Advanced Essay #2: Improvement of Society

Introduction:

The purpose of my essay is to show how unique identities could create progress of improvement in society. I was really proud of myself that I could put my ideas into this piece and connected with my experience in SLA. I really want to improve how I form the sentences so it could be more clear.

Advanced Essay #2: Improvement of Society

Progress is dependent on people having different ideas; if we were all the same, then is going to be impossible for the developments. However, most people are born with the mindset that they belong where people have similar identities to their own. People tend to assume your identity based on their standards, but the improvement of society requires a diversity of identities and a sense of belonging.

When I was a little if someone asked me, “Hey, what’s your name?” I used to get embarrassed. My face would turn red and I would freeze. I did not like the feeling of listening to people when they talked about my name, a feeling most immigrants hate. I used to have a mindset that if you are living in America you should not present yourself as too “Asian.” I believed people would either think that you didn’t know English or you didn’t belong in their society. I was young when I moved to America and I didn't want to become an alienated kid just because of my name being different.

It started in middle school, and yet I remember it as if it was yesterday. We had a new science teacher and he was my new advisor. Everyone was so happy to introduce themselves to him, and there I was, sitting in a corner and couldn't think at all. “Hey! Hey, the girl over there.” He shouted.

It took me a while to realize that he was calling me. I stood up slowly, saying in a shaky voice, “ Yes sir?”

“What is your name?” He asked.

“Nhu.” I said quietly.

“What?” He said, “Can you speak up a little bit?”

“Nhu.” I said with a louder voice.

“Why are you so shy about it?” He asked, “Your name definitely has a beautiful meaning behind it, what’s wrong with telling people about your name?”

“I didn’t want to be so different from the rest, my name makes me different so I don’t like it,” I replied.

He laughed, “Name is something that makes me stand out from others. Something that tells people who I am. Something that helps me remember where I belong. Something that tells me my culture and identity.” He said, “Don’t be shy about it. One day when you grow up, you will see how special your name is to others.”

SLA has been proven that he was right. My name has a unique meaning and I should be proud of it. My name makes people remember my unique identity, but that factor never affects my belonging in this community.  

SLA family is diverse. Each of us contributes unique parts of ourselves to help the community grow over time to make it even better than before. We respect each other because we understand that we are different. According to Julian Baggini, a British philosopher, “[W]e have different conceptions of the self the world over not because selves differ, but because at different times and places people have more or less concern with different aspects of selfhood.” This is significant because everybody has their own thought about how to view the world which could either be influenced by their identity, background, environment, or other life experiences unique to them. Without these factors, everyone would have the same mindset, which would make a community stuck in the same place forever. To be able to grow something as a whole, you have to listen, understand, and accept that others have distinctive personalities. Most importantly, look at multiple perspectives because nobody is going to be correct all of the time. At SLA, our ideas are different, but we all have the same goal, to reach success. We are all working hard towards it, and that is how we build up our community over time.

SLA is a puzzle that contains multiple pieces that fit together. We are unique, but we always find a way to help each other feel as we belong together. In the movie, Beasts of the Southern Wild, it shows that “[T]he whole universe depends on everything fitting together just right. If one piece busts, even the smallest piece, the whole universe will get busted.” The idea that everything is connected together in some way, a tiny thing could ruin everything demonstrated that everyone should help each other out and build on top of each other's ideas. Doing things on your own will not help things improve or grow, but given your own ideas to a community will help it build up over time. Giving your best effort could not only it affect you, but others, and help to contribute to other sense of belonging.

Most people would think about this differently. They would prefer people who they are most feel comfortable with, which are the people who fit perfectly with the standard that they set up. Knowing someone who is similarly related to them are more suitable because they could easy to share their feeling among others. They would believe that others will understand and help them move forward with their goals.

People in society are different in their own way. Your name is one of the factors that is unique and defines who you are as a person. Others should not assume things based on society’s standard because everyone is different. This difference is a way for this society to improve. We needed multiple ideas to build up a larger idea, just like society needed diversity to grow over time.  


Advanced Essay #2: Identity of Self vs. Society

Introduction:
The purpose of my essay is to show identity of self can be affected by the identities society pressure you to have. I'm really proud of the flow of my essay. I was afraid it would be everywhere. I'm also proud of my scene I think I picked a really good scene. One way I want to improve my writing process was asking questions more throughout my essay. I also wish I could have learn ways to expand on my analysis. Other than that, I'm proud of this essay.

Advanced Essay # 2: Identity of Self vs. Society

Laughter and a sense of lightness filled the night. Family Dollar sign is shining in our faces. There were six of us. As soon as we’re at the door, a woman stands in front of us with a stern face at us. She had her arm crossed, back straight, and her feet stood apart. Suddenly, I notice the cold wind and the laughter dying out.

“Why are y’all here?” She questioned. Before I could answer, my sister beat me to it.

“We have money.” Zoe proceeds to take out the three dollars I gave her and laughter came alive. Despite this, the woman looks were unwavering and laughter died again.

“Y’all sure?” She asked. “When a group of young black folks come around, it only means one thing in this store.” She didn’t need to say anything for us to know what she meant. Nyomi spoke this time.

“Ma’am. We are Christian black sisters. We’re not looking for trouble, but for snacks.” Everyone smiled at that, and finally, the woman smiled.

“Well, I can’t say no to that.” She started. “Come in and getcha goodies. I had to be precautious with people like y’all.” Everyone went in and got their snack, the light mood back. But I couldn’t help to think how we were treated. We’re young folks, but that doesn’t mean we’re a part of the worst of them. Why did she think that way? Why did she question me about who am I?

As we grow older, we start to learn about ourselves and start to form an identity that fits who we are. Our identity can be influenced and can change from time to time, but it still fits for us. However, we are also born to the identities from society the moment we’re born. These identities can be permanent or temporary. With such identities from society, we become victims of the stereotypes of the identity, whether it’s good or bad. How then, are we to be comfortable with social identity? We don’t. Instead, we put a mask of what society deems acceptable, despite how we may feel.

However, when we do so, not only do we do it to fit in, but also we end up having a disconnection to each other. Thandie Newton, an actress, said in a Ted Talk entitled Embracing Otherness, Embracing Myself, “Only we're not living with each other; our crazy selves are living with each other and perpetuating an epidemic of disconnection.” (July 2011) This quote shows the separation between people within a society. With the identity society puts on us, it causes people to stick with similar identities to themselves and that understands the pressure with that identity. As a result, many don’t wish to approach people who are different from themselves. In society, it’s been taught that being different can be good. However, when there’s a certain trait is what makes a person different (a different identity that goes against norms for different), it becomes unacceptable and shamed on. So instead of continuing to keep showing it, people decide to hide it in an acceptable identity and stick to those people with that same identity.

Thinking about this, it makes me think of what Wesley Morris, an author from New York Times Magazine, wrote in one article called Why ‘Self-Identifying’ Is Different From Coming Out, “[i]t’s [easier] to hate whom you can’t see and harder to hate whom you can.”(Dec 2015) The idea of Morris shows how others refuse to get to know the person and puts an identity they see fit for them to either love or hate on it. Instead of accepting people, many people choose to ignore their identity and continue to put them in an identity they see fit. Why? It helps them to categorize people who they consider good and the people they consider bad. It’s hard to accept or reject a person when they already know who they are. However, when going off of someone's identity, it can be from what they can see. Even if it’s not fully who the person is. This helps them in their mind to fit into society, but also to protect themselves.

