Being pushed out was all I ever wanted to feel. But considering the fact that I was assembled like I was a Tonka truck, I never got to feel that. Or anything at all to say the least. I do love my parents, but then again, I don’t know what love is. I never felt it. And plus they’ve been annoying the shit out of me about how the business isn’t making as much money as the used to. I hate being lifeless. I wish I can just have a heartbeat like a normal woman. To have something for a bra to hold up. To freaking lay in the sun without worrying about my motherboard overheating or my plastic skin melting. Can I just be normal?
This letter was never sent because it seemed as though Barbie didn’t care anymore. She was always with Ken in their Dream House. And it would be pretty dumb of me to send a letter to a doll. But then again, I’m not human either. I heard my mom screaming my name from down the stairs. It made my wires spark. She asked me if i wanted to eat dinner.
“Yeah, right.” My mother was asking a doll if it was hungry. Sometimes I wished I could taste all the delicious food that was laid out on the table every night. I still went down stairs to satisfy my mother. Even though I didn’t eat, she still wanted me to be there at the table. I walked down stairs, well I tried to. It was hard for me to bend my knees because my mannequin legs restricted me. They are nice though. So soft, and I don’t have to shave, which is a plus. But it wouldn’t hurt having to shave every week. I sat in the chair cushion and I completely fell off the chair because yet again I couldn’t bend my legs at a 90 degree angle for the back of my knees to hook onto the edge of my chair. My mom asked me if i was alright. I was. I couldn’t feel anything. I’m fine. My parents tried to make conversation with me. They always told me the story of how my name came about. Dad would always say, “Lady Gaga has an alter ego named “Yüyi the Mermaid. She was the most unique mermaid out of all the mermaids and so are you, my beautiful monkey” but of course he didn’t speak so fluently since he was always chugging down a 40. Then mom would add, in her ‘proper voice’, “That’s right, Yüyi and since you were made by the company, Mané, that is your last name. Oh how I was so tired of hearing that story. They would always then ask me about my personal life and my school life. I wondered why they asked me about these normal things because I was something far from normal. I’ve never step foot into a school let alone be with a boy and experience things. Everyday, they told me that i was normal and i never believed them for one second. I am a living doll. no girl in America can say that but me. They cut the pep talk and began eating. They scarfed down the food like they haven’t eaten in a while.
As humans, my parents weren’t the most typical parents. Dad was always turning the machines and inhaling the chemicals that he combined with the melted plastic as he made the mannequins and as for Mom, she was always dancing with the mannequins and wishing she looked like the motionless statutes. She knew nothing about being a mannequin or the consequences of being the perfect model of the American woman. She knew nothing about not feeling anything. They began talking on and on about the company and how it wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t want to hear the argument because I already knows how it ends. Dad is going to keep raising his voice and mom is just going to give up and she would somehow always end up on the factory floor with a bottle of whiskey next to her. Before the commotion began, I walked my ass back up stairs, so I wouldn’t have to hear it.
When I got to my room, I laid there lifelessly, like any other day. I watched the fan on my ceiling spin and spin and I thought that the ceiling fan’s life was even more exciting than mine. I began to get dizzy so I stopped and walked to the bathroom. I stared at myself for a good 15 minutes. Besides the echo of my parents screaming, my “skin” was really bothering me. It was just so perfect. A little too perfect. No pores present or even a fine line. I wished I had crow’s feet like my mother but all I have to look at is perfect skin and lacquered lips. I was tired of looking at the perfect looking back at me so I turned around and began undressing myself. I took off my shirt and pants to reveal my painted panties and my nippless boobs. Damn. No life and no nipples. I’m a nightmare. I got into the bathtub and laid there and forgot that I can’t take baths or showers because my motherboard would be ruined and i would be dead, which isn’t such a bad idea. It would be the same as being alive now. So, grabbed a washcloth from the covert and wet it a little bit. I rotated the faucet handle and scorching hot water flowed through. I literally moved my hand away from the faucet so fast, my arm dislocated from its spot and broke the mirror.
