In the Life of a ¨No¨

          In the Life of a ¨No¨

Sweet heart you finally came, you really came, come sit next to me give me your hand I want to tell you some things today.  Why are you looking at me like that,  I know what you’re thinking, but that's not important anymore. No no you will not come here everyday just to watch me wither away slowly. Live life while you can be free. Look at me I am your living example. Physically I have the doctors standing over me watching every single one of my steps, very carefully telling me what I can and can't do. There is an invisible bondage of shackles. All around me from every corner all I hear is “No, that is harmful, no we can’t give you that, no sorry we don’t think that’s possible, NO, NO, NO!!” hearing these words is now a part of my daily routine. They tell me what to eat, do and wear. Even without them I still have the machines watching every one of my moves, from what I’m eating to the calculation of my heart beat.

My last wishes are nothing to them their only job is to keep me “alive”, alive physically but not mentally. The binding words of the doctors ¨no sugar¨ or you will have a fast death no getting up from bed, rest or you might feel weak. Listen to me sweet heart never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Your death is already written for you, when you're supposed to die you will die. Those small things that they say no to you for when they say “No, that's too dangerous, No thats gonna hurt” these are the the things in your path that stop you from getting to your bigger goal. Do you want your whole life to be controlled? If you don’t start to follow your dreams and heart now one day you too will be lying on this hospital bed alone, nothing but the orders of the doctors and your relatives controlling the rest of your life or in my case days. I sit and watch the sun as it goes up and then back down, every sunset counting the last of my days. My only movement from sitting up to laying back down, my whole life concealed in four corners of a room and my body connected to a machine, my bed is angled at the right direction so the sun hits my face right at dawn and then once it's gone I am left to stare at those dull blue curtains. I watch life go by and dream only dream in my bed, in my bed of sorrows. It’s as if though they all waited for me to get this weak and old so they could just place me here. Yes your father and your uncles pay for everything but that's not what brings me happiness. Sending me to this dull hospital bed isn’t what is pleasing me. My life consisted of starting out with the rule of my parents then settling down with a family of my own, raising your father and then your grandfather left me, now I sit here alone left with only my thoughts to accompany me, clouding over me and making me realize how it's all too late. Only I can understand how I feel the pain of watching everyone live on running, jumping, dancing, hopping and walking doing what they want while these wires and needles are the only thing binding me to this bedpost. They have my body here but my soul has already died and fled to another world.  Rather than dying a slow awaited stretched out death I wanted to die proud and accomplished. But that is impossible when you have so many restrictions that you are faced with. Even on your deathbed there is no escape you have every eye on you, mourning. These wrinkles and ripples on my skin are here to prove something I am your grandmother and I have seen and experienced a lot in my time, if there is one thing I can tell you with all my heart is to do what you want before it's too late never limit yourself, never let anyone tell you you can’t. Never take No for an answer.


https://soundcloud.com/aysha-siddiquee/in-the-life-of-a-no

Late night talks

Heyyyyyy
Are you my uber, Carl S-Sagan? Oh, it's Carlos?

My bad Carl, I'm Caesar.

Where I am I going? Um let's see the home I think yeah. Oh where yeah that makes sense um let's think 24th and Peridot I think that is where I live, My apartment is cool you should be able to see it from the street I forgot to turn off the light so you can see my fake plant and my poster of Nas, I like Nas.

Where am I coming from you ask? The bar isn’t it obvious? [lifts up up a bottle] 17th and Geno? At this rate it's gonna take foreverrrr.[Slides back in seat]. There was quiet for a second Tell me a story!.

A story about MY family afraid’ not Carlton closest thing I had to a family was my wife well except she wasn’t my wife she was my girlfriend.[Looking out the window dramatically] You don’t get it, Cole! She wasn’t your run of the mill dane, she was to kill for. Man, how old should she be now? [Pulls out fingers and starts counting] I’m twenty-four and she was a year younger than me so that would make her...yeah 23 something like that. [Pause] No you don’t *hic* you don’t get it, Comatose , she was my world my Mundo as the french say. [Puts head in lap], what was she like,um let me think. She was tough as nails a real never had to say it twice, always wanting to talk on late summer nights, bars! [Raised bottle] Kind of like this one [Looks out the window again]. What happened? I’ll tell you what happened?! I leave Brooklyn for a week One Week![holding up a finger]. Then she tells me “I can’t be with you anymore, I don’t love you, I’m sorry” I ask Why she gives me a whole spiel about “You never pay attention to me, you make me self-conscious about my body, and you don’t listen” I tell you, Cody, I’m the most concentrated man you have ever met, I turned my eye for a second then she’s gone she thinks I don’t look at her Instagram with a fake account to see she’s with a new guy a day later! I tell ya Christopher dating was so much easier when I was in high school! Empathy? What about me?!

