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This I Believe; Unfaithful Fathers

I’d never underestimate the struggles of being a parent, because I haven’t yet been one. However, I do believe that no matter the hardships a person may be obligated to go through with their children, extreme violence towards that child is unacceptable and unnecessary. It solves nothing; it only leaves that child to be broken in the end, especially when they justifiably did nothing wrong.

            My dad isn’t a normal man, but then again, he is. He has no addictions to anything other than coffee and cigarettes, which wouldn’t give him the powerful outlook he has on himself. I can see right through him, but I’m unable to determine why he is the way he is. He honestly believes he’s better than everyone else, and what he says is right. There’s no talking to him; he may just be the most stubborn person I ever met, and fully realizing this, I unintentionally stepped into the beating of a lifetime.

            I wasn’t a good student in my early years of high school. I always attended class, but what good does that do when you don’t do any work? Anyway, I had an afterschool commitment that I attended, against my will. I had to go to Grade Recovery, a program that brought an F on my report card to a D. I wouldn’t consider Science Leadership Academy to be a normal school, which explains why on Thursdays we got out of school at 3:50 PM. Grade Recovery started at 4:15 PM, and was over at 5:45 PM. My best friend at the time would always suggest going to Papa John’s after long advisories and Grade Recovery as a way to cool off and just hang out. That Thursday, I got home around 7:30 PM, which didn’t seem to late to me. However, my dad felt differently.

            I came inside and tried to explain to my father why I had been so late, but he didn’t want to hear any of it. He threw me off though, because his tone of voice seemed so far from violent. I figured he didn’t mind, so I went upstairs to my room. I was sitting in a corner on my laptop, playing a game. When I looked up, I saw my dad. His face was redder than my face would be in a few minutes. I knew what was coming though, because as he came closer to me, I kept asking him to calm down. He picked my laptop off my lap and threw it at me. It hit me in the arm and bounced onto the floor. I was furious, because I didn’t have $1,000 to fix a laptop that wasn’t even mine, but before I had a chance to make that clear, he did something I’ll never forgive him for doing.

            As soon as I saw his hand coming for my face, I tried to duck, but he was too quick for me. He punched me in my left cheek, right below my eye. I could feel my skin being forced off my face, then coming back to my bones, much like how it happens in boxing. I was hysterical. I kept trying to get up and leave the room, and every time I would he would grab my ponytail and throw me backwards to the floor. My stepmother was in the doorway, watching as if she enjoyed what she saw.

            “If it were your kids you wouldn’t be standing there watching. You’d be going after him, making him stop. You’re really just going to stand there and watch this?”

            She had nothing to say. She just shrugged her shoulders as if it were nothing. Typical evil stepmother move; I felt like Cinderella, except with a father who was on her side.

            I didn’t care if my hair got ripped right out of my scalp; I was getting out of that room. I got up again, trying to leave, knowing I’d have to push my stepmother aside, which would only land me in more trouble. I tried to run, but this time when my father grabbed my hair, instead of pulling me backwards to the ground, he pushed me forward towards the steps. My stepmother moved out of the doorway, as if they’d planned this out precisely for weeks. Although I almost fell down the stairs, it was better than being in that room.

            I ran down the stairs, looked for my schoolbag, and headed towards the back door. I saw my little brother sitting in a chair, crying, asking me not to leave.

            “I have to buddy, I’m sorry. I’ll be back soon, I promise. I love you,” I said to Storm, as I kissed his forehead reassuringly.

            I didn’t have time to put on and tie my shoes, so I decided to skip looking for them. With my schoolbag and jacket in hand, I ran out the door and through the cold, muddy yard. I got to the graveyard, which was unfortunately locked. I didn’t have time to go around, which would give my father time to find me, if he even tried. I hopped the graveyard fence, and then swerved in and out of gravestones. When I got to the other side, I climbed over the fence and ran about 20 feet to my house. I ran inside crying, asking for my mother or brother. My stepdad said my mother wasn’t home, so I ran into my brother’s room. I fell on the floor, spilling out every detail of what had happened.

