I'm nothing special

I'm sick of this 
I'm worn out
I am a page that has been torn out
A picture that has been burned
I am sick, I am crazy
I'm always being called lazy
I do my best and I'm told that I can do better
I pray for sunshine, but I can't mess with the weather
I'm the gum off of someone's shoe
I am looking for my reason to live, I truly don't know what to do
I have been told by others that I am crap
Hearing people talk about me behind my back
I am fat, lonely, I can't run a lap
I cover my head, while people tell me i'm a load of crap
I know that most of this stuff is true
But tell me, what am I to you?

Joan Mir ; Carnival of Harlequin Print

Me gusta esta pintura de Joan Miró porque que puede ser interpretado de muchas fue. Los colores son oscuros excepto el azul. El azul pero crea un lado más ligero al mismo. Hay muchos elementos que pueden representar a una persona cuando se mira en él, la imaginación y realidad en ella está muy bien pensado. 

Joan Mir Carnival of Harlequin Print  1924-1925
Joan Mir Carnival of Harlequin Print 1924-1925

2011 Carver Science Fair Winners

The following students received awards for their presentations at the 2011 Carver Science Fair:

Jeff Kessler: 2nd place in Medicine and Health
Manna-Symone Middlebrooks: 3rd place in Biochemistry
Cheyenne Pagan: 2nd place in Medicine and Health
Vincent Russell: 3rd place in Environmental Science and Naval Science Special Award
Winston Wright: 1st place in Earth and Space Sciences
Shamarlon Yates: 1st place in Microbiology

A Twisted Fantasy

I was with them for Christmas one year. They weren’t particularly generous, but they did get me a diary. I would write in it everyday. I never had any toys to play with at their house, so this would generally occupy my time. I would never let them see it, obviously. No, that would just make them angrier. I wrote on the last page “And then I died of pneumonia.” Because I couldn’t imagine, or rather, I didn’t want to live past a certain age.

 

Financial Aid BLOWS.

I am currently very unsure of how my future is going to pan out.

For the longest time, I planned on attending Philadelphia University for four years and study biology.  In the meanwhile, I was hoping to get an apartment with my boyfriend and further my career at ACME to maintain a steady income.

That was until I received my final financial aid packet in the mail yesterday.

I received absolutely no free money other than the $12,000 a year scholarship that I already knew about.  Sure, $12,000 a year is great.  But I still have to pay another $16,800 a year.  How the hell am I going to do that?

They told me that I could break that money up into three different loans.  However, they want my parents to pay a "Parent Plus" loan of about $13,000 a year.  That's about $52,000 total.  And then they want me to pay the additional $5,500 a year. 

It is true that my parents make a combined $160,000 a year, approximately.  But the problem is that financial aid apparently does not take into account the fact that I have three other siblings, including one that will be attending college in two years, also.  In addition to that, my parents already have enough debt to deal with anyway.  The bottom line is that they can not and will not pay that much money.  And I have no idea how I can get $5500.

And I am sure as hell not taking out a million loans and ending up with $110,000 worth of debt once I graduate college.

So I am basically screwed.  All of my dreams of attending a four-year college are gone.  Now, I am most likely going to have to attend Community College for two years on a part-time level so that I can work full-time to pay for the classes.  My life sucks right about now.

The only good thing is that my relationship with Eric is still growing stronger each day, and that that apartment idea is still on my mind.  Hopefully things will get better throughout the year, especially once I turn eighteen in August.

something about a black girls weave . :)

so recently , i wanted to try something new. i wanted curly hair. ...the kind you buy though..because between me and the world there is no way that my nappy grain of hair could ever be curly.
i searched online for the best kind to get, some of the weaves were expensive and some were extremely cheap. i showed at least 15 people the hair style i wanted, and they all said . " no, you shouldnt get that, or no that wouldnt look right on you, try one thing at a time ." NOT ONE PERSON, agreed on this hairstyle that i admired so much. One thing i know about myself is that im easily influenced. so eventually i thought about it hard and long and ended up not really making up my mind because of what everyone said.  i wanted this curly hair though, really bad. some of my friends suggested i get a deep loose wave weave, or a straight weave instead. but something about this curl attracted me. now i never had a curly weave in my life, but

 anyway  , today i went to buy the hair. THE CURLY HAIR!  and although i dont really like the way it turned out and i see that curly hair isnt for me im glad that i listened to myself. im glad that i made a decision for myself.  i guess im finally taking the first steps into living for my own purpose.  im proud of me for considering other peoples opinions and still sticking to mines. im really proud.