It annoys me to know when people put an identity on me, they’re right. I’m talking about when they went at it the wrong way.  Despite my maturity and mannerism, I do some things that are youthful-like. Some are okay with that while others judge when I do. “Typical” becomes their favorite word to say around me. It felt as if they expected that. Just like the woman expected of Hush Puppy to act a certain way. In the shelter scene of the movie called Beasts of the Southern Wild, the woman is yelling at Hush Puppy saying, “You’re going to have time-out. Are you even listening to me?” (June 2012) Hush Puppy and the girls from the Bathtub are dressed up nicely. They’re not listening to her and are not sure what to do with themselves. It was expected of Hush Puppy to misbehave because she was never raised that way in the Bathtub. When she does so, the woman is questioning her in an angry way. That the behavior of Hush Puppy isn’t normal in her society.  

Looking into society, I see a lot of people together yet separate. It’s a wonder who they are. Will there ever be a time to show it? Does there need to be an identity in every aspect of who we are? Thought it’s all around, it is not seen in SLA. Here, people can be themselves and not be judged for it. Maybe society can start with a little less hate, like SLA.


Advanced Essay #2 [Personas]

​Introduction:
The purpose of this essay for me was to describe my experiences I've had with friendships while wearing a mask and having a false persona. I'm proud of my scenes of memory and the connections I made with other sources. One way I want to improve my writing is by strengthening my introductions and my conclusions.

Advanced Essay #2: [Personas]

Currently the norm of our society is having these false external personas. Lots of people act different to fit in because they never feel they belong. Personally, I find myself always wearing these masks and finding myself being fake. I’ve had moments of feeling like a complete outsider within my own friend groups and within my own school. Not knowing if they had changed or if I had changed myself. Reflecting on my experiences, the best way to remain my authentic self is to resist overthinking things, not taking things personally, and focusing on what makes me happy.  

Throughout middle school I had a lot of people I considered my friends, but my memories of them are filled with frustration. This made me resonate with the article, How Technology is Hijacking your Mind, when it states, “Once you know how to push people’s buttons, you can play them like a piano” (Harris, 2016). This quote really reminded me of my middle school experience, how people treated me and knew what would bother me. It makes me feel like even when I was apart of that friend group I was still different from them. We would all go to this one kids house and all hangout in his basement. It always seemed like they were all flirting with each other and just teasing each other, but I just wanted to play games and have fun with them. I was stuck in a cycle of not wanting to hangout with them cause I knew I wouldn’t like what they were doing or feeling left out and alone without anyone else to go.

When I came to SLA I was hoping to have a solid group of friends who I could always go to and talk to. Freshman year I was in about 4 separate friend groups, one with a bunch of guys, two different groups of girls, and the kids from the robotics clubs. Slowly as time went on I found myself drifting from each group of friends feeling unwanted or like I didn’t fit in. A large portion of my humor had become pushing people's buttons from my middle school experiences and I always was worried afterwards whether I’d gone to far it feels like I’m disconnecting and seperating myself from them. I’d find myself changing my humor to fit in with them and adapting to their typical mindset. Social media was been a prominent piece in my shifting mindset and continues to affect me today.

Seeing my friends having a good time without me on social media always makes me feel like I’m not a part of the friend group. I feel like I’m a side character in a TV show that sometimes speaks, but is usually in the background like Gunther from friends. Again I find myself agreeing with the article, How Technology is Hijacking your Mind, specifically when it states, “Technology hijacks the way we perceive our choices and replaces them with new ones.” This quote relates to how seeing post/ads online can really shift how people think. Expanding on this I relate this to how advertisements use small little tricks and techniques to gain our interest and convince us we need the product.

When I was younger and didn’t have social media, if I knew I wasn’t invited to something I’d ask about it and make sure I was invited next time. Nowadays, I just feel like I’ve been stabbed in the gut and It’ll kill me on the inside. However, I can’t share how I feel because I will feel like people pity me, so I hide under my emotional covers and sleep through it. The first time I experienced this was in middle school when my entire friend group decided to go hangout without me, and I felt more hurt than I ever had before. I didn’t even want to confront them about it, I felt like they didn’t care about our friendship and that they wouldn’t care how I felt. I often find myself looking back in time comparing what I had to what I have now, not knowing which brings greater happiness.

Throughout my life there have been standout moments that have made me happier than anything prior. I often find myself looking back to this moments and trying to figure out what could be done to recreate them, or if it was something said I’ll find myself repeating them. This reminded me a lot of the The Great Gatsby, when Gatsby says “Can’t repeat the past?…Why of course you can!” This quote helped show how lost Gatsby really was, living off the desire to recreate his past with Daisy. His past with Daisy being one of the solid things that strove him forward.

This however, is where I see some difference with myself. I’m not driven by my past, but by the possibilities of the future. I want to relive elements of my past, but not in the future, I want to relive them now because their all experiences I feel like I can only recreate now and not when I’m older. Recently I’ve seen a lot of my friends from my past and spent the day or a few hours talking and hanging out with them. It always seems so promising and is enjoyable for a while, but then I always find myself talking or listening to our memories of things we’d done. As if our story moving forward is a closed chapter and our friendship is over. With my old middle school friends, a majority of them still hangout, and I’ll message one once and a while. Our interest now is completely different from one another and every conversation is about something we’d done. We always say “We need to hangout,” but nothing ever comes of it. I’ve come to realize that I can’t keep recreating and living off these moments in the past, but my realizations haven’t stopped me.

In the future I want to change who I am and become a person I am truly happy with. I want to be real to my friends and have friends who are real with me. As I grow older, I know at some point these covers and mask will come off at least partially, and I want to make sure the mold they leave beneath is something I’m okay with being. Underneath all of these mask and personas, our real personalities are present, and looking towards the positive can make these personalities something satisfactory.


Advanced Essay #2: "Boo"

Introduction: 
In this essay I am conveying that traumatic experiences have a great affect on how you view yourself. They can leave positive or negative impacts on your life. It all depends on how you take them and if you reflect on them. I am proud that I was able to be open about a traumatic experience that affected a part of my identity. Next time I write an Advanced Essay, I would like to be a bit more focused on creating a good thesis and well written analysis. 

trau·ma

/ˈtroumə,ˈtrômə/

noun

1. a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.


Traumatic experiences are person-dependent. Something that is traumatic to one person might not be traumatic to another. It can be anything from your bullying story to breaking up with your first love to your parents divorce . Whatever it is, it sticks with you. It stays in the back of your mind, shaping your moves and thoughts. They shape you into the you that you see daily.

“Alright Michaela, the floor is yours,” my teacher announced

As the words flew from my mouth and from my mind, I could feel their eyes on me. I didn’t want to look up to meet their gaze. The gaze that would soon send me out of the school day in tears day after day. I finish the presentation. I am reassured with the claps.

“Boo!” I hear faintly from the back of the classroom.