            When I went to school the next day, a teacher had noticed a bruise on my face. I had been late to class because I was covering the bruise up with makeup, or trying to at least. The teacher kept asking what had happened, but I kept denying anything. Finally, I told him I’d gotten into an argument with my dad. I tried to make him swear not to say anything, but he told me he would lose his job, so he brought me to the office, where they called DHS.

            DHS had come to my house a few times, interviewed me at school, taken pictures of my brother and I, making us all feel like criminals. The last time he came to my father’s house, I was present.

            “You’re daughter keeps defending you, and we realize this is most likely a mistake, and something that didn’t mean to happen. However, hitting your kids, especially hard enough to leave bruises is not okay. The next time we get reports on you, your children will be taken away from you,” said the man from DHS.

            As soon as he walked out the door, my father said something that caused me to live in even more fear of him than I already did.

            “Don’t think because DHS came, I wouldn’t hit you again, because I would.”

            He never hit me again, but we aren’t on the best terms. We hardly see each other, because I dread going to his house to visit him. When I do go, it’s to see my younger brothers and sister. I live at my mother’s house full time, which can be very hard at times, considering my father contributes nothing. Him being the violent, demented man he is left me broken inside, striving for a relationship with my father that will never exist. It wore me down inside, leaving me with a destroyed self esteem because my own father doesn’t try having anything to do with me. For this reason, violence from parents to children is a mistake. It’s wrong, and ruins more than it fixes, and should be viewed as unacceptable in all societies.

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ScotusBlog: Smith vs. Cain

In the Smith vs. Cain case there were two main questions: 1) Whether there is a reasonable probability that the outcome of Smith's trial would have been different but for Brady and Giglio/Napue errors 2) whether the state courts violated the Due Process Clause by rejecting Smith's Brady and Giglio/Napue claims​
Smith vs. Cain originally takes place in New Orleans and it about the Orleans parish prosecutors with holding evidence to a case involving five murders that Juan Smith apparently committed. The prosecutors withheld material evidence and smith is arguing that it was an unfair trial because the 5th and 14th amendments says that the prosecutor has to show the evidence to the defendant. This gets supreme court attention because with holding evidence has been a reoccurring event for the Orleans parish prosecutors and having the defenders having an unfair trial is also a violation of the 6th amendment. It happened with the cases Brady vs. Maryland, Kyles vs. Whitley, and Connick vs. Thompson. The prosecution did say that they didn't give the evidence and that it was a harmless error but it was witness statements which became inconsistent as the trial went on which is actually pretty important for the trial.

I think that the court will give Smith another trial because it sounds like the court hates the Orleans Parish prosecutors so they would probably be very happy to spite them even though Smith was convicted for murdering five people.
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A Slice of Audrey!

In this one slide about me, I made the fonts very large, so it would stand out. I purposely made my first name "Audrey" much larger than the other words because that's the main purpose of my entire one slide. The Pokeball from "Pokemon" represents an obsession I have, so it's apart of me. The quote "Do what makes you happy", has a symbolism that shows how I am like. I do what makes me happy, and I think other people should do the same. The font for my title is a different style font because it is to stand out. 
Screen Shot 2011-12-02 at 10.51.09 AM
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slide

​ 
 The font of the words that i choose to put on my slide, does not only set the tone for the sinister, mysterious slide, it adds a level of curiosity for the viewers. it make them think on a deeper level what exactly am i trying to say? The interpretation is different. iBut it exaggerates the message i am trying to send. The picture of the girl on my slide is appears to be sad or depressed, it sets a very dramatic theme I'm trying to portray. The fire represent is there because it is the burst of light, that our character is hiding from. 
Naihema Slide1
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script

Pictures-

I picked all of these pictures for a reason. I picked the cheerleader because cheerleading is what makes me. I love to cheerlead all the time anytime of the day. I picked the coach bag because it shows how special I am to my parents. Coach bags cost a lot of money and the fact that they spend the little bit of money they have on the martial things I want shows how special I am. And lastly I picked the two hands was because I am proud to be a mix of races. That is special to me because back in the day two different races couldn’t even be together.

