A Mother's Reflection

I do not understand. What did I do wrong as a mother, as a caretaker. The last thing I wanted Jada to do is follow in my foot steps. I remember when I first met DeAndre. I was 17 years old, he was 19 at the time. And we were walking down the street and he said “Imma make you my girl forever.” Me being  young and in total bliss believed him. A year later I got pregnant with my son Keshawn. I remember when I first told DeAndre, I was scared because I did not know how he would react. It was life changing. It was no longer us out anymore, it was us and the baby. I knew DeAndre was “selling” but thats how we made ends meet.

JADA ! JADA ! I know you hear me talking to you. Get ya ass down stairs.  What the hell is this . . .  a pregnancy test?!

Is this yours because I’m surely not popping out no baby ?

Are you pregnant Jada ? …

When did you take this? How long ago?

Well I’m waiting, you know what don’t answer. Take ya ass up the steps.

Another mouth to feed. Who the hell she think she is trying to bring life into the world.  Me & DeAndre were young and dumb back then. With Keshawn selling like his father, he’ll end up just like him. In jail or in  hearse.

[ Yells Jada’s Name ]

Come down here now we need to have a talk.

When did you miss you last period?

Two months ago ?!

You mean to tell me you are 2 months pregnant. When did you think you were going to tell me, before or after the baby was born. You know what I’m done yelling, explain how you got pregnant.

Well what is his name? And I do not want no damn nickname I want his government name. Oh Jordan huh, Jordan who ? Jordan Nelson? And who is he, and what is his occupation and who is his mother? He’s a senior and he traps. Dammit Jada I am  trying to get your brother to get out of that trap life and you trying to bring a child in it. I want you to do better than I did.

Why did I not notice all the signs. Her eating habits were crazy, one minute hot cheetos, then seafood and after that some icecream. I thought it was her on her grow spurt. The constant wanting to sleep the days and nights away. I knew that day when I got a call from school the nurse said she had “morning sickness”. I was in denial, in denial to the fact that my only daughter is a now a statistic like her mother. I wanted her to be better than me.   

I did not know she was even sexually active yet, she only 15. She should be focusing on those two D’s she has in English and World History. Always worried about someone else. “ Oh mom, can I this”, “Oh mom, can I that “, “Can I get this “, “can I have that.” All I hear is can I, can I , can I . Where is her appreciation, it was not easy raising two kids when I was 19. I was a baby having a baby and now she is too.

Jada have you decided on what you are going to do with this baby ? I will let you keep it on the conduction that you graduate school. I will take care of the baby while you are at school. But when you come home you will have to face reality. You are not in this on your own, but you will be responsible for your share in work. For this is a life lesson for you as well as others.

Oblivious Abandonment

“Why did he go? Usually when he throws you, Ball, he wants me to bring you back to him. Why did he go? Why did he go? Is he coming back? I know! He must have forgotten... I’ll go after him... and find him. I mean it must just be a big mistake, he wouldn’t just leave me here. Right. Right? Ok I will just try to find him. I will just walk down the road and, oh a car! It’s not his car... I will walk down the road in the direction he went. I should have ran after him right away instead of waiting for an hour because I didn’t understand what was happening. It’s okay though, I can still find him. Why am I still carrying you anyway? There is no point to carry you!

You are just weighing me down I am going to drop you. Good bye. (Now talking to self) where did owner... What’s that rustling in the bushes! its a squirrell! NO! No I have to find owner my life depends on it. (mumbling) Wait does my life actually depend on this do I actually need to find him? (Now loud) Yes! Yes I do, I mean what would I do without him? What would he do without me! Who would he go to the park with? Who would he rub while watching TV? Ooh another squirrel! I must catch it! I can bring it to owner to show him what a good boy I am. (Now talking to dead squirrel he is carrying) Owner will be so happy when he sees that I brought you to him, and He won’t be worried about where I am anymore. He will be so happy to see me! He must be worried sick right now!

Hmm. It’s getting dark I wonder how much farther it is squirrel. Do you think he is looking for me? I am getting kind of tired and hungry. Maybe I should stop, and sleep here for the night. I can keep looking for owner in the morning. No, I must keep looking. I have to be close now! (long pause) Where is he?!? I have been walking for hours. What... What if he didn’t want me to find him? What if it was his intention to get rid of me. I think he did! I think he wanted to get rid of me! What did I do? (sobs) I thought I was always a good dog. Was it, was it because I peed on the carpet yesterday? That wasn’t my fault! He didn’t let me out that morning. Where was I supposed to go? (sobs again) I’m really hungry now. I don’t need him, I can find a new owner! One who doesn’t come home late and one who doesn’t forget to feed me. I’m really hungry now. I think I’m just going to eat you, squirrel.

Push to the End

I have been playing football since I was little. My mama got me into playing football. Now that I think of it, football changed my life. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have football. Football turned me into who I am now. Going into high school, I made Varsity as a runner-back because that was the position I usually played. I made a lot of friends and I was popular. There wasn’t much to complain about. My dad wasn’t around for much of my life, so it was only me and my mama. Let me tell you about my mama -- she is a hard working lady, but even though she was busy she ain’t never miss one of my football games. She always supported me no matter what.

My team was down by 5 points and all we need was a touchdown. We only had 1 minute left in the game and we were on ‘Offense.’ Quarterback said he was going to throw it deep to anyone who was open. I told him “Quit, that bullshit, man, let me run it, I got this- just block.” He said “Okay.”  As I heard the ‘HIKE!’ I ran toward him and got the ball, I followed my teammates then ran off. I broke two tackles-got hit badly-but I caught my balance and then did my signature spin move to the left and ran to the endzone. While I was running to the goal, I felt like I was slowing down but I pushed through. After getting the touchdown, my chest was hurting and my lungs felt like they were about to collapse. I couldn't breathe. I pushed through the pain because I knew I was better than that. But man it felt good to win. Everyone cheered. That had to be my best game in the whole season. Coach told me that there were scouters in the stands watching me play and they said I had some talent. Coach said to me personally after the game, “You got some talent kid. You might be able to play pro-football.”

Yo, that was the best news I ever heard, man. I walked to the locker room to go shower and messed with some of the guys, making some jokes with them. I got to my locker and I fainted.

I woke up in a hospital room and then my mama came into the room screaming and kissing me. I told her, “Chill out ma, I’m fine.” The doctor came into the room and I asked him “What happen to me, Doc?”  He told me when I got hit the impact was really hard on my head and I got a really bad concussion and some brain trauma. Also he told me he found something else about me. He said I had a tumor between my heart and my lungs. I asked him if is there any way to remove it and he said no. I asked him, “Doc, can I still play in the championship game next week?” He said to me, “I wouldn't recommend it-- you could get seriously injured or die. You still can live your life. Your football career might be over.”

I turned to my mama and asked her, “Ma, what do you think I should do?” “You can have a future ahead of you or you can continue to play football. Just know that you might be giving up your life if you choose to play football.”

Do you know what it’s like to hear that your football career is over? I didn’t know what to do. Football makes me who I am. Because of the momentum-- without football, what would I be waking up for everyday? I look forward to waking up every day knowing that I will be out on that field strengthening and supporting my team. I don’t want to give up on my team just like that. I didn’t know what to do….

Jump or Stay

Adowa Mohamed

The Bridge

(Talks towards the sky standing on a bridge)Dear God,

I am at the point where I just wanna go, life isn’t the way I had expected. People are always  talking bout “Oh its okay, it'll get better. Just wait and see. But I’m done waiting. Done looking and see what the future might have in store for me. I wanna go and I wanna go now I don’t know what to do. I just hate my life and everything about it. I feel like the world’s better off without me. Im better of being dead, no one wants me around anyways.


You said you’d always be here for me... but you’re not. *Sigh* Would anyone even notice? Probably not. God, if you’re out there, I’m tired, tired of being used and hated. I don't belong here. I don’t belong anywhere. I just can't stop thinking about how better off peoples lives would be without me. I mean, no one would care. Where are they, huh? The people who said they’d always be there for me... well they’re not and probably never will be. Okay. Continuing with life just isn’t worth it anymore. People don’t want me. Especially Alexis. “shakes head” *sigh* Oh how that girl would always think she was better than anyone. Always pushing me around.

