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Canavan

It’s a boy! I’m gonna be the best dad ever, I love children, I and my girlfriend have been trying to have a kid for three years now. This is the closest we’ve ever gotten. After all the failed attempts and pregnancy tests, it’s finally going to happen. My life wasn’t always as happy and cheerful though,  I grew up in Philadelphia to a single mother who had three kids that she busted her ass every day to support, we didn’t get to go to DisneyWorld or get to go to school with the new Jordans and Nikes, but we got through. My father’s absence forced me to be the man of the house. Even though my mom owned everything, someone had to make sure she was taken care of since obviously that deadbeat you call a father wasn’t capable enough to step up and be a real man.

I’m going to be a dad now, and I swear to God, I won’t ever be like my father. I got through college without him, learned how to drive without him, went to prom without him, got my first job without him, I did all of this without him, and I’ll surely get through this pregnancy without him.My child will never worry about when his father will come back or if they will go to bed hungry, or if it was their fault for me walking out.

Everything was starting to look up for me until I get the news that shook up my entire world. Our unborn child was going to be born with Canavan Disease, but how? I feel so helpless and weak, I should be able to protect my child and I can’t even do that! Canavan, It’s an extremely rare disease, that damages the ability of nerve cells in the brain to send and receive messages. As far as I know, nobody in either of our family’s has a history of this disease. The doctor says that he is expected to live only through his childhood. All the things that I was supposed to accomplish with my child, won’t be happening. He won’t even have a chance to go prom, shave, or date a girl, he’s getting cheated out of all of these things. I know for a fact that all the school kids won’t go easy on him either, kids are extremely cruel, and he’ll be ridiculed, I don’t know how either of us will be able to take it. I don’t know what to do, my world feels like it’s collapsing and there’s no way to stop the inevitable destruction, I can only watch.

But maybe this whole predicament isn’t the end of the world, God does everything for a reason, so there must be a reason for this happening. It’s been my dream to have a child of my own and start my family, and now that I’m getting the chance I’m having doubts? Seriously? I’m finally going to be able to have a child, I’m not gonna give up on this child just because of some disability, I’m not like my dad was and never will be. I’ll make all the short years with my child the best he’s ever had. Some tasks and activities might take more effort and time, but it’ll be worth it in the end. I love my unborn child unconditionally and always will. I hope that he knows daddy will never walk out or give up on him, I hope that he knows I’ll be there through all my hardships and never put my stress on top of his. Thanks, Dad, for nothing. I’ll always do everything in my power not to be like you.

I know you may be wondering why I am standing in front of you guys. You all most likely know me, but for the ones who do not, my name is Angela Williams. We have been going to school together since 9th grade. To get a better understand of who I am, I’m the girl who was shoved into a locker and made fun of for the whole 10th grade of high school. I bet yall know who I am now. (chuckle)

Well I need to tell you about what has happened since then.

You might have noticed that I left school for a while. I was going through so much and trying to hide it was starting to become harder and harder for me. After getting bullied in school everyday I couldn’t take it anymore so I planned on dropping out and running away. I felt like I wasn’t worth anything. I attempted suicide a couple times, I just felt like I didn’t deserve life.  And I damn sure ain’t sign up for this.

Not only was I going through problems in school, I was having family problems. My family was neglecting me and it was like I was nobody to them. My mother treated me so bad. ( pause, take deep breath) I’m sorry this is my first time really telling anyone this. But my mother got pregnant with me by an accident. She only wanted my brother and that is the way she treated us. He was her world and I was just there. If it wasn’t for my grandma I wouldn’t be. She always would tell me that she don’t want me, she don’t understand why I am still in her life and things like that. There was a time when she told me we were going to the movies and that I could go, I thought that was the first step of her improving and starting to become the actually mother I wanted her to be. Believe it or not but once we got to the theater she told me I had to pay for myself knowing I didn’t have any money. I was 12 years old where did she think i was going to get money from. I had to sit outside of the theater in the cold while they went in to see the movie. That was the type of mother I had. I got tired of it and gave her her wish, I finally ran away.

When I ran away from home, I attempted to slit my wrists in a parking lot. Lucky for me,   there was a lady that walked by me and stopped. She talked me out if doing this to myself and called the police for help.

I tell you all of this today to inform you guys that you will get up out of your struggles no matter what.  As a young adult you have to know the value of yourself and understand that you are worth the world, even in your worst situations. You have to learn to love yourself because no one else can love you if you can’t love yourself first. I have learned that everything has happened for a reason and if it doesn’t  go as plan you just don’t take that L. Look at it in a positive way, think of taking a L as a LESSON and NOT a LOSS. You will have a lot of people that is going to install different things into your head some being negative but you have to learn to be strong and get yourself up out that struggle . For those struggling with insecurities, low self esteem, and depression I just want you to know that you are beautiful, you can do anything you put your mind to, you are strong and you are worth the world. When you think about these things your mind automatically think its a girl going through these struggles but that is not true guys go through this also and I want y'all to know that this speech is for the guys out there too. And yes it comes off as if my focus is for the ones struggling with problems within themselves but it’s for everyone. Everyone is worth something and you may not be sure what that something is but believe me god will come thru keep ya head up and be blessed

Laura taps on the screen, her head tilted to the side with a quizzical expression on her face.

Is this thing on? The red light means it’s recording, right?

Alright, well… where do I start?

My surroundings must look familiar, huh? Yep! This is going to be your room! I finished painting it a few days ago, but it took a little while for the fumes to leave. Ezekiel, at the time I’m filming this, you are… about a week away from coming to term. It’s exciting, isn’t it? The concept of life, how it’s ever-changing and evolving, how everything on this planet is put here for a reason. It’s a cycle, they say. If I told your father I thought that way, he’d probably kill me, haha. All ‘god made us this’ and ‘we do this for that!’

Oh, I haven’t even introduced myself! Well… my name is Laura. I’m your mommy! And right now, you’re in my stomach, which in retrospect is kind of odd now that I say that out loud, hah… I guess It’s confusing that I’m even leaving you this tape. You probably have so many questions at the moment, and I wish I could answer them all. If you’re getting this, Auntie Maya has decided that you’re ready. Well- what does that mean? Haha, I should clear that up.

Laura scratches her cheek nervously, her index and middle fingers drumming on her lap.