There goes the reassurance, so short lived. Why did they have to do that? I did nothing to them. Why me? The faint and quiet “Boo” felt like the weight of the world on top of me. It hurt as nothing had before. It hurt me deep inside and I didn’t know why.

This was the first time I ever felt like this. I was scared to be in front of my classmates. I was scared of my classmates. That presentation back in 7th grade seemed to set a tone to the rest of my doing when it came to school. I became nervous and untrusting in myself. Yes, it has changed a bit in past years due to gaining more confidence in speaking to an audience but the feeling of being judged stays crawling up my spine as I stand in front of any traditional classroom setting. I hate this feeling. It comes back even if I don’t expect it. I feel my hands shake. I hear my voice trembling in my ears. The faint “boo” makes an appearance in my mind every now and then. I do try and fight that awful noise telling me I am not worth the presentation but it is quite hard sometimes.

Even short, quick words like these ,can be very effective in impacting how you feel about your identity. They stick with you. Catcalling is something many women will handle throughout their life. For some, it may be more traumatic than it is for others. Burtman said, in a New York Times article titled, My Body Doesn’t Belong to You, “...once I turned 16, my body no longer belonged to me but to the world at large and to certain men who drove their cars past it” (Burtman, 2017). Traumatic experiences can very easily affect how someone views themselves. In the example of catcalling, women can begin to feel that they are only worth the words they hear on the streets, words from mouths of people they don’t know. The words they hear on the streets are brought up during self-reflection. Self-reflection is not always dwelling on trauma, but thinking about them in a more positive light. Reflecting can flip those words around; That “ayo Ma, let me tap that”, can turn into words of self-love. “You’re beautiful”  Self-reflection is very much key to true self-love and being able to face traumatic experiences again. You ultimately know you better than others do, but that does not mean they can’t help you. You need to know all kinds of ways to help yourself out of a rut. Others are able to give you those ideas. Others can be used to bounce around your own ideas. It is very important to most people. I say most because something that works for you might not work for someone else, just like something traumatic for you might not be traumatic for someone else.

In the book Between the World and Me, Coates is trying to convey the importance of race and identity. He talks about living in his own skin and telling us what it is like to live through experiences that were truly created by race. He says, “In America, the injury is not in being born with darker skin, with fuller lips, with a broader nose, but in everything that happens after” (120). This quote says that the things that affect your identity most are experiences. Many different things can make an experience traumatic. For Coates, traumatic experiences that happened because of his race left a great impact on his character. They affected how he viewed himself in comparison to others. They left a lasting impact on his identity.

Many things we know and experience in life can have an affect on our identity. A traumatic experiences can be one of those things that effects you greatly. Though it is traumatic it doesn’t mean it has to have a negative lasting impact on your self identity. Through self reflection and reflecting with others you can change how that experience affects you. Traumatic experiences are different for all that go through them but in the end, the impact is the same.


Belonging in a Lonely Place

Introduction
​This essay is about the ways that depression can isolate a person. It looks at suicide and people's reasons behind it. The purpose of this essay was to shed light on topics not often talked about, and hopefully to have people think about how their loved ones are feeling next time they see them. I am proud of my ability to be vulnerable and to speak out when needed.

Essay

Depression is an illness that many choose not to recognize and that flies under the radar far too often. It seems to only be noticed when something drastic happens, such as a suicide attempt. People with depression can only truly connect to others that have depression; this is the only way we seem to belong. My claim is supported through articles and Ted Talks that talk about a low sense of belonging in depressed individuals and that reach out to give comfort to these individuals. This topic also brings about the question of what belonging truly is and what it means. To someone with depression, someone who’s lonely and desperate for comfort, belonging means everything.

The night I nearly killed myself wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I went to school and it was terrible, then I came home. When I got home, I did my homework, even though I didn’t see the point; I knew I wouldn’t be there the next day. I forced a dinner down my throat, struggling through each bite. I took a shower so that I’d be somewhat clean when they found me. I went to my room, coming out only to use the bathroom, and at one point to steal my grandmother’s sleeping pills.

Everyone went to bed early that night, and I said goodnight and I love you to them all. It didn’t seem out of the ordinary for them. Waiting until I was sure my family was asleep, I went online. My main social media back then was Pinterest; I had friends from all over the world. We had a group chat and we were all depressed. I told them how I was feeling.

People with depression have a hard time connecting with others; this is because depression makes a person feel alone. According to a study by the University of Michigan, “A psychological sense of belonging is a greater predictor of major depression than other factors commonly associated with depression… the disease isn't always easily detected by friends or family members because those who suffer from depression often try to hide it.” This shows that it is hard for people with depression to really connect, even with friends and family. When someone has depression, they are both desperate for a sense of love and belonging and conflicted because they feel that they’re not good enough for those around them. It seems that the only people who want them around are the ones who are similarly suicidal, depressed people; they need you as much as you need them.

Typing, typing, typing. “I don’t want to be alive.”

Ping. “Me neither.”

Ping. “It’s hard to keep going, hard to see the point.”

Ping. “You can always talk to me.”

These are the people I know, the people who know me. I share my all with them; every second of every day, they know about everything. They know about the bullying and the eating disorder and the cutting and the burning, and anything else that was done to tear me down, by others or by myself. These people lifted me up. I lifted them up, too, but not for long.

Typing, typing, typing. “I want to kill myself.”

Ping. “Me too but it’ll be okay.”

Ping. “Me too but don’t.”

Ping. “Me too but if you don’t I won’t.”

These people know how I feel. They feel the same way. These people were my friends, trying to give me a will to live when I couldn’t do that for myself. We all want to take away the others’ pain. Maybe we do, but we all have the same pain, so nothing really changes.

I needed a break from them; I couldn’t disappoint them too much too quickly. And if I said anything about my plan without having already swallowed the pills, they’d talk me down. I couldn’t let that happen. I counted the elliptical blue pills. Even years later I remember that there were fifty-three melatonin pills in the bottle that night. I wondered if it was enough.

I’ll never know the answer to that question, I think. The morning after, no one could tell that anything was really different at all. It’s because I didn’t share with them because I knew they wouldn’t understand.

In a TedTalk by Mark Henick, Why We Choose Suicide, he talks about his experience with this, saying, “In fact, I was so normal, most people never would have guessed… And I know that some of you know that feeling too.” This quote reflects how people don’t really see or notice when a person is suicidal. They pass someone off as quiet, or they don’t think of it because the person doesn’t ‘seem suicidal’. Mr. Henick also makes a connection to anyone listening; he knows that this is something that people face every day silently and wants to make sure that they know that they’re not alone. He knows that talks about depression are often controlled by those who haven’t experienced it, which makes it hard for those who have to come out and talk about it. It’s difficult for us to feel like we belong, even in a conversation about us.

Typing, typing, typing. “I’m going to kill myself. I have a bottle of pills and I’m going to die.”

Ping. “Don’t, we love you.” A lie.

Ping. “Sara you’ll regret it.” I can’t regret if I’m not around.

Ping. “Sara your family will be wrecked.” As if they even care.

I took one pill. I took another. I stopped. I didn’t write my notes; I needed to. Writing each one I cry harder and harder, and I’m getting scared.

Typing, typing, typing. “I’m scared. I have to do this but I’m scared.”