(Looks to either side)WHY DON’T YOU PUSH ME NOW, HUH? PUSH ME OFF THIS DUMB BRIDGE, MIGHT AS WELL, YOU COLD HEARTED, BITCH. Always making me feel unwanted like I didn’t get enough of that already at home. You lied just like everyone else in my life. Telling me you’d always be there for me, and leave when I need you the most. You were my only friend, my best friend, and I trusted you.

(Turns back to God) God, I told that girl all my secrets and she turned them, every single last one of them into a joke. Said things like, “Ha Thats why yo daddy ain’t love you nor yo mama and left y’all in that house to die.” God, where is daddy.

You left me with mom and told me you’d be back. Told me you needed time alone. I don’t know why I believed you. You lied to me just like the rest of you people. How could you just walk out my life like that. *Sobs*

God, I give up.  (takes a step closer) I can’t .. I just cant. If I leave mom on her own what will she have then. I can’t treat her like these people have to me. She needs me. I just gotta stay strong, hold on the the good. God. But it's just so hard. *slowly begins to cry* Maybe some day I’ll figure out what I’m doing (sigh). But for now I know I can’t. Mom needs me just like I needed Dad. (gets off the bridge and sadly walks home alone kicking a rock.)

Sleepless in Philadelphia

I guess I should start out by saying what this is (holds up book) ,Its the book I wrote. I finally finished it, it was put out in a few bookstores yesterday. Now before you crack the spin and turn to the first page you should know that it’s about relationships, Specifically one of mine. Now hold up a second before you start judging me ok with your looks of disappointment and disapproval, you should know that yeah I made a stupid choice but I have learned and lots of growing and maturing came out of it. Alright so how about I read you a couple pages, now you can crack it open and follow along.  

Page 5 chapter one “ when sally met harry“:  “Ever since I was little I always dreamed that one day I would mean that so called special certain someone. I would stay up late watching movies like while you were sleeping, Big, pretty woman, love and basketball, brown sugar, and when harry met sally. All those silly romantic comedies that give you the wrong idea of love.”

Ok stop reading for a moment please, I just want to let you know in advance that I really took these movies to heart, I truly believed that in order to be happy this must happen. Hey don’t look at me like that, we all know that you have watched at least one romantic comedy within your lifetime, and you what the hell are you laughing at we both know that when you are crushing you sit in your room and think of different stupid scenarios of how you two would fall in love. All of you need to stop looking so smug.

Anyway as I was saying ( opens book and begins to read aloud ) ” I would constantly find myself daydreaming about when I would meet this dream guy whether it was across the room at a crowded party or he would help me pick up the christmas gifts I had dropped on the train. Of course this never actually happened and I didn’t really have a crush till middle school when everything changed. He was in the class above me his name was Isaiah. He had eyes that were more beautiful and darker than the night sky and a smile carved from angels. My main priority wasn’t school work anymore it was getting him to notice me. I started to wear less tomboy clothes and more womanly wear, and started putting my hair in a bun. It wasn’t working until my last year …. the 8th grade. I had invited him to go to a poetry slam with me, that day I spent the whole time before the slam getting ready. I put my hair in a high ponytail and wore a dress, and I even put on some eyeliner.” (Stops reading and flips through the book) sorry i’m just skipping around a bit I want to get to the juicy stuff, I mean I can’t spend all day  reading this…. I have a book talk at the coffee shop down the street ( smiles widely).

Oh wait here it is page 9 chapter 1 “when sally met harry”:  While we were at the slam he said he was hungry so we walked to dunkin donuts .... pretty romantic right. On the way back we stopped at bench and sat. He put his arm around me, I couldn’t believe it the guy of my dreams was touching me my heart was beating so fast I was scared he might hear it. Then it happened he leaned in and kissed me I thought I was going to puke I was so happy nervous and stressed about what was happening. So many thoughts raced through my head. This is perfect the guy of my dreams is kissing me in front of a dark beautiful city night sky line,  Im basically sandra bullock . After that night I knew I would never be the same, it was my first kiss and it was with my so called guy of my dreams.” (closes book) ok since I know all y'all are gonna say “it’s just a kiss like calm down”. You need to understand just how hot he was like you really don’t understand. The boy I liked for mad long kissed me….. a kodak moment I think yes.

So we are going to speed ahead to the next week. Page 20 chapter 2 “while you weren't sleeping. ”:   “A week after the night of my dreams he texted me saying it wouldn’t work between us. I was devastated I had never experienced a ( does the quote fingers ) “ heart break” before, and if I am being honest.... It hurt like a bitch. I cried for what seemed like weeks till he texted me saying he wanted to hangout.” Let me just stop to say now I see how stupid of me it was not to ignore him after he hurt me the first time, but I just couldn't I had convinced myself that I wasn't happy without him. back to reading: “ Half of my summer we spent together and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. Once again I felt like puking, mostly because I get stress pukes a lot. I threw up in my mouth then ran quickly to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up and turned to look in mirror. “listen dude this is the best thing that has ever happened to you, don’t mess it up” I said to my reflection.  Everything in my life was perfect I felt like the happiest girl alive until… he dumped me.” I think you should know upfront that It wasn’t a normal break up. It was the type of break up you know… where he dumps you for a girl with the same first half of your name...hasn’t that ever happened to you?

Anyway reading on: “The rest of that summer was hell, I had a hard time getting up in the mornings at that time. I honestly didn’t feel any reason to try anymore. I was depressed and ill.” ( closes book ) now before you be a jerk just listen to the next section I read. (opens book and starts to read) “Then one day woke up and realized that I really needed to get over it, I needed to stop be selfish and get back up on my feet.  I needed to accept the fact that sometimes yeah life will knock you down but you still need to get up. So to keep myself busy I wrote, I started to write. I wrote about everything around me. I would write down everything I did. I was doing great for the first time in weeks I was actually happier than when we kissed that night. “ So I am not just going to read two more chapters, I can’t be late today.

(opens book) Page 40 chapter 4 “pretty man”  “After that I did something I am not proud of, I said yes to going out with I guy that I had no feelings for what so ever. There was no excuse for messing with another person's emotions just to help my own selfish ones. I got two letters in the mail sent from a rehab center, they were from Taye. They said that he was sorry and how much he missed me, he said something he knew would make me fall back into his arms again he said “ I have changed”. I can’t believe how stupid I was to fall for his bullshit, he was a complete asshole he knew I was in a relationship. How dare he try to win me back knowing that , It was selfish and unfair. So I ignored him and never responded.”

( looks up ) So here is the last bit. Page 100 chapter 15 “ Small “: “ Later I found out that he had a new girlfriend. I don’t know why but this crushed me I was scared that I had given up on the one chance I had at getting my dream guy. In my polluted mind he had been perfect and I was the one that was wrong and mean. I was a messed up for a long time until one day while I was listening to M.I.A it hit me. If it was really that bad then I should let other people know so they don’t make the same stupid mistake I did so i got up and got my life back. Thank you I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes and I love you.” (shuts book)

Well that’s it I hoped you like it. So now you all know and can go buy your book to have it for yourself. You are going to buy it right, What…. I knew I shouldn’t have read my book aloud I basically gave it away for free. I have to go now to talk about my book to some real buyers not just sponges. see ya in a few hours (smiles).

A City Speaks.

City- synonym for cesspool.

These are my people and their stories,

Stories I helped them write.

A Truth.

They own nothing.

They want everything.

No one knows who we really are.

They don’t have pretty plastic dreams manufactured by their parents.

Searching for love, but then turning to drugs.

A Romance.

Empty Lots full of booze cans and empty prescription bottles.

No pretty green fields filled with roses and marigolds.

Makeout sessions that come in the flavors of Cigarettes and Jack Daniels

Going further than that one sweet suburbanite kiss on the Gymnasium dance floor.

Prowling the malls for free chinese food samples.

No home cooked family meals with Mom and Dad meeting the boyfriend.

A Prince.

Drive thru drug deals at Johnny Rockets.

Buying diapers with coke money.

Coping jars of baby food from K-Mart after school.

All for the baby, the mistake.

The one she helped him make.

Because city thugs dont use condoms- 13 or otherwise.

A Princess.

Three story house instead of a castle.

Two angry cats instead of friendly birds and deer.

No evil stepmother, No dead father, No siblings.