I asked my friend Maya to give this to you when she believed you were ready to know the truth. Knowing your father, he probably never let you know what happened to me. I… The doctors tell me I’m not going to pull through. It’s my anemia, it’s gotten worse in the past few months, things are getting scarce. And… I’m really sorry, Ezekiel. That’s why I’m leaving you this tape. So you know who mommy was and how much she loves you! Your father was furious when he found out I might not make it… He blamed himself for me being so sickly. It’s not his fault, Ezekiel. The lord does everything for a reason. And if I have to give up my life to have you nourish and grow on this planet, so be it!

You… you’re going to be born into some very confusing things. Ezekiel, I need you to know that the things daddy and the cult do aren’t normal. I think I really wanted to believe that when I was young and dumb, and I first met him. He seemed like such a wonderful man, and I thought he saved me from a lot of things! Then, one day, he started telling me about all of these strange ideas… How he was a prophet sent to do god’s work, how he had ‘visions’ of how the world was supposed to be… He told me of a group he was gathering together. At first, I tried not to mind it. Now I regret my neglect, seeing the awful things it’s led up to.

Killing other humans isn’t normal. Your father might have tried to convince you it is, but it isn’t. Trust me when I say, your father isn’t killing for a mission. He kills because he likes to. I know he’ll try and immerse you in it too, but I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to join his plight of darkness. Don’t try and fight your father, he’ll only see you as an obstacle to get what he wants. I need you to know, Ezekiel. I need you to know that whatever happens, you have to find your own humanity. You’re a miracle, Ezekiel. Don’t you ever forget that. And please don’t let daddy see this. Mommy loves you.

Laura taps on the screen, her head tilted to the side with a quizzical expression on her face.

Is this thing on? The red light means it’s recording, right?

Alright, well… where do I start?

My surroundings must look familiar, huh? Yep! This is going to be your room! I finished painting it a few days ago, but it took a little while for the fumes to leave. Ezekiel, at the time I’m filming this, you are… about a week away from coming to term. It’s exciting, isn’t it? The concept of life, how it’s ever-changing and evolving, how everything on this planet is put here for a reason. It’s a cycle, they say. If I told your father I thought that way, he’d probably kill me, haha. All ‘god made us this’ and ‘we do this for that!’

Oh, I haven’t even introduced myself! Well… my name is Laura. I’m your mommy! And right now, you’re in my stomach, which in retrospect is kind of odd now that I say that out loud, hah… I guess It’s confusing that I’m even leaving you this tape. You probably have so many questions at the moment, and I wish I could answer them all. If you’re getting this, Auntie Maya has decided that you’re ready. Well- what does that mean? Haha, I should clear that up.

Laura scratches her cheek nervously, her index and middle fingers drumming on her lap.

I asked my friend Maya to give this to you when she believed you were ready to know the truth. Knowing your father, he probably never let you know what happened to me. I… The doctors tell me I’m not going to pull through. It’s my anemia, it’s gotten worse in the past few months, things are getting scarce. And… I’m really sorry, Ezekiel. That’s why I’m leaving you this tape. So you know who mommy was and how much she loves you! Your father was furious when he found out I might not make it… He blamed himself for me being so sickly. It’s not his fault, Ezekiel. The lord does everything for a reason. And if I have to give up my life to have you nourish and grow on this planet, so be it!

You… you’re going to be born into some very confusing things. Ezekiel, I need you to know that the things daddy and the cult do aren’t normal. I think I really wanted to believe that when I was young and dumb, and I first met him. He seemed like such a wonderful man, and I thought he saved me from a lot of things! Then, one day, he started telling me about all of these strange ideas… How he was a prophet sent to do god’s work, how he had ‘visions’ of how the world was supposed to be… He told me of a group he was gathering together. At first, I tried not to mind it. Now I regret my neglect, seeing the awful things it’s led up to.

Killing other humans isn’t normal. Your father might have tried to convince you it is, but it isn’t. Trust me when I say, your father isn’t killing for a mission. He kills because he likes to. I know he’ll try and immerse you in it too, but I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to join his plight of darkness. Don’t try and fight your father, he’ll only see you as an obstacle to get what he wants. I need you to know, Ezekiel. I need you to know that whatever happens, you have to find your own humanity. You’re a miracle, Ezekiel. Don’t you ever forget that. And please don’t let daddy see this. Mommy loves you.

Okay, I got to do this. No more waitin around out here people are probably getting suspicious. I can’t afford another day with no damn money. I really need this but…

Ahh! What am I doing! I ain’t no outlaw. Not some crook to be shot down like I was nothin but filth on the road. Shit, but that’s exactly what I’ll be if I keep on like I am right now. Scavenging for food, eatin every other day. Nobody should be living the way I am. Sometimes I just wish I was young boy again. Ain’t had nothin to worry about then. All I did was run around and play with the horses on the farm… Before the fire of course. That’s when it all went wrong, my life, my family, my home. All gone in one passing night. When I look back on it now I don’t know how I’m even still breathing this long after, but I am and I’m not just gonna give up on myself. So I gotta get in there and hold the place up. Right? Wrong! No no! God damnit I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore! I’m about to rob a store for christ sake. This ain’t me. No, I can’t be relying on criminal behavior to stay alive. C’mon Wayne! I know your momma taught you better than this. But momma wouldn’t want you starve out on the streets either. Maybe I’m overthinking it. It’s not like I have to kill anyone. Just get in there, be all loud and intimidating and get the cash out the register. Simple. Alright, lemme just- God damn my heart is racin.

“This here a robbery partner! Now it’s real simple, I wanna see all the money you got or you gon have a brand new hole in ya head. Now! Faster than that c’mon! I ain’t got all day!”

“ Whatchu doin over there? Oh I know you ain’t reachin for that shotgun. Cause any finger you lay on that thing is gon be one less finger you got, partner. That’s right, lay it down real slow now. No need to cause yourself anymore trouble than you already in partner.

What I tell you boy! Put it down! Now! I said put it down.”

(click of the hammer being pulled back)

“I’m not gonna do you no harm, boy if you’d just listen to me. Ain’t the time for no hero boy. Listen to me, you got till the count of 3 to put the rest of that money in the bag. One… Two… Three-

(doorbell rings as a another customer walks in. Frightens wayne enough for him to pull the trigger accidentally.)

BANG!

“Shit! God damn, that wasn’t supposed to happen. You! You fool! Scared the hell out me, cost this man’s life right here. Yeah This ain’t my fault. I’m not getting thrown away for this shit, I can’t. This is all you partner! I ain't goin down for this! “

(Door opens again, law walks in)

“No… No please no.I didn’t intend for this.”