Ping. “It’s okay to be scared.”

Ping. “You don’t have to do this.”

I just wanted it all to go away. I knew that they cared about me but I couldn’t stand it.

Ping. “Don’t do it Sara. That’s an incredibly painful way to die. You won’t sleep you’ll be in pain for hours and when your family finds you it won’t be clean, it’ll be messy and devastating. Devastating. The note won’t be enough. They will cry walking by your room for months and funerals cost thousands of dollars they don’t have. Put down the bottle and go to bed, Sara.”

That message kept me alive long enough to go to sleep without taking any more pills. The girl who sent it, her name was Lilli, and she lived in California. She lived halfway across the world, yet she was able to save my life. She was part of a network that I related to and that kept me alive through the darkest parts of my life. They understood how I was feeling and offered comfort, solutions that they had put to the test. They were the only ones I could connect to, and that chat was the only place that I felt the warm sensation of belonging.

Belonging does not mean being in the same room as someone and physically being there with them; it is being able to open up and feel listened to without judgment. Though I never saw these people face to face, they saved my life and I felt belonging in their company like none other. This is what it is like to be suicidal sometimes, to only be able to feel connected with someone who you can’t see face to face and can’t hug when they’re hurting. Belonging means sharing something, even something secret.

Macbeth: Da Album

I worked with Jaden. We created an album using modern day tracks to help summarize scenes and events from the play Macbeth. Our intention was to recreate a set of songs that we know many people enjoy, in order to sum up important events from the play in a more fun and efficient way. We had lots of fun creating this project and we hope that you enjoy what you hear! And now, without further ado, Macbeth: Da Album, Time


IMG_E0844
IMG_E0844
​The tracks include:
  1. Nave To Da Chaps
  2. DTW (Don't Trust Witches)
  3. My Destiny
  4. Dagger Vision
  5. Murda
  6. Blood On My Brotha
  7. Guilt, No Pleasure
  8. Dirty Deed
  9. Birnamwood Bust Down
  10. Gon' Make Him Hurt

Behind the Scenes!!

My partner (Ellis Measely) and I worked on a Macbeth conspiracy video together. 


The project my partner and I have chosen for this assignment is a Theory video for Macbeth. It’s a show called Behind the Scenes. The point of Behind the Scenes is to shed some life on some theories people have made on the play Macbeth. We interview characters (actors) from the play in order to allow a vintage viewing experience.In order to truly understand the theories, we believed we had to simulate what the character being questioned would actually say in the situation we put them in. In our theory video, we discuss three theories. The first two we talk about smaller theories that we go past fairly quickly. The main theory we go over is a theory we like to call The Mind of Macbeth. In this theory, we talk about why Macbeth does the things he really does. We really go deep on some of the decisions Macbeth has made throughout the book. In order to get a satisfying answer, we interview various characters in order to get their side of the story. We also interview characters who we believe contributed to Macbeth’s downfall. It’s heavily implied in the play that Macbeth was being controlled/influenced by an outside force.

We both wanted to add a comedic tone to the video in order for it to be more enjoyable as a whole. Putting a less serious tone provided a way for people to come in, and stay in. There are so point, however, that are a little more serious.The serious tone is used to signify an event or feeling we felt needed to be addressed in a more serious way. 

Back to the smaller theories. We chat with Lady Macbeth about the possibility of her being a witch and we don’t get a real answer, but things are implied. Then we talk to Banquo about the third murderer. There are many theories that it could of been Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, and even Ross, but in the end it’s implied that it’s somebody nobody really knows.

We hope you enjoy!!

From your hosts,

Ellis and Karston



IMG-1769
IMG-1769
IMG-1768
IMG-1768
IMG-1767
IMG-1767
IMG-1770
IMG-1770

TCP Podcast #3 // Author's Intent

​Welcome to the final episode of The Hydrangea Effect!

I, Lily, wasn't able to be in the actual podcast itself, but I will add on to my group members' thoughts here and pose some questions of my own! 
First, I agree that Alice Walker and her writing were directly affected by her own personal experiences. I also believe in the idea that the story could have very well been based off of/inspired by a member of Walker's own family. My group talks about the fact that one of walkers great-grandparents could have likely been a slave given the time she was born in, so it is very likely that her own personal history affected this novel in one way or another. Another point I would like to make is about the inclusion of Nettie and her travel to Africa. I believe that Alice Walker had a great intention with the inclusion of this part of the story. I feel as though she wanted the reader to draw the comparisons between being black in a country such as the U.S. versus being black in a country like Africa. African-Americans have to go through so much while living here in the U.S., and I feel as though Walker intended to bring attention to that in her writing. 
Some questions that I would like to pose for both listeners and my other group members are:
1. Why do you think the author chose to have a main character such as Celie who is more introverted and soft spoke instead of a stronger female lead such as Shug Avery or Sofia?
2. How do you think the reaction to this book differs between when we are reading it today versus when it first was released? Bonus: How do you think people in the 1910s-1940s (The time the book is set in) would have reacted to this book?

Evidence Used: 
-"Why did they sell us? How could they have done it? And why do we still love them?" (57.4-5)
-"I love children, say Sofia. But all the colored women that say they love yours is lying… Some colored people so scared of whitefolks they claim to love the cotton gin." (87.56-57)
Thanks for listening~!

Layered Identity

Our entire lives we’ve been told that we need to find our own identity and that all of our identities are unique. We always have heard identity as being a single thing, either you’re a boy or a girl, you’re an immigrant or citizen, many of the things we identify usually only connect to one idea. In this way no one really is unique. What makes every single person unique is the fact that every person has different layers to their identity that are more than the surface presents. Identity is a complex topic that can’t be summed up by one phrase.

In the book the Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald,  Jay Gatsby is a young man trying to win over his former love with extravagant parties and boasting his money. He tries to stand out as much as possible, yet no one even knows who the real Jay Gatsby is. “I suppose he'd had the name ready for a long time, even then. His parents were shiftless and unsuccessful farm people – his imagination had never really accepted them as his parents at all.” This quotes shows that Gatsby is trying to be known only through one piece of his identity. He wants to be known as the Oxford man, who is now very wealthy but, fails to realize that under the top layer of this identity there is more. The fact that he grew up on a farm and that his family was very poor, the fact that he does not make his money in the most respectable way. These are things that were ignored by Gatsby the entire story because he was so stuck on keeping this one idea for his identity, when in reality everyone has multiple layers to who they are.  

In the movie “Beasts of the Southern Wild,” a girl named Hushpuppy is living in the bathtub with her father. Due to icebergs and global warming the government is trying to evacuate the bathtub. This leads to Hushpuppy and her father being taken by the government and taken to a shelter. After being taken to the shelter Hushpuppy says, “I’m recording my story for the scientists in the future.” Hushpuppy unlike Gatsby realizes that there are different levels to her identity. Although she was raised in an environment that is completely different from the modern United States, she still acknowledges that they are apart of the reason she grew up the way she did, unlike Gatsby who completely ignores his past and only wants people to see one layer of his life, Hushpuppy is recording her entire life for the scientists so that they have a clear picture of the different layers of her identity.