HOW ABOUT MY FEELINGS CONNOR?! I spent all those years putting her feelings before mine I left my dog with my parents because she was allergic, I didn’t have to do that, I sold my motorcycle because she thought I’d hurt myself and I went with it. I stop cooking my grilled cheese sandwiches on the roof because she said it was “Unsanitary” and I battled her for that one but I quit. It sounds like she cared for me? What did she do for me that made my happy ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? “Buy me this buy my that, what clothes should I wear? Can you take out the trash? Eat spaghetti with me, Wait for me so we can watch Luke Cage together, Let’s take our picture together… [Reaches into pocket and pulls out picture] Clifford I feel like I really screwed this one up big time. It’s all too funny I guess you never really know what you have until it’s gone. Y’know Charley, she always pointed out on this you know my house is close because of the giant neon sign that says “Psychic” we went in there once I remember she called out the woman because she said she couldn’t do a kickflip on a snowboard in the middle of summer. Boy, where we all shocked when she showed us. Or that one time where she told me she invented concrete shoes and then slipped into the river we’re at the hospital for hours. Oh and that other time-

Oh we’re here already? Alright well um see you thanks for “this”[Car door opens and then leaves but immediately gets back in the car] . Hey, Carlos wanna go to a diner or something I like these little talks.


https://www.soundtrap.com/aalfaro.allah?

This is the day


Mama wants me to stand up for myself. Mama said that I need to stop crying every time someone gives me a mean look. Mama wants a strong boy, a winner. Mama made me go on that mat and look at the other boy my weight. I never win. Mama said it would make me stronger. She said it would make me not fear the bullies. She said that the second I saw another kid across the mat I would be fearless, and I would fight. She said it would make me the bully. Mama doesn’t want a scrawny boy. She wants a big strong boy, one that looks like you.


Every match I look up at the stands, I see Mama’s face. She’s happy when I’m standing. I look over when my head is on the mat, when the boy is pushing me down. That’s when mama’s mouth turns down and her eyes look away. That’s when mama looks sad. She tells me to look at you before I leave. She tells me to look at something strong and I will feel strong.


Look at you. You are strong, you win. Every match I set up between you and Blue, you win. I need to be like you. Emotionless, yet strong. Mama wants a you. I am not a you. You wouldn’t cry every time Coach says to be stronger. You wouldn’t cry every time your head is hit to the ground, but your head would never be hit to the ground. I can’t be the bully when all I get is bullied. Looking at a stronger guy across the mat is bullying. Coach is a bully. Coach tells me to stop being a weak little boy. He says that the boys that beat me aren’t weak and they don’t cry. He says I need to be like them, I need to stop crying because it won’t get me anywhere. Him and Mama are right. I’m weak and worthless. I never win, they have nothing to be proud of. They make me do this. They all make me cry. They all make me feel weak. Mama just called up to my room, we have to go. Mama I’ll be down in a minute. I just need to get my suit on. Where are my ear protectors. Okay I found them. You are strong. I can be strong. I will be strong. This is the day I won’t cry. I will be like Red, a mighty and strong fighter. The one who wins. Plastic, but a winner. Mama doesn’t see how much I want this, how I fight, but she will see today. This is the day Mama’s mouth won’t be turned down. This is the day she will be proud. Maybe Coach won’t yell at me if I win. Maybe he’ll talk to me like he talks to the other boys.


I stumble down the stairs out of excitement for the day I will win. The day I will look at the other wrestler across the mat, not out of fear, but out of ambition. Mama asks me why I’m smiling. I tell her it’s because this is the day that I will make her happy, the day that I will win for her and Coach. She replies with a chuckle as she turns around and opens the door. She says to me, “We can see what you have in ya.” Seems like mama doesn’t believe in me, but I will prove her wrong. I will prove them all wrong. The boys on the team won’t recognize this new winner. Coach will be surprised. Best of all, Mama will be smiling as her little weak boy beats one of them to the ground.


Media Fluency

Tech- One Slide
The approach I decided to take was to find a common theme within all the elements of my Me Magazine. Because my magazine included things like death, isolation, bullying, and identity exploration I chose to pick the theme that whatever, or whoever, seems to be missing isn’t always the thing or person that “should” be there. I think this is very important. For this reason, I made sure it would be the first thing you saw on the slide. I went out of my way to choose very intense colors with a high contrast to really make the words pop. The palette choice makes a point to have a cool, as in temperature, feeling with a dark undertone to it. I also made the font bold and structurally sound so that it would not just catch the eye, but also be easy to read. This text box overall was very assertive but playful at the same time. You may have noticed that there was a 12px outline that was of very light value. I wanted this to help ease into the right portion of the slide, which is of medium value. This creates a smooth but also abrupt rhythm in the movement as far as the transition goes. At first I wanted there to be a lot of negative space, but research revealed it’s good to have big, full lettering, as well as different font sizes. I needed to make a decision about whether I wanted overly bold or overly mysterious. I wanted there to be some balance on the slide, but not have it symmetrical so that the quote would be more apparent. This brings me to the image I chose. I wanted an image that would make me seem vulnerable, but one that would also show seriousness. I think it leaves you wondering about the context, which could be nearly anything I wrote about in my magazine. The image itself is in black and white, not only to emphasize this itself, but also the period in time in which it was taken. You can’t tell, but I am a bit younger in this photo. It being in grayscale contrasts with the quote in the first half as well, drawing the eyes’ attention, but only after you see the quote. The blue puzzle piece that is sticking out of the side is a symbol of the theme, but also of a part of my identity that I am on the Autism Spectrum. In my personal opinion, it is partially the cause of why I demonstrated specific actions in the stories inside my Me Magazine. For this reason, it is an essential portion that I should point out. Lastly, I chose to put my name itself in the bottom right corner. The font in which it is in is relatively small, as well as the color not contrasting with the background behind it, but this was for a reason. This causes the observer to look at it last, which will leave it as the last thing they will hopefully remember about it. In this case, what good is it if the observer knows the gist of your piece but not who made it?