(sobbing voice, very emotional)

Some people turn they face when they get a first glance at me. Some people just don’t look at me at all. Sometimes kids ask their parents what is wrong with my face. I pretend not to hear them. I am different. I can’t just go to a restaurant and sit down without getting a million and one stares. I am something that is out of the ordinary. Once I walk in the room some people will say “oh my gosh” and turn away. My parents say I am a miracle child, but I think I’m just a kid with a weird face. I wear this helmet over my head most of the time to avoid problems even though my parents think I should show my beautiful face and some people think I am too old to be wearing this helmet. There’s nothing beautiful about this face of mine. I avoid looking in the mirror to escape reality.

I don’t really have friends. I spend most of my time playing video games and listening to music. The rest of my time is devoted to watching people in love. This might sound crazy but I love love. I see people my age in love and I say to myself “ Wow, I want to be in love”. I doubt anybody would ever love me though. There’s this girl who moved in next door who is so pretty to me. She smiles and waves at me every time she sees me but she never ever saw me without my helmet. I know she probably thinks I'm a weirdo for always wearing this helmet but she never makes me feel weird. I want to actually have a real conversation with her, but I’m scared she won’t like me anymore once she sees my real face.

My name is Rashad and I have Treacher Collins syndrome. I have lived with this my whole life. I have gotten a number of surgerys and been to the hospital more than you can imagine. Now enough about me, lets talk about Ciara, the girl next door. Ciara( smiles and looks up) Every time I say her name the biggest smile forms on my face. Situations like this never work out for me though. I usually just not get to excited because I know it won’t happen, but I was wrong. Thus was the first time I was going into a girl’s house that I liked. Oh I didn’t mention it? Ciara invited me over. My mom talked to my mom and next thing I know I’m getting a text from Ciara saying she wants me to come over. I am nervous as hell! I know I’m going to say stupid stuff , but I really just hope everything come naturally. I’m in Ciara’s house and it’s beautiful. It’s so colorful and bright and they have so many family pictures up. My heart is beating so fast that Ciara might hear it. My palms are so sweating which is crazy because my mouth is so dry. Here I am sitting down on her couch waiting for the impossible to be possible.

( Ciara starts speaking).

“What wait? “

“What do you mean you have can...”

“Well are you ok”?

“ Ciara I will love you no matter what”.

“ And I this time thought my face disfigurement was bad, that is nothing compared to what your going through.”

I would have never knew she had cancer because she is such a happy and cheerful person, and I love her, and she loves me , I am so lucky to love her. I found something I was always looking for and so did Ciara.

Love and someone who can understand one’s struggles.

I can’t believe my boys lied to me.  all this fall, there was this one girl that I was in love with and all I wanted to do was to ask her out. On tuesday my lunch period is on my third period so, when I got my lunch I want to the room that me and my ex friends would go to hang out and have fun, right when I walked in the class they started to tell me ‘’ yo Maria likes you man.’’

I started to get red and believing what they are where telling me, so I walked to one of her friends after lunch was over and asked her, ‘’can I ask you something and you won’t tell Maria please,’’ she just started to ask me questions like ‘’why are you trying to talk about her in a bad way.’’ No I said, I would never but those Maria have feelings for me, she started to laugh, No she said, Maria likes someone in another class.

After that day I never talked to them, I would lie to them that I had to do homework so I didn’t have to hang out with them. This want by for years and they tried to talk to me but I was just to mad. This was two weeks ago now they think everything is ok, just wait and see what i’m going to expose them for what they have done to me.

[Talking to the phone]

Why does everyone have to lie, why do friends have to lie about something that was not true. This friends lied  to me 2 weeks ago and it was not funny because they made me believe that, Maria didn’t really liked me and I will never forgive them for it. Maria never had feeling for me and she never will, so why did they have to play with my feeling like that and making me believe them just because I trusted them. All I'm saying is don't you ever text me back and Maria, yes I liked you and I'm sorry for not telling you like a man but it was just I was scared to hear your answer and that made me scared.

Wait this guys are texting me again, why can't they just leave me alone and accept that I'm still mad for what they have done to me. I started to text each one of them to fuck off and leave me alone forever, but they kept texting me back that Maria really did like me. I text back, if Maria really did like me why did her friend said that Maria didn't like me and they were best friends. They would text back, Maria probably didn't tell her because she liked to talk to much and she didn't want you to know probably.

Look guys just leave me alone please, Maria friend told me already that she didn't liked me so just leave me alone. They kept saying ok but Maria told us that she did like you and if she didn't why are you taking this to heart and just leave it alone and hang out with us. Look man I have Homework to do.

[text message buzz]

Wait. It’s Maria. She says… what? She wants to go to the dance with me?

After the dance I said sorry to all of my friends and they didn’t want to accept but after a week everything want back to the way it was and had a girlfriend.

I’ve been on this bus for the past 3 hours and I can’t bear to get off. There are 15 stops before I get home and I don't want to get home. I'm too nervous and I don't know how my mom is going to react. My hands tremble to the thought of telling her the news. Like I’m only fifteen years old man. I'm not ready for this kind of responsibility. I don’t know how my mom is going to react to the big news. Looking back at it I should have been more careful. Like I don't even love Amanda why did I even mess with her?I know I got myself into this hole. Like I need to find a job now and quit school. I can’t don’t do this I can’t handle all this responsibility and I definitely can’t handle the pressure.

I just need to stay calm and figure out how I’m going to tell mom I’ll worry about the other stuff later but, right now I have to figure out how I’m going to tell her. I'll just ask her how her day has been but, if she had a bad day I’m definitely not telling her. Imma just asks if we can talk in the living room and slowly but surely deliver the news. This could go either two ways she could be happy about it or the other possibility is that she doesn’t take the news well, gets disappointed at me, and kicks me out the house. Let me check where I am. Damn 11 stops until I get home. I need to make a plan right now I can’t be thinking about what if. I’m just going to be straight to the point and tell her everything that happened that night. I just don’t want to disappoint my mom she’s always told me to be careful with that stuff and that I shouldn’t mess around. I just wasn’t thinking right when I did it. I was drinking all night long and Amanda was drinking too. It just kinda happened and I don’t remember much about but I know that it happened. I just wasn’t in the right place that night and I was definitely not in the right mindset after all that drinking.