“Don’t talk when we get inside, I don’t want them to know we’re not from around here. They’ll give us the discount if they think we live here.” We were waiting in the lobby, we wanted to go waterfall jumping. All of the male employees had buzz cuts, and close to no facial hair. I stood leaning against a wall, my hair grown out long enough to tie it back into a bun, and almost a full beard. I didn’t look anything like any of these men, and I felt their eyes glued on me every time as they walked past. They could tell I was Dominican like them but that my style said something different about me.  For the first time in my life I questioned my Dominican authenticity. I understand why she would tell my brother not to speak, he didn’t even speak spanish, but what was so different between me and them. I realized that giving off the impression that we were “authentic” and “regular” would work better in our favor. Saying that I only identify as a Dominican male would be wrong, as that is only one part of my identity, and in this case it was the identity that would work best in our favor, but I am more than just that. I had to accept the fact that I am also an American child and that it’s apart of who I am and how I should identify. We have different layers so that we can change based on our situation, we shouldn’t only be defined by one part of our identity.

People only tend to scrape the top layer when they are talking about their identity, and it’s because they only ever decided to identify with that top layer. Identity is more complex than just saying you are one thing or another, identity is made up of several pieces that fit together like a puzzle to make every single person unique.  Everyone can use the different layers of their identity depending on their situation. We saw Hushpuppy recognize the different layers of her identity in “Beasts of the Southern Wild” being stuck between the Bathtub and the modern US. I realized that part of my identity would disadvantage me in DR and I would need to hide that part. All of us have layered identities, it’s up to us if we want to start using all the layers.


Macbeth Death Scene!

I worked with: Mikkel and Philip

Our Summary/Reflection Thing

So for our project, we made a reenactment of macbeth's death and mad it a bit more interesting than leaving you on the cliffhanger of how he died as the book did. So basically the purpose of this was to show how Macbeth died in our own version because of how they really didn't say how he died. So in our video we acted out act 5 scene 8 were macbeth died and had some friends help us out with the acting. Our main reason why we chose this is to show there are endless possibilities of an ending of how someone can die such as Macbeth when the book didn't really comprehend on how he died in the first place . Shakespeare rights “Macbeth was slain” instead of telling how he was slain. Then later on at the end of the play we learn that Macduff beheads Macbeth. However there are many things that could have led up to what happened to the point of were Macbeth finally gets beheaded by Macduff. For all we know Macbeth could have very well choked on a piece of bread that was put in his mouth while fighting Macduff. We could have gone deeper into our project with the liberties available but the time was much more limited. We got to present our interpretation of acting out an old classic. It was a fun, and funny journey. But hey, we made a good laugh out of it.

The Question of Identity

Personally, identity was not something I had decided to question myself until my transition to highs chool. It was not a subject that consistently came up, or had thought about since I felt comfort within myself as a person. This led me to assume that my whole being and values were set, that there was no need for any improvement since I thought that there was nothing much to improve on. I moved often prior to entering high school and because of this, I was able to witness different experiences and learn about the lives of various people. Through these encounters,  I too was able to question myself and who I considered myself to be.

I could remember the beautiful paintings made by my classmates that hung on the hallways as I walked by them to enter the classroom where my friend gestured me to come. She was going to tell me about something very important, and when she did, all I could respond was “what does bi mean?” When I said that in response she was neither shocked nor dumbfounded because she knew the kind of household that I grew up in.

After my friend discussed with me about her sexuality, I began to wonder about myself. My family never really told me what being gay was, and this resulted me to have the lack of knowledge to understand a part of myself. Maya Salam, the writer of an article titled, They Challenged the Status Quo said, “Truth is, I’ve had to fight my whole life because of who I am, who I love and where I started.In this quote the author expresses her emotions of the process that she went through to understand herself. Throughout her life she had struggles of trying to comprehend herself as a person who is gay. Being bisexual myself, I also struggled with understanding my identity, which led me to eventually fear it. Admitting my identity when it was still an ambiguous blob made me more malleable, in which resulted in unsure changes about myself.

In my time spent in California, I realized that, compared to before, I had a new understanding of myself. As I often went out in California and socialized with a multitude of people, I realized how privileged I was as a person to have the time to figure myself out. However, meeting people is not the same is understanding their individual experiences. I mistook certain things and assumed others to be something they were not while forming generalized  ideas of who they were. I learned that attempting to comprehend others distracted me from paying attention to my own identity, but learning from others is not unfavorable. Perhaps if I had my own sense of self and values to begin with, I could have learned from others the way that parents teach their children.

In the Great Gatsby, Nick Carraway discusses about his relationship with his father. He says an important life lesson that his father shared with him. “Whenever you feel like criticising anyone,  he told me, just remember everyone in the world hasn't had the same advantages as you.” Fitzgerald says this in his book to express that he felt inclined to keep all judgements about others. I can connect to this in the sense that not everyone is going to have a complete understanding of someone else no matter how one will try to understand. Before assuming   the identity of others, it is crucial to remember that others have a different life from your own. It is complicated to fathom a life experience other than the one you have now. No matter how many times someone says to “put yourself into someone else's shoes,” what extent can you actually understand another human being when the advantages that each person has in life is different?

Since I believe in some cases that people shape others to be who they are there is always something new to learn about yourself. Identity is not set because sometimes there is always a new aspect of yourself that you learn, because identity can often alter depending on the situation or environment you are in. Back then I never questioned myself since there were terms that I never knew, but through people I was able to be more knowledgeable; to take pieces of others and use that to shape myself. In the end, however, it was quite risky to do that because you can distract yourself from your own identity, but it is not an imperfect thing, only because we are affected by others constantly.


Islamic Culture vs. My Beliefs for My Identity

Introduction: T​he purpose of my essay is to fully portray how the Islamic culture has taken over a portion of my choices and the decisions that I make that has created the identity that I hold today. Overall, how I struggle with my Identity because I'm always trying to find a balance between my family’s culture and my own beliefs. My culture is very significant to me which means I don't want to reject it and I don't want it to reject me. But also I want to balance it with my own beliefs and make my own personal decisions. I'm proud of speaking about this side of my identity that is personally difficult to really explain to others and really speak about. A way I want to improve my essay for next time is minimizing words, so I am not repeatedly explaining and talking about something. 