 

The layout-

I decided to do a gray background and bright pink lettering because on the website that was given to us said that you should have a calm background and bold pop out lettering so that people will notice it. I only did a few pictures because the read should be able to observe and understand the slide with-in three seconds.   



here is a good website that talkes about slides : 

http://blog.slideshare.net/2008/05/21/5-steps-to-slide-design-for-non-designers-by-ellen-finkelstein/






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Script. kaboni bailey

                                                           

 

The Smile

The smiles represent all the opportunities that I take from others to smile and enjoy the life that I am given and I know that I am my own being.

   This goes with my slide because the “Am” is 1) Yellow. 2) It is smiling.      

          The Orb

The one blue orb represents me shining throughout the darkness that the world puts out. It represents the ones who know that they will prevail.

This goes with my slide because the “I” is

1) Blue. 2) It is everlasting

          The forks

The forks represent the ones around me that try to screw me up and detain me from who I am supposed to be.

This goes with my slide because my phrase is, 1) Awesome 2) surviving

          The Equality

The equality sign/poster is something that represents what my personality is and how I enjoy it.

This goes with my slide because I believe that everyone is an equal.

Untitled
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My Slide

Screen Shot 2011-12-02 at 10.50.06 AM

Why Did I Do this?

When I was designing my slide I wanted to follow what Mr. Zen said. I decide to make the “I” stand out because it says that I stand out. I made some letters bigger than others because they where more important. I also had the picture of the fish in order to go with the theme of my slide, saying that ‘I’ stand out and the fish is standing out also.

​PART 2.

I was told not to make any changes to my presentation for the simple fact that it perfectly followed Presentation Zen. Here Are Some Reasons why:

1) The slides have the perfect font size, its not to big and its not to small.
2) It clearly states what im trying to get across.
3) I show a picture that relates to my words.
4) I mad my letters in levels , making them larger as they farther dow the paper to the point where "out" is out the picture.
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Jamira Carter Q2 media fluency

The definition of a good slide isn’t just with good information- It’s with good qualities. One of the first recognizable things in a slide is color, which is why chose a bright orangy-red color. Then I kept the slide plain and simple with a couple of  words…In a big font so it is able to be read from across the room. The fonts are also colorful and contrast with the background color ,another reason why it is able to easily be read. I added one picture just for design as well. The overall colors help with the meaning of the slide because it is bright, and represents brightness and happiness.

http://www.slideshare.net/hiratufail/how-to-make-good-presentation
tech
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my slide

http://zachholman.com/posts/slide-design-for-developers/

i used the website above to help me with my slide. i used the rules from the page to make my slide better. i didnt crowd my slide , i added a all black background ,  & 2 imporant pictures that describe what i'm talking about.
when i was 5 i did dance and one of my classes were balett. i chose a black background to make my pictures POP out more and stand out. i chose the shoes and a dancer because i felt as though it was imporant for the reader to see what am about and the things i like to do. below is a sneak peak of my slide !
Screen Shot 2011-11-29 at 11.33.41 AM
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This I Believe:hateing my friend

The last few years I have been described in ways that contradict each other. My mom describes me as very logical but my friends love how random I am. My favorite classes are computer science, pre-calculus, and physics but I love making abstract art and am always making up imaginary worlds and people. These two sides of me wouldn't seem to mix but I don't think that things that seem to contradict have to be in different places but can thrive together.