It's 7 stops until I get home and I'm even more stressed than I was before. All this time that I've spent on this bus has made me think about that night and if I could go back and stop myself I would. I just wanna get home and lock myself in my room and never come out so I don't have to face my problems. I guess I’ll just have to man up and face my mistake. It already happened and I can't change it I’ll have to work hard and find a job in order to support my family.

It's 3  stops now, already, ok . I know what I'm going to do I'm going to tell my mom everything and I will own up to my mistake and take care of that baby and care for its mother. One stop closer to home, I think I'm ready to tell my mom. It's time for me to get going and tell my mom that I got Amanda pregnant. I will explain the whole situation from beginning to end and see how she feels about it. As I get off the bus I'm still stressed but  I feel a lot more confident in telling my mom about what happened. Even though I am not prepared to be a father I look at this situation as a learning experience and I will try my hardest to provide a good home for my baby.

A slap on my chest woke me. I heard my father quietly telling me to wake up. I didn’t protest because I knew today was the day. I hurried out of bed and got dress. When dad lit the candle, I could see the bamboo suitcase filled with clothes already packed for me. He rushed me downstairs and went into the kitchen to give me two banh mi before walking me to the bus station. I looked up, the sky was still dark, I was still able to see the stars. I looked around me. There were no carts, no doors opened, no one outside. It was still early. I didn’t want to leave. Vietnam, it was the only place I ever knew.

As the bus came closer into view, I could feel myself shake. If I left, I would leave my prized possessions, my childhood friends, my sense of comfort, and most importantly, my family. The ones who’ve kept me safe all these years. The ones that have helped me get past the Vietnam war. Then what would be left of me? I’m nothing without my friends, my neighborhood, my family.

The bus came and I boarded it. I rushed to the window seat and looked out the window. Through the headlights of the bus, I could make out my dad’s face in the dark. I still remember his blood-shot eyes, the sadness in his eyes. He didn’t dare look up. I wanted to scream, to run back into his arms, to cry, but I knew none of that was useful. It was my job to lead the path for my siblings, to prove my neighbors wrong, to make it to the Land of Opportunity.

I’m telling you this now, son, because I want you to understand the struggle I went through to have a better life. It is important that you take every opportunity given to you because many kids in other parts of the world don’t have such opportunities. You might think I talk too much and everything I’m telling you is useless and full of crap but it’s not. When we go back to Vietnam this summer, you’ll understand all of it. There are kids who are homeless and out begging for money. There are old women working 14 hours a day just to earn a little money. I left Vietnam because living under communist rule is never going to be a good thing. When we visit your aunt, she can tell you all about it and you can deem if my lectures and teachings were useful.

Days into our trip in Vietnam and I could already see the disturbance in my son’s eyes. Unlike America, there were no crossing lights, there were stray dogs, street food that weren’t the cleanest, and the most disturbing for him, I believe, was the amount of roaches and rats running around. He seemed to have changed. No blatant disrespect, he was less picky with food, more grateful for family, and most importantly, he began saving his hard-earned money.  I’m glad now that I told him about my past. I wanted to leave it in the past but I guess everything worked out for the better.

My phone is ringing…

“Hello?”

(...)

“Okay..”

I’m really not hungry right now. I was actually focused on this project. By the time I get back from dinner, I’m not gonna wanna code anymore.

*Walks downstairs*

Ugh, she got those nasty chicken fingers from ACME. They’re so dry.

  (...)

Why does she care about school? She doesn’t care about me in the first place.

“It was just a normal day”

(...)

“I was hanging out with friends. I only got home at like 5:30”

(...)

“James and Raul”

  (...)

“How do you not know who I’m talking about. I mention them all the time.

(...)

“Why wouldn’t I hang out with other kids? I don’t need to join a club just because other kids do.”

(...)

“Okay, but I like the friends I have.”

(...)

“Why…”

(...)

“I do have a life and I do have friends. Why can’t you just be positive sometimes?”

*mom leaves room*

Ugh why can’t I just enjoy being myself?

Maybe I should try to spend the night with James tomorrow.

*logs into his mother’s facebook*

SHE SAID THAT I SAID I HATE HER??

Why does she make stuff up about me? What did I ever do to her? No wonder all of her friends ask me so many questions. She doesn’t seem to care about me herself.

Who should I talk to?

Will my dad listen? Will my brother listen?

I don’t think they will understand. I feel like something is wrong. None of my friends ever mention them feeling bad about themselves. Nor do I, but still. My friends are always posting pictures with their parents having a good time. I never post anything of my or my family. It just doesn’t seem right. I don’t want people to judge me. What if my brother makes fun of me for talking to him about it? If my mom knows that I talked to somebody about her, she might get mad.

I fell asleep…

(2 hours later)

Maybe I should just take a break. My grandmother won’t judge me. I know she can keep it to herself. She always asks how I’m doing. I always respond with “good” or “fine”. Fine means that I’m just not loving school. I never relate it to life at home. I’m sure she’ll understand.

*calls his grandmother*

“Hello?”

(...)

“Hey Grandma!”

(...)

“Yea uh… Like, do you think I could see you soon? L..”

(...)

“Like alone?”

(...)

“Yea I just really want to see you alone if that’s okay”

(...)

“Could I come over this weekend?”

(...)

“Yea 1 hour is fine. I’ll get myself there.”

(...)

“Okay bye bye! I love you!”

(...)

Oh no!

I hope she understood that I was really nervous. She might ask my mom if something is wrong. If I call her back, she will be worried.

Maybe it isn’t me at all. Maybe my mom is going through something. What could have happened? Her dad passed away 3 years ago now. She didn’t even like him. At least that’s what she told us. She quit her job last week. That was her choice wasn’t it? Maybe I should just go talk to her

Xan xim zom tom rom shuppa tablada samy eyoko takara

Translation

The girls here are beautiful. All different shapes, shades, and styles. I love… what do they call it? Oh yes, I believe I overheard someone say “Diversity”. Back on my own planet Xanahr, with a silent H, all the girls look the same and all the girls look like boys. The way to recognize a female is by their lack of a 37th tentacle. When I arrived on earth In this city I was entranced by the tall spaceships that don't fly, bewildered by people stuck in screens with prices on them, confused by the small vehicles that roll along the ground making loud honking sounds, and unerved from the people yelling unknown words at me, I had disguised myself to look like one of them. The problem was that as normal as I looked, the girls didn’t seem to enjoy me.