 
It was noon on a sizzling summer day. I sat at the table with my family munching on sardines and the rest of the grand meal my grandmother liked to call a simple lunch. My father decided to take us on a beach trip that afternoon. And as soon as those plans have been established all I could think about was how cute I was going to look in the new bright pink bikini that I had searched for all over to find back in America. I went through over 10 stores at the mall searching through every bikini rack for this one bikini. 
When lunch was over, I threw the dishes in the sink and sprinted to my room, hurtling over all my little cousins running around in the hallway with their little swimming shorts. Finally, as I enter my room I was approached by my aunt standing at door entrance as if she was anticipating me. I could feel the dark, still, stare she was lasering at me. She watched me walk to my suitcase like a hawk watching over its prey. I gently walked over my suitcase, carefully unzipping it. I looked back smiling trying to break the awkward silence. I quickly grabbed my bikini with the tip of my fingers and shoved it into my side trying to hide it from her sight. I ran out the door to the bathroom as I continued to get followed by her deep strong gaze.
“Wheew!” I sigh to myself in relief.
What if she doesn’t let me wear it? Why does she always have a problem with everything that I do and wear? I can’t stand this country sometimes. Hopefully, my mom is around so she can defend me, just in case.
I walk out in my bikini from the restroom to my mother’s room. And there she goes again. 
“Where do you think you’re going with that on? I told you, your father doesn't like you wearing that stuff here. This isn't America little girl, you can’t do everything you want here, “ she snaps at me gazing at me with disgust.
“But, but my mom really likes this bikini and my dad never really had a problem with me in this.”
“Take that off right now, right now!” She barked at me.
“You're going to dishonor your grandfather and father. You're going to dishonor your family’s name,” she continued as she raised her voice. 
Malala speaks to this social construction of dishonor and its connection to female independence in her book I am Malala. She also connects the relationship women have with their male family members to being part of the religion of Islam. She writes, “In Pakistan when women say they want independence, people think this means we don’t want to obey our fathers, brothers or husbands. But it does not mean that. It means we want to make decisions for ourselves...Nowhere is it written in the Quran that a woman should be dependent on a man” (Malala, 219). The idea that women are obligated to make decisions due to the favor of their fathers or brothers in the household, this creates a negative impact on women's reputation and sense of identity. This refers to women being savage and going against the rules that their fathers and brothers have set to the household. This definition of a savage independent woman is emphasized by Malala as being blamed to the Islam religion, but as she says in the Quran nowhere does it say that we, women, have to follow and look up to our fathers or brothers. In fact, it encourages us to be independent. 
Back at the house, I slowly start to remove my bikini straps slipping it off my shoulders. I feel my chin chattering, as a tear rolls down my face. 
I don’t want to reject the Islam religion because it’s created so much of who I am. Even though I want a balance between my family’s culture and my beliefs, I struggle with making sure that my beliefs don't overlap with my Islam driven culture in which takes partial credit for creating the identity that I hold today. 
 In Pbs, Akbar Muhammad is interviewed about his perspective on some misconceptions on the Islam religion. He speaks on what being a Muslim really means. He speaks about the themes and beliefs that have to do with being Islam. At the end of his interview he explains that to be considered a Muslim you have to follow the laws of the Islam religion. He states specifically, “In other words, there is such a thing as socio-cultural Muslim, a public Muslim. Then there is another kind of Muslim, I would say, who is technically a Muslim, who is legally a Muslim, I'd like to say. And [who] therefore follows the law.” He empathizes that a socio-cultural Muslim is a public Muslim who is allowed to project themselves to the world as a Muslim. In order for this Muslim to be considered a socio-cultural Muslim, they have to follow the laws of the religion. In relation to me, I remove my bathing suit instead of standing for my beliefs in that scenario because I don’t want to still be considered a Muslim and still practice the religion because being a Muslim has shaped who I am today and the culture that is embedded in me. 

Macbeth Escape Room

By Shenglan Qiu & Sasha Mannino

For our creative project, we did an escape room. An escape room is a game in which people are locked inside a room and have to solve a series of clues to get out. The setting we chose is Dunsinane, the castle that Macbeth and Lady Macbeth live after crowned. We built an insight model of the castle with a bedroom and a living room. We created a puzzle for the players to solve. The clues are made from the quotes in the play. Most of the quotes are significant part of the play and some are our personal favorite.

The rules to the escape room are simple. The player will search for clues in the model and use the book, Macbeth by William Shakespeare, to assist them. Once the player is done finding all of the clues, they have to use them to solve the lock. They have to figure out how to use the clues to solve the lock. There can be as many players as one wants, but we recommend 2-5 player. The limit time to the game is 45 minutes. The goal is to solve the lock mechanism according to the clues and use the key inside of the lock to escape. Anything that is not on the tan, crumpled paper is not a clue. If you solve the lock before the timer goes off, you win. If you don’t solve it before the timer goes off, you lose.


IMG_0955
IMG_0955

Throughout the model, we added small details that refer back to the play. For example, In the bedroom, we added a painting of the flower representing Lady Macbeth’s line, “Look like th’ innocent flower, but be the serpent under’t.” There is also a wine bottle and a candle, calling back to Lady Macbeth’s sleepwalking and her probable alcoholism. On the bottom floor, there is a letter that Macbeth wrote to Lady Macbeth at the beginning of the play (this is not a clue). Also, we place a dagger with blood beneath the dining table representing Macbeth’s guilt of killing Duncan and his other murders.

IMG_0953
IMG_0953
Most things in this model is made from scratch including the lock mechanism. We used mainly cardboard and other materials such as scrapbook paper, fabric and etc. Some of the accessories are from an actual dollhouse. Since the house is made out of scratch, it can be fragile. So please handle all the pieces with care.  If you feel that something is glued down, don’t pull on it because there no clues in anything that is permanently attached.


IMG_0954
IMG_0954

Advanced Essay - Monolithic Masculinity

Introduction

My essay is about masculinity and how it's perceived to be a monolithic idea. I address some of the challenges that some young men face on a regular basis. I’m proud of my essay because it’s something that’s not commonly talked about. I wanted to create a challenging dialogue with thought-provoking analysis. Something I want to improve upon is my writing style. Sometimes I drag on to sentences unnecessarily to add as many descriptive details as possible but I need to learn to keep my writing concise.  


Monolithic Masculinity


For centuries, the interpretation of what it meant to be a man has been altered to fit the time period. Expectations of how they behave, speak, and interact with one another can be whittled down to a formula for what society depicts as the “ideal man.” We set the expectation that men are supposed to be emotionless and strong in all aspects, suppressing their true feelings for fear of scrutiny from their peers. Of course, this doesn’t apply to all young men. Some go against this fabricated normal, but what do can they do? It is through no fault of their own that they do not fit this mold. However, when we compare them there will always be the question, “who’s the better man?”

Young men who are living behind this facade are subject to seeking approval of their masculinity. They are being forced to be someone they are not or don’t want to be so that they can be accepted. We see this in schools and in our outside communities. This causes them to reject their true selves. For many succeeding in life is being able to express who you are and not conforming to the straight path that is given to you that was formed so that you are what society wants you to be. It’s beneficial to be true to yourself in spaces where a monolithic form of masculinity is only accepted because of the fact there are expectations of what a true man is.

During the early stages of adolescent development, we are not fully aware nor do we choose to acknowledge how much influence our surroundings play into our lives. We see them in cartoons, movies, literature, the list goes on. We always see the classic scenario of the damsel in distress and the big macho man saving her. This is a basic claim to an adult looking back on their childhood. It is something that they reflect on and says, “oh yeah…” But as children, we are living our best lives unaware of these outside influences. Leanord Sax, a practicing physician, writes in an article about Masculinity in America, As a result, many boys today define masculinity negatively: Being a real man means doing things that girls don’t do.” From this, we see that young men as a result of having an idea of a what a man should be, limit themselves to one form of thinking that puts them in direct competition with not only themselves to try and prove that they are masculine enough. But as well as putting themselves in competition with the opposite gender unknowingly destroying the unique sense of self that some value because of its’ important relation to self-identity.  