Instead of sudsy water filled pails, There is a red Pep-Boys bucket full of empty Pall Mall packs.

A Break Up.

Broken pieces of glass showering across the asphalt.

Like pretty pink cherry blossom petals.

But RED.

He cheated, so she swung,

no death...just 17 stitches and a nasty scar.

Let us be true here my friends, I do not turn out all evil.

I was built- and named after mind you- Brotherly Love.

I am not as bad as congress and politics would like you to believe.

A City Couple.

Walking in love park

A white sun dress for her and a black polo for him

strolling along.

The sit at the fountain, and he pulls out the ring.

Two hours later they are standing in line at city hall.

Four other couples as their witnesses.

No family for miles.

City Newlyweds.

No money for a honeymoon,

but enough time off at work for a five day weekend,

cooking and cleaning together.

Sitting and watching American Horror Story.

Living the life.

A City Mother.

She worries, the stress of work weighing down on her.

Can’t lose the baby.

After he is born she knows-

she will love and protect him.

A City Father.

He worries about her, and the little one.

While she was in labor he almost passed out.

It was so unsanitary.

But know he knows...

He will love and protect them.

The Babies,

One Tiny and clean and full of potential.

One born of lies and infidelity, still full of potential

Then I have to decide, I have a choice to make.

Will I ruin them, or will I build him up to all they can be?

In a way I am the most human city there is, with my possessiveness,

and indecisiveness. With my whimsical ways and last minute decisions.

This my fellow nations, cities, and towns is what I ask you.

What will we decide with our citizens?

Will we be saviuors, or the shepherds of the Damned?


Felix d’Hermillon

English Monologue

What happened? *Try to lift up hands but they are handcuffed to the bed.

Where am I? I think I’m in a hospital. I have no idea who I am and I don’t know how I got here. I’m looking around the room. There’s a tray to the left of his bed which has bloody knives. Tries to sit up

Ugh, my leg.

There’s a nurse. Hey! Where am I? What’s my name?

Hospital? What hospital?...What do you mean, John doe?

Why am I handcuffed to the bed?

The Police?! Lifts knees up to his face while obviously fighting through pain.

What happened to me, what’s wrong with me? Why am I here?  He yells with his face still in his knees. No response.

He is so frightened he passes out.

Unngh... Wakes up in throbbing pain. Grunting faintly. Lifts his head slightly to see if anybody is there.

Ugh… His leg is completely slashed. He starts screaming and panicking.


He realizes he’s not able to walk on it and he starts panicking. There is blood dripping down his leg.

Hello?!?! Yelling frantically.  

What’s that on the floor? Blood? From what? Looks down at hands, the handcuffs are gone. The handcuffs are sitting in the puddle of blood.

What the… Moaning? Recognizes that the moaning is not far from here.

Hello? Is anybody there. No response.

Hello!!! Still no response.

Where is everybody? Yelling furiously.

“God, please help me out here.” Tears filling his eyes

What happened here? What am I supposed to do?!”

Takes a deep breath and is in shock.

Amber! Oh No please no, let her be ok!

Amber was there. I have to get back to her. Oh no. Whimpering. No don’t let anything happen to my baby girl. Don’t let anything happen to me! She has nobody else to go to.

Stay strong John, you have to stay strong John! You have to get back to Amber!

A cell phone rings next to his bed, how could he have missed that.

How did I miss that? He yells in anger, furious with himself. He pauses, not sure wether he should answer it. He answer’s it after 4 rings.

Hello? he answers.

I need help. Please I don’t know where I... he gets cut off.

Tell me this is some sort of sick joke. He replies with a crack in his voice.

How long until the poison kicks in...? 15 minutes? cracking voice.

No, No, No!!! You let her go you sick bastard!!! He bends over and starts sobbing.


Katie Katie let’s play tag!

Okay Jane. You’re it!

Nooo! I’ll get ya! Oh! Tag! You’re it!

Not for long!

Heeheehee! Oh Katie you made me fall! *giggling*

I didn’t mean too Jane. You know I would never hurt you.

I know Katie, it’s okay, my tushy is just a little ow-y. *giggles* Do you want to play again?

Well I think our parents are worried.

Well I’m okay. It’s okay. Do you want to do tea party instead? We can go in the treehouse!

See them? In the kitchen window?

I’ll go get the tea cups!

Mommy and daddy are looking at us funny.

I’ll get the pink cups, they’re in the sandbox.

Look at them.

It’s okay Katie! I’m just playing in the yard!

I don’t think they understand, Jane.

We were just playing! I’m not hurt or anything!

But who were you playing tag with Jane? Who are the tea cups for?

C’mon Katie. It’s tea time. Tea for two!

Look at our parent’s Jane. They don’t know who I am. They don’t know us at all.

I don’t think so Katie. Are you-are you sure? They do look a little sad...
They’re stupid grown-ups. They don’t care about us Jane. We’re just another thing to worry about.

No no no. Mommy and daddy are nice! They love me very much. Maybe they feel left out! Maybe they want tea!

You know that isn’t true. You just don’t want to know.

No no no they are nice! I know they’re nice!

Then why are mommy and daddy looking at us funny? Why do they never play with us? They never want to have a tea party, or play tag, or hide and seek. You hear them talking at night sometimes. You know they don’t think I’m here.

But.. but you’re my best friend Katie.

Yes Jane. I am your only friend. I am always here for you. Is mommy here for you? Is daddy here for you? Look. Now they’re not even at the window anymore.

Why.. where did my mommy and daddy go?

They left the house. They’re talking about how messed up you are. They’re finding you a new mommy and daddy. They left you. All alone Jane. You’re always all alone.

But I’m with you.

Mommy and daddy don’t think so.

No.. Katie.. I like my mommy and daddy.

No, you don’t. We hate them. They never loved us.

No no no! Go away Katie! Mommy and daddy were right! You are bad. Bad bad bad. *covers ears*

Your mommy is wrong Jane.


Your daddy is wrong.

No.. be quiet.. no..

They live in a stupid grown-up world with stupid grown-up thoughts.


Do you remember this morning? When daddy hit you and called you stupid when you told her about me?

I don’t remember that Katie… that.. that didn’t happen… daddy would never do that.. daddy loves me..

Remember last week Jane? When mommy yelled at you for singing me to sleep after bedtime?

No no no… I... Mommy never yells.. she couldn’t..

They don’t love you Jane. They don’t love us. Do you want to live with people like that?

No.. I… Katie..

Show them what I mean to you.

I don’t want to do that! I told you! I told you! No!

Find mommy’s new kitty. The one she always feeds before she makes us breakfast. The one that always gets brushed before our hair is brushed. The one mommy always says I love you to.

No. Not the kitty. No no no.

Do you like her more than me Jane?

No.. I mean… no-Katie I can’t do that!

Of course you can do it Jane. I’m here, I’ll help you. Just take one step forward.

No! No no no. I can’t I can’t I can’t. The kitty never hurt me, mommy and daddy never hurt me.. it’s-it’s not right.

Everyone is hurting us. No one see us. No one hears us. This will make them understand. You’ll see.. you’ll see.


Just get up Jane. Off the ground. All you need to do it walk -




Just go.

AHHHHHH! Mommy?! Daddy!?


Help! Help… *Jane starts to sob*


*Jane curls up on the ground and cries until found by her parents*

Everything will be okay Katie.

Everything will be okay Jane.

Graduation Day...Or Not

Today is my graduation day and my parents are very excited. The only problem is I’m not graduating this semester. This is my seventh year in college and I have not completed my bachelors degree yet. Furthermore, I have not told my parents the bad news yet. What am I going to do? I must tell my parents that I am not going to graduate this semester. 

I call my mom on my cell phone but there is no answer, then I try to call my dad, still no answer. Wait. They must be flying to Ohio, not driving from Wyoming. I get out of bed and brush my teeth, then take a shower. As I put my watch on I remember that I am suppose to pick my parents up from the Port Columbus International Airport at 11:15 AM. I grab my keys and head towards the door, then I remember that I told my friend Sam Lowe that I wanted to study with him for our finance exam at 5:00 PM. I don’t know if I should go study with Sam or if I should go pick up my parents from the airport.  

