate tournaments. All of a sudden, I heard a cop siren behind me but couldn't identify where it was coming from, so I kept driving through lanes to get past the bus. All of a sudden an unmarked black car came up beside me as we drove down one of the streets, pulled down his window and cursed at me. It was funny now looking back because an undercover police officer told me to "calm the F down" and then drove away. I was lucky enough to not get a ticket and I assume part of that had to do with the tie and dress shirt I chose to wear for the shadowing day.

Ting Ting
Find a Seat
Back of the Bus
Don't make no fuss
Cold Air
Warm Seats
Smooth Ride
While the trolley glides
Everyday
Can't wait
"22nd!"
 Is what He say
 

Can he get her back, maybe, maybe not. The question is does he want her back. For the best of the both of them, Tom rightfully decides that he doesn't want her back. So blinded be her words and her actions, Tom never could see through her and realize that she truly did not know how to act. Never known to be a dumb, clueless or dense, Tom uncharacteristically lacked common sense when it came to his relationship with her. Time and time again throughout the relationship, she played the victim, when in reality he was the good guy and she was the bad girl. Not only was he on her mind, but so was Billy, Jim, and Bob. She gave plenty of love and attention to the guys she talked to on the side, but love for Tom? There wasn't any. He invited her into his heart on numerous occasions only to have her ride in other mens cars. He's thinking she's out with her girlfriends because thats what she told him. Without a doubt he considered her his night time while thinking that he was her star. At the end he was wrong, but as any man should he had to remain strong. Later on in life he knew he would find the one for him and she would get what she deserved for breaking his heart. It didn't take long for him to move on, but it took just seconds after he was gone to know how much she loved and wanted him back. 

Walking in the rain with the one I love and I stop traffic.

“What's The Matter? Tell Me What You Want Me to Do?”

“I need love.”

“Can you help me?”

“No, no, no.”

“Tell me where did we go wrong? Here we go again.”

“Listen once in a while, I wish and I think and I sit the fuck down and a realize niggas ain’t shit. Wondering what’s not being said, I pray you call me. If only you knew you got me wondering if you were mine where this love could end up. If you were mine, I'll never let you go. Could it be more than friends I knew I love you. I just wanna be your girl I wanna know can we chill say something lie to me un-break my heart I don't want to miss a thing you mean the world to me if ya girl only knew the love that we had… Why Wouldn't I “Hmmm”

“Shut up and Drive I Won't Tell”

“Let This Go”

“ Where Is The Love?”

“ It's over now”

Lie To Me!”

“I'm Sorry”

“Lets call It Off”

“Don't say nothing.”

“I'm sorry, just being honest”

“You are foolish what if I never loved A man and I said I loved you... but I lied….”

Today, my friends and I barely made it out of doing some hard labor. We have a new tradition in our group of friends. When it's someone's birthday, we all pull our money together and go out to eat. So far this plan has worked well...until today.

We took our friend Zack out to lunch for his belated birthday. We deiced that it would be nice of us if we took Zack to applebee's. After a good half an hour of walking, we finally got to the restaurant. We sat, ordered, talked and ate. We had so much fun and actually grew closer. Everything was going great...until the bill showed up.

Perry took the check to see how much we had racked up. It seemed fine, until we looked at her eyes. Evett and I, then took the check and saw what had her so upset. $113 for the food itself, around an $8 tax, PLUS an additional $18.50 tip which equaled to $141.07. We all freaked out, worried that we couldn't pull together the money. We had gotten up all the money we had...and...thankfully, it was enough. I looked back over the bill and we all realized what had happened. We realiezed that we would have had enough if they didn't charge us the extra 18.50. Then on, we decided for Evett's birthday, we were just going to go to Liberty Place and get her food.

​It all happen last summer in mid July. My skateboard crew and I decided to take a trip to center city for some skateboarding. After we got off the 23 bus we decided to skate down to love park. Love park is like paradise for skateboarders in Philly. The ground is smooth, perfect ledges, and lengthy staircases.
As we started to skate the perfect place, we attracted more skaters. They started swarming like locusts. It was only a matter of time before our time of fun turned into trouble. As more skaters came, it attracted more attention. Soon we heard police sirens. It was time to run. Skaters all over the place started to scramble away as police on bikes and foot try to take us down. My friend and I sprinted to city hall, since its the closest place of refuge. We were wrong about city hall being our savior. The place had police officers on bikes trying to take us down. I'll only hope for escape was Mcdonalds. We ran in the street dodging traffic to get to Mickey D's. We were safe.
We stayed there and waited for the heat to die down. We left Mcdonalds and headed to city hall. We seen a cop putting a skater into the back of his car, with his friend pleading the cop to let him go. The officer refused to feel pity. My friend and I regrouped and decided that this area is too dangerous to skate right now so we decided to go to the gallery to grab a bite to eat. As it got late we headed back to love park where we found skaters skating. We joined in. It was 11:00. The cops didn't bother us anymore.