One way I have seen this the most is in my friendship with Keriann. When I first met her in third grade I hated her. She was loud, she talked to much about things I had never heard of, and would joke about things that would hurt my feelings. I was quiet, would rather talk to someone who was not there then have a real conversation, and would easily get upset and cry. The only reason we even met was because a lunch lady made us spend recess together because nether of us had any friends. Keriann needed someone to talk to even if I was never paying attention. A few years later we were best friends. She did all the talking and I would learn not to take anything she says seriously. No looking back at it I know that I would had have a lot less fun and a lot more emotional trials if I had not become friends with someone who I still hate today.      
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This I Believe: Working It

I'm a doer.

When there is a task set in front of me, I tend to waver for a seconds before I sit down, plug in my headphones and just get it done.

My mindset: Get it over with and you never have to look at it again.

But then, there's that teenage section of me that wants go out, raise hell and ignore all possible signs of commitment and learning for the rest my days. It's this compelling plague, almost like a raincloud that follows me wherever I go. Something I can simply not turn away from because it's always, always there.

While being here at SLA, I have maintained grades that will probably land me in a good university. This is junior year, the time where scouts look to to see whether or not, these students are worthy of wearing their insignias on their chests. And so, I know I have to try, harder than I ever had before. Classes upon classes, benchmarks line up against the papers, and I sigh.

I know I don't want to do this, but I have kind of choice do I have really?

A couple years from now, I'll be graduating from college, trying to keep up with bills and maybe have to worry about a family. The ideal taxpayer with my degree, being the adult that I have engraved in mind from a young age.

But, I'm sixteen.

Young, foolish, stupid, with the constant idea of making mistakes. Time waits for no one and I understand that. Scholarships and SAT's are just around the corner, but I still wish I could live in the now.

So, I choose to. Usually, you can find me doing work although, not for every second of the day. I kid, laugh, giggle and do stupid, stupid things even when I know the consequences but it's worth it. I don't want to look back and wish of what I could have done, I plan to have fun with all the time I have left to spare.

Because I'm a doer. Sometimes.

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This I Believe

This I believe

I believe that every one makes mistakes.  But every one learns from there mistakes in a different way.  Like last year my attendants  at school sucked because I would some times tell my parents that I didn't have school or I don't have to be in school till a later time and they believed me because they thought I would never do some thing like cut school.  I knew what I was doing was wrong a mistake but I didn't stop doing it or learn from it. Until this year when One day my mom wrote Mister Reddy to ask him a question and Mister Reddy wrote my mom back how is Joe doing.  My mom was unsure what he was talking about because for all she knew I was fine so she asked him what he was talking about. He said that joe has not been in school for the last two days I thought he was sick. My mom was so mad when she heard that. She was screaming at me.  She took my phone my games I wasn't aloud out side for a month. And all of this because I didn't feel like going to school.  But not only did I learn from this that cutting is a serious thing I learned that my parents wont be here for the rest of my life they won't be here to give me money when I need it and put a roof over my head and give food to eat and clothes to wear.  So if I want to make something of my life I got to go to school and get into a good college and get a good job so that I won't need my parents to put a roof over my head and give me food and buy me clothes and give me a bed to sleep in.  I can do it on my own.  I believe that we not only learn from our mistakes but each mistake we make it helps us grow and become more of an adult
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This i believe: the difference between being smart and having a good report

i believe that not every one with a good report card is smart.i realize from a personal expareuse. i remember one day when so students and i were talking about our report card. we came to the conclusion that i had better grade them everyone else. than one of the student made a smart comments towards me, that it was funny how i'm grades are better than theirs but they are smarter than i'm and also told me that just because i got good grades does not mean i'm smart. i was hurt by the comments but i also thought they were kind of funny because i realize i never actually said i was smarter than them or anything like that. that's because i know the student was right. the only reason why my grades were better than their is because i worked very hard for them and did my works. i knew by me getting good grades do not mean i'm smart because deep down inside i knew I'm not smart. my grades just means that i do my work.
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This I Believe: Stop being a hater. Love is love