Today was a rough day. I had decided to use some of the words I had learned. I was walking next to Macy's and I saw an old white man, make a “tweet twwwwwwww” (whistle) sound with his lips. It sounded like the first of 576 mating calls people make on my home planet. He followed that by saying “Ayoo Shawty come here and get this treatment”. Shawty, if that was her name, punched him in the face. This must be a part of the mating ritual I surmised. When I repeated this processes, I got the same result, but I had no way of knowing whether it was the right result. I approached another lady on the corner “Hellooooow sweet thang,” I said, repeating the word I had heard earlier, and again the response was violent. This resulted in the damage of my favorite tentacle, number 26. She was beautiful, but it hurt. I began to wonder if I could survive these strange mating rituals and whether, if I discovered the secret rites of courtship, I would experience pleasure in female companionship.

I was discouraged. While I was surrounded by diverse beauty, I had no way of knowing the hearts and minds of the girls I encountered, and no idea about what I should or should not do. The girl I encountered next would change all of that. I recall how her hair was flying in the wind, glowing, and decided that I could not miss my chance. On my native planet, we begin courtship using a distinctive walk consisting of a series of dips, bobs, and turns. I decided to try using this female-catching walk on the one with the glowing hair and she laughed. On my home planet the males follow the distinctive walk by showing their 37th tentacle but I was reluctant to do this. I clearly didn’t understand the females of this planet and said as much to her. I explained that I had tried to emulate the actions of other men I had observed, but was always met with violence. She asked me to describe these behaviors and after I recounted them, she explained that, on this planet, it was wrong to treat women like that-- like objects, things without thoughts or feelings. Her words hit me like a train and made my world spin.

I hadn’t been observing rituals of courtship at all but something she called harassment. I couldn’t understand why males of this planet would treat their female counterparts this way. Clearly there was nothing to be gained from doing so. Perhaps harassment did not exist on my planet because telling males and females apart was nearly impossible; however, maybe harassment didn’t exist because we cared for each other. She invited me to come with her, and we actually just hung out. It felt more like courtship on Xanahr, and she explained the ways to approach the women of her plant respectfully. I understand now and I am hopeful for the future.

Failure was never an option, and it never will be, that is something that my parents have taught me from such a young age. I was lectured daily about any mistake that I made, I was always the best at school, no-one was smarter than me, I was the best in all my classes, I’m not being arrogant, no, its really true, I’m just better than most people, my intellect exceeds those of my peers. This is something that I will always fall back on when anything gets difficult, I can always count on my brain to get me out of whatever situation I was in. That is until I got this letter. I opened it so rapidly thinking ‘another success’ just like all the other successes that so frequently occurred in my life. Now here I am in my living room, standing with this letter of denial to my dream school, surrounded by this dreadful feeling, surrounded by failure. What is happening? I can’t believe it, I failed, I could feel the paper crumbling under my hand. Tears of shame and failure now roll down my cheeks so rapidly, rolling down a face that embodied disappointment. What am I going to do? The application deadline already passed, I need another school, I need to find something quick! This is all my counselor's fault, she probably forgot to send the letter of recommendation, I hate her so much! All she does is sit in that office all day and talk to the kids with no future! I have a future, why can’t she help me succeed, why ?!! Y’know maybe it wasn’t her, I think it was my goddamn Chem teacher, if she had given me an A first quarter freshman year, my GPA would be higher, I hate her so much, they all want to see me fail just because they’re failing at life. It wasn’t her, she didn’t cause this, it was my family, they taught me failure is never an option but they couldn’t stand to see me winning they couldn’t embrace the idea that I am better and will always be better than them, always sending me to do some damn chores, how are chores going to help me in life? Am I growing up to becoming a goddamn dishwasher? No, it’s none of their faults, they have no effect on what occurs at the end of the day, at the end of the day it's me who decides what happens in my life. They didn’t do this to me, I did it to myself, I am the reason why I can’t go to my dream school, I’m the one who decided to apply to only one school, I’m the one who’s too arrogant, too dim-witted to see that he was only negatively affecting himself, I failed myself, no-one else. What am I going to do? What will my friends think of me, not getting into the top school? what will parents say? How will they react, how am I going to explain to them that I… failed, how am I going to tell them that this was my only choice, what will I do? Y’know, I don’t even care anymore, whatever happens, happens, all I can do is wait to apply to community college, I guess I have to go there for some time before I can do anything, I need to learn that not everything is about me, I need to make a difference in myself before I can truly move on, so from now on I’ll be humble. I need to clean this up before the dimwits arrive.

I always feel like I’m going to throw up and I’m always so tired. I knew what I did was going to haunt me in the end but I like him so much. What was I supposed to do? Every time I have to go to the bathroom I look like a little kid on Christmas morning just praying something will happen, but deep down inside I know it won’t. I’ve been calling Maliq for the past week with still no answer. Maybe I should call him now since he just got out of school, but maybe I shouldn’t because I’m still at school. I’m just going to go to the bathroom and call.

[ring ring ring ring]

Hey, It’s been a minute and I miss you.

(...)

So what you, you don’t miss me back? (sucks teeth as she rolls her eyes)

(...)

No, no don’t say it now. I don’t want you saying anything that you don’t mean

(...)

if that’s the case why haven’t we spoken in the past week?

(...)

Busy my ass! (Martina begins to yell but once she realizes it she policing her voice)You always seem to make time for your hating ass best friend Maya. ( tapping her foot at a steady pace because she starting to become annoyed)

(...)
Whatever yo, I didn’t call you to argue. I got something to tell you.

(...)

You go first.

(...)

Nawl I really wanna hear what you have to say.

(...)

Alright, Alright(throws her hand up in the air) I’ll go first. I’ve been feeling really sick ever since we last you know.

(...)

I’m telling you because I’m scared (Someone walks in and she puts her feet on the toilet)

(...)

I’m scared of… ( Martina begins to choke on their words)

(...)

(She takes a pause to see if they leave)

(...)

Yeah, I’m still here, but Maliq I’m really worried.

(...)

Calm down there’s always a possibility of it happening”

(...)

Do you remember if it broke? ( she says in a whisper)

(...)

What you mean you didn’t use one probably? So you telling me you lied?

(...)

Well, I remember you telling me you were putting one on. How could you lie about something like that?

(...)

It is important!

(...)

I’m not acting like anything nigga. I am fucking pregnant because of your dumbass thinking shit isn’t important.

(...)

I’m talking to the dumbass on the phone.

(...)

What you gonna do about it, Maliq?

(...)