Before I do anything, I have to get something to eat. I walk to the dining hall. Should I grab a breakfast sandwich or should I just get a donut? I’ll get the donut. I pay for the donut at the cash register and walk out of the dining hall. I walk back to my dorm room and sit down on my bed and look at the ceiling. Then I said to myself, “you just need to tell your parents what’s really going on and see what they think you should do.” At 12:15 pm I hear a knock at my dorm room door and when I opened the door, my parents were standing on the other side of the door and my mom says to me, “hello Brad White.” I invite my parents inside my dorm room and ask them how their flight was from Wyoming. They both said fine, and they asked me how school was going. I said, “hey where is my friend Sam?” They said he went to go park his car and said he would be right up. I stare at my parents knowing what they are waiting for me to say and then Sam walks in. 

Sam looks at me and says, “what’s up dude”. I look back at him and say, “what are you doing in my dorm room and why are you here?” Sam said, “I’m not going to miss the biggest day of your life.” I stare at Sam and think to myself, does he not know that I am not graduating today? I look down at the ground and think about how I can say this in a way that my parents will understand that I am trying to get a college degree. My mom says to me, “what is it?” I tell her that I am thinking about how long it has taken me to get this degree and all of the memories I have at this college throughout all of these years. My dad says to me do you just want us to meet you at the graduation and we can talk there?

“No!” I scream. I have to tell you all something. I’m not graduating today and my dad says, “what do you mean?” I said,  “I mean I am not going to graduate today.” My mom sits down on the couch and just takes a deep breath. I tell my friend Sam to give me a moment with my parents and I’ll talk to him later. My dad asks me, “how long have you known that you were not going to graduate today?” I say to him, “I have known since the beginning of the semester and I wanted to tell you sooner dad but I needed to tell you in person face to face.” I look my mom and dad in the eye, and say that I am going to transfer to Western Wyoming Community College and leave Ohio State University. My dad looks at me and says, “are you sure” and I look at him and say, “yes I’m sure dad.” I tell my dad, “that I will come back home to Wyoming in the next week and that I will move back home with him and my mom.” My dad gives me a handshake and my mom gives me a hug and they walk out of dorm my room.          


Cuz Snoe

Cuz Snoe

(In Imanis bedroom, talking on the phone to her best friend Jamie)

“Hey, I ain’t even hear my phone, I was busy with the boo! I just got home I’m in mah bedroom”

“What...What you have to tell me”

(she laughs)

“Whats the big deal, like?”

“Okay, I am calm! Just tell me now.”

“What! Oh snoe! I don’t believe you!”

“No, he would neva”

“David would neva cheat! He in love with me”

“No, girl, you don’t know ‘bout him. Hes always tryna get at me. Like you don’t understand. He really want me. For you to tell me that he been sneaking around with some other girl is wrong. You’re lying to me. You know you are.”

“Yes you are! I don’t get you, like. Why are you doin’ all this. Like for what? LIke who are you! You don’t make any type of sense right now.”

“Yes, I remember that obviously. That was forever ago. You ain’t even know what you be talkin’ about sometimes. we was barely going together. That was barely even the start though. I was only thinkin’ ‘bout cheatin on him, I didn’t actually do it! You ain’t about to hold all that against me! Thats the past. I ain’t even worrying about that no more. Foreal though, I ain’t even care about him. He care about me!”

“Well, thank you I guess...I mean I ain’t even know if you tellin me the truth. I’ll just stop talkin’ to him anyways, like. I don’t care. I just don’t understand why he would do something so stupid like this! ”

“Its true, I don’t! Alright let me go so that I can talk to him”

(They hang up their phones, Imani throws it, and then begins to cry)

“I can’t believe this! Like how he gonna cheat on me! when I be so nice to him all the time! Why doe. I love him like he is my world. I would do anything for him. Why is it that I am beautiful and boys always do me wrong. Is it because I intimidate them? I’ve tried so hard to keep these guys, and I never can. What am I doing wrong! Please, somebody just help me, I can’t do this no more. I can’t stay with him now! He just gon’ do me wrong again and again! There gotta be a better guy out there for me. Let me call him right now. Psh, he gon’ try to explain himself, but no.”

(Picks up phone, and begins to dial)

Hey Mom

I’m half in love with death. The other half, I’m partially in love with the life. Or maybe I’m in love with the idea of life, I don’t really know. I’m bad at decisions, aren’t I? I can’t even decide why I feel the need to die. But, I’m in front of a jury right now, right? I’m always, constantly, in front of a jury of eyes that don’t even know they are judging me. Friends and family who naturally avoid me, as if touching me might result in catching the suicidal. I leave the hypothetical jury wondering, questioning, because maybe my death isn’t justified enough. If I squeeze my eyes shut hard enough and look back into this mirror, this bathroom doubling as a courtroom behind me will disappear. Because seriously, who wants to die in a freaking bathroom? (sigh) Maybe I’m just a I’m my mother’s kid. I always have been, always will be. It’s not like going to college magically makes you grow up, I learned that the hard way.

In college, there is no grey area, it’s pass or fail. Do something with your life or, ya know, live on ramen noodles for the rest of your pitiful existence. I always expected to fall into the latter. Is that why I can’t make decisions? Because decisions might rock the boat of my future and I’m not trying to do anything unexpected. Wake up, take my medication, go to school, come home, take my medication, eat a microwave dinner, take more medication, sleep, and repeat. I can’t afford to make something of myself. Not with these shaky hands and uneasy eyes, I might accidentally break something.

This one time, I dropped a test tube in bio lab. My professor had a temper, which we all knew, but, but I made a mistake. I dropped the test tube. Following the smash was a yell, and then a scream, and and then a shriek and I just stood there, right? I just stood there and took it because, because otherwise, I’d be doing something unexpected. People with anxiety don’t yell back so I stood there. I did what any depressed, anxious, bipolar person would do. Stand there. And take it.

I told her about the test tube. She asked what I did in response and I said nothing. No, no I didn’t say nothing, I told her that I said nothing in response to my professor. She told me it’s time I get over the idea of being ill, that I can fix this if I put my mind to it. I nodded sensely, and did what any depressed, anxious, bipolar person would do. I stood there. and took it.

You have any advice? I mean, you aren’t exactly the shining example of survival. But still, Mom, been there done that, ya know? So whatdaya say? How did you make it for 35 years. What did you say when people called you dramatic and when Dad said, (In impression of man’s voice) “It’s about time you get over this nonsense.” (laughs uncomfortable) Huh Mom?

(Sits silently for a second. Mood goes from uncomfortably, maniacal to desperate.)

Come on, Mom, I’m your daughter you can’t just sit there and watch this. This is your fault anyway! I got my screwy genes from you.  I don’t want to go yet, but I seems like my only option. Even from death, you’re pulling my sanity down a drain and just begging me to join you. Wherever you are. Because you’re not here. You never were here, in life or afterlife, you always hovered on the outskirts of shadows acting as if you hadn’t began a life that you had to finish.

Then you left. You didn’t finish what you started and quit mid race. You let me and Dad down. He’s the one I should be talking to right now. He’s the one who didn’t bail halfway through like you so no, Mom, I don’t want your damn genetics. And I sure as hell refuse to turn into you. Maybe I can vomit up your genes along with these pills.


(Sitting in the center of the bedroom, around miscellaneous belongings and other unfamiliar things; looking open and vulnerable like a human. This is, essentially, a personified version of a suitcase.)

Your mother will miss you when you’re gone; you can hold me when you’re homesick. Your ex lover would have forgotten about you; you can punch me with memories and worn souls until my back is as black and blue as yours. I will hold your tears, I don’t mind. I will fold your clothes into love letters and apologies.

(Take the belongings scattered around the bedroom)

When your father calls and asks if you still have the ring grandmother gave you, I will have it safe and sound. I will keep with me all the picture frames you don’t want to look at. When the hotel room is scattered with ancestry and diary entries, you may fill me up with all you have. You’re the last thing that keeps me from being a casket. Drag me along the dirt, suffocate me in the trunk of 8AM Taxi, smear my face with guilt, with mourning, with running away, with running home, and kiss me goodnight when the plane departs. Leave me, lose me, find me, rip me apart and put me back together; do to me what everyone else has done to you. They’ve gone away now; the keepsakes you’ve tucked behind my throat are all you have.

(sitting on the floor of the bedroom, staring up.)