A Hidden Love


What are you doing?!?!? You can’t just let him walk out the door….Not after what you found out yesterday. I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t let him marry the wrong girl! I’d be a terrible friend for letting him ask her to marry him (extremely certain)RIGHT? (Increasingly uncertain)Right?!...right? God, why couldn’t it have been me? Why didn’t he CHOOSE me? Can’t he see that I’m madly  in love with him or maybe perhaps he doesn’t care. In all those years of our childhood a lifelong bond was created-one that would never be broken. It started out as a friendship that seemed stronger than any friendship there had been in history, we and everyone around us knew it. Usually friendships between a girl and guy tend to get a bit messy because one begins to fall for the other but not ours-at least...not at first. I don’t remember when it happened it just kinda did. I remember it was when we were in high school. My friends did the expected teasing. Ya know how it goes “Why don’t you guys date?” or “You two would make a cute couple”. I mean, all it would do at the time is make the situation awkward. But then, my heart and brain got to talking and nothing good ever comes from that. The feelings just sorta developed over time and day by day I just started seeing him in a different way.

Now we’re in our junior year of undergrad...and sure I’ve dated people here and there, (and so has he) but he’s always been at the back of my mind. But then he met her. I remember when he introduced to me. Said her name was Sofia. He was happy. It was all over his face. They’ve been together for about two and a half years all of them seemingly blissful and now...he wants to marry her. I had no reason to dislike her other than the fact that she was dating the guy of my dreams. But she made him happy and that’s all I wanted for him (even if the only thing I wanted more was for to be the one to do that  and I guess I do but not in the way I want to).

However, yesterday all of that changed and I saw her for the conniving little snake she really was.  I walked in on her and one of his friends making out half naked in his bedroom(I was there to pick up some papers he needed for a class and I wasn’t busy so I graciously agreed to do it for him). After I stood in the doorway  with a look of astonishment on my  face for a good five minute, she proceeded to explain to me that she never really loved him in the first place and she was only marrying him for the millions he was worth(I also forgot to mention that he comes from an extremely wealthy family). I didn’t have words, just tears of anger, so I simply left. I knew she was too good to be true. But the problem was then, now that I know do I tell him? And to some it might seem like a no brainer but he’s put blood sweat and tears into that relationship and getting that news would crush him and he had a presentation that day and I didn’t want to screw with his head, but...seeing his face when I gave him those papers-looking into his kind eyes that seemed to stare into the depths of my soul-that might’ve been the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. But now-now he’s gonna ask her to marry him..I can’t let him do that, at least not without telling him the truth. Then I can admit my undying love for him and he’ll see that I’ve always been her waiting. Yes! I’m gonna do it, finally! But wait what if he doesn’t feel the same way...well then at least he won’t be with that gold digger and that’s all I care about right now...Okay here it goes….

“Wait!”

https://www.soundtrap.com/woneal? 

First day of school

Mom, I’m home!


How was my day? 


I woke up and thought today was the best day of my life because today is the first day of tenth  is the first day I study  my sister’s school  mov to my sister’s high school, the school that i study before is TRASH, cannot teach me anythings, the students are naughty, the lunch that the school give us are disgusting. It was a nightmare to study  my old school. ow, I am very excited  the first day of school, I can meet new friends. “Good morning, mum” I said, at that moments I still sleepy but my body make me wake up and move to the living room to eat my breakfast, “Oh, good morning, Zoro, what make you so late to wake up, Zoua is already eating her breakfast.” you replies, you always smile to me when you talk, make the morning much more better, even I have some bad things happen before, you always bring the smile to me, your smile make me relax and safe. After I finish my breakfast, I go to school with my sister. Is there has a food store? What does the lunch taste like? … In my head all the question are popping out from my brain about the things in the new school, at that moment i really cannot sit down because of my excited. We arrive at school at 7:16 am, the school starts at 8:15. So we have about one hour to do anythings we want I ask my sister to show me around the school, she nods. She explains every detail where we have walked in the school, she even showed me where my class and my locker are. Then her best friend Saly and Mercy came toward to us and say hello to me and Zoua, my sister always talk about their stories and things when she has free time with me, “Hey Zoua, I want to walk somewhere else, if you have somethings want me, call me.” I said “I will” she reply. on the way to my locker to put some stuff in it.  bullies  bullying a boy I thought Zoua’s school do not have bullies, I  just stand  not help the student who get bullied I  toward them and said “what are you doing here?” I said, “none of your business,” they push me  the floor like I am blocking the way, then a teacher come by. he teacher saw the bullies push me on the floor  call the bullies . “Thank, “ the student who just got bully said, “I am Kama, 10th grade,” “Nice to meet you Kama, I am Zoro, I am new here and I am 10th grade too,” That’s how I meet my first friend, Kama in the first day at school. Then the bell ring, which mean class is ready to start, “Hey Zoro, I think you are in my class, do you want to come with me?” “Sure,” He said


So that’s the first day of my new school, kinda fun, At least the lunch in the new school is yummy.