“Fuck!” I screamed. “Remember that there’s a plastic woman living in this house! Damn!” Thank God my arm flew off because it would've melted since the water was so damn hot. Thanks a lot, mom. I avoided the disaster that was going to happen and bean wiping myself down. As I got to my you know what area, the paint of my underwear started to come off. Honestly this wasn’t my day. I opened the door to tell my mom to bring the white paint from the factory up. I heard nothing. Usually Mom and Dad would still be going at it during this time. I kept calling her name so she can bring the paint up but I still didn’t get a response. Then, I heard a sudden bang that startled me to death. I put my clothes back on and ran down stairs. My parents weren’t in the kitchen. I guess they heard my request. So I went back upstairs and did my business. When I was done wiping myself down, my father knocked on my door. I opened the door to see him drenched in red paint or that’s what I thought it was.
“You’ve got to see this, Yüyi.” He said to me in a shaky tone. I told him to let me get ready first before I saw what I had to see. Considering the fact that no one brought me the damn white paint I needed, I just put my clothes on when my plastic was dried. I walked down the stairs of the factory so my father can reveal his big surprise, which was probably just a new finish to the mannequins. I saw that my mother wasn’t in the factory with him. She wasn’t upstairs or in the kitchen. Where could she have gone? I looked at the figure that was standing under the ragged cloth. It was in the silhouette of all the other mannequins but this one seemed more thicker and curvier.
“You created a curvy mannequin? Dad, they already have those.”
“its not just any old curvy mannequin.” He removed the cloth to reveal what he called his masterpiece but from what I was seeing, it was complete horror, to me. It was not red paint that cascaded down the back of his ear. It was not red paint that was scattered around the factory floor. It was definitely not red paint that was filled in the bucket next to him. I didn’t want to see what I saw, but my father’s respect told me to. My mother stood on the stand with a chester’s smile on her face. Her feet were replaced with legs that modeled mine. Her milky white skin was now shiny finished plastic. My father had made my mom into a monstrous mannequin.
I looked at her and I saw my twin, a mess. I saw someone that I hardly knew. The face was familiar but the presence was gone. I reached out to her and touched her face.
“Mom?” She didn’t respond. I wanted her to though.
“Aren’t you glad she isn’t in our hair anymore?” My dad maliciously said.
“Dad what the fuck did you do?” I asked him. I wanted to know what was going through his head when he decided to end his wife’s life.
“Well, it wasn’t easy. Your mom is a fighter. She bit me a few times, but I bashed her face against the edge of the table and she knocked out. And I knew she was dead after that. What a better way to make her into something that she always wanted to be. She still has the same heart and mind but instead of blood, she has electric current swimming in her “veins.”
“So, she’s basically like me now?”
“Exactly. She has a motherboard and everything, but she’s more human than you. Which isn’t that bad.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Dad? Why would you ever think this is ok? This is my mother. This is your wife. You made her into a monster hybrid. That doesn't hit you in anyway?”
“Correction she was my wife and your mother. No. Not really. I mean you’re a talking doll and you think it’s normal.”
“Dad, I’m far from normal. And she isn’t even talking or even acknowledging me.” I knew he has been hitting the bottle because I could smell it everytime he gave me a dumb ass reason to why he did this.
“Oh, Yüyi, I didn’t even start her motherboard up.”
“Dad. This isn’t ok. She had a life. Flowing blood in her veins and you just took it away from her.” Dad began drinking the 40 again. He tipped the bottle upside down to get the last drop. I swiftly smacked the bottle out of his hand and watched it fall to the ground. A loud clash met the floor and shattered glass was everywhere.
Well I’m tired. It was nice talking to you and reconstructing your mother. Have a nice night.” The way my Dad acted in that very second, I wanted to punch him so bad, but he might end me too. I turned around to stare at my new mother. What did she do to deserve this. I mean she was always saying that she wanted to be like me but not like this. This was just a mistake.