Stop cappin, you and me both know you love me.

(...)

( he’s yelling at her and sadness comes across her face)

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say those things. I was just mad at you bae, but what are we gonna do? Hold on.

(Someone is knocking on the bathroom stall door.)

Someone is in here!

(Puts the phone back up to her ear)

My bad someone keeps knocking on the door, but what was I saying again?

(...)

Oh yea, hold on again

(the knocking stops)

That girl left finally

(...)

We need to talk about this now

(...)

What’s more important than this and who keeps on blowing up ya phone?

(...)

Oh it def is mine. Let me check it real quick.

(she scrolls through her phone to see all of her business posted around school)

Bae!!!! We have a problem. That girl who was just in here just posted all our business on the socials

(...)

I'm not playing you think everything is a joke, I'm scared to walk out the bathroom it's all over Instagram.

(...)

Even if she does.What about the 6,000 people that already saw it Maliq? Do you think?

(...)

I'm getting smart with you, And i know you don't care because you’re the boy it doesn't look bad on the boy it never does.

(...)

After all we been through your going to end it over an argument? While I'm about to have your baby? Are you fucking serious.

(...)

How could you do this to me yo(tears falling down)

(...)

(Yelling) What do you mean you don't give a fuck about me Maliq.You just was telling me how much you fucking love me and how you would never leave. So that was all a lie?

(...)

How can you sit here and tell me that all you wanted to do was have sex with me Maliq( wipes tears from her face).

(...)

Maliq you no what. GO TO HELL.

(...) ( phone hangs up )

(talking to herself) What am i going to do. I gotta tell my mom.

Sari call mom (calling mom with red heart suit) Mom I have to tell you something.

(...)

I'm pregnant.

I thought that they could be trusted but it seems like they're not trustworthy.

What are they serving today? Hm…

I’ll have a salad and ummm a water, please.

[Dials lunch number]

Why is he trying to talk to me now?

I've been what! I'm the most faithful chick out here, the fuck you talking about?

“Yea I was at the party”

“Nothing happened between me and Ethan”

“I was just talking to her this morning”

“That can’t be true shes my best friend, I haven't done nothing to her that would get to the point of her saying any of this!”

“How can you believe any of this….. I don’t care if she told you. If I'm telling you that I had never done any of this then why are you still believing it?

I can't believe she would ever say I cheated on my boyfriend.  What if this gets out and he finds out. I don’t remember doing any of this at the party. It can’t be true. I need to find Ethan like right now! [Picks up phone and dials]

Ethan, it’s me. What have you… But I….

It’s not true. You just want to start spreading lies about you and me because I told you to go be with one of your other hoes. That's why you had left in the first place.

I was at the party, yes. But I don’t remember anything. I mean you know I was drinking. Duh like who wasn’t drinking it was the first party of the school year, I wasn’t about to be sober and be with all my other drunk friends.

You can not control what I do. This is why we broke up that night because you feel as though I can’t do anything without you knowing my every move.

You have people believing that I cheated on you and that's why we aren’t together. When you were the one who cheated on me with fucking Maria. I gave you a second chance and Maria as well.

But since you both wanna be playing around spreading all these fucking rumors about me. Might as well just have the the real truth put out there.

No, don’t tell me to calm down!

Making me look like a whore out here because you're mad we aren´t together anymore.

Fuck you! Go be with Maria and all her damn issues cause she's not my problem anymore nor are you.

Maria get over here now! I know you can hear me don’t act like a bitch now!

Oh, so you wanna start talking about me cheating on my boyfriend that night. What about you sleeping with him while we were together! And I found out and didn’t tell anyone, absolutely no one. I forgave both of you.

Oh you didn’t want anyone finding out, did you? Well, Karmas a bitch isn’t it. That's what I thought so, go throt ya ass down the hallway and feel how I was feeling all day today. At least the shit you were spreading was a lie. But these all facts.

Lay a hand on me and you’re done cause all this anger will end you in a place where your pretty little face won’t be seen anymore.

[Starts laughing]

Man I can’t believe Nyla was doing that with Rahmir. Shaking my head. I would never be caught dead doing that shit. I don’t have to ever worry about that I’m too good for the life half these girls living. I cringe at the thought of her yo (says this while laughing). Even putting me and her in the same category is a crime. I’m on a different level in life periodt. And it confuses me on how she keeps trying to talk to me in the lunch line like we’re friends or like she deserve a conversation with me. Like girl get out my face with your hair store lipgloss….this MAC on my lips!” (Said while applying lipgloss)

{Phone buzzes}

Oh snap it’s Jasmine.{Reads message and locks phone} Damn.

Stephanie of all people. I wonder why she did that. But, I don’t know. I just would have never guessed. Maybe I should talk to her.

Should I tell her that I can relate more than she thinks?

I wanted to move on from it, but I don’t want people misunderstanding Stephanie.

Nah. I’ve never talked to her before so why start now? Who knows if I’ll be able to prevent it from happening again.

Maybe I should talk to her.

{The phone rings, she answers}

Hey best. I need ya help. This girl in my class tried to kill herself. I know it’s none of my business but I was wondering if I should talk to her, or should I just leave it alone.

I’m second guessing talking to her about it because me and my friends don’t talk to her like that.

My friends are not messing up my judgment. I know I’ve changed since middle school. But you know I was never able to be part of this crowd in middle school, I’m trying to ya know reinvent myself.

But, I’m scared that it could be stopping me from helping someone.

And my friends don’t know everything about me. Like the reason I take those pills, but I feel like if I tell them I don’t know if they’ll want to hang out with me. Some people see bipolar-depression as being crazy. I’m not crazy. I’m trying to seem as normal as can be.

Omg Stop!

{her bestfriend hangs up, she looks at her phone with her mouth open with shock}

I can’t believe he hung up. All because I don’t know if I should help some girl I barely know.

Who knows if she even wants help.

And I know even if I tell people they might see me differently. I’m trying to be as normal as can be but I’m still not me.

{She starts to breath hard, running her hands through her hair and looking around as if trapped}

I can’t let them know. I already dealt with everything that I needed to. I went through the process of court, therapy, tears, and heartbreak. (All said while panting)

I cant’ even deal with this myself sometimes how am I supposed to help her and prove to her it’ll be ok. I don’t know if it’ll be ok.

How do I tell girls I just met last year that my uncle raped me? How do I say that I was wishing I would die at the age of 10 and then trying to grant my own wish in 8th grade?