When breaking the 4th wall...

‘So you go to kill her, because she is my mother… WHAT?’

So in this moment, I got confused by the script. That’s the time to talk with the director.

‘Hey, director!’

‘You tell me to shut up? Hey! I have a question! And you call me to shut up? Did your mum teach you to be polite to everyone huh?’

...

‘Who wrote this script? This scene is trash! Wait… not even the scene is trash, the entire script is trash! Look at the grammar! Change the plot, fast!’

...

At this point you may ask, why an actor will complain the script? Well...that’s not an argument, this scene is actually in the script, so don’t worry.

...

‘What the hell man? And now you start swearing to me and try to lower my salary because I was being rude to the director? Not cool man, NOT COOL!’

...

But this scene is not in the script, things start getting wrong. Ugh!

‘Hey Director! I just follow the script, what are you angry for?’

...

‘What? You don’t want me to in this movie?’

...

I got the feeling when you screwed up and get someone angry! So, you may ask, ‘Hey, so how do you calm the director down?’ Spoiler alert, I calm him down but with a long story.

Don’t want me in this movie? Yeah.

‘That’s not cool, director!’

‘That’s what the script tell me to do, calm down.’

‘Oh guys, here! Help me to calm down the director, please!’

‘Just like they said, calm down!’

‘Just… just look at the script god damnit’

‘Oh now you feel sorry huh? You should be. Thanks you friends!’

So the director calmed down and we keep on filming.

But before we refilm, me and my friends spend a hour to rewrite the script with frustration.And we are off!

‘So you want to kill her because she killed your mum?’

...

‘But that so risky, she know how to kill but you, you barely know how to use a scissors! How can you avenge your mum if you don’t know how to deal with a killer?’

...

‘What cut, director, huh?’

‘What are you saying? What “I don’t like this script?”! We already CHANGE the script. What do you want?’

‘Now you want to fire us all, but you can’t! You are not the boss here! Let me call the boss. Oh wait, that’s no signal here, darn.’

...

‘What do you want?’

...

‘Whoa! He-hey, calm down, director. Put down the knife, that is a real knife, not a prop. Just… put it down.’

‘Holy crap, you almost hit me when you throw the knife! Friends, HELP!’

‘Director, put down the gun. That’s not a prop too. Put it down before someone get shot, ok?’

In this moment, he pointed the gun to me and fire straight right to me, luckily I dodged it just in time!

‘Friends, I am sorry! Don’t come in here! Call 911 instead, quick!’

Now i stuck in a large filming room with 4 other actors and actresses, they hide with me in the same place. And he is coming to our hiding place!

‘This is not what fire mean...oh crap, RUN!’

I am so dumb, I give up our position to him! Although he still misses me but he hit one of the actresses in the leg and I shout…

‘Quick, distract him by throwing anything you found. I am going help the girl!

They trust me and do what I tell them. This give me time to rescue the girl. I move her to the cover at least.

‘Are you ok? I am sorry i don’t have any bandage but some Tissue paper for stop you bleeding. Oh, the cops are here.’

I will never break the 4th wall again!

Transpass Mishap

https://www.soundtrap.com/playlink/b1c7e10d-1dae-48cf-9481-3dfff30b67c5/

Stop! Stop! Oh My God thank you I thought I would have to wait another hour. (swipes transpass)

My transpass,  I already swiped it!

I am telling you the truth the transpass has been swiped you can even ask the people behind you.

It doesn't matter there is no one behind me, I swiped it.

No I am not being loud I am just telling you the truth! Here, I will even show it to you. (goes  through her pocket )

Here you see there’s my transpass.

What do you mean, swipe it? I already did. (swipes transpass)

You see, it won't work, because I already swiped it. I just need to get to the other side of the city

What do you mean I am getting too loud¨!

No I am not on any drugs! Why does everyone think that just because I am me I am on drugs!

It’s not my fault you don't believe me.

Why do I need to get off the bus?

If you felt you were falling behind then you should have already started to move.

Why are you calling the cops? I am doing nothing wrong!

I am not holding up the Bus, you are!

No I am not disturbing the peace.

Why are you trying to blame me for your unwillingness to let me on the bus.

I am trying to get to my brother's school, so I can pick him up.

Because I am the only one that can pick him up after school

You know I swiped my transpass and you saw me can you please let me pick up my brother

No that’s not true and I can't believe you think that is ok to say to me at my age.

No I didn't drop out of school, I have a backpack right here.

No I am not carrying drugs. I am just trying to pick up my brother.

No you can't check my bag.

Get off of my bag!

Can you please let me on the bus

I am not hiding anything I am just trying to get on the bus

What do you mean it’s filled to capacity, half of the bus is empty

Why don't you want me on the bus

No, that can't be the reason because half of the bus is empty. Is it because of my hijab?

How am I making the passengers feel uncomfortable? Is it because I called you out on not letting me on the bus because of my religion and that you feel uncomfortable with someone with a hijab on the bus? If you aren’t being racist, give me a good reason right now before I call your boss and get you fired.  