Nowadays people are talking about how a man and a woman can only get married and have a relationship. That there's no such thing as man to man and woman to woman marriage. In my opinion, why are you being a hater? If I'm right there's no law where it states that only a woman and a man can love each other. Like, come on! We live in Philadelphia too! The city of brotherly love. Well I guess thats a double meaning kind of phrase. 
A person can love whoever they want to fall in love with. A person can get marry to whoever they wanted to marry. Love is love and there's no gender, kind, or type. If they are not bothering you, why are you going to bother them? All they wanted to do is love. Who doesn't want to fall love anyway? For them loving someone who's the same gender as they are doesn't make them less of a human. Actually, people hating them are the people who's degrading themselves. They're not the problem, the haters are. 
People sometimes say that I'm Christian but I like gay people. Yes, I am Christian and yes, I know how to treat them. I treat them equally. All of us are human beings so I am not going to treat them like trash. I believe what I believe and they believe what they believe. I respect whoever they wanted to be in a relationship with. I am not to judge someone. They love someone and I know the pain of someone going against it. I don't want them to have those feelings and neither should be the haters. 

I dont think you're going to like it if I stop you from loving someone, right? Treat people the way you want to be treated. In other words. STOP BEING A HATER. 
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This I Believe: Originality What?

"Be Yourself" well, what if one cannot? Trends and "what's in" is constantly being built off what was "in" before. From 1980's and 1990's, snapbacks were the popular accessary and was apart of the people of that time's attire. As of 2011, teenagers are bringing back snapbacks as if they created something new. Fashion is recycle by the minute and are based on old trends to create new ones. 


Clothes are not the only thing that is recycled in this generation. Slang words such as "dope" which was started in the 1970's is being used and abused by most teenagers in this generation. Famous rapper, Drake, came out with an album titled "October's Very Own" and on that album was a song called "The Motto". Throughout the song, Drake explains that his motto is "YOLO" which is an acronym meaning "You Only Live Once". Teenagers are using this acronym as if Drake created this new rule to live by when he only simply took an old quote and made it into his words. 

This generation of teenagers are known to follow and take in what everyone else is doing. The fact that they follow is not their fault because everything that is out now has been recycled from the past. Before one says, "Be Original" they should first think, "Well,How original am I?" 
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Lazziness

Vacations are quite necessary to life. Normally I'm not one for taking a break at all but they do and need to happen. 

I guess you would say I'm not one for stopping, but when I do I can't stop stoping. For instance, during the school year I'm the student who does all/most of the work, no breaks and continues to critique and revise. Almost constantly working and if I'm done that I'll go make something, or practice guitar. Which it's not technically school work but it still feels sorta like work. Sometimes it doesn't but thats a whole different story. 

Anyway, during the school year I constantly do things to keep me busy. But when summer comes I'm either the same or flat out wear the same pj's for three days person. Which is a pretty stark divide but it's difficult to get out of that routine. This summer wasn't so much the case there have been others. This summer we took a rode trip into Canada to see Niagara Falls and Toronto. 

To me vacations combine work and laziness. You sleep in a bed that's not yours, wake up extra late and feel like a guest where you're at. Wake up, open your rooms blinds and you see a giant waterfall. Pretty relaxing. But you can also explore a new place you were you never had the chance to. Seeing a lake so big you couldn't see the shore of the other side. Experiencing a city that's very clean compared to Philadelphia, not to degrade Philadelphia at all. 

The most important thing is when you are on the road back and walk through your front door. A different outlook is present on about your couch, the rug and even a ceiling fan. Getting out of your surroundings helps develop a new feeling about home and the different things I took for granted. It showed me a smidgen of appreciation for things I use everyday. Sometimes that's just it.