I can’t, I can’t go back to how I was. But, I can’t keep faking who I am.

{she looks in the mirror and breathes calmy. She ends up calming herself down}

My problems can help Stephanie though, and if I don’t help her she could end up like me. You know what forget about it, if they’re my friends then they won’t judge me they’ll embrace me and this won’t change the way they see me if this friendship is meant to be.

I’m tired of being aluminum faking to be gold.

Lemme try to find Stephanie’s number.

Of course, I know why I am here; because Ms.Garlengnal snitched on me. That’s why she will always be the janitor in this dirty school. Anyways, it wasn’t my fault that freshmen were getting smart with me, that’s why I slammed him into the wall. You can suspend me, give me detention I don’t care.

It all started when this scrawny looking kid with wiry red hair, an orange striped shirt, khaki long pants, church shoes, and huge brown-framed glasses was sitting against the lockers reading his book. And I recalled he is in my math class and was one of those “I know kids”. You know, the kids who know all the answers to every question, usually waving their hands around, yelling “oooh oooh, I know, I know”, the one that always does their homework. And I remembered that I didn’t do my homework for that class (like always) but if I didn’t do this homework I was going to have to repeat junior year and I’m just trying to get the f*** out of here, ASAP. So I walked up to him with my big black hoodie and my scrunched up, glaring, mad face and told him to give me his homework or else. He looked up at me and responded with or else what. This freshman had some mouth, I said or else I will break your almond looking head and make you regret your entire existence. He stood up, looked me straight in the eye and said, “I’d like to see you try”. My spread out fingers soon stuck together, feeling my anger inside my chest transform into energy that is coming into hands. Moments later the punk a** kid was lying on the ground crying his eyes out. That is when I saw Ms.Garlenal leave her mop and rush towards the principal’s office.

I hate him. I can’t believe he actually did it. I made that face again. The one he hates, the one that he says makes me look miserable and snobbish. I shouldn’t have done it, it was me pushing him to the edge but still, he hit me. I should be mad right? But I can’t help feeling this guilt. No, no, he’s the wrong one, no one should ever hit their child, no matter what. He’s not an abuser, obviously, I know that. He only hit me once. Just this one time because I was being disrespectful. I talked back when he told me to fix my face.

I know I egged him on when I refused to smile. Why the hell did I push him to hit me? I knew he was having a bad day, but I still decided to make that face. Should I apologize?

No, I can’t. I can’t keep acting happy when I’m not. It’ll only make him think that what he did was right. I don’t want him to hit me or you again. I wish he wasn’t our father. At least our mother was able to escape him. You and I both know that he beat her. I still remember when she used to sleep in our bed and when she would wake up the next morning with bruises on her arms and legs. I know you remember it too. I know you remember him waking her up the next morning with little gifts to make her forget about what had happened the night before.

(sister speaks)

I know we’re his children but that doesn’t mean it’ll stop him from hurting us like he did to mom. I don’t want to stay here anymore. It’s not safe. A father is supposed to provide protection not create an unsafe environment. He makes me- both of us feel weak, vulnerable.

(sister speaks)

He hit me here! Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt and it certainly doesn’t justify his actions. Look, I know he’s our father. I know that, but he isn’t fit to be one. I’ve heard the way he’s talked to you. You’re only twelve and he’s cursing at you for making a small mistake. I know how meek and small you feel when he lectures you because I was once in your place. But now I’m sixteen and I have only two more years before I can leave this hellhole and never see him again. But I won’t if it means you are going to be alone with him.

Mom was right to leave all those years ago. If she had stayed, who knows what would’ve happened? I wish she had taken us with her. She was our only outlet. I’m not gonna do what mom did to us. I won’t abandon you. We need to leave here or this might only get worse.

What’s going to stop him from making us his next victim?

I don’t want him to hurt you too.

(dad calls main character)

It’s ok.

I know you’re sorry.

I love you too.

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have talked back to you.

I know.

I love you.

Ok.

(returns back to sibling)

He apologized.

Those things I said, it’s just what I felt in the moment. We all say things we don’t mean sometimes. Please don’t tell him that I said I hated him because I really do love him. He’s a good father and sometimes he gets upset just like every other parent. I overreacted, that’s all. I could never hate my father. I love him.

THE LIGHTS

Did everything turn off? I hear the faint click of electrical appliances shut down left and right. My mother rolls her eyes and groans. She places the dish she was washing down and goes to the basement.  When she comes back up, her confused face says it all; our power circuit was fine.

People walk past our window. I need to check this out. It’s freezing out here I don’t understand why people would voluntarily go out at this time. The night sky shrouds everyone's face but I know general confusion is in the air.

The city skyline is beautiful, the fact that it’s the only light source really makes it shine. W-wait, why are the lights turning off? There is no more light. What the hell is happening?  

Let's go home, I’m cold and tired. Everything will probably be okay when we wake up...right? Mom nods her head in approval.

This blanket is comfy, Goodnight! Love you!

IT'S FREEZING! Guess the heater still isn’t working? The TV isn’t on and I can’t hear mom making her daily batch of coffee. Something must be up?

Thank god, she left some cereal! Hmm, what this.

“Had to leave for a meeting, back at 5. I would have texted you but it seems the power is still out. Have a good day and don’t be late for school!”

                                                                          - Love, Mom

Ah shoot, I need to get ready. What time is it? 7:00 okay. I got some time.  

I can just tell I'm going to be late, but at this point, I honestly don’t care. WHEW, how cold is it going to get? The amount of cars in the street is alarming, oh the street lights don’t work, that's why.

Who is honking so loud? Jesus Christ, we get it. Wait why is he getting out of the car I-.

Oh, man, are they going to fight... yup they are fighting.

You know what I’m just going to keep it pushing because I don’t have time for any of that. That crazy though… people cango one night without power and act like they lost everything.

I'm finally here, why is everyone in the schoolyard?

Wait really, they closed the schools because of a blackout?! Thank god because I had this biology assignment to finish. What do you think caused this blackout? Really, that’s… crazy. Umm okay, see you soon!

Did she really say that the power was out for the entire country? How could that happen, isn’t that impossible? I’ve only heard that in fictional stories, but for it to come true is insane.

Okay, so the country might not have power for weeks or even longer, what can I do, oh my god what can I do!

I know we need food. Okay, okay how much do I have? Okay, 35$ I can make this work.

Take a right on 22nd and then... Okay, there it is!