Oh My God Did you just say I could have been a threat to the other passengers. Ok how could I hurt the passengers? (start pulling out a book) Am I going to hurt them with reading out loud from a history textbook or am I going to hurt them with a math problem?

What! You think I am going to stab people with a pencil and give them lead poisoning!?

Yes I can wait for the cops to come and arrest you for what you are saying to me.

You are an adult accusing me! A teenage for being a terrorist! You are crazy and delusional.

Look who’s here. Officer this man won't let me on the bus because of my Hijab.

What? What are you doing? What, why do I have to leave the Bus?

Let me go! Get off of me!

Help! Help!

No I am not, (sobbing) I’m not resisting arrest

Stop! No! Dont Hit Me!

AAAHHHH!


Farewell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o0Yq6DH8vk
Dear Reader, 

I’ve lived all my life wondering what it is that I’m living for. There was this interesting question that a teacher asked us many years ago: Would you die for those you love or would you live for them? I thought about it. I had a liking for such philosophical things, but I knew that the question didn’t apply to me. I never had anyone to love.

My parents died before I could remember. In my mother’s will, I went to live with my aunt. She was like the generic evil stepmother in the fairytales I read as a kid — mean, controlling, and unloving. I was told to do all of the house chores, and I did them willingly. I was thankful for the life she had given me, but she never seemed to be satisfied. She never married and had no kids. I always thought that that might be the reason why she treated me so. But I think we had something in common — we never learned to love. 

I grew up not having any friends. But it’s not like I’ve never tried. I’ve tried to change my life. I’ve tried to make friends. I’ve tried to be more outgoing. But in the end, all efforts were futile. I never had the courage to talk to people. I was always afraid that I might accidently say something that will make them hate me forever. I was afraid to be alone, but my efforts to prevent that only resulted in more solitude. Even in those rare instances where I do get the courage, I find myself not having any topics of discussion. I haven’t had enough experiences in my life. I don’t have anything interesting to talk about. I don’t have any worthwhile stories to share. 

I’ve never been the kind of person who wants to be the center of attention. But it’s different when no one pays attention to you. It’s different when no one ever acknowledges your existence. I just want someone to tell me that I matter. I want to have something to live for. It’s not something to boost my ego, but simply a sign of affirmation that I’m real. I go through everyday as if I were just a spectator, as if this life is something that I’m not actually living, but simply observing from the first person. 

When I was young, I thought about all the possibilities, all the different things I could be when I grew up. I was hopeful. But as I grew up, as I began to understand more about the reality of the world, all those dreams and aspirations seemed less and less plausible and became more and more distant. I work as a janitor at Phiph Middle School three blocks down the street. It’s nothing flashy. Being a janitor is rather stigmatic by society’s standards. But it’s fitting. Think about it. It’s a job where you are secluded from human interaction and left every day observing the doings of other people. No one ever talks to their janitor. People know they exist, but have absolutely no interest in who they are. They’re just there to clean up everyday when classes are over. It’s the one thing in my life that shows that I have purpose, but I was too replaceable. Anyone could’ve done what I did. 

It’s kind of depressing to think that when coming to the end of my life, I feel so empty. Maybe I was never meant to be around people. I have nobody. I hate my job. I hate my parents for leaving  me alone in this world. I hate my life. I struggle to find a reason to continue. On the bright side, at least I have nothing to live for. No one is waiting for me tomorrow morning to have breakfast together. No one is expecting me to see my face in the morning. I have no responsibilities. I have no fear. No one will be hurt if I go. 

Farewell, 

Stewart 

Better Together - Benjamin Seing

Better Together

“Umm… this is awkward don’t you think? I mean class is over and the teacher has left. Should we be here? I mean, yeah, the school doesn’t lock up until eight tonight but doesn’t it seem too quiet?”

*deep sigh*

“Sure, I’ll talk now in here but I have to leave in about an hour. You said you wanted to ask me something important, so I guess it is better to get it over now than later, right?”

*pause*

“Hmm? What was that? What type of people do I hang out with? Well… I don’t have a certain group of people nor certain person to hang out with. I am able to pop in a group of gossiping people. Then there is the Asian Group where all food is good. I love Asian food. I am what I eat haha. A lot of people have trust in me. Do you not have a group to hang out with?”

*pause*

“Oh, I see. Well the thing is, you don’t need to be in a group to be popular. Like I said, I don’t have a certain group I hang out with. Just be the shadow and find out you think is going to be a great friend to you. Personally, I have been in depression for almost four years. People thought I was creepy and had no life in school. We are in high school now and there are people from all over the place. It’s not like there isn’t anyone that will be perfect and be with you all the time. I struggle with that same problem too.”

*pause*

“ I see… I’m sorry to hear that your friends abandoned you. I was also abandoned because my secret was spilled out a while ago. If you think I’m that popular, then you’re wrong. I treat people with kindness and respect so that I can receive the same back, but they all take advantage of me and think that it okay to take my life like their own personal pawn. Those people who keep smiling at me and those who seems like my friends who treats with respect are FAKE! Those smiles on their faces were just to show me that they are happy with my existence, but inside those eyes of their souls they don’t care if I was around or not.”

*short pause*

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you my secret. Well, hahaha it is not a secret anymore. Most people know already. I just don't want to see the same damn expression from another person! I had enough, honestly.”