I am a detached umbilical cord shaped like flags I’m not supposed to hold and I do not want by body to be an atlas anymore. I bear burdens that look like mountaintops of countries and passports plastered on my chest like crucifix. I will marinate every remnant from your lineage with the scent of lost land. I am a prostitute to native country, and a nomad of culture without pulse. Whenever I see the faces of heritage, I cannot help but take what I can; I want to learn about how your body speaks, and how your tongue moves. I want to know what it’s like to sit at a dinner table. I want to know what it’s like to be surrounded by faces that look just like mine, I want to know what it’s like to come home.

I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and all I could see were tally marks. I counted every time I had killed myself and took along another life to a destination I could not remember. I stood tired, I felt bones, I tasted like empty room. There is nothing more that a world could give if you have already taken everything that it can show. There is nothing more that a body could give if you never get a chance to own it. I put a price tag on the tip of my ear and crawled into a plastic bag. I do not need to be an atlas if all I have left to be is a closet. So long, bon voyage, do not wake me when the plane lands.

(Close when your job is done)

What Should I Do?

*Phone rings:Girlfriend calling*

*Jermaine picks up phone, and sits back down*

“God, what am I going to do? Please help me......”

*Phone rings:Big Brother calling*

*Jermaine answers call*

“H-hee-hey, Bruh...Watchu mean why I sound so nervous?...Why you still up anyway?...I’m not avoiding the question...It’s kinda late to be talking about it, man. Moms sleep and Ion wanna wake her...Well..Okay, so to be honest bro, I gotta huge situation going on...You remember my girlfriend, Leah?...Yea her, well uhm so I made a huge mistake...You know the crazy jawn round the corner?...So me and Leah was you know fighting and shit  and I uh-...uhm I uh-..sorta cheated on her with the jawn...Yeah I fucked up, but that’s not even it....She pregnant.

That bitch lied and said she was on the pill...and my dumb ass did the worst thing...Yup, I went in raw...*Looks at phone and other line rings:It’s Leah* I keep ignoring Leah’s calls and I know she snappin’....I want to tell her, but I have another plan...Ima try and get the jawn to get rid of it, she’s only a couple weeks and I can’t afford to lose my scholarship...You know that, and I love my girlfriend...I know I shouldn't have cheated, you don’t have to rub it in...Not to mention how mom would kill me if she found out. I’m not ready for no child...I know man, you’re right, but I’m going to college and play football on my scholarship....ARE YOU CRAZY? I’M NOT DROPPING SHIT FOR THAT BITCH !...That baby probably not even mine*laughs*...I know this aint funny...I didn’t even tell you that the jawn is Shemekia...Yeah, that’s the jawn that cut that boul...what’s his name?..Yeah, but I think she tryna trap me, bro*puts head down*...Mom said that all these hoes want is a dolla’...I know I shudda known, but it was good at the moment...And you know I’m not tryna be like him*starts crying*

He’s the worst. I would never leave my child, but...I HATE HIM!..Damn, man. Ima wake moms up yelling, dawg...I don’t understand how Dad could do that. I swear he ain’t shit...How he gone leave moms for that ratchet philly bitch?! She knew he was married...Man, these philly jawns be outta hand, no wonder why niggas treat them the way they do...what you think I should do?...You think I should talk to the jawn? Or nah?*wipes face*...Ion know man, I’m really thinkin’ bout this abortion*shakes head*...I know it’s the wrong thing to do, but I love my girl, and I’m not tryna miss out on this opportunity to this college...I should have thought about this before I even...Yeah I know, but...Ya right, Ima just think bout it and Im-*Girlfriend calling*Listen Bro, Ima call you back. My girlfriend calling...Yeah, Ima just be honest wit’ ‘er.*Hangs Up* *Answers Call* Wassup babe, I think we need to talk...

One Hundred Dollars

Ameer Forte            One Hundred Dollars

One hundred bucks is crazy money in my book, and on this very day last summer my mom had gave me a one hundred dollar bill for my 8th grade graduation. I’m in tenth grade now but I still remember doing everything with that dollar. It felt like I had that thing for forever too, I mean like I said I did everything with it, took it camping, to the beach, to the pool, to the park. This all of course was stupid, my mom did always tell me “keep it home Ameer, thats a lot of money.”

Yeah yeah I know it was a lot of money, but what good was one hundred bucks if I just had to leave it home all the time. I mean i’m not an idiot, I knew better than to go around showing it off like some 1st place trophy, I just wanted to, you know hold it in my wallet and feel that rich feeling of “I got one hundred dollars in my pocket”. So, over the summer I had taken it everywhere, to work, to the park, to grandma’s, I figured I had nothing to worry about except if someone would’ve mugged me or something but I had that covered. Every day I carried a three inch pocket blade in my sock and I swore if anyone stepped to me funny they would have a three inch deep slit in there eyeball. Fortunately that was never necessary, but when school started back up I became a paranoid animal.

I remember the first day of Highschool like it was yesterday. My best friend Tony, who had knew about the hundred dollars when I got it, met me at my house. School was like a block or two away so we just walked that day. I remember him saying something like, “Yo dogg it’s the first day of highschool. Ya mean playa, this day decides who's who and what's what, is you hype or naw.” And in my mind I’m just wondering why he sounds like a popular rap song from 2002. No I wasn’t hype, I was more anxious than anything. Plus there was a lot going through my mind that morning, like which pocket would be the safest to hold my wallet that was definitely more important to me than the stupid first day of school. I responded anyway though.

“No, I’m not hype. Why should I be it’s just the first day of school, and stop talking like that, you sound like Snoop Dogg.” After I said that he just talked even weirder to get on my nerves, I just remember ignoring him until he asked,

“Yo, you heard that?” I hadn’t heard anything except his big mouth that whole walk so I don’t know how he thought I could’ve heard anything else. I asked him what he was talking about, instinctively checked my back left pocket to see if my wallet was still there and, it wasn’t.

“Shit. Are you kidding me! Yo dude did you see a little black wallet anywhere around here while we been walking?”

“Nah man, don’t tell me you dropped it.”

Yup I had dropped it, and boy was I pissed. I texted my mom telling her I lost my wallet and she gave me the normal that’s what you get, I’m very disappointed crap. Whatever, I had just lost one hundred bucks I didn’t freakin’ care how disappointed she was. I just went to school mad. I went to class mad. I ate lunch mad, I even remember punching this short stubby fat kid with no shoulders in the mouth because he wouldn’t stop saying “Hotdogs”. And man do I feel bad about that, but were all good now I think I eventually bought him a hotdog or something. My mom had to come me up from school but didn’t seem all that upset during the ride I guess it was because she had an excuse to leave work early but that didn’t stop her from putting me on a three month punishment when we got home. So I sat there in my room just staring at the walls and I spotted a little green strip with 100 on the corners and I’m pretty sure the last thing I said that day was, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”.  

Maybe if I was Prettier- Greta Haskell

Maybe if I was Prettier

Greta Haskell

*Laying on bed writing in journal*

Have you ever felt like you just want to give up? Thats how I feel 95% of the time. Sometimes I feel like I'm just there. I'm not living I'm just there observing everyone else. I feel weightless, I'm like a cloud, and I’m floating above everyone and I’m looking down at everyone else. I can see them and they can see me but I can't communicate with them. I'm a totally different species than them. And sometimes I can change, I turn into fog, and I'm still a cloud but i'm a little more blurry and not totally myself. But I'm close to the ground and I can almost reach out and talk to the people but all the sudden I lift and go back to my status as a cloud.

If I'm like this, and no one else sees me, why am I here in the first place? I ask myself that a lot. I don't work in school because I've given up. Sometimes I take some of my moms sleeping pills before I go to school. Shes always hungover in the morning so she doesn't notice. I just sleep through the day and no one even bothers me. Sometimes when I'm home and i'm alone or mom is too drunk to pay attention to me.

*Looks at picture of ex-boyfriend*

How come you left me? You were making me better, and all the sudden you found someone else. I'm sure you're much happier now. You found a prettier girl, a skinnier girl, a funnier girl. You didn't need me anymore, so you just left me. Now I'm more miserable than before. Maybe if I get skinnier, and wear more makeup, and be more sociable, then maybe you’ll like me again.

But now I feel like I'm stuck. I'm in this in between. This feels like something out of a movie, how could this be happening to me? I feel like I'm dreaming and just sitting idly by but I know this is happening. I know this is real life and I can't stop it. You chose Emily over me. She blonde and skinny and tall so know i know what you really want.