I guess people had the same idea whew. Ignore them we have to get dry food, remember nonperishable.

Crackers, soup what else OH of course water. Where would that be?

“Excuse me” I swear if this lady pushes me one more time.

Done! Great now I have to shove myself through this isle chalked full of people.

“Hi yes, that all. Do I put the cash in the bucket? Okay, thank you!”

At least I have some food for me and my mom… but will it last until the power comes back?

August 27th,

I want to date this girl. But it’s like, “uuuuuuuuuuugh.”

Let me explain...

I like this girl. But. I used to go with the girl’s cousin. It’s weird. I know.

The girl I like is named Khalilah.

It was like love at first sight.

I had a two-year crush on her. But no one never knew.

I always acted like she was just a friend so you could never tell.

I didn't see her in 2 years, but my feelings for her never changed.

I would see her on Instagram and just think of what we could be.

Today I’m starting at this new high school.

And I saw her. My heart stopped for a second. I didn't know she went here.

We instantly locked eyes. She ran and hugged me she was happy as day to see me.

“Hey Ron”

She was real hype when she saw me but I had to play it cool.

“Sup”(said nonchalantly). On the inside I wanted to be hype, I wanted to hug her back, but I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me.

Then I found out that she was in all my classes. When got to class we spoke and made up for lost times.

We talked about how close we used to be, and how many fun time we used to have before the move.

I tried my best to act casual as we talked, but when she hugged me.

I remembered every reason why I ever liked her.

As the day goes by every minute getting harder than the next. Finally, the day is over.

I thought about her the whole time I was walking home with my new friends I made.

My conscience told me to tell her I liked her, but I was way to scared.

I opened our messages and just stared at it for about an hour.

Finally. I texted her.

“Khalilah“ I sent

“Yes“

“I like you and have for a while now“

“You’re joking right?“

“No, I had a crush on you for like 2 years now“

So she calls. My hands started to shake viscously. I was too nervous.

I almost dropped my phone.

I let the first call ring all the way through ( ring, ring... )

As the phone was ringing so many thoughts crossed my mind.

Does she like me?. Would she go out with me?. Does she even look at me like that?.

(took a deep breath)

She calls again. I answer.

“Hello“

she said “Are you joking? Because we can’t be together.“

As much as I wanted to say I was joking. I just couldn't.

“No, I’m being for real“

“You went out with my cousin in the 6th grade, I can't do that,“ she says.

I started to get frustrated. “We’re in 10th grade. That relationship was so childish.”

She said nothing. We sat their quiet. About two minutes went by, but it really felt like 2 years.

Then suddenly beep, beep, beep, .

She hung up on me.

All night I thought. How could this be? There has to be a way.

The next morning comes. The second day of school. I see her on the way to Spanish class.

Things were kind of awkward but I go along with it anyway.

“Wassup Khalilah“

“Hey, Ron.”

I knew she was nervous because she looked down and played with her nails as she spoke to me.

“What took you so long to tell me you liked me?“

“Well 2 years ago you had a boyfriend, I wanted you to notice but you never did“.

She finally picked her head up and said

“I didn't think you would like me, Karon, I thought you looked at me as a sister. Not as a girlfriend“.

As class starts all I could think about was her. I sat and stared the entire time thinking of what we could've been. What we could have become.

The class is over. I'm walking home and I get a text. It's from Khalilah.

We can't talk. We can't go out. We can't do anything.

I felt empty on the inside. I felt like my hopes of getting the girl I wanted so bad was coming to an end.

My phone vibrates again it's another text message. It's Amiyah, Khalilahs cousin.

“You like Khalilah? Rumor going around that y'all supposably got something going on”.

“I like her but we don't have nothing going on, she won't talk to me because of you”.

“Well, you can't talk to her point blank Periodt “.

I left her on read. I felt everything in my body go numb, starting from my toes.

Yo, whats going on? You in trouble or something, you called my phone like 20 times, I was in school. Yeah, I'm free to talk. Wait, didn’t you just break up with Jason like two days ago? How you moving on that fast? Yes, I’m listening you said he’s tall and light skin and wears suits. I don’t know what boy wears suits, but okay continue.

What do you mean he’s older like 17 or in college? He’s your who? So, you're being taken advantage of by your teacher? (long pause)

YES! It is like that. Your teacher is not your boyfriend, y'all aren’t together and you can’t love someone you just met. Do you honestly think a person that’s 30 wants a 16 year old? Something's wrong with him. And you can’t be that— No, I'm not calling you stupid or crazy, it’s not hard to get involved with a handsome pedophile. I just wish you could make better decisions, when I said find a more mature guy to date, I didn’t mean an adult. There’s nothing funny about this; what it is, is a serious case. HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU (pause) or at least in the way you want him to.

Trust me that’s not a relationship that will take you far. I’m not trying to be your mother and nobodies tryna take your happiness away. I’m just tryna get you out of lala land; you're wonderful world of rainbows where men like little girls. He ought to lose his job! It’s that serious Selena. Besides the fact that it isn’t a real relationship, it’s not even legal. I’m trying my best to be patient with you, but you can’t sit here and tell me this is right. I was here for you in your last relationship, the ups and downs. I helped you respond to texts and helped you calm down when Jason did something stupid. I was here for it all, but I can assure you this relationship won’t be the same. I want nothing to do with it. I’m glad that you don’t need me. Okay whatever nothing, the least you could say is thanks for the adv—(click) Did she just hang up on me?

Truth hurts I guess. My intentions aren’t to be hard on her. It just got to me, how she finds “love” so quickly. In the span of her 3 loves I can’t even find one. She turns away all of the guys her age and turns to a teacher- a grown man. I find it sad. Sometimes my sympathy for her translates to anger because there’s so many ways she can change to become the person she wants to be. Or maybe it’s the person I want her to be? Is it my goal and not hers? Why am I even this stressed about a situation that doesn’t concern me and a person who doesn’t want my help? I think I wrap myself into other people’s problems and when they can’t see what I see I get frustrated. I don’t think I can help Selena. She doesn’t even see anything wrong with dating Mr. Bennet. How could she, when she views me as a mom and not her friend. There’s nothing I can do about that, you can’t change how people see you. I can’t make her understand and it frustrates me. I’m watching my friend go down a path, I know leads nowhere good. My advice to her goes in one ear and out the other. There’s nothing I can do. And the more I talk and advise the more she ignores me. She’s slowly drifting away. At least I’ve said my peace. I can’t save everyone.