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This I Believe: Nothing is Scarier than my Epilepsy

There is nothing scarier than my epilepsy. Most people don't understand what exactly epilepsy is. To lose control of a body part is one of the most terrifying things that ever happened to me. My first seizure was the scariest since it was what would be classified as a Grand Mal Seizure which is the biggest and worst type of seizure known to humans. Through my epilepsy I have lost all fear of other things in my life. 
To witness and/or experience an epileptic seizure is something that can scar you for life like it has for me. My first seizure I ever had was a Grand Mal seizure, the worst and biggest of all three types of seizures which go from smallest to biggest: Partial Seizures, Complex Seizures, then Grand Mal or sometimes referred to as Tonic-Clonic Seizures. Grand Mal seizures include the loss of consciousness. 
The night I had my first seizure, I was sleeping and my mom suddenly woke me up panicking. In my head I was asking, "Why is she waking me up and freaking out?" Then I realized I felt something wet on my bed and I looked and I had thrown up. When I realized I had thrown up I tried moving my right arm to get up out of bed since my left arm was broken but I couldn't move my right arm at all, it was like as if the nerves in my right arm weren't receiving the messages from my brain to move and help me get up. As I realized I couldn't move my arm, my mom was telling me, "Tyler get out of bed so we can go to the bathroom and clean you up." I tried talking and telling my mom, "Mom whats going on? My right won't move no matter how much I try moving it." but all that came out of my mouth was gibberish since I wasn't able to put words together right, it was like as if I was a baby again saying random words. While I tried talking I realized that I was drooling and I couldn't focus very well like as if I was still sleeping. 
My mom realized that I couldn't move my right arm and that something was very wrong since I couldn't talk and was drooling so she said, "Tyler hold on let me get your dad. MICHAEL COME HERE QUICKLY, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH TYLER, I THINK HE HAD A SEIZURE." My dad came rushing and helped my mom get me out of bed and change my shirt since it had throw up on it. I was still out of it at the moment after my parents changed my shirt, they brought me downstairs to the living room and laid me down on the couch and then my mom said, "Michael go call 911." My dad went to the phone and dialed 911 and told them, "My son just had a seizure and needs to be taken to a hospital." Within 25 minutes the ambulance came and took me to the hospital and doctors were examining me and when they were done they told my parents and me, "Your son has Epilepsy, specifically Benign Rolandic Epilepsy. From how he was drooling and couldn't put words together, his seizures seem to be focused around his mouth."
That is all I remember from that night. But since my first seizure, I have never feared anything besides the fact that at anytime I could lose control of my mouth and it could start twitching out of control. Just the thought of losing control of my mouth and not being able to talk for at least 20 minutes terrifies me. One good thing that came from my epilepsy though is it made me stronger emotionally and mentally. Thats why I no longer fear death or any other kind of fear people have. 
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This I Believe: Laughter can go a long way.

The worst part about knowing a friend with lots of other friends? Getting to know theirs. ​Meeting new people can be stressful. To some, it can come so super naturally. To me... eh. Actually, this time it wasn't so bad.

So, its a warm fall day, and my friend Jael is moving into my cousin's apartment. My friend Amanda and I get there, and she's already all moved in. We laugh in the car, and then we see a whole bunch of people sitting on the porch eating pizza. Moving truck is gone, and we're just sitting there. Extremely awkwardly, we walk up to the porch and I do my "Heeeey guys... whatcha doin'?" They all laugh and say hi. We hug the ones we know and talk to the ones that we don't know so well. Already the group is in such a good mood.

We all decide to walk to the park, and I see this guy in the back talking to two of my friends. I make a witty joke, and they laugh... Then I introduce myself to the new guy. His name is Humberto. Cool. I got a new friend.

I think it's kind of funny how just cracking a joke can allow you to open up the road to make new friends. I'm hardly the person to just go up to someone randomly and say "Hey, what's your name? I want to be friends, because you seem like a cool person. Oh, I can also make you laugh." No. That's weird, and people don't do that. Unless, they do, then that's cool too. However, I'm not really one to do that. I think that when you're around people who can make you laugh, and you can do the same, its easy to open up and knock the barriers down that way the cool new people you're introducing yourself to can feel comfortable without even knowing you that well.