“Mom? Mom? Wake up please. I just need you please. Please?” She didn’t answer me but I was hoping for the opposite. I slightly lower my head to mourn the death of my mother and a minute later, I felt a slight touch on my head. I look up and it is the doll I used to call mother. I didn’t even know what I was looking at. I was a caricature of my mother or at least what she used to be. I saw the features of her old face combined with my face and honestly, I didn’t like what I was seeing. It was something I didn’t enjoy and for once in my life, I didn’t want anyone to be like me. A hollow piece of molded plastic. I just wanted my mom back. I didn’t value her enough for her to be gone soon. She was in front of me but it wasn’t her. It wasn’t enough. I tilted my head to mourn the death of the person who created me and I felt a slight grasp on the back of my head. It was the doll I used to call mom.
“There there, Yüyi. It’s ok. I’m here.” The voice I heard was nothing like the symphony my mom used to have. It was sort of like a more robotic and computerized voice. Even though she wasn’t in the condition I wanted her to be in, at least she’s somewhat alive and she acknowledged me so, that’s good enough for me.
“Mom! I’m so sorry for what happened.”
“Honey, it isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve never cracked wine glass on his head. I brought this upon myself.” As a robotic mannequin, she seemed like she was more human than what she looked like.
" Where is your father?" I asked her why she wanted to know. She asked the same question again. I told her what she wanted to know.
“Thank you. Now get out of my way, Yüyi. I don’t want you to see this.”
“Tell me you aren’t going to kill Dad.”
“That is exactly what I’m going to do Yüyi.” Here we go again. She started to tear up. It was something I’ve never saw her do. “Look what he did to me. I’m a monster.”
“Mom, you don’t have to be a monster. You can live your life without him. Live your life like me. It isn’t as hard as I make it seem.” My mom rolled her eyes and it made me think she wasn’t going to listen to anything I was saying.
“Since he made me a monster, I’m going to show him how monstrous I can be.”
“No, Mom, Don’t do this.” I tried to block her from the door but she lifted me up and threw me across the room. It wasn’t that hard I weighed a feather. When she threw me, I lost one of my legs. Buy the time I found it, she was already out the factory door.
I quickly ran up the steps to find out where she was. When I walked out the door, a heavy kick met my chest and I rolled down the steps.
“Don’t disobey me, Yüyi. I made you and I can take you apart just like that.” She closed the factory door and locked me in. I wanted to warn my dad before anything destructive happened. I shook the door back and forth to try and break myself out. That door was locked shut. I didn’t know how the hell I was going to get out of there. I looked over and I saw the smallest window I’ve ever seen. But I knew how i was going to go through it. I started throwing my body parts out the window and finally my torso. I was freed but not freed from the nightmare I was going to encounter inside the house.
I snuck in the house quietly but the house was far from quiet. All I heard was Dad screaming his lungs out and Mom destroying the house. It never got this out of hand. I ran up the steps. I tried running as fast as I could but I seemed that I was only as fast as a car going 12 miles per hour. I screamed from the steps to make them hesitate the war they were having, but it didn’t work. I began running a little faster but I could feel my motherboard getting a little warm but I wanted to save my dad before I went. I reach the top of the steps and I couldn’t find my parents anywhere. I heard screaming so I followed the sound of his voice to find him. It was a very distant scream. I knew he was probably in the bathroom or in the attic. I checked the bathroom first because it was the closest room to me and it will take me a while to get up the stairs to the attic. As I walked closer to the bathroom, Dad’s screaming got louder. I opened the door of the bathroom and it immediately slammed shut.
“Mom, open the door!”
“No, Yüyi. You stay out of this.”
“Mom, you’re just like me its going to be fine.”
“No, Yüyi! Just go away I don’t want you to see this.”
“Yüyi!” My dad screamed. Step away!”
“No! You guys are going to hurt each other.”
“I can’t be any more hurt than this.”
“Yüyi, step away from the door now!” I listened to my dad and I stepped away from the do and my dad threw my mom at the door so hard, she wasn’t even in the bathroom anymore. I ran to my mom as fast as my long plastic legs could and tried to protect her. I used my body as a shield but it didn’t last for that long because I somehow ended up in the bathroom. I looked over and watched my dad hoover over my mom’s body. I ran over there and jumped on him. my strength wasn’t enough to keep him down. I couldn’t even hold his arm down.