I stopped eating. So that you would like me again. But you hardly seem to notice me. You don't notice that you're the only person I smile at at school. You don't know that I talk to you every night, wishing you would just come back. But you don't notice because that pretty bitch is always stuck to your hip. If you don't love me I know no one else does. I might as well just hide for the rest of my life because I know I’m worthless. Nothing I could ever do will make you want to come back to me. And I’ve known that all along, but I can't let go to you. The oxygen that once filled my lungs.

Redemption in the Verse

[Dog barks loudly. Annie gets up from bed and walks passed the calendar and glances.It’s late at night.]

God, I miss him. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year already. I don’t know if I can stand it anymore without him. I needed him. I need him. He… We needed each other. He was my other half. My other half who got ripped to shreds by that drunk… [opens door for dog to go outside] fucker who threw his car off the road. No one cared. He had no family. They threw his death to the wind. But not me. I remember. I remember every. single. day. and every waking moment I think about that god damn man and how much I loved him. [Looks up] Why did you have to work so much? I barely got to see you! And look at how you died… on your way to that shithole. Can you tell I haven’t slept very well since the last time that we spoke? [Looks down] He used to tell me [wipes tears from eyes] “I know that I am here, and you are there… but we still have our love.” It’s some song quote, I don’t know and I don’t care. None of that matters now. He’s gone. [Looks up again] Maybe we still do have our love, huh? But guess what I don’t have? You. All the love’s still there. I just don’t know what to do with it now. [Goes into the refrigerator and downs a bottle of alcohol. Coughs] What do I have to do to bring you back… what do I have to do? Please understand I’ve been drinking again and all I do is hope. Please… [breaks down and cries] Ya know… [opens door for dog to come back inside] this isn’t what he’d want. He’d want you to be strong, to be brave and move on, find someone else. But I c- Yes you can. You can and you will. For him. I can’t forget about him. He was… is my everything. If love is a labor, I’ll slave til the end. I don’t care. I’ll die loving him just like I- what the fuck am I doing? Is this what it’s come to? Talking to myself? He’s gone. Deal with it. Forcing things to be bright just makes the darkness underneath even darker. Look at me I’m doing it again for fuck’s sake… like there’s two different people in this room, what am I? Crazy? I should just go back to bed, I need a break from all this… Hell, I need a break from myself. [Walks away singing] “...but we still have our love. I’ve been to heaven, I’ve been to hell. I’ve been to Vegas, and God knows where… But nothing feels like home… like you babe. I love you more than you will ever know.”

Monsters in the closet

(Jonathan is tossing and turning in his bed because he is having nightmares about a monster from childhood.)

(Something falls and Jon Jumps from his sleep) All that I know, from every creak in this wood and every bump in the night is that there are too many bags sagging under your eyes to keep them closed half the time. I always find myself back in this same place with you and I can’t find a way to let you go!! Its like I-I-I can feel you breathing down my neck every second that it gets dark and I’m tired of thinking that I’m crazy! Remember when mom said if I was ever scared, to hold onto my kneecaps, because our kneecaps are the closest we come to god before bed, but my kneecaps, are ashy and scared. God has never taken a seconds breathe out his time for me and why should he. I’m still a boy trying to face my childhood demons under the covers. As if goose feathers in fabric will somehow protect me from what lurks behind splintering wood. And yet, you’re the only one who ever listened. Mom was always gone off to work cus’ of that no good bastard who only gets off  using his semen as a legacy. Spitting out children like mucus and he wasn’t the only one. Remember the two after? Coming and going like zombies tearing up used condoms and when I screamed she never heard me. After I told her that-that-that THE SOUND OF JINGLING BELT BUCKLES felt like fingernails on chalkboards but too quiet for anyone else to hear. YOU WATCHED! and I screamed.  Monsters were never made easy work of but befriended in this house. Fathers are supposed to protect their sons the only way a Father could. But every man that comes through that door is another bruise on mom another scream another tear,  so I guess I don’t deserve that because everything just comes and goes as it pleases. Ghosts, Zombies, Terrorists, dressed in sweatpants and tattered t-shirts. Came and left, but you, You’ve always been faithful. You never left just got louder! Just listened! and every time I woke up you were waiting to be my nightmare in solid sound. Breathing and creaking, because you only came out when it was dark and cold. It’s always cold when you’re in the closet! The only thing I have ever talked to honestly yet my bones tremble every time I’m waking up in the middle of the night! Because you’re here! Shaving the enamel off my teeth in blood curdling screams. I should have never let you stay, but it seems monsters in the souls of men are the only things that I am familiar with. I hate you. Because you make me a coward as well as a child in one body. When I hold my stomach to open the closet! or when I tremble on cold nights tossing and turning, to afraid to get up because I always regret finding surprises under the bed. I am tired of treating you like an ally when are you have ever been is a concoction of painful memories wrapped up in fear. A monster in the closet.

Christ-Mess by. Serge Mass

Serge Mass Christ-mess

Oh my god! I am just so excited for christmas Tommy, you do not even know. What do you want santa to bring you? (take a pause)

Oh thats cool and let me get my list from my mom or see if she has it. Give me a second…  

Hey mama do you have my christmas list that you mailed to santa, I wanna tell Tommy what I want Santa to get me. (take a pause)

No I can’t wait, I need it now i’m on the phone with him now! (open up the door)

Mom… wait… what is… that? Wait woah what are you doing with Need For Speed: Most Wanted? Toys for Tots don’t accept video games and Ian already got it……… Wait… is that for… Me?

Mom, are you santas helper? hahaha I knew it! (Take a break and observe)

How mom? There is no way he is fake. Nooooooooooo! (take a break)

Uhh Uhh! (say with confidence) Mom, all my friends all get gifts from Santa except for JJ because he is jewish and he gets presents from his parents but, you… you just don’t undewwstannndddddd! There is no way that you can buy me these gifts mom, its just too much… Santas elves made these presents. (take a break)

Fine then mom please tell me how “santa is fake”! (wait a little bit)

So I sat on some guy that was dressed up as santa at the mall for the last 7 years?

Uhh Uhh you and pop would ever lie to me, not for the last 7 years no way! Anyways last week you guys told me to never lie. When… when I threw my lunch box at JJ last week and I told my teacher I didn’t and I lied… you… you got really mad. Well now I am mad mom… you two lied to me.  I don’t understand… why, why would parents lie to their children for all of these years?!?! (take a break)

Mom that makes absolutely no sense at all, but if you say so, then I guess it’s true just like SANTA BEING REAL! Ugh I… just cannot believe this. Well how will I do this for my kids when I get older? I don’t want to lie to them! ( take a break)

Well… I guess I understand, but when do I tell them… when do I break the truth to them? (Take a break)

What do you mean “I will know when the time is right”? I just found out the hard way mom. Ugh you… you are just… I don’t know… Wait… wait… wait a minute. I guess this was the time! Ohhhhh I understand now… I have got to tell everyone!

*runs to grab phone and starts dialing*

Tommy guess what I found out?!

I'm better right?

Education is all I’ve ever been worried about, not because my parents would tell me that education is the key to success or that I wanted to get the most money when I found my ideal career, it’s just that my pursuit of of all things knowledgeable willed me to want to know everything about everything, even the smallest details.

Jackasses who go to school for other reasons are people I can’t really stand. “Oh I’m only in school until my football career takes off and I become the next Peyton Manning Cuz I’m Just that good.” Sit your ass the fuck down Kyle Carter who’s going to community college later this year, you are not that good and the statistical chance of you getting into the NFL is slim-shit cuz you can’t run or have the proper arm to be a quarterback. But all fun aside I hope the best for Kyle who will probably bald by the time he is 30 and will spend all of his days in a cubicle, yeah good luck throwing footballs with typist's cramp.

Speaking of Athletic, I’m 6’3 220 pounds, I can bench press more than my own weight. People always ask why I don’t become a linebacker or something but the answer is simple, playing sports does nothing for nobody. When was the last time that the guy who threw the discus farthest got up and saved the life of a newborn baby suffering from anemia? Or a wrestler like John Cena, when did he save a family of four stuck in a burning building? I feel like my physical body is just a bonus in life, my real saving grace is obviously my mind which allows me to comprehend and understand material better than the rest of the world.