*blank stare for a few seconds*

“No, I’m not lonely, I’m just more independent and the type of person who doesn’t stick to a certain group of friends. Tyler, I  don’t get noticed by people a lot. You by far this year are the only person who would talk to me and have a decent conversation with. I thank you for this moment.”

*pause*

“I have to go, I’m sorry to interrupt the conversation, but I have an urgent text about an issue at home! But we can pick this conversation up tomorrow if that is okay with you?”

*pause*

“Okay cool! I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then. “

*narrator pauses and looks back at character #2*

“Wait… I just had a thought… we are both in the same position, would you like to be my friend? We can always hangout whenever. We both have the same classes together and the same lunch periods. We can be our own independent group, am I right? You seem like a cool guy to be honest.”

*Pause*

“OKAY! Awesome! I’ll definitely look forward to our friendship! I promise you that you won’t regret this! Thank you for this talk! It put me out of my comfort zone and finally be able to talk to someone with a real conversation! Okay! See ya tomorrow and thank you again Tyler!”



The Struggles of Being Rich- Cynthia To

Why do I need someone to set me up with a blind date when I am fine being alone? Do I have to be in a relationship to take over the company? I am about to turn 27 and I don’t need people to tell me when I should get married. I should get to decide when I should get marry and who I want to get marry with.

(PAUSE)

I know it would be really great for the company and my family if I get married but I’m not ready for the big commitment and marrying someone that I don’t love. “This will help out the company by increasing the percentage rate and being known. This helps my family with the income inequality and to keep our class status too,” they say but I want to get marry but I am not really.

(Pause)

I can still take over the company even though I don’t want to get married right now. I helped the company increase by 0.2 percent. People in the company love working with me because I’m a hard worker and I get things done. Taking over the company takes a lot of hard work that I am willing to do. How does being married now affect me from taking over the family company?

(Pause)

All of my friends already taking over their family company and already married to the girls they love or their parents took them to get married to. Some of my friends aren’t happy with their wife’s and there’s nothing that they can do about it. People that are rich have a hard life finding love as it is already. They are forced to get married to the person that they dislike to help keep their class status and increase the income percentage. Sometimes when I hang out with my friends or with my coworkers, I always imagine what it’s like being married but not how my parents want me to get married. The girl that they want me to get married is Jimin. Her father is a chairman of a really successful company and her parents are also close to my parents because they use to go to Highschool together.

(PAUSE)

For my whole life, I only thought Jimin as a really close friend and nothing more than that. She’s three years younger than me. That’s weird!! Why would I date someone that is three years younger than me? She liked me since we were little. Everyone is telling me that, “It doesn’t matter about our age but the thing that matters is true love.” Why can’t I just live my life taking over the company and find my true love? Probably I don’t give her a chance is because I’m being forced and just think of her as a friend. I wish people will understand me and my feeling.

(Pause)

I should probably give Jimin a try and not be so harsh on her. I will probably love her later on and get to take over the company and make my family happy. She still loves me even though all I have been doing is be mean and crude to her. That has to mean something, right? I hope. In order to take over the company, I need to marry Jimin. It won’t be so bad since we are close friends, right? I want to make it right for my parents and for the company as well. I guess age doesn’t matter when you grow older and have money. I don’t know what the next step of my life is and I don’t know… can I really handle this commitment?

The Rejection of Family and Fortune

For my entire life, I have looked up to my father. I have wanted to be just like him, as every boy does. When my father died, though I was grief stricken, I was also eager to take over the family business.

Well, yesterday, I got to be just like my father, and I was shocked to learn that everything that I thought I knew throughout my entire life had been fabricated and sugarcoated. I realized that I had known nothing about who my father really was, what he had done, or even what the family business dealt with. I never knew that our customers’ lives were destroyed by our business. Our customers are weak and desperate, they rely on our products just to be somewhat content with life. When I went to observe the work of the dealers, I saw a woman stumbling towards us. She was twitching, she had black teeth, bloodshot eyes, and had deep wrinkles despite only looking like she was in her thirties. When she got to the line, she was begging to get ahead.  I couldn’t believe that my family business had been turning people into zombies for generations. I never knew that the products we traded led to mountains of dead bodies.  When I was on the job, I saw a member of the coast guard approach the ship I was on, to ask some questions. I was shocked when one of my employees shot him in the back. I watched as the blood drenched his uniform and he fell to the ground with a permanent look of surprise on his face. I thought about how this officer probably had a family, a wife, children, and parents that would never see him again. Many of our own people have lost their lives in the name of our company’s profit. Jorge Gonzales, one of my longest serving employees, and a friend of my father’s was shot dead yesterday. I doubt that I will ever recover from seeing the man whom I had known so well as a child riddled with bullets, and I realized in that moment that he had lost his life because of my company.

Many of you standing here listening to my speech have put your lives at risk trying to eliminate our business rivals. I ask all of you whether providing for your family is worth the risk of never being able to see them again.  I assure you that your family would rather have you in their lives than the money you earn. I don’t know what to think of my father anymore. Am I thankful for the fact that he raised me and inspired me throughout my childhood, or do I despise him for lying, sugarcoating, and fabricating the details of the family business? Now that I am a fully grown man and have seen what it is my father was actually doing to provide for my family. I have decided to leave the family business.