“Yüyi, I said stay out of this!” He threw me across the room once again. I struggled to pick myself up. He needed to hear what I had to say.
“Listen, you fucker!” He immediately stopped in his tracks and turned around.
“What did you say to me?” he questioned.
“You heard me. You little selfish fucker. You are the worst thing to walk this earth. You are a sad excuse of a man. Since you can’t be happy, you make the other people around you as miserable as you. And when you don’t want to listen to the truth, you take another sip of the lies that swirl in the bottle that you hold all day. You killed mom so you don’t have to listen to the truth.” He was speechless because it was the truth he didn’t want to hear. But he needed to because i knew it was going to get into his head one way only. I watched him drop my mom and watched him walk towards me with fire in his eyes. i knew it was ending and this is what I wanted. I didn’t want to watch my mom be demolished again. I’d rather go before her.
“Yeah come on.” I wanted to provoke him so he can just get me over with.
“Jo, no! Don’t do this.” my mom said with a soft voice, “Its not worth losing our daughter. Don’t do it. I’m the one who should die. Hell, I’m already dead.” Not listening to my mom, Dad grabbed my neck and held me high. I didn’t know if he was trying to suffocate me because I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t know if he knew I didn’t breathe. So I pretended to struggle and act like he was actually doing something to me while my mom grabbed the empty 40 ounce to smash against his head.
He fell to the ground immediately. I waited for a few seconds to see if he was knocked out cold. He let out a little moan which made me know that he was still alive. And then he started moving and trying to get up. I swear this man was on steroids or something. I had to get to my mom fast and try to get out of the house before my dad got up on his feet.
“Yüyi, hurry!” I ran to my mom as fast as I could. “He’s coming.”I turned around to see my dad was already at his feet and picking the tiny shards of glass from the back of his head. I tried picking my mom up but it was too late. My dad picked me up by my scrawny little legs and swung me across the room. I picked my head up to watch my mom being carried over the shoulder by my dad into the bathroom. I dropped my head to the floor because I could feel my battery overheating. i didn’t want my mom to get hurt, or what was left of my mom. I tried to crawl to the bathroom but with every grab of the rug, I heard a sizzling noise. My battery started melting my back. I was being killed from the inside out. I didn’t want this to stop me from saving her. She was all that I had left. I looked up and I heard the faucet running.
“No! Dad, don’t do it!” I screamed. I knew he heard me but I got no response back. All I could hear was the screaming of my mom telling my dad to let her go.
“Jo, let me go! I’m sorry.”
“Cynthia, this was the last straw. You brought this on yourself.” I continued to crawl towards the bathroom and when I opened the door, my dad was hovering my mom over a pool of water. I kept telling him to stop. This was all too much at once. My battery was overheating which I thought would only happen if I was laid up in the sun. My mom’s life was on the line and my dad was a fucking drunk addict who was about to kill the only woman who ever loved him.....again.
“This the last straw,” my dad said.
He glared into my mom’s eyes and dropped her into the water.
“Dad, no!” I watched my dad’s fat fingers let go of my mom’s neck and my worst nightmare came to life. Mom began screaming for her life. Electricity sparks swam through the water as my mom pleaded for help. I crawled closer to her but I couldn’t reach her in time. Her motherboard was out. I just stared at her because I didn’t want to end my life now that she was gone.
“Dad. Look what you’ve done.” I said. I was having deja vu because I knew I already said this to him but it bears repeating. he couldn’t seem to process what he just did because he stood there blankly. His face with no emotion and his body became statuesque.
“I’m talking to you, dad. listen to me.” He didn’t answer me. I wanted him to talk to me because he seemed stunned. I got up and walked over to him and asked him to talk to me.
“You’re just like your mother.” He finally replied.
“What are you talking about?”
“You are just like your mother. An annoying bitch.”“Maybe I am like mom. But you aren’t going to change me. You made me like this. It’s your fault.” Dad’s eyes grew with astonishment. I knew this was officially the last straw. He grabbed me by my neck and I asked him, “What are you going to do? Drop me in the water?” He replied with a simple no. He reached his hand down my back and pulled out my life system. I was out. I was now just like my mom, like he said.