It’s 3 a.m and I’m packing up to leave for my flight to Massachusetts. This is the last day I spend in Bozeman, Montana. From the day you step out of your house you get two choices, conform and become like everyone else have friends casting away any shots at being successful, or cast aside any social interactions I… crap I mean you will ever make. Yes I took the more saddening option but I refuse to be tethered to the ground by idiots who will never pass high school. They’re all so close-minded… The struggle of having both an academic and social mind is just impossible. But screw all of that.

I’m going to go to Harvard and eventually go to graduate school for law. That way when I become a Prosecutor I can berate people for their asinine actions and get paid for. Its a pension, great salary, and health benefits all for the price doing what I love. I’m going to see all those jerks in court on trial for committing stupid crimes like muggings and robberies. In that moment all of my social suffering will have been worth it.

I know what you guys are thinking “But there is so much more to law! helping people, giving out second chances!” second chances and help are for those who can make a difference in other peoples lives, not some drunk driver who ran over a mother and 2 of her three children orphaning the third one. Sometimes there are just too many reasons for people not to receive that second chance, and as a Prosecutor I plan to find out whether or not people deserve one.

I’ve got too many gripes with people, I throw up in my mouth a little every time something hypocritical happens, its amazing if I keep my breakfast down for more than a few hours.

I know you all have seen those people outside wearing the the T-shirts that say “Non-Conformist” or “Retro” or some shit about saving some obscure animal which is clearly not fit to survive in today’s modern environment. Those people have always ground my gears. They act as if they are outside of society because they aren’t conforming to the norms when in reality they are just the trendsetters changing the norms around which eventually everyone will catch on to.

I am going off on a rant. I never fit into social groups, not even the subpar ones. They all seemed so beneath me. That’s why I sit alone at lunch. That’s why people rarely talk to me. That’s why I’m rarely noticed even though I’m a physical behemoth. But that’s all gonna change, because people in college will be just as sophisticated as me, no more being forced into one group of one type of person. I won’t have to be all alone anymore. I’ll be with equals just like me, right?

My Day Off

(Alarm clock goes off)

“YAWNNNN. What time is it? (looks at time).

“It’s only 5:00. I got some time left.” (hits the snooze button. Then the alarm goes off again minutes later)

(Groans) “I don’t wanna get up for school! (Sigh) I don’t want to go to school.And it’s a Monday too?! Ughh, why does it need to be Monday already? I was having the best weekend. Went shopping a little. Bought the new Jordans and Lebrons. Partying non-stop on saturday night not leaving until 3 in the morning. But now school comes around to end the happiness with boring work and annoying teachers.

Oh snap! I forgot to do my homework too!  Just great.

Now my day is going to be ruined and my A's and B's are now going to be C's. What am I going to do? This is bad I can't go to school today. Wait. That's it. I won't go to school today! That's a great idea! I won't go to school today then that way I can finish my homework then when I'm done, I can have a free day to do whatever I want and a house all to myself. This is going to be good. Ok let me make some fake coughs really quick. (Cough Cough). “Mom! Mom! My stomach hurts really bad and my head throbbing. I don’t want to skip school today but I think I might have to because I’m in so much pain. Mom please! I’m not asking for much. I only asked to stay home this one day that’s all. I promise I won’t do anything bad. Come on you know nothing’s going to happen. So are you going to allow me to stay home? Thanks mom! You're the best. Yeah I remember where the chicken noodle soup is. Yes mom I know to lock the door and not to answer the phone unless it’s you. Ok mom have a good day. Love you too.

( Waits a few minutes). YES! She’s gone. Now I got this house to myself and now I can do whatever. Ok what’s first on my list. Alright. First, I’m going to make the best breakfast in the world. 4 eggs with bacon, 2 things of toast, and I can’t forget about that orange juice. After my little meal, imma play me some 2K14 and fry these niggas with The Heat and Lebron. Yeahhh! Can’t forget the squad though. Then maybe I can go Downtown and do some shopping or just chill down there. That’s a good idea!. This is perfect! Ok got the best day to start the week off with but I there’s something that’s not right. I can’t remember something that I had to do. Did I leave something out? No. I don’t think so. Oh yeah that's right! Homework. I got homework I have to complete! Man, who am I kidding. I wasn’t going to do it in the first place. I can just turn it in late or something. But wait! I had to come in today to get help with the homework and do redo a quiz and this is the last day! And it’s too late now. I’m late to school and my mom just left so I’m screwed. Oh man. My chill day has been put on hold. Damn. I messed up. I messed up really badly. Way to go genius. Way to go.

Ilker's Monologue

Never Going Back

Mmmm, that looks good, and oh, that looks good.  Let me just get all of that and throw it in here.  I need all these vegetables, but how will I hide this from mom.  Maybe I need to buy a refrigerator for my room.

Let me get some more.  I will handle this problem later.  Maybe I should start making dinner myself and sending my parents somewhere out for the time.

(he puts the food in his cart and heads to the next aisle)

I still need to pick up the food that they want me to have so that it does not seem suspicious.

(phone rings because of facetime)

(Plugs in ear phones and accepts facetime)

“Hey Mom”

“Good good, I'm shopping for our food for the next few weeks.”

“I have gotten three pizzas, two packs of burgers, bread and some cheese steaks.”

(he says with a sad face)

“Yeah I know you guys are getting this food for me.  I just don't want to be overweight again.  Mom I do love the food you buy me!!  I am very thankful and I will eat it.”

(he heard one of the workers across the hall)

(he turned his phone toward the cart)

“No I do not need any help, but thank you!!”

(turns his head really fast)

“Mom! What!”

(he looks terrified)

“Its just some extra flavored food to make our meals more enjoyable…

(he says in a whisper)

and healthy.”

“Mom stop guilting me out.  I do love this food but I want to fit in and be happy.  The way I was before made me miserable.  Don’t you care about how I fe..."


(ends the facetime)

(squats down and put his hands on his face)

Why is she so passive aggressive?  Why can’t she just be happy about my life and make good food choices without her changing!

(sits there for a while. Pays no attention to people around)

(gets up and puts all the food his mom wanted away)

(phone rings again)

(he answers)


“I accept your apology, but we have to make a change to this family”

“I am allowed to buy what I want!!  Thank you, thank you!”

Things might be getting better from here.

“So for dinner I was thinking that we would have…”


“You went to the corner store and got dinner for tonight!


“I do like your cooking… MOM, we are not going over this again!”

(he trips the cart over and lets all the food fall on the ground)

“I'm done Mom, you're so thick headed that you are going to mess up my life and I am going to end up where I was before.”

“I am glad I have such a caring mom.”

“Don’t ever talk to me again, until you understand me.”

(he ends call and leaves store without picking up the food)

Time to move out and forget!

Mr. Velvet and I Against the World

(Sits down cross-legged center stage, holding a stuffed animal.)

I get in trouble for taking a cookie from on top of the fridge, and the only thing I can ask is... why? There are so many other things worth getting in trouble for. Pollution. War. Genocide. Cheating. It’s all wrong, and yet it still happens, and they don’t get in trouble for it. Why does it seem that only children get punished for stupid things like taking cookies, and adults let the things that are much worse just... happen? The atmosphere struggles to breathe with all the chemicals seeping into the air. Thousands of innocent people die in the combat of war. Whole races die in the process of a genocide. I just don’t get it. Why can’t the whole world just be like you and I, Mr. Velvet? 

(Holds out stuffed animal and looks at it. Strokes the fur.)

Why does it need to be such a bad place. I wish we could just fly away and be gone of all the troubles that get in our way. Because, well... When we get to be adults, we’ll have to deal with all the problems that adults in this world now are passing down to us. The worse they make it, the harder our job will be when we get that old. I mean, that won’t happen for like... I don’t know... Whatever. I guess the only thing I can do is just sit here and watch. Adults don’t care what some kid has to say about how the world works, and how to fix it. I might as well not even try. It’s not like I’ll actually help, right? It’s just me and you, Mr. Velvet. We’re in this together.

(Leans back on hands, and crosses legs while looking off into the distance.)