For young men trying to find themselves during this time of confusion, how can we expect them simply put themselves out there but at the same time have them think that who they are isn’t accepted.  In the same article “Masculinity in America,” Leanord Sax continues to argue that young boys are, “....reveling in their supposed masculinity but disengaged from the real world.” Looking at it as a young man myself, I see this type of behavior on a daily basis. I remember when there was a time where I was one of those boys who was so worried about being a “man.” But then I realized I was never going to get anywhere if I kept thinking the same way. Looking at this from above, having an out of body reflective experience I saw that my actions, words, thoughts, and habits, were all heavily based on what my males peers deemed fun. Their jokes that were misogynistic and sexist to me seemed normal because that’s what normal guys talk about, right? It wasn’t until later that I realized that the people I surrounded myself than were not helping build my idea of what a real man was. Having the ability to have an honest conversation with myself about what a man was proved to be beneficial in the end. That is what some young men are missing. As they grow up, they have no idea how expansive the concept of a man, and with that comes confusion leading away from the path of acceptance.

These ideals leave our young men short-sighted and lost. We cannot say that these ideas will simply disappear, what we can do however is begin to accept those for who they are not who we want to be. As a society, we need to learn to accept the children for who they are, especially our young men. Dismantling gender roles is the first step, but bringing up the next generation to accept themselves and others is the only we can truly tell kids to be themselves. Masculinity isn’t a formulated thing. You can mold it, shape it however you like. But if we want to produce better men, we have to let children define masculinity for themselves.   



Advanced Essay #2: Phases of Self

Intro
This essay is all about the phases of self that a person goes through in their lifetime. The purpose of this essay was to outline these phases and apply them to my own life and to experiences I felt would be relatable to my audience. I am proud of the way I was able to observe how I viewed myself at certain times in my life and use that to develop a thesis that could apply to more than just me. One thing I would definitely work on for my process next time would be to better incorporate peer review and general check-ins into my work. I felt like I was very isolated while I wrote this. Overall, I feel like I could've used another round of editing to clean up what is currently a bit of an idea dump.

Essay

In my life, I have experienced what I recognize as a cycle of identity; a pattern of changes in my self that I can pinpoint to specific times in my life. This way of viewing identity can be applied to many peoples’ lives. We have all felt alone in our lives; like we don’t belong. And experiences where we feel isolated are the ones that affect us the deepest. I remember a time where I felt this way myself:

The sedan was filled to the gills with middle-grade girls; we were packed four deep in the brown leather backseat. We had just finished a very important travel soccer game and were still feeling the glowing euphoria of a 3-0, those were scarce for us. As the car sped along the highway somewhere in Montgomery County, So What came on the radio. Immediately the other girls roared along with P!nk’s gritty, sassy vocal: “Guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went!” As my heart sunk in my chest; I pretended to sing along, mouthing some of the more predictable lyrics and hoping no one noticed. I had been given a test that everyone had studied for but me. In that moment, I felt like I would never truly be part of the team, no matter how many goals I scored on the field. My early experience as an outsider is still deeply ingrained in my identity today. I have gone through many selves, but I can pinpoint a few instances in my life when my self changed noticeably. They were catalyzed by the environment I was in at those times, and are reflected in the lives of many people in our society.

In her Ted Talk, Embracing Otherness, Embracing Myself, Thandie Newton poignantly says about selfhood: “What is real is separateness, and at some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form.” The development of self is something we all experience throughout our lives.  Newton is describing the first of the key phases of self. In other words, she is alluding to the fact that when we are young, we learn to first cling to the things that make us similar to other people, and we begin to mold ourselves based on those characteristics. Some things, like gender, are imposed on us from birth, used to separate us in different roles to organize society. We are very attuned to this, and tend to want to cooperate with it, taking a side on a fake dividing line. As Newton says, separateness becomes very real to us very quickly, and we instinctively want to avoid the feelings that come with not fitting in. In our early childhood, where it is clear to us we don’t have much power in our world, we cling to the things that do give us security, and that means ascribing ourselves to specific groups.

This first phase of self, for me, went unchallenged up until middle school. For most people, middle school is a time where your identity is pretty much constantly attacked, no matter who you are. This is a time where bullying is severe, where the things that make you different are put on display for everyone to see. I questioned the very essence of who I was- I stood on a ledge, a cavern of possibilities all around me, waiting to jump. Who are you? Who are your people? What do you like? These questions are all important in this second phase of self. For some people, the second phase of self leads to the rejection of certain irreversible parts of your identity, sometimes forever. It’s not safe to be different, so you deny the things about yourself you can’t change.

The second dramatic change in self that I experienced in my life was also in middle school, right after the first. Like my first change in self, it was characterized by me relating myself to other people by difference, rather than similarity. But unlike the uncertain and shameful experience of the second phase, I dug my heels into my identity. I tried so hard to stand out from my peers. Seeing how big the world is in your early teenhood completely grabs hold of you and makes you want to matter. So it was important for me for my identity to be centered around the things that made me unique. I actively sought out new music, books, and clothes, completely falling into my role as the ‘weird’ kid. I was really worried about what people thought, but I pretended I  wasn’t.

During the first and second phases of self, important things are set in stone. When you are very young, you are attuned to the parts of your identity that puts you into certain groups, but you sort of become ‘you’ after this third phase of self. And whether you like it or not, some of the labels society puts on you decide who you are for you. “Things change completely in adolescence,” Claudia Cappa of UNICEF says in the National Geographic article In their words: How Children are Affected by Gender Issues, “This is when you stop being a child, you become a female or a male.” There is a level of agency that you are given in your identity in the third phase of self. You have to balance the fact that, there are groups that you belong to and will get security from, but also understand that your differences are useful. In the third phase of self you feel a sense of belonging that is never solidified in the other phases. But the ‘identity cycle’ I’ve described can repeat itself many times in someone’s life, especially when parts of their identity are being forcibly suppressed. Things like gender may be something you question again and again, getting stuck in a loop of the second phase of self. But nevertheless, our identity never really settles. Sometimes, you just have to follow it along for the ride.

Advanced Essay #2: The Preset Mold The World Gives You

Introduction: The purpose of this essay is to explain the preset mold people get throughout their life and how to handle it. Something I'm proud about with my essay is my scene of memory because it was a big shift in my life in becoming who I am. I would want to improve my writing process by connecting with my sources more.


My life did a lot of molding as I have grown into the person I am today. I think this is true for a lot of people, no matter how much someone will try to control the image of what you’re supposed to be based on gender and race. This image is mostly made from what they’ve experienced from people similar to you.  It can make you think differently of yourself and change how you decide to carry on in the outside world.

The movie Beast of the Southern Wild touches on a topic of identity and what you’re supposed to be. The movie explored the relationship between the main character Hushpuppy, who was a young wild girl, and her father, who was stern and complicated.  You also see the way she was raised throughout the film. At one point, there was a scene where we heard Hushpuppy’s inner thoughts and she stated, “It wasn’t no time to be a bunch of pu*****.” This was a mindset she learned from her father in the Bathtub, which is where she lived. The dynamic switches between her identity of being a “girl” and who she was raised to be because it’s always believed that boys are supposed to get that type of upbringing. So in the eyes of the viewer, this challenges the idea that only the boys are supposed to be in the “no crying” mindset while growing up but we see that in some ways, it depends on a person’s environment too.