I made a new friend that day, and that night, I made even more. I think it's fun knowing when to crack a joke. Laughter can brighten people's days, and it can influence them to make a joke, and maybe they can meet someone new. Exploring new horizons is a part of life that can sometimes be boring. But, when you spice it up with some laughter... you never know what you might get. Laughter is an essential part of daily life. Laugh at yourself in the mirror, you might see something you never saw before. Laugh at someone else, they might be your new friend. Laugh at the world, and you might conquer something new. Laughter can go a long way. I learned how, it's your turn now.
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This I Believe: Sexuality is Based off Attraction

I believe that from the time you have enough common sense to know the difference between gender's, you develop an attraction to one or the other sex, or both. No one ever thinks about when people choose to be straight. Everyone thinks that it's a choice to be gay, bisexual, lesbian, or transgender. It's not a choice, or something you know within the heart and mind of a person. If it's a choice to like the same sex, then it must be a choice to like the opposite sex.

From the time I was a little kid, I've always felt an attraction to the opposite and same sex. I've grown up and came to terms with the correct terminology, and what it means to be Bisexual, I realized I never made a choice. I just knew I was. It comes from the belief that god has our life planned out for us before we are born. Obviously he choose for me to be this way, so I'm not gonna change it because I like the way I am.

I believe that the world should be accepting of LGBT people. Judging us won't change our sexual orientation, and physically abusing us won't change it either. Grow up and move on. If you don;t support us, get on with your life. Life goes on and doesn't revolve around you, so get over yourself.

I'm growing up and I have a new attitude about life. I'm moving forward, and no one can change me.



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This I Believe: Me time

​I believe that everyone should have a "Me" time. Take some time off you day to treat and pamper yourself, maybe read a book, or explore the city. I came to this conclusion when I was so stressed out that I couldn't so anything right. This happens a lot around the time a project is due or something and I bet it will happen more in the future. I had a negative attitude towards everyone and everything I did, I did with anger. I sat down, and thought to myself, "I need a break." 

One weekend, I borrowed a bunch of book from a friend, bought a gingerbread scented candle. I know this sounds a bit whacked but this method works for me. Whatever works for me, might not work for you. I lay in my bed and just read. I play my "reading" playlist playing on the lowest volume, dim my lights just enough so that I can still read the books, and light the candle. This calms me down so much. No distractions, no work to do, just reading. The lit gingerbreak scented candle smells divine. It's like having a bakery inside my room, well of course, minus the bakery. 

I just feel like when you're alone, doing what calms you down, you can really reflect on yourself and see what stresses you out.
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This I Believe: Woman Should Be Classy

I believe that woman should be classy. When I was younger, I used to live in Camden, New Jersey. One of the worse place to live. There's so much negativity and people who are trying to fit into the crowd. Of course, everywhere is like that, but from what I've experienced, Camden has to be the worse. Everywhere I looked, I would see girls walking down the streets half naked, girls who are loud and obnoxious, girls who would do anything for some sort of attention from guys, girls who thought they were the business when they had a big crew of friends, girls who thought that they were better than other people. I can go on and on for days about girls doing things to get attention. But I won't. I wouldn't want to bore you just yet.

As I've gotten older, I began to realize what these girls were doing and why they were doing it. I came to a conclusion that girls do these certain things because they want to to get some sort of attention. For example, recently, I went over to my friend Eddie's house. He had some company there. There was one particular girl who was very pretty and she had a nice body. This was the first time I ever met her, and right off the bat, I didn't like the way she presented herself. Every time she walked, she would poke her butt out and every 5 minutes, she would put on lip gloss. Not only that, but when she talks, she's really loud and ghetto and her head would go in a side to side motion. She would suck her teeth while she talked about someone else. It's just not classy to act like that in front of other people. Basically, she thought she was the business, but in reality, she was making herself look like a fool. That's like seeing a mom on the Maury show getting all hype because she "believes" that they guy she had sex with is the father of her baby. "That's my baby daddy Maury. I'm 100% sure!" While these mothers are saying that, they're clapping their hands and moving their neck from side to side. It legit looks like they're about to break their neck. Yikes. Not a pretty view.