  I don’t know for how long we’ll have to be, but we’ll be in this together for as long as we need to. Grownups just don’t understand that there is only one planet. They don’t understand that once this one is destroyed with their carelessness, it’s over. I know I’m too old to be talking to some stuffed animal, and my parents have the mindset that I must be 8 years old, but I guess I just have to deal with it. Deal with the world. Deal with everything. Who knew what the weight of living would be? But... Maybe I can do something. Maybe I can let my voice be heard.

(Stands up while holding the arm of the stuffed animal in one hand.)

Maybe, just maybe, I can be that voice that makes it through to them. I can be that person that everyone wishes they were. I can be that person that puts words to thousands of unheard voices. I can be anything, because I tell myself I can be. In fact, I can be more than anything. I can be everything. I can be everything that the adults don't know. I can be everything that I am meant to be and more. Mr. Velvet, I know you can't respond, but I'm sure you would do the same thing.

(Looks to audience. Spreads arms.)

"I am nothing but a kid," is what we're grown up in this society to think. But no, I will be more than "just a kid." I will be the voices of my generation. The voices of a lifetime. The voices that need to be heard. I will be... Everything I need to be. Remember, Mr. Velvet. We're in this together, right? 


Matty Mcallister

I am your typical boring fifteen year old Emma. I was going to have the courage to talk to Matty Mcallister... or maybe not. I rethink that thought, while Matty flips his perfect brown curled hair. I stare into his green hazel eyes. We exchange eye contact, as his pearly whites peer through that cheeky smile of his. He ran his hands through his hair as he smiled at the ground, I knew he was nervous. Every time Matty did that, he was nervous about something, but what? It couldn't be me, could it? But he was still looking at me. He wasn't looking behind me, he was looking at me! I swear I wasn't hallucinating, or was I? I was starting to question myself. A lot. It's not like Matty would ever like me. I wasn't his type, whatever his type actually even was. Besides he can’t like me after what I did to him in 8th grade. 

It was boring summer day, at Camp Deer Park, and no the park didn’t have deers. I was forced to go to because my mom wanted me to get out of the house. Or because she wanted a summer alone with my dad. Either way life could not possibly suck more than it did that summer. I got these major cramps, and no they were not girl cramps. That week I’ve never been more miserable. I felt sick and wanted to go home, but my mom obviously did not want to pick me up. Because I was feeling sick my idiot counselor suggested that I feed myself to the point where I could no longer feel my stomach. There he was, Matty Mcallister sitting right across from me, devouring his food and still managing to look hot as hecking heck. Then there was me, feeling even more worst about myself because of all that fatty oily food that filled inside me. I ran as fast as I possibly could, the next thing I knew there was puke all over Matty Mcallister's shoes. We started at each other for a good 5 seconds, before I ran back into my cabin as tears streamed down my face. I wanted to die. Well not literally, but I didn’t want to face Matty, especially after what I did. Yep, so that’s the embarrassing story of how I puked on Matty Mcallister. He was still staring at me as I snapped back to reality. Could a popular guy like Matty Mcallister, like a loser like Emma Brinley?!

What is a Life Without a Sum of Sadness?

(Inside of a nursing home, private room an old man-Eugene sits at a table filled with papers and medication and he’s looking outside. It is in the middle of the afternoon about 2-7 Pm on a colorful fall day. He turns and looks at the audience, he has both sadness and happiness in his face and tone at this moment, he is content)

Eugene: I’m going to die. I’m 92 and as you’d suspect I’m not in the best of health. But I’m going out on my own terms. I gave a ring to all the people I want to say goodbye to and my daughter will come by with my granddaughter and I’ll say goodbye to them and tell them I love them. My nurse will wheel me outside to see my last sunset over this beautiful valley in the middle of Fall. Then I’ll take a few pills (Chuckles) and a last sip of wine and say goodbye to the world. But I’m not scared. I think that (Pauses and thinks for a quick second) that when you get around my age death stops being so scary. You’ve become so used to the pain, loss and cold that the idea of relief, going someplace happier, friendlier and… I dunno warmer I guess, is (Thinks) is soothing.

(Phone rings, looks at it and picks up) Hello? (Shocked) Elizabeth? (Lowers down the phone looks at the audience, puts phone up to ear) What do you want Elizabeth? Oh You want me to call you Liz? Well, maybe you could have mentioned that sometime over the past, Oh, I don’t know 40 years? Oh, you don’t want to fight, then what the hell did you want? (Pause) Sorry? (Taken aback, but still enraged) you're sorry? No. No, you see (motions with his hand like she’s in front of him) you don’t get that. (Screaming) You don’t get to leave me and your daughter for 40 fucking years, don’t reach out at all then say you're ‘sorry’ like you knocked over a damn dinner!

What they hell are you thinking? Oh, ‘you needed more in life’ yeah I got that back awhile ago- I’m asking why are you talking to me now? (Pause) Wanted to clear things up? What before I kicked the damn bucket? Well let me tell you this: Things will NEVER be cleared- you got that? And you want to know why? Not because of the fact that you left me. I could have lived with that. I could have handled that. But leaving your daughter? (Pause, visibly saddened) She was eleven. ELEVEN FUCKING YEARS OLD AND HER MOTHER JUST FUCKING LEFT HER. Do you know how long she cried? How many times in the night I- not you- I had to hug her and tell her it wasn’t her fault when in my own room I was falling to pieces on my own.

But afterwards (Pause) she graduated from her collage with the highest marks and let me tell you- I was there- not you- but I was there in the crowd giving a standing ovation with tears over MY (Pointing to himself, tears rolling his cheek) beautiful daughter. I saw her get an incredible, wonderfully paying job. I saw her marry an amazing, funny, smart and handsome man. I held my granddaughter for the first time and now (Pause) she’s going to be just as good, if not better than her mom. But you? (Makes a face) I bet you don’t even know her name do you?

(Pause) What? No, NO! NO! NO! STOP JUST STOP! I don’t want your pity! I don’t want your anger! I don’t want your apologies! (Sobbing and yelling greater) I... DON'T... WANT... YOU!!!! (Pause) WHAT DO I WANT? I- I- I WANT YOU TO DIE! Please. Do that for me, would you? Would you please just drop dead right now and I can forever be at peace because I know that you will never crawl back into their lives again. After everything you've done to me- to us you could have at least given that! Hello? HELLO!? (Pauses calmly puts down phone, then suddenly then in a  burst of anger picks up the phone and throws it across the room hitting the wall, knocks everything off the table, stands up and flips over the table and knocks down his chair before he falls over, he's on his back aching in pain he starts whispering with his eyes closed still tossing and turning. HE IS NOT DYING he is just in pain, but great pain nonetheless) You could have given me that. You could have given me that. You could have given me that. You could… you could...

I think I'm hungry,or not!


NO, I’ve gotten so far with this I’m not going to start eating now. You know I just make cupcakes for Susana’s birthday and I just want one!! You know what Amy you don’t understand me you’re skinny . well… I’ve been doing good all week and my period is about to come on so I am PMSing its okay, this always happens. just one. (takes one bite) This shit is good as shit. mmmmm mhhhh mmmm … I can bake. (after  finished eating  it walks into the bathroom) ….No What am  I doing. Get it together TARA… but Why am I so fat.It is crazy how hard I starve myself and try everything in my power to loose weight. why can’t I be like those white girls who are so skinny.  I want to eat what I want and when I do I have to throw it right up?

Waking up everyday and looking in the mirror and not liking what I  see is aggravating. I hate how I look. I hate walking the the Halls and feeling like I don’t belong. Last year when I was a freshman people used to say I looked like a monster. I don’t appreciate being constantly made fun of by them because of how I look. Being constantly criticized by them does not make me feel better about myself. I should not wake up everyday feeling like I don’t belong. The life I live is horrible. I hate when people” say awww your not fat you’re just thick”. No my favorite is when the skinniest person says “I’m so fat” Well what the hell am I than?.

You know what I’m doing for a fun tomorrow! Yeah that sounds like a plan...running NO… but I hate running. I hate sweating. What is it called perception, no persperate. I don’t like to perspire. Well, guess thats that. I need to be skinny. I am so fat. I want to stick my finger down my throat but I’m scared. My fat fingers are too big to be shoving down my throat like sausage links.

Why can’t I wake up look in the mirror and love myself. I should not feel like everyone around me is better. I should feel confident enough to feel like being me and live my life. Being skinny is all I want to be.