To my family, I know that all of you are disappointed in me. You think that I am disgracing the family by abandoning the long lived family business. Believe me, I thought long and hard about this decision, I stayed up all of last night thinking about what I observed on my first day. I was not eager to put an end to everything my father had started, or to dishonor the family name, but I decided that staying true to what I believe was more important. Though I’ve wanted to be a drug lord since I knew what jobs were, I realize now that all of my dreams, aspirations, and fantasies about my future were all lies.

Dreaming Through A Lense

Why does Dad always ask me that? Everyday, “When are you gonna get a real job?” Digital media is a real job. It takes a lot of work to write, record, and edit a film. What a surprise, right? Then he has the nerve to tell me to settle down and do something useful with my life. I have settled down and I am doing something, but he doesn’t care because it’s not what he wants.

Dad just wants me to do something that pays well so he can feel validated. He says he’s only looking out for me, but forcing me to do something that I don’t want to do won’t make me happy. I want to spend my time creating. Watching an idea blossom from just a storyboard to a full blown film is the best thing in the world. Then seeing it go on to be successful, it makes me feel like a proud parent. I wish I knew what that felt like, having a parent that supports you no matter what you decide to do.

My entire family has been hounding me about getting a good job for as long as I can remember. They never care about what I want, they just want me to make money. I know that it’s because they want me to be better off than they are, but I don’t know what to do. Maybe they’re right, I mean, it is really hard to find work in this field, but it’s worth it, right? I love photography and cinematography, but maybe it’s not the best choice.

Wait, what am I saying?! Of course it’s the right choice, it makes me happy. Plus I don’t want to be stuck in some office job doing the same things everyday. I want to have adventures, I want to travel and capture all the places I see. I went to college for this for christ sake. It’s been my dream to be a filmmaker since I was a little kid. I’ve been watching and analysing movies and videos since my childhood.

Does that mean I wasted my whole life? Did I spend all those hours, working on a skill that won’t lead me anywhere? Doing the same thing everyday is safer, filing papers, going to meetings all the time. There’s no way I could mess up, get lost, or get hurt. Is it worth it to be safe, but unhappy? I wanna make my family proud. I want to be the kid that grows up and makes tons of money, to be the one that can buy everybody expensive gifts for Christmas, that’s not really easy in a place like this where creativity doesn’t pay off. I guess I should do what my dad wants me to do.

That’s the thing though, it’s what Dad wants me to do, it’s not what I want to do. The only way to live life to the fullest is to actually live. I don’t want to be some robot sitting behind a desk all the time, I’ll go crazy! I don’t want to live in a world of black and white, I need to do something original. Do I want to make myself happy, or my family? Do I want to enjoy working, or do I want a guaranteed salary? I don’t know what to do.


International Love

What am I going to say? What am I going to do? How can I make them be by my side? I know them. They are my parents, right? So I’m supposed to know how they will respond. I should know that they won’t accept it. But, finally, if they don’t accept it they won’t be accepting me either, they won’t be accepting his son. Yes! I could say that! It’s a strong sentence. Let’s keep thinking… Hmmm… Could I tell them I love her? They should be able to understand that! No, that wouldn’t work. That’s upsetting. I’m sure they will say “you’re only teenagers, you don’t know what love is.” Are you kidding me? I know I love her! I want to spend the rest of my life with her! She is the most interesting, beautiful and clever person I’ve met before. That’s what attracted me the most the first time we’ve been together. That’s why I have to try it. I really want to see her, in real life again, not just on my phone or computer screen. Even if seeing her face makes me happy, it’s not like seeing her face to face. Here I go.

(Opens a door)

Mom, Dad, I have to tell you something. No, don’t worry, I’m okay. It’s just that I want you to know something. Before saying anything, I want you to hear me out and try not interrupting me, thanks. Well… Do you remember that time, when some students from another school came one month to my school? Well, I… I fell in love with one of them. Please, don’t interrupt me, mom, at least let me finish telling the story. We started seeing each other in their second week here. We’ve been dating for six months already, we talk at least twice a day, and do Skypes or FaceTimes  frequently for a check-in. It’s serious, mom. Well, I didn’t tell you anything because I knew you would think I was crazy and that you wouldn’t accept this relationship. Well, now it’s  March. I am already making plans for the summer, you kn... Let me finish, please. Just listen, you promised it! Well, I want to go to see her. Thanks mom, thanks dad, for treating like I was crazy. You are really tolerant. Thanks for saying we’re going to break up soon. That’s your wish, right? I am going to see her! We have been saving money since we started, to make this trip possible. I would be one week there. I already have the three-fourths of the money I need. She is going to pay for a hotel and I’m going to pay for the flight. You see? This isn’t a joke. I have never been so sure of anything in my life until I realized I really like her. Her family approved it, I don’t know why you do not. She doesn’t live that far. It’s just Spain! Europe is only across the ocean!

Please, trust me, accept her, and accept me. Accept my decision. Just why? You don’t understand anything! So why don’t you understand that I love her? She loves me and I love her, I know my feelings much better than you do! (long talk about the decision of the parents, which is obviously negative). Okay. No, I’m not angry, at all. (Ironic) I am ashamed of having parents who don’t care about the happiness of their son! I hate you! Forget me!