Have you ever had one of those days were you're just craving a certain type of food all day long and you can't rest until you have this food. Well, I have a lot those days. In fact, I had an entire month of this craving. It all started last month. I was in the car, just gazing out the window and taking in the scenery of the Adirondacks mountains when all of a sudden I had an intense urge to eat coconut M&M's.  My mom and I we're just leaving the Adirondacks mountain and had a 4-5 hour drive ahead of us, so I figured my craving would be settled at one of the gas stations we would stop at. After about an hour we pulled in to our first gas station. I rushed in the store, scanning every aisle up and down for my coconut M&M's. To my discouragement, I found none, which wasn't that much of a surprise because they're a new brand of M&M's, but even so it was a dissapointment to me. Another 2-3 hours later we pulled into another gas station, I (yet again) rushed into the store scanning every aisle up and down in hopes I would find my coconut M&M's. However, I was let down again and settled for peanut M&M's instead. We arrived in Philly that night and I immediatley rushed to our convenient store to get my coconut M&M's, but they didn't even have them! So the next day at school, I went across the street to get my coconut M&M's, but they didn't have them either! I was furious. How could these stores not have a food so delicious. Ever since then I have been on the hunt for my coconut M&M's and will not rest until I find and eat them.

Driver: Did you hear about that new restaurant on Ridge Avenue?
Lady: Naw, which one?
Driver: It's called Soul 2 Sole, the same guy that used to own the one on 4th and South Street.
Lady: Oh really? It was always packed in that place! I remember driving by there!
Me: Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I applied for a job there. The people are pretty nice.
Driver: Yeah, the manager Brian is great.
Lady: Is the food as good as the place on 4th and South?
Me: I think so. (pulls cord for next stop)
Driver: So you said their food is pretty good, right?
Me: Yeah, just expensive. But they have a really nice crew down there...all polite people... and the restaurant is very family-oriented.
Driver: Oh okay, well have a goodnight.
Me: You too.

I love the snow.
Whether it flurries or it is a blizzard, I love the snow.
I love the cold.
Whether it is windy or it is winter, I love the cold.
I love the sun.
Whether it is the warmth from the spring time or the hot summer heatwave, I love the sun.
I love the summer.
Whether it is the beginning of June when school is ending or the end of August when my birthday arrives, I love the summer.
I love the fall.
Whether it is the idea of the leaves changing color and falling to the ground or the fact that Halloween and Thanksgiving are around the corner. I love the fall.
I love the holidays.
Whether it is Easter and the homemade pizza or Christmas and the seven fishes. I love the holidays.
I love the seasons.
Whether it is winter, spring, summer, or fall. I love the changes that come and go throughout the year.
I love the seasons.