When I was around 9 years old, I played on a basketball team. I never took it seriously because I never had a reason to. My parents always put the idea in my head that sports are just for fun. The thing is I was a very sore loser at that age and at one of my games, we lost in a way that didn’t make any sense to me. It was the last seconds of the game. Everyone was screaming and cheering because we were down by two points. I drove to the paint and went up for a layup and took a hard foul. I hit the ground so hard and all I saw was red when I didn’t hear a whistle for a foul. I screamed in frustration and shortly stormed off the court and started to cry. My dad ran after me. He told me in a strong tone, “Don’t ever act like that again, men don’t cry. He said you’re acting like a girl.” I heard “men don’t cry” a lot so when he said it, I didn’t think much of it. I just wiped my tears and went back to the court. As I got older, I never really found myself to share my emotions at all. It was hard for me to feel the urge to cry in certain situations where my family was crying. I had the mindset that I had to be strong for everyone else around me because that’s the image that was always pushed onto me to be a man.

These images of what you’re supposed to be can stem from other people other than your guardian. In the book Lies That Bind by Kwame Anthony Appiah other people made assumptions about him based on his race and appearance. When talking about places he had traveled, he said, “Colored” person; in Rome, for an Ethiopian; and one London cabbie refused to believe I didn’t speak Hindi.” This quote shows that  there will always be an image of what you should be in other people’s eyes simply based off of looks. If you reject these expectations, you could miss out on opportunities in life because of you not wanting to be something you’re not. People could also begin to dislike you if you don’t live up to their expectations that they get from other people of your race or gender. In the long run, you should always stay true to yourself.

Having a parent mold your upbringing or having someone having a preset mold of who you are from your looks aren’t always bad things. You could use these expectations to better yourself or you could break these expectations to create a better image of yourself. Race and gender are important to me because they’re factors of the person I am today. Before anything, I will always be identified as an African-American male. From the way my father raised me to the way, people see me outside are all things I appreciate because they made me who I am today and will continue to make me me.


Macbeth 5.5 Video

Welcome to our project named, "Macbeth 5.5 Video". We did a video on one of the scenes from Act 5, scene 5 of Macbeth. That's why we named it "Macbeth 5.5 Video"

Stephanie , Nyzariah  and I shot the scene when the Gentlewoman(Nyzariah) finds Lady Macbeth(Stephanie) dead. We shot this scene on the third floor because everyone was shooting their videos and we needed to shoot somewhere quiet. 

 As we were planning, we decided to do a video on scene 5, act 5 of Macbeth. We loved this scene as a trio and decided to do a video on it. Enjoy!

The Roadblocks We All Come Across

Our society is based of opinions that makes us very insecure on who we are as people. This makes us hide who really are and what we have to offer to the world. In order to truly feel as if we know who we are we need to be shameless. In this essay it discusses how it affects a closeted LGBTQ , Masculinity and femininity career choices, and my own appearance and actions that I  hid away in order to not be bullied, etc.


When growing up with advanced technology and having many social media platforms we tend to lose who we truly are, to act like somebody we are not,or to be “known”. For example, we tend to follow the trends that are out and download the new apps that are most popular to feel included. It's all about trying to be relevant in the social media eye. This usually is called Dissociation because we change our actions, the way we react to certain incidents to seem cool or relatable  even though deep down you are not that type of individual. This isn’t only with social media, the society tends to be our #1 judge when it's time for us to be our authentic selves. We are so afraid to show who we really are, that we enter a state of depression or feel very comfortable in bad situations.


When researching double life in a homosexual perspective I found a website, “The psychological issues of being in and out the closet” by Jack Drescher. He discusses   of gay men and women, periods of difficulty in acknowledging their homosexuality, either to themselves or to others, and how it can lead to depression and anxiety. In the article it states:“Through dissociation of anxiety-provoking knowledge about the self,  whole double life can be lived and yet, in some ways, not be known.”  Dissociation tends to be very common when an individual starts to recognize they are different sexuality wise than people around them. Which is when double life starts to occur or even before, they act like a totally different person with a group of friends than how they are with themselves. This supports my stance on how society views affect the way we tend to see and feel about ourselves. We like to use double living as an escape from who we  truly are. I believe it's somewhat an escape route from discovery because on social media or in person we are viewed by how we interact and dress. In order to not be seen as gay, some men dress boyish and some women will throw on earrings even though they don't like them. This connects to me in many ways because growing up I would try different to find “boy-ish” looks that were in style so I can just blend in with the trends even though I didn't feel comfortable.  is the life of a trapped dog in a house. The dog nature is to be free and breathe but since it is stuck in the house all day, it will become very bored and depressed that it will either submit or find another way to get a glimpse of a fun day. This connects to my first point because we aren't able to be who we are because we are scared to be judged so we either stay hidden or break free and be prideful.


While reading through this article it made me remember I was placed in a similar situation living double lives during middle school when I soon realized I was different. I was placed in a situation where I had to act and dress like a man “should” because I wanted to fit in. As a new school day started I walked out my house and checked myself out in the mirror to see if Iooked boyish. My outfit always consists of loose jeans because most guys in my school wear loose jeans because skinny jeans  are viewed to be feminine.

“You look fine, no worries” I would say to myself because I don't want them to find anything suspicious that connects to me being gay.

Once I lock my door I check my block to make sure nobody is out so I can walk alone. I walk and walk until I am half way and fix the sway in my hips until I hear,

“Yo Lando you forgot to pick me up. Aren’t we supposed to be homies?” a friend, but not really named Justin says.

“ I totally forgot,” I respond.

“What was you doing? Trying to fix your walking style?” Justin asks curiously.

“Nah,” I said lying. I was starting to lightly panic because we would make fun of Nathan a guy who didn't care about fitting in that walked like a girl.  At this moment I lived by what people viewed me as which is why I changed the way I dressed and walked because I didn't want people to think I was gay. Yes, it wasn't something I enjoyed because I am very prideful and interactive but that was usually how females were perceived as, so I had act all tough and unsentimental just like a guy is stereotyped to be like. Which is why it connects to how our society tends to make us live by morals that aren't ours in order to fit in or not be judged.


The idea that I had to change my appearance and interactions connects to what Faulkner wrote about masculinity and femininity:“Cultural notions of “feminine” and “masculine” behavior are shaped in part by observations about what women and men do. This kind of ‘gender marking’ tends to discourage women or men from entering “gender-inauthentic” occupations.” Gender marking tends to discourage males and females who decide to work a “masc” or “fem” profession because as years go on many young men and women will look as professionals as if they have a gender tied to it so they feel they aren’t good enough or the men / women working in the dominated field will be made fun of. For example if a women wants to work as a construction worker men will doubt she is capable with leading or lifting heavy object only a man can. This makes her very insecure and wanting to leave because she isn't accepted. This connects to the scene of memory because I had to change the way I acted because they would consider me to be feminine and will probably stop hanging with me to then just bully me like they did to Nathan.


There’s always a standard for men and women to meet; there are always going to be roadblocks ahead. These roadblocks are specific to one’s gender, and we feel pressure to succumb to these challenges to our true identities. However, when we change ourselves to match the gender expectations, we lose a part of our true selves.