Johnson // No More Gummy Worms

Hey Sel- since when did you start smoking, you are in school! Give that to me, you airhead. What is wrong with you?

Okay, you are the loudest person on the face of this earth, and now you can’t talk? You don’t have anything to say to me right now? Well I have something I need to say to you.

I don't want you to take this in a good or bad way. I mean this is for the better...wait! I'm not saying you should improve yourself I jus- nevermind just listen to what I have to say. I met you in kindergarten, I was holding on to my mother’s leg and I refused to let go. You came over to me, took my hand, and placed a gummy worm in it. We were instantly best friends. Our friendship only grew stronger and you are always here for me, so I want to be here for you. I just don’t think that being with Connor is a great idea.

Hold on Selah, don’t walk away. Here, let me rephase a little bit.

I love you, but you and I both know you’ve changed. In the beginning of the school year you were completely different: you had all A’s and B’s, you were in soccer, we volunteered at the after-school program with the children, and you took care of yourself. Now turn around and look in the mirror, besides from the dirty splatters, lipstick stains, and gum from these horrid girls, do you see the same intelligent and sporty girl you once saw? I know I don’t.

Look at your eyes, they aren’t a bright and sparkly wonderland anymore, a land where everyone wanted to be, to make their lives happier and more adventurous. Your hair, it used to be in a dark brown curly bun, with an Under Armour headband to top it all off. Even your clothes, as you once were opinionated and didn’t care what anyone thought of your sporty and artsy style unless it was either your mother or I.

Right now, you are not that girl.. My best friend doesn’t treat me like this. She doesn’t bail on me just to hang out with her boyfriend at a party and do the unthinkable. She doesn’t take her family for granted by not answering their calls when they are worried about when she is going to come home. Your parents call me when you don’t answer. I used to have an answer to those questions, but now I don’t even know where you are when we are in school. Selah, you know your mother, and most importantly your father will do anything for you. Don’t you know I would want that more than anything? Don’t you see Selah? When you are hurting them, you are hurting me. I would switch my life with yours any day just to have a father who loves me as much as yours does.
Listen, you're my best and only friend. I want something to change, and I don't want to lose what I barely have. Please come with me and we can work on this together.
Okay, I’ll mark this date, as the day I lost everything in a visit to the girl’s bathroom. Bye Selah Marie Davis.

Insolvency and Ice-cream

Why has God forsaken me? What did I do in my past life to be treated in this way? Am I in hell? Please, God, if you’re listening, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t wave hello to stupid Ms. Jeckles. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up that most likely flea-infested dog. I don’t know what I’ve done but I’m sorry. It’s not fair, I’m a relatively good person, I should have money. (small pause) Maybe I should ask mom. Yeah. She should understand where I’m coming from. (pause) Then again, maybe not. She might get suspicious because I never call her. Ooh, I could probably text her. (pause) Maybe not, she’s always calling me disrespectful and if I text her asking for money then she will never shut up about it. (pause) In that case, then I’ll have to go meet her in person and that is way too much work. But that means that I have to call her and then she’ll probably yell at me over the ph–

(ring) Hello? (pause) Mom? (pause) What do you mean I have no emotion when I answer the phone, I have plenty of emotions. (pause) Yeah, yeah, okay, fine. Actually, it’s a good thing that you called because I have a question to ask. (pause) I swear on my life that it’s important. (pause) Can you lend me some money? (pause) Because you’re my mother and you’re supposed to pamper me. (pause) But moooooom, I’m too old to be getting up and running around like that! (pause) It doesn’t matter that I’m only twenty years old, my back says otherwise. (pause) What’s it for? (pause) Ice-cream sundaes.

(pause) Why are you yelling at me?! (pause) So what if I have money in the bank? That requires leaving the house and interacting with the nasty bank people. (pause) Mom, I barely have two pennies to rub together right now and Swanky Sundaes is really effing expensive! (pause) I do not have to act my age! (pause) Don’t “Lee, please” me, you’ve never gone through what I’m going through right now! (pause) Mom, you don’t understand. Listen, waiting in line for ice-cream sundaes is fun. Waiting in line at the bank isn’t. (pause) What kind of question is that? Of course I have to go to Swanky Sundaes, where else would I get high quality ice-cream sundaes? (pause) Ew, Pete’s only has like three flavors.

(long pause) Wait really? You’ll pay for it? (pause) That’s not fair! (pause) I have paid you back for the socks. (pause) They’re called scarves and I paid you back for those too. (pause) Maybe you’re just old and forgetful. (pause) Okay, that’s not fair at all, you never actually gave them to me once you got them. (pause) AUGH! I’m too ice-cream-deprived to deal with this, mom. Can’t you just buy me ice-cream and yell at me while I eat it? (pause) Why do you keep telling me no? (pause) You get Stephanie ice-cream literally all the time! (pause) Who cares if she’s fourteen and doesn’t have a job? I’m still your child too! (pause) Oh my GOD, why do you always do this? You’ve told me a million times, you should know by now that I am literally incapable of doing that. (pause)(quietly) Lord help me. (normally, exasperated) For the last time, stop telling me to act my age!