Photo on 2011-03-12 at 22.26 #2
Photo on 2011-03-12 at 22.26 #2

A Moment of Pride for Dear Mama

Standing outside the bathroom for ten minutes under the impression the door is locked. Reading a paper as I wait. A woman comes over and gets in line behind me. We wait. She is approached by two lovely drunks eager to flirt. Awkward, slurred conversation commences. She gets uncomfortable and I check the door once more and realize it was not locked, merely heavy. Shame then takes a physical form and forever attaches itself to my back.

Nick Manton's Mi Diaria Rutina

What did you learn from doing this project? (skills, life lessons, words etc)?
In this project I really learned how my day is spent. I also learned how to organize a schedule into a video.


How do you feel about your final product?

I feel ok about it. I could do better on the video aspect.


If you could do your project all over again, what would you do differently/the same?

If I were to do it again I would add more music and make it a little more enjoyable to watch.


Did you enjoy this project? Why or why not?

Yes, because I learned what my day is like through spanish speaking eyes.

El Artista...Siqueiros

David_Alfaro_Siqueiros_Mexican_Suite_of_10_LithographsPor David Alfaro Siqueiros

Me gusta la pintura porque represente la conexión entre un niño y su abuelita. Los colores son neutrales (más o menos) y la emoción esta tranquilo. Me parece que la abuelita esta consolando el chico. Bien hecho…a David Alfaro Siqueiros.


Genius

Watching Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon's character is so smart I can't comprehend what he is saying. Why do they make geniuses talk so fast in movies? I feel like I have to be a genius to appreciate their character. As a result of me being an average human being and having an average IQ I automatically presume the character to be a cocky asshole who use their intelligence to insult others. I know they do this because geniuses typically aren't the muscular of people (ex: guy from Social Network) but it still bugs me. I gues because I envy them in a way and wish I were smart enough the degrade people using my knowledge and words, but I'm not. Oh well.

Franklin Institute Board of Trustrees Scholarship Open!

The Board of Trustees of The Franklin Institute is offering a $5,000.00 Franklin Institute Board of Trustee (FIBOT) Scholarship, renewable once, (to total $10,000.00) for outstanding Science Leadership Academy Class of 2011 students matriculating college and pursuing a career in Science, Technology, Engineering, or Mathematics (STEM).

The Board of Trustees anticipates awarding multiple scholarships each year. The requirements for the scholarship are:

  • Minimum 3.0 High School GPA

  • SAT Score

  • Two Letters of Recommendation

    • Primary Letter of Recommentation from a Teacher/Senior SLA Administrator

    • Secondary Letter of Recommendation from a Non-SLA individual

  • Declared STEM major for application

  • Personal statement addressing the question:
    "What is your career in the STEM field going to look like in the future?".


The deadline to apply is May 1, 2011.

Ashamed

Let me start off by saying I was a foster child. I spent the majority of my childhood traveling around the city, switching foster homes. I was forced to put on a fake smile every time I had to meet my new foster mom, the woman who would pledge her love for me for a few weeks, maybe even months, and then be forced to just give me back up to the city.

 

I hated that life style, but at least I had a place to stay and food to eat – a thought process I thought was very mature for my age. That was, at least, until I went to Mr. and Mrs. Walker. They came off as very nice people, but the actual experience was much different. I was probably about 4 at this time – blissfully ignorant to the world. I didn’t know what exactly to expect, but these people – these people that were entrusted with a child’s life, often forgot to – or neglected to comply with the bare minimum to satisfy a good quality of life for a child. I would sometimes go for days without eating, and if I acted out of line, I would get beaten. And when I say “out of line”, I don’t mean stealing or taking their car for a joyride. I was, after all, only four years old. I would get beaten for merely crying when they had guests over – not in front of them obviously, they were particularly careful about giving the wrong impression to the public. When we went to the market, for instance, we would act as a perfect family. Unless, of course, I would do something that embarrassed them in public, oh yeah, I would pay for that later. They would ensure that I would learn my lesson when I got home. Sometimes they would even take turns beating me, as if they got some twisted pleasure from beating a child.