Carra stood on the edge of the dog park, watching the moon shine on her favorite tree. It was large and had traces of green all around, but it had seen better days. Carra was small, blonde and had blue eyes with green streaks that reminded her of the ocean each time she looked in the mirror. It was summer and the air around her was warm, but she wore navy jeans to protect her from the attack of mosquitoes and  spiders and a dark green tank-top that matched the color of the grass under the night sky. She slowly made her way to the old tree, being careful not to disturb the chorus of the crickets hidden in the grass around her feet. When she reached this old tree she climbed into the center where the tree had split years ago and she rested there, finding comfort in the protection that the soft bark offered.
Carra often walked to this tree, maybe it was because there were no people here to disturb her, no screaming children playing on swing sets and jungle gyms, and any passerby would have to pay very close attention to the tree to see her hidden there. Maybe it was because coming here gave her an excuse to pass his house, the possibility that she might see his face… But she wouldn't let herself go down that road. She let one tear escape down her face and then she pulled herself together, closed her eyes, and let the silence engulf her. When she opened her eyes the world was brighter and so was the tree. She turned to see what had caused this lighter appearance and found that the light of the moon had been joined by the glow of a family of lightning bugs surrounding the leaves on the wilting branches.
Carra smiled in earnest at the pretty insects surrounding her place of peace and then she laughed and her laughter sprinkled across the grass and flowers of the park giving everything life. She turned towards the edge of the park and in her place stood a pale boy whose green eyes looked black and shining. Her laughter stopped as she took in his jeans and black t-shirt, his short, dark hair and his muscled arms. William walked towards her in a quick pace that made the crickets closest to the tree scatter and join their distant, singing family.
Carra stayed seated in her place, worried about leaving the comfort the tree offered her, and William climbed up and sat close to her, his position slightly higher than hers. Carra thought to herself that this could go one of two ways, either she could leave without hearing a word he said or she would stay and listen to his words that made her tremble with hurt. Maybe the tree that made her feel so safe and isolated could form a protection for her heart because she could not make herself walk away from William.
William sat and said nothing. He sat there looking down at her shadowed face, watching the soft breeze stir her hair. She turned to look away and he reached out and turned her face back to him by her chin. She shuddered, but couldn't move away from his warm hand. And he leaned in and kissed her, gently at first and then urgently as if somehow this kiss could save him. And she kissed him back, confused and hurting, but still blissfully. And then she felt as if the world disappeared from around her and she broke the kiss, feeling scared and vulnerable. She touched the bark of the tree that her back leaned against and took strength from it. She let her bangs fall in her face to create a shield to hide her face as tears crept down her cheeks and she wondered how something so wonderful could cause her so much pain. She assumed it was the same way that he was sometimes so wonderful and other times wanted nothing but to cause her pain. William went to speak, but Carra held her hand up in a way that begged him not to and he kept silent until she dropped her hand and pushed her hair out of her eyes. She breathed deeply once and then listened to him speak of his wrongs, hear him apologize in his way and then heard him accuse her of things that she knew too well she was guilty of doing.
So, she apologized as sincerely as she always did and talked to him about a friendship, maybe more. As per usual, he would hear none of it. He made his decision the first time she'd broken his heart. He would never put himself in a position to feel that pain again, he feared it more than he feared anything. And though his appearance was strong he did not have the strength to try again because his fear of being left by her far outweighed his desire to have her again. And she took one last look at the bright place of peace, drew strength and protection from the tree she loved so much and walked away with a sigh, ignoring his call to keep her with him just for tonight. And as she walked home she wondered if somehow that tree could give him the strength to overcome his fear the way it gave her the strength to overcome hers and walk away.

It was a dry windy morning in Wisconsin. Eggs, bacon, and the smell of blueberry pancakes rose through the cracks under the door, up to my nose. I woke up one minute before my alarm went off because of the very temping aroma. “Good morning  folks, time to rise and shine and jam with the top 25 hit pop songs…” were the first words I heard as I clumsily arose out of my bed. I could hear mom’s singing to the tunes that were playing on the same radio station. I walked downstairs to the kitchen to see mom and her new hubby dancing like the cool kids in Grease to Britney Spears 35th hit song. When my mom noticed I was standing there she ran over and kissed on the forehead and I began to sing and dance with my mom and Jack. 

Beep, Beep, Beep, I slapped the snooze button once again. And there was no smell of eggs, bacon, or blueberry pancakes rising through my door and into my nose, only the smell of old cigarettes and whiskey. I’d been having the same dream for the past year, hoping it would become my reality. Though I know it never would. I headed downstairs to see my mom passed out on the couch. “Mom, momma, wake up, it’s 8:00, it’s time for you pills.” I pushed and pushed until finally WAP! 
“Why you always gotta wake me up this early, huh!?” Momma snapped back. The only thing that faces her was my burning red cheek. This had been such routine that I only felt numb, both physically and mentally, and the walls didn’t seem to spin anymore, guess they’ve gotten use to it too. “Momma, take your pills.”

“I don’t won’t to!”

This time she breathed in my face allowing her raspy voice to force the putrid smell of day old whiskey, beer, and henisy up my nostrils. Dismissing her outburst I go into the kitchen and grab bread and medicine out of the half broken cabinet and walked back towards her. She tried to sit up on her own but couldn’t, so I sat next to her so she can rest her body on me. “Eat this.” She grabbed the bread and gobbled it down in seconds. “Take this” she shoved the pill in her mouth and I hold up a cup of water to her mouth to wash it down. She swallowed with resistance. She stared at me blankly and slurred  “This will be you pretty soon, yup, a low-life nothing, your already stupid, what else are you going do? Go to college HA!” She busted out in a hysterical laughter.

 “Yea, momma, yea” Tears almost formed in my eyes, but instead of crying I just kissed her on the forehead and said I love you. Then tore off the a label from an old water bottle from on top of our grand piano, and simply wrote goodbye. I walked out the front door and never looked back. 

White horse
The I loved you.. Forever and Always
The best day 
Crazier..Love story
Tim MacGraw, you belong with me
Teardrops on my guitar-
Back to december-fearless