I feel as though that people should have to be all ghetto and obnoxious in order to get attention. At the end of the day, people aren't laughing with you, they're laughing at you. When you act like that, people don't have any respect for you and you're just making a fool of yourself. Keep it classy ladies.
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This I Believe: Everything Is All In Our Head

​Heh. From the slightest physical feeling, to the strongest emotional break down... we allow ourselves to feel those things. From my fear of zombies eating me alive.. or the feeling of someone walking behind me as I go up/down the stairs. It's the approval of us giving our brain the "ok" to agree with those feelings or fears. Whenever I walk into the doctors office to get blood drawn, I know deep down I would rather not have a little needle stick into my skin. The single pinch freaks me out. But all my life I have lived in something called my "bubble", where I am NOT apart of reality. Where I can physically and emotionally step aside from my human feelings and allow an action to take place with no regard or thought about it. Ignore it's existence. It's not an easy task. It's not like someone can just become inhuman? We are all human. We all have to fear something and care for something. 

I use this tacit a lot when it came down to my father. For endless nights.. hours on hours.. he would lecture me about who I am. How bad a daughter I was, how I'd never succeed.. MY GOODNESS IT WENT ON FOREVER. Homework was never able to get done in my house. Over time.. I stopped caring. I had to force myself to care less about my fathers opinions or emotions. Especially because I thought I was a pretty amazing person. Every time he would try to get emotional with me, I would give him a goofy smile and swing my finger around in a circle.. indication " Woooh best conversation ever!" Oh, how that would piss him off. 

My bubble comes in handy a lot when it deals with emotional fights with people, physical pain I don't want to feel, sickness, laziness to do things... It comes in handy for everything! Instead of thinking too much about a situation.. just act on impulse. I have learned to believe life is a lot more enjoyable when you don't worry about the little things and just go. Go, go, GO. Go, don't think, don't feel.. do nothing that would make you connect with yourself. 

Though.. there are those days when I sit in my bed.. and everything hits me. The moment I step back into reality... E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G hits me. It's not easy being heartless forever. I still need to show love to my best friends, my family, and my self. 

My bubble: Optimistic 
Reality: Downer

:) Happiness is greater. Much is also leaves you emotionless. 
It's just what I believe. 
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Do You Regret Your Decision? Welp I Don't =]

I believe that everything happens for a reason and you should never regret what you do or say.. One day I'm sitting on the bus and i was just thinking of the way i chose to do certain things. like if i would have just sat there in the car with my grandmother and would have never responded to her last question i would still be living with her. i would have to pay my own phone bill and i wouldn't be on punishment, but at the same time i would have never met some of my friends. the fact that i see that i control and make the choices that affect everything that happens after kind of freaks me out.  every single time ou do or say something there is a reaction to it from both sides weather it is good or bad.

There is always something else you could have possibly said differently. my grandfather came into the house and gave me and my cousins and brothers all ten dollar. my grandmother was like if you wanna spend that then go ahead to the store but you should save you money. so me and my cousins go to the store and get into a fight and end up at the police station. if i had stayed in the house i would have never been in the fight. i would have never lost ten dollars. i would have never been at the police station.

At the same time i would have never met my therapist who help me out with a lot of things and i would have never got sent to this other place where i met another women who is really cool. but in that i got ear of the school i am in now. so what i am saying is the decision you make play on later events and affect who you meet and what you end up doing. im pretty sure that many people can look back and say "damn if i only did this the other way i would have..." but at the same time you say "but then i would have meet..." or  "i would have done..." and say well i don't regret that decision because something good